Darkness Between Hearts
A introspective drabble from Riku
)O(
Somewhere in the space between hearts, there's darkness. A lot of darkness. A black so thick you forget which way is up and which way is down. There are times when you forget who you are, what you wanted to be, and what you're fighting for. The darkness consumes every part of you, like a disease. It distorts memories, feelings, emotions, and you can no longer separate yourself from it. It has become you.
Perhaps… that is why I am weak.
I used to fight and snarl and yell when someone called me weak. I used to throw nothing short of an all-out temper tantrum when some one even insinuated cowardice. But now… can I deny the truth? I look at the accuser and simply nod. I can puff out my chest and display my muscles all I want, but the truth is that I am weak. I am weary with weakness, and every step I take seems to stretch my body past its breaking point. But I carry on for him.
For Sora.
I can't tell him anything about what I was, who I had become, or even if there was any part of me left. I know there is more darkness inside me than I care to admit, the darkness that threatens to choke my heart every time I'm within a breath's distance of him. The pain I feel when he looks at me with warmth and understanding, as if all the terrible things I did were washed away in a spring storm.
"It's okay, Riku. It's not your fault."
Stupid boy. Of course it's my fault. I'm weak. I'm a cold hearted bastard who wanted to break your sternum and every single rib, just to open your chest and pull out the light from inside. I wanted what he had. I was envious and angry that he had passion, and I didn't. That he had drive, and I didn't. Was I jealous?
Of course.
I wanted everything he had.
I wanted… him.
We used to fight over the same things, for the same things. Like we had a similar code of honor, one that I disposed of those few years ago. But, now there's an awkwardness between us. A distance that never used to be there. How far does the darkness reach between our hearts? His heart used to touch mine and I wanted to push it away. Until now. We used to be close, best friends, nearly brothers… and then that fateful day when we ended up on the edge of oblivion and Sora had to choose.
Me?
Or the worlds he grew to love?
He chose me. Why? Why me? I nearly killed him on several occasions. I had every intention of reaching my hand inside his chest and yanking that warm heart out of it. I wanted his heart. I wanted its strength. But I was too much of a coward to take it. To take what was special to me.
Sora wasn't a coward.
Sora, who turned away from his damnable holy quest to save me.
Who said I wanted to be saved? Who said I wanted to turn away from the darkness that threatened the corners of my vision every day? Darkness was warm, familiar to me. All those months I had spent wrapped up in its arms, being coddled like a small child. Darkness was once my only friend, and my old shadows were always at the corners of my soul, waiting for one slip, one move where they could make me what they wanted.
Sora didn't give up.
He never gave up on me. He spouted off speeches of love, and honor, and integrity, and blah blah blah. He knew how to turn a mouse into a lion with a few simple words about strength. But he didn't know that I was hanging precariously to the edge of a knife, and I wanted my fingers to slip. Tonight.
One year after he decided I was the most important thing to save. Not the universe we lived in, but me. Tonight, I wanted to erase the darkness between out hearts. I wanted him to know that, for once, I was the stronger one. Not with the light he claimed I kept hidden inside me, but with my brute strength. With my will to keep him mine.
He lay next to me, sleeping, looking like he was floating between being a man and that boy he used to be. He just needs a push in the right direction. A push to decided that his boyhood childishness is over, and he is the adult he claims to be.
He needs to be introduced to a little…
darkness.
)O( )O( )O(
Something I did to pass the time. Don't take it too seriously. ^.^