As I'm walking home a million thoughts are running through my mind, they deserve it. They should of listened to me. They think there so damn smart, with their 'creative' insults. Their games, their cruel jokes thrown casually time and time again, like they don't have any consequences. Everything, is excused. Unnoticed. Acceptable in the eyes of each other. No one has the decency to address the issue. No one has the courage to fight back.
Not anymore
Year, after year I have dealt with the heavy burden of being the groups vitim. I had tried to not let it get to me, I had tried to ignore it. Hoping it would go away. Praying they would stop.
They didnt.
It started on the very first day of high school, I'm sure that line doesn't sound unfamiliar in the slightest. Everything starts on the first day of high school. More like the first day of the" are you good enough" game. Do you have the right hair? The right shoes? To them I didn't have the right anything, but lucky for me I had a friend, what I thought to be a true friend, who I knew would stick by me through thick and thin. My best and only friend, Finny.
Now I didn't even have that, not after today. I was left with no one and nothing.
The bell rang for lunch. I was stumbling my way through the immensely over crowded corridor, being shoved and pushed, when I spotted Finny's fair blonde hair. He was sitting on one of the benches in the yard, I jumped up a bit (nearly slipping over on an old sandwich) waving to him.
He frowned and turned in the opposite direction.
My first thought was that maybe he hadn't seen me, yes that had to be it, Finny wouldn't frown at me. It had to of been something else, maybe he was thinking about the algebra test he was telling me about yesterday. I stepped down the filthy concreate stairs out into the even filthier yard and looked over at Finny again. He wasn't alone, if anything, far from it. He was surrounded by the people who had made my life a living hell ever since I'd stepped through those front gates. Maybe they had decided to harass him now? I felt my stomache sink as he slinked his arm around the girl beside him.
What should I do? Approach him and risk the chance of being publicly humilaited for the hundreth time, or walk away not knowing if I had lost the one thing that kept me going.
I stood by the brick wall seperating me from Finny's line of vision and pondered my thoughts. My heart pounded at the thought of walking over to the whole group, but this was Finny and I decided he was worth a minor heart attack.
Taking a deep breath I clenched my fists, and walked over to him. I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter as each pair of the groups eyes became fixed on me. The girls started giggling in their little annoying high pitched voices as I stood in front of Finny. Realizing my hands were shaking I stuffed them into my pockets. Glancing down at Finny, who was still looking away. I noticed his expression was similar to the one he had when his mother embaressed him with old baby photos. My eyes stung slightly as I glared at him, why would Finny look at me like that?
"What's going on?"I practically whispered, my voice was unsteady and sounded just about as scared as I felt. Which was in more ways than one.
I got no answer from Finny, he was cut off by the one I like to think of as the 'leader' of the group. He usually always made the calls, was the one who granted me with the oh so orignal nickname 'loser', but hey whats to be expected from someone who's long ago fried every single one of his brain cells, watching television and smoking pot. He snikered as he made his way to the front of the crowd.
"What's going on, loser, is that no one wants to be seen with a good for nothing freak of nature like you". The rest of the boys broke out in a chain of malicious laughter, and few spat bits of Zooper Dooper icy poles at me, two of the sticky concoctions hitting me square in the face. This made the whole group cackle even more. I almost cried when I looked back at Finny.
He was laughing at me.
Time stood still for a good three minutes, As I stared blankly at Finny, the laughter echoing around me. I snapped out of my trance when I heard one of them say Finny's name.
"C'mon do it Finny" one said, between fits of laughter. Before I knew it, they were all chanting Finny's name, I took a step back trying to make my escape before it was too late, but someone came up behind me and held me in place. I struggled agaisnt their grip, but it was no good. It was obviously one of the boys, who were all at least a head taller than myself. Three times as strong as well.
Finny almost reluctantly stepped towards me. The one who I assumed to be his girlfriend handed him a tray full of steaming pasta. I gulped, I knew exactly what he was going to do with that, it was not the first time I'd had food dumped all over me. Finny took another step foward then lifted the pasta above my head, shutting my eyes I felt the hot food travel down my face dripping all over the front of my shirt. Now the people in the group weren't the only ones laughing, everyone in the entire yard was pissing themselves at the kid with the tomatoe sauce facial mask.
I hated them all.
I turned to walk away but was yanked back in my spot.
"Oh not so fast", the person behind me whispered. By now I think I was actually crying, as someone else ran up and handed Finny a carton of chocolate milk. I recoiled as the cold liquid spilled all over me. The sound of the laughter increased. I held onto that small little hope that maybe, just maybe someone would yell at them to stop. Someone would do something. But alas, not a peep of objection against the obvious torment.
When I opened my eyes, they were walking away, Finny in tow.
There I stood, in the middle of the yard, cold and on the verge of a breakdown. I knew that the smell of pasta and milk would only get worse as the day progressed. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to the bathroom, students pointing and laughing as I passed by, my heart threatening to explode from my chest. When i reached my destination I slammed the door shut, thankful lunch was over and the bathrooms were emtpy. I cringed when i saw my reflection, little bits of the spiral pasta stuck in my hair. The red sauce plastered in splodges on my face and sticky lines from where the milk washed it away. Grabing a roll of toilet paper I commenced cleaning the mess off my face.
Doing the best I could possibly do with the little resources availible I slid down the wall until I hit the floor. Great I thought to myself, your best friend has betrayed you. Did this to you infront of the whole school. Was everyone in this world out to hurt me? I could feel tears intruding at the corners of my eyes and this time, I didn't try to hold them back. I didn't have the nerve to go back to class, so I spent the rest of the day in the repulsive school bathrooms, sobbing like a baby on the floor.
That brings us to now, me walking home smelling like all the things a person isn't supposed to smell like, trudging through the cold wet weather. I could see my fence in the distance, the faded orange colouring standing out agaisnt the bland shade of our house. No truck though, my dad must be out in the fields. Most likely rounding up the sheep, he had briefly told me they needed to change paddocks soon.
As soon as I got through the front door I heard the roar of the tractor from outside. Not really wanting to have to explain to my dad why I was covered in food, I ran up the stairs and into the shower, washing the remains out of my hair. The hot water cleansed my body but only one thing would appease my hatered.
When I got out I heard my dad calling out to me.
"Hey buddy," he smiled, ruffling my damp hair. He was always smiling, so oblivious about anything outside the farm. "I'm going to go have a beer, you'll be okay for a couple of hours, right?" I just nodded, not really trusting what my voice would sound like if I spoke. He grinned at me as he shut the front door. The sound of his car backing out, and then nothing.
Seeing my chance, I grabbed my work boots and headed out to dads shed where I knew he kept his rifle. There was quite the abundance of foxes out here, killing as many as five sheep a week so dad went and got his gun lisence. The sound of my boots agaisnt the gravel of the footpath was eeire in the quiet night, luckily dad had left the sensor light on. A sigh of relief escaped my lips apon noticing he had also left the keys in the lock.
Pushing that big door open without dads help was a mission and a half, but after several attempts it was wedged open enough for me to slip inside. Switching the light on I looked around trying to remember where he kept it. I began my search, systematically looking in draws and boxes, but to my dismay came up empty. No rifle.
Ready to give up I turned around and saw it, hanging on the wall right behind me. I felt stupid for not seeing it earlier, but euphoric that I'd finally located it. Feeling empowered with this means of revenge in my bare hands, I checked to see if it was loaded.
It was
"Have a good day, kiddo" Dad said as I stepped out of the car. I picked up my backpack from the floor and hoisted it up onto my shoulder, i could feel the butt of the loaded rifle sticking into my back.
"I will."