The Art of Self-Destruction
Warning: This gets dark, so if you have a curfew, it's time to go home. If you're homophobic, turn around, Bright-Eyes, because you won't like what ya see. This won't be a long fic, no novels here.
Author's note: Written for a friend because of the massive mess they made in series 6 and failed to clean up by the end of it. Franky was gutted. Nick was turned into a little girl. Liv became an abusive bitch. The only ones that survived the massacre were Rich and Grace, which is hilarious since one died in the beginning of the show. So series 6 just won't be happening sans a few lines I might steal from it. Seriously, Series 6 sucked.
Takes it from series 5 episode 6: "Alo"
Set after Frankie watches Matty and Liv in the bathroom. Franky runs off, Nick follows and herds her into his room…
Chapter One: Forgetting
Nick
"Was it Liv or my brother you were watching out there, Franks?"
Nick kept his voice light and easy.
She was seated on his bed, head down, a streak down her face from a tear. If someone asked him a couple of months back if he'd have Franky Fitzgerald in his room, he'd have probably laughed in their face and made some nasty comment that he knew they were expecting. But that was months ago, before she had been nice to him even though he didn't fucking deserve it, and before he had walked out on Rugby. He felt like a new person since then…
And at the moment she almost looked like a girl in her tank top, so maybe she was changing too.
But she wasn't answering his question, so she hadn't really changed all that much.
He pulled a spliff out of the drawer in his nightstand and lit it. Sitting down beside her and taking a hit. The smoke went down his lungs smoothly and sweetly, but came out with a cough, making the good feeling inside him just a little warmer. He handed it to her and she took a hit too, with a nod of thanks, before passing it back to him as she coughed a little more roughly than he had. "If it's Liv," he told her, "she's not really into girls. You'd have a better chance with Mini when she's drunk-"
"Can we talk about something else?" Franky interrupted, standing up and across the room from him. Even half-cut and smoking a spliff she was coiled tighter than a snake, and he wondered if she ever really relaxed. Maybe when she danced; he had watched her dance and she had looked free then. He handed her the spliff, she took a hit, then another and handed it back. She was still waiting for a new subject for him to bring up. It wasn't really his strong-suit, changing conversation subjects or making conversations with people like Franky. People who didn't give a fuck about Rigby, or who was important socially or dick jokes or fucking around. So he silently hit the spliff and shifted uncomfortably beside her. Finally she said, "that day at the park, did you get everything sorted?"
No, he hadn't. Well, some stuff but he was a total fuck up anyway and now, without Rugby, a loser too. Instead he said; "are we supposed to have it all sorted already?"
She shook her head and he could almost physically feel her coil even tighter, if at all possible. More smoke, more coughing. He was feeling a little lighter though, even if she wasn't.
"Your brother." She finally said after a long silence between them.
He nodded before butting the spliff that was almost finished and then moving across the room so that he could turn and look at her. "You looked at him funny. I thought it might be."
But he didn't want to think about women who loved his brother, because then he'd started thinking about Liv and the downward spiral that was screwing his life. "I didn't thank you, by the way." She told him, changing the subject. She, apparently, was better at it than he was and he was grateful for it. "That guy at Alo's? I know it was you who took him on."
Nick shrugged, "I like a good fight every once in a while."
"Did he give you one?"
"Not really."
She stood then, walking over to him and staring at him briefly with those intense dark eyes, before looking away shyly and avert them to the floor. "Well, thanks."
"No problem. I wanted to prove I wasn't a complete dick." The jest hit its mark and she smiled. It was small and feeble, but there nonetheless. He wanted a real smile though, the kind that showed her braces and transformed her entire face; but she didn't give those often.
"Nick?"
"Yeah?"
She looked at him awkwardly, like she was searching for something that she couldn't find, like there was some kind of answer written on his face. He wanted to tell her didn't have an answer for a fucking thing, but what good was that going to do either of them right then? So he just sat there, quiet-like, waiting for her next statement. "Was it Liv you loved, or Mini?"
Had he loved either of them, really? He sat there, fixed on her gaze and tried to think of some kind of answer that wouldn't make her slap him. There really wasn't any. He was a right prick as it was, and he thought they both knew that. "Neither."
"Who did you want more, then? Was it Liv?"
He weighed the comparison. He wanted them for different reasons. He wanted Mini because she was fit, good for his image; and he wanted Liv because he thought she could understand him. In the end she didn't, but what the fuck did he expect? He didn't understand him so how was someone else supposed to? "Dunno. Why?"
"Do you miss them?" She continued her questions and he felt suffocated by them. These were things he didn't want to think about, things that he used drugs and screwing around to forget.
"Sod it, Franky, I try not to. I don't want to think about this shit. I just want to screw and drink and fight. Okay?"
"Is that how you don't think, then?" She asked in a soft, thoughtful tone. "All I do is think about shit and I'm tired." She started toward the door, then turned and looked at him. She was beautiful, he realized. Sure, his head was scrambled from all the shit in his system, but he'd noticed it before when he let himself, when he looked past the image and the shit that didn't really matter anyway. Franky wasn't like other people, she was almost like some kind of mythical creature that he read about as a lad. Her skin was pale and perfect, she was frail and unearthly like a fairy or something. Damn. He needed to sober up. "So you just go out and screw? Get fucked, then? You can forget it all that way. Is that…normal?"
"I guess." He felt confused, like his mind was gurgling.
She was in front of him then, like she appeared out of nowhere or something, so he did what he did when a girl was this close and he didn't want to think anymore. He missed and his lips grazed a silky cheek. Surprised, he straightened his back and looked at her but she was still looking away.
He remembered when she came into school wearing make-up and that little bow-tie.
So he touched her chin with his thumb and forefinger, hand practically dwarfing her tiny face then pulled her face so it was in line with his. "You're fucking beautiful, you know that?" He asked her, not even realizing how much had changed by him saying that. He was Nick fucking Laden, he didn't go around telling girls that dressed like boys that they were beautiful. But that didn't much matter, because she was beautiful and she was in his room looking to not think.
"No, I'm not." She whispered back but it was fierce and full of heat. So he did what Nick Levan does. He kissed her. No. He crushed her mouth with his until her lips were lifted away from her teeth with his and her waist was against his because his arms were wrapped around her entirely. She smelled crisp and clean, like fresh soap and wind. Her mouth felt good against his and she tasted better than any fucking thing he could think of. He opened her mouth, trying to taste ore of her, to feel more of her.
She struggled out of his grasp, her body wiggling against his for freedom, but the movement was enough and let her break free so she didn't feel his stiffness against her. "I c-can't." She trembled, her hand grasping the doorknob so tightly that it turned her knuckles white; "I can't do this to Mini. We're just starting out and she only just lost you to Liv."
She slammed the door shut behind her, as if it was a punctuation to her sentence.
Franky
The light peeked in from Mini's curtains and Franky squinted against it, shoving her face back into the pillow to try and shut out the light, maybe even the world. "Wake up!"
It was Mini's voice, loud and clear as a bell, shooting pain through Franky's head like a bolt of lightning. Wincing, she just buried her head further into the soft cotton and hoped her new friend would shut it and let her go back to fulfilling, glorious sleep. "Come on now," Mini insisted, pulling her out of the bed by her ankles laughingly, "some brekky and then a party, eh?"
Franky clung to the bed but knew that it was of no use. Exhaustedly, she propped herself onto her elbows and then crawled off the bed, following Mini down the steps and to the table. Her mum was out and it was just the two of them. "Crazy party?"
Frankie nodded, feeling a little guilty. After all, she had kissed Mini's ex. Not just some nothing kiss either. He had practically devoured her with his mouth and part of her had liked it, wanted more and would have continued if the rest of her hadn't been terrified and guilty.
He had been wrapped around her tight and desperate, like a guy losing control and she wondered if she had any to begin with- I mean, what the fuck was she doing letting Nick Laden put any hand on her? Franky shoveled eggs into her mouth, partly to feed the grumbling in her stomach and partly to keep her trap shut. She didn't need to tell Mini anything, it was just a kiss, right? And Nick was so pissed he probably wouldn't even remember.
"Fuck it." She said after she swallowed the mouthful. "I kissed Nick last night and I'm sorry."
She waited to watch Mini's expression. Her blond hair was wrapped up in a makeshift bun, off her shoulders but strands still in her face. Her make-up was clean off and she looked young and innocent, like a budding fifteen year old who hadn't seen a damn thing. "This was about Matty wasn't it?"
Looks could be deceiving though, because Mini had seen a thing or two in her time and she recognized how fucked in the head Franky was. Guiltily, Franky looked down at her eggs and slopped them across her plate and onto the toast.
"So instead of fucking Liz over, you fucked me?"
There it was.
Franky finally looked up, "It was a kiss. I stopped it. I chose you. It's sorted."
Mini leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over her pink robe and looking at Franky with her eyebrows raised. The anger faded from her eyes and she shrugged, "he's a wanker, you know. He'll just fuck you and fuck you up. They both will." Franky knew who they were. Liv, Matty and Nick. "But I get it, you know? And if you want to use him for whatever, then go ahead and use him."
It was a totally fucked up blessing to give and Franky knew it, so she said; "you got a better way to forget? You're not fucking the town to forget Nick."
Mini let out a small, derisive laugh. "Guess not."
"I don't know what to do, Mins. I've fantasized about Matty since before I knew who he was. I can't just stop thinking about him now that he's here all the time, hanging out, kissing her…kissing her and not me."
"You deserve better." Mini responded, "we both do, don't you think?"
Franky nodded, but she didn't really mean it. Mini deserved it probably, even after being such a bitch, but that was because Mini wasn't fundamentally fucked. She just had a few scratches on the surface, like a CD that could be refurbished or something. Franky knew that what was wrong with her couldn't just be sanded away. Her kind of fucked lasted forever.
"So we'll go out and have it then, eh?" Mini suggested cheerfully, "and here's the deal, Nick's not off limits, you know? I mean, far be it from me to keep Nick from being used, right?" She laughed, "if anyone deserves that kind of treatment, it's that prick."
Matty
Liv was still sleeping it off in his room, but Matty was awake enough to get some coffee and maybe start the day.
He was late though as Nick was already awake with a cup in hand, stepping over two half-naked bodies on the floor to get to the bathroom, he turned at the sound of someone coming down the steps and smiled. "Good night, Matty?"
"Best." Matty said carefully, trying to reconstruct the events in his head. He could have sworn that he had seen Franky watching him with Liv, but it must have been from the drugs. Because that was weird and fucked, what was more fucked was how much he had liked it, how much it had affected him. So he chalked it up to fantasy, some kind of twisted thing inside his head. "Yours?"
"Fucked." Nick responded, he disappeared into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door behind him. When he came out, he was still drinking his coffee. He glanced up the steps to here Liv was and Matty, not for the first time, wondered if Nick was really over her. She wasn't the type to let go of you quick, Matty knew that and they hadn't even known each other for very long. Once Liv had you, she fucking had you. She was all dark , gritty and real, she appealed to the basest of his humanity, the part that was full of need and desire. They were human together and reveled in everything that humans wanted and needed.
It was raw and right.
But Franky, his mind drifted a bit, Franks was fucking surreal. There was nothing human about her. She was all strange and eerie, like some kind of siren that sort of sang you to your death. He and Nick had learned about that shite when they were kids. It was really the only fun fucking thing their mother had ever droned on about.
"That guy you brought to the party, the one who was after Franky? Were you trying to set 'em up, Matty?"
Matty decided to lie, because some secrets were meant to be kept. "Yeah, why?"
"Just asking." Nick responded, "gotta get ready for class. Later, Matty."
He ascended the steps just as Liz appeared at the top. Matty watched his brother carefully, he moved out of her way, pausing for a just a second too long before disappearing out of sight. Matty then fixed his eyes on Liv who was unaffected by the encounter. Damn she looked good all disheveled and hung-over. "Woke up alone." She said with a feisty smile, "no one to fulfill my needs this morning." She wrapped an arm around him and pushed her lips against his. He accepted the kiss and the morning fuck it promised.
Because that was life and for once, life was fucking good.
Mini
It had occurred to her, more than once since talking to Franky that her friend hooking up with Nick was karma or some shit like that. She'd end up hooking up with Matty in the long run, then Nick and Liv would both get what they deserved.
But the problem was that she wasn't altogether certain things would shake out that way, and she was, literally, afraid for Franky. The tiny thing was sensitive, naïve and way too forgiving. Mini had been a right bitch to her for months and Franks forgave her without even a second fucking thought.
The kind of damage Nick and his psycho brother could do to her would probably fuck her for life.
Not that she was getting all mother hen with the little freak Frranky; fuck all that. But she didn't want to see anyone fucked over like she was anymore, let alone Gracie's little pet. Besides, Franks could be fun. She knew how to dance anyway.
"You're here early, especially after last night's madness." Grace said cheerfully, holding her books tightly to her chest as she jogged a bit to catch up. "And chipper too."
Mini breathed in deeply, "well, I'm feeling better. I think you were right about Franky Badass, Gracie. I think she fits right in."
Grace beamed in that innocent, sweet way that made the sun shine a little brighter. "I've thought so, right from the start, Mins."
"Look, there she is with Alo and Rich. We should catch up." Mini offered, in part just to see Grace smile again so that she could feel like everything was going to be okay. Immediately Grace was wrapped up in Rich's arms as he grinned like the love-sick fool that he was. It was funny, seeing proper little Gracfie in the arms of a frizzy-haired loser like Rich. But whatever. Different strokes and all that.
Mini linked her arm with Franky's casting a brief look at Alo. She made certain no one noticed it and smiled at Franky, "feeling better since this mornin'?"
Franky nodded, and mumbled something in her quiet way. Then Grace started in on the day's events and they were whisked away in every day conversation. Mini kept her gaze from Alo, ignoring the strange tug on her to look at him. He was farm boy trash, but seeing him break down felt like he had at Nick's changed something about him.
Quickly she pushed that away and then snuggled closer to Franky, "so lets see, who to hook you up with." The words came out of left field for everyone else, but fell in line with her own thoughts and Franky, seemed embarrassed, but understood. "What about him?"
She pointed to a fit but attainable chap with shaggy hair and ripped up jeans. To Mini, he looked Franky's type. A little odd, but not like some sort of scuzbucket. "Or how about him?" She shifted slightly to his friend who was a little less attractive, but a sight more well-dressed.
"Why aren't we trying to hook me up with someone?" Alo wanted to know in his boisterous way, she shut him up with a glare though. This was Franky's time and she was going to choose a nice, safe outlet for her to fuck up.
"This is stupid." Rich muttered, "I mean if it happens, it happens."
"We can't all be like the two of you." Alo argued and Mini practically heard him rolling his eyes. Then he laughed and pointed, Mini turned to see who his finger had stopped on and Mini fought for composure. "What about Nick, eh? They're both single, right?" He was mocking their night at the club when Nick had offered Frankie up as a potential girlfriend for Alo, but Mini was not amused. She hid it well though, much to her own surprise.
Franky's gaze was stopped on him, and his on her. Mini whispered fiercely in her ear, "if you do this, you might get hurt."
"I'm not doing anything." Franky whispered back with a catch in her voice.
Mini, deciding to save the day, replied, "well if that's going to be our only perimeters on dating, maybe Franky and I ought to hook up."
Grace laughed and it sounded like a song, while Mini grabbed Franky's hands and spun her around toward the green. The world was a blur around them as they spun, and all Mini could clearly see was Franky, then sometimes Grace who was being carried and spun by Richie somewhere near them.
But that was okay.
Because for now it was enough.
Liv
They looked so fucking happy without her- but why wouldn't they be? Franky and Grace weren't fucking Mini's boyfriend.
Hell, they didn't even notice her watching them as she waited for Matty's first class to let out. They had noticed Nick, even pointed at him, but not her. She had gone unseen. It wasn't much of a surprise though, she had sheltered herself in Min's shadow so long, it was a wonder anyone could see her.
A part of her wondered if Mini was screwing Franky. It wouldn't surprise her, Mini's moments of questionable sexual orientation hadn't been few enough for Liv not to wonder about her friend. Hell, a part of her thought about Min like that more than once.
What struck her though, was the way Nick was watching them. She knew that look in his eyes, had seen it when he looked at her more than once or twice. But for which one, she wondered? Her best guess was Mins, maybe that was going to spark up again. It was too bad, really, it would just burn them out.
"Hm, what are you thinking about?" Matty's arms wrapped around her from behind, and smiled at the feeling and smell of him all around her. Her feelings as an outsider were forgotten in his presence. "Those guys on something?" He asked, his eyes falling on the four spinning bodies on the green. He hadn't given her a chance to answer his question, which unsettled her. She squelched that thought though, chalking it up to being fucking sensitive.
"Dunno. I'm not exactly their favorite person."
She felt his lips warm against the back of her neck, "but you're mine." He told her and the vibrations of his speech felt good against her neck. "So were you thinking about trying to mend it with them, then?"
"No," She told him softly, cursing the sound of forlornness in her voice. "if they want me, they know where to find me."
"Mmmm, probably in my bed."
She liked the sound of that, wiggling in his arms so she could turn around and kiss him full on the mouth. Never having been afraid of a little PDA, she wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed him to push her up against the wall of the building behind him. His mouth exploring hers with a hunger that she demanded.
She wanted to be wanted. And he wanted her.
Franky
The world was still spinning when she fell onto the ground next to Mini. Rich gently tumbled Grace next to her before dropping down himself. Alo came running up, threatening an elbow drop on Rich, but instead just tossed ripped up grass and leaves on the lot of them.
Chest heaving, Franky felt lighter and airier than she had before.
Min's hand found hers on one side and Gracie's found the other. " Alright, I've got to get to class." Rich rolled over, kissed Grace on the lips then hopped to his feet, half running, half-tackling Alo as they left.
"Is it love, Grace?" Mini asked as they stared into the sky. Franky spotted a cloud that looked like a baby crying, but kept most of her attention on what her mates were talking about. "Between you and Metal-boy?"
"I dunno. Maybe." She responded, "I know that when I see him I feel like Anne describes how she feels about Wentworth, if that makes any sense."
Having not read the book Persuasion, Franky didn't have a clue and suspected that Minnie was just as lost. It didn't matter though, it made sense to Grace and she was happy.
Franky was happy that it was Rich that Grace fell for. He was good and right. She liked him. They'd probably have their fights, but in the end it would get sorted because they were them and they were right. "Did you love Nick, Mins?" Grace wanted to know, "just between us?"
"I wanted to." Minnie said, "but I don't know what love is, I guess. What about you, Franks? Are you in love?"
She knew what Minnie was getting at, propped herself on her elbows and was quiet. She didn't want to answer her. She didn't want to say it because saying it made it true. This was something that she didn't want to be true. Something she didn't want to come to light. But in her search for a distraction, her eyes fell on Matty and Liv against the wall of the phys-ed building. Her stomach twisted in a knot and she forced herself to look away, but when she did she caught Nick watching them as well, then looking to her.
It was all too much really. "I've gotta go." Franky said, then without giving them a chance to say anything she ran off through the Green.
She ran past Matty, past Nick and ran so fast that her heart was pounding in her chest. Running was good sometimes. It cleared the head and let her think about what her body was feeling. The warmth radiating from her, the trickles of sweat coming down her forehead and the feeling of ground beating beneath her boots all provided a wonderful blanket to numb her mind. It was almost like drugs in that way, and she loved it.
It wasn't until she was shagged out, heaving against a building in an ally that she didn't recognize that reality came back to her. She fought for air in her lungs, holding her chest and trying to get under control. "You run fast for such a small thing, Franks."
Nick.
Her gaze flew up to his face and she stared at him, in all honesty she was looking for Matty there and not finding him. She looked away and tried to get it together. She was losing her fucking mind with this obsession- and at the moment she couldn't think of any other word for it.
But it had to stop, didn't it? No one could live this way and be happy.
"He's not into you, Franks. He brought his friend to Alo's to hook the two of you up."
Of course he had. Franky fought back tears that she knew were coming. But they couldn't come. She couldn't let them. Not here in front of Nick, not in front of Matty's brother. "What the fuck are you on about, Nick?"
"Your thing for my brother."
"I was pissed last night, you can't take anything I said seriously." She told him, finally catching her breath enough to speak clearly, "any more than I took what you said seriously, Nick."
He was bigger than Matty, and stronger looking. It made sense though as he spent a great deal of time being shallow and making sure he looked great. She could see why he and Mini had worked well for so long a time, but she could also see where he would be drawn to someone s voracious as Liv. Nick partied hard and lived harder, it was his way.
She envied that about him, about Liv too. "Let's get fucked, Franks." He pulled a flask out of his pocket and tossed it to her. She caught it, mostly out of surprise at it coming at her head, then stared at it like it was some kind of stupid puzzle that she couldn't figure out. She finally unscrewed the cap, but when she looked up he had some powder on the blade of his swiss army knife and was tossing it under his nose. She drank from the flask. It was warm, foul and bitter in her mouth but she didn't care. She stared up at him, holding the flask to him while he held the blade to her. The powder was white, piled up in a tiny line and ready for her. She didn't ask what it was, didn't much care. "You want to forget?"
She nodded and took it in. Flinging herself back a little when the burning sensation in her nose became too much to bear.
"That's right." He said softly then dragged the flask to his lips and shot some down his throat. "You want my brother." He told her, "go on, admit it."
She didn't. Not here. Not in broad daylight.
She didn't want to say it, hell, she didn't want to know.
"I can help you, Franky, if you let me. I can show you how to forget."
That was what she wanted. She wanted to forget. She wanted to be away from it all. She took the flask from him, downing the rest of the contents as if it were some kind of answer to a question he didn't ask.
Nick
The party was kicking, but this side of town always had them. The music was loud and thudding, sending vibrations through his body and back again. It was only a second before Franky split from him to dance by herself to the music. There wasn't much room though and as she danced to the beats, never missing one, her body brushed against other people. She didn't notice. She didn't care. She kept going to the rhythm. It was something, watching her dance; she looked less and less human with each fucking movement and he knew he was done, because he was getting a semi from just watching Franky Fucking Fitzgerald dance while wearing more clothes than a damned sister.
And he knew part of was the Special K and the other part was the alcohol. He knew they were totally fucked in the skull. But that didn't matter because soon he was dancing too with some random girl whose hips moved well against his and whose hands touched his chest and his back as she whipped herself around him.
Somewhere he lost Franky, and that was his own fault as much as hers. He had thrown himself to the strobe lights that flashed and disconcerted him, found himself absorbed into the mass of gyrating bodies that moved to loud beats that blasted thought from his mind. He was covered with a sheen of sweat from dancing and body heat, but he loved it. He loved every blissful moment.
He moved right along with it until he felt slow and sludgy, felt himself being pushed further and further off the floor and to the sides.
It was there that he found Franky by herself, moving slowly and listlessly and not keeping up with the wild, insane beats that pounded. He pushed her against the wall and she was staring up at him with that look that girls sometimes got when they wanted to kiss you. But Nick didn't know if that was what she wanted, because Franky wasn't like other girls. He kissed her anyway, because he was a prick and fuck it, she'd hit him if she didn't want it.
She didn't hit him though.
She kissed him back with a ferocity that he didn't fully understand and there was a fist wound tightly into his hair and pulling. Her tongue lashed with his and he found himself pushing her further against the wall, not quite matching her violence but wanting to. Why the fuck not? What the fuck was stopping them?
Nothing.
He dragged her from the wall and into the corner with the large ass speakers that he knew would cover them for a little while. There was no getting to a room. It was dark and he could barely see her, but her scent surrounded him and the skin of her face was soft beneath his fingertips. The music stopped long enough for him to hear her, "make me forget."
He'd make her forget, no problem.
He hoisted her up on the lower speaker and started unbuttoning her trousers. He pulled them down to her hips and then her small shorts underneath. A strobe flashed, revealing a hungry, but frightened expression. So he grabbed at her mouth with his and until she was kissing him back, her arms around his neck tightly as his hand found the spot between her legs that he wanted.
He knew that the vibrations from the music, which blared even more loudly than before, would help.
He worked his first finger in, unsurprised by the tightness or wetness of it. She had been pretty ready for him, for this. He didn't bother to try and slide another in, one was going to be enough for now. He wished he could see her face, what this was doing for her, but he had to satisfy himself with the vibrations from her throat, which his face was up against, and the feeling of her breath on his hair. It was low, ragged and from the vibration he felt like she was moaning. He flicked and felt it again. She liked it, so he started again. He slid in her and out of her.
His groin rested against her knee, and when she moved delicious pain went through his body. He wondered if she even knew what this was doing to him, if she knew just how much he wanted her right then.
But she didn't know. She was blissfully unaware that every time she moved with his hand, she was rubbing herself against him. He shuddered, feeling overwhelmed and totally scrambled. He could barely keep up with what she needed his hand to do. All this from a fucking dry hump and his mind couldn't wrap itself around that concept. So he discarded thought and just felt, just let it all go.
It was all so much, really. The feeling. The music. The lights. The smell.
In the flashes he could see her beautiful face, pink tongue over thin, parted lips and it was like he was outside himself, watching them.
"Oh fuck." He muttered, but she couldn't hear him.
She writhed in his embrace, body moving as moistness hit the palm of his hand.
But he was really too fucked to realize which one of them came first.
He gasped for air and held her tightly to him, holding on for dear life because Christ, nothing had ever been like that before. Her chest was heaving against and her forehead was moist against his throat. They smelled like sex and sweat and deliciousness. He moved his lips to hers and kissed her. The sharpness of her braces cut at his tongue but it didn't stop him from prodding deeper. The feeling of her clinging to him, kissing him back was just too much.
He picked her up and took her across the dance floor, not caring who was in his way, or who Franky's feet were slapping in the face. He didn't get far, just to the foot of a couch some couple were fucking on. He used the bottom of it as a chair back and left Franky on his lap. She lay limply against him, spent and exhausted he didn't doubt. Lightly he stroked her forearm with his hand, opening and shutting it while his fingers dragged against her soft skin. It felt good.
She fell asleep first.
The last thing he saw were passive, soft features.
Franky
When she woke she was being held tightly against a warm, solid body. Her legs were tangled up and useless, when she looked down she saw why. They were trapped beneath legs. Her zipper was undone, her pants almost off. She was trapped between and a couch and a body that was practically on top of her.
Nick?
Had she really let Nick do to her what he had done to her?
Her face snapped up to see his face. He was soundly sleeping, a little smile on his lips. So it was true. She had fucking let Nick finger fuck her at a party behind some speakers, like a common whore or whatever. Sod it all, what the hell was wrong with her?
What was twenty-times worse is that it had worked. She hadn't thought about Matty at all, just skin and sweat and pleasure.
No one had ever touched her like that before, she never would have let them, and in this honest moment she let herself be aware of how afraid of sex she really was. She was afraid of all of it. But not last night, because she was hopped up on whatever and she just wanted to lose it. She remembered the way he kissed her, like they were both going to die if he stopped. Then the way he touched her, the way he knew the right places to touch. But of course he did. He, like the whole fucking known world, was far more experienced than she ever was.
And he probably had a nice laugh at her inexperience, or he would when he woke.
She struggled to try and extract herself from his arms. She wiggled out the bottom, and his hand dropped to the floor. He moved slightly, stirred a bit but then fell back to sleep. Franky pulled her pants up and started buttoning the fly.
"Guess it's a good thing I gave the permission, huh?"
Franky whipped her head to see Mini looking at her with her arms crossed over her chest. Guiltily, Franky started to her feet, "Mins, I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Mini stated coolly, looking as collected as Franky felt scattered and worn. She glanced down at Nicky but then back at Mini when she was speaking again, "did you get what you wanted from him?" She wasn't really sure. Now it didn't really feel like it, but the night before, with his hands on her and the music pumping through her body, she had felt free of Matty for the first time since meeting him. She had felt…better. However, the morning light had a clever way of clearing out the shadows and revealing hard, terrible truths. "If you didn't, it probably wasn't worth it."
"Let's just go, Mini." Franky said, looking back at a still sleeping Nicky. "I kind of don't want to be awake when he gets up."
That made her smile, though it hadn't been the intent and the blonde followed Franky out of the house. "This was the party we were supposed to be going to, Franks."
"I didn't know." Franky looked out into the street, then pulled out her pack of smokes from the pocket of her slacks. "death stick?"
Mini took it and lit one, then handed Franky the lighter. "I'm sorry, Mini. I am. I saw Liv with him and I just…I freaked." She lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply, exhaling it through her nose. "I ran away."
"Kinda like you're doing now?"
Franky nodded, "yeah, kind of like I'm doing now." She was surprised when Mini threaded her arm through hers, and she stared at the girl for a little bit before asking, "why are you being so nice to me? I just let your ex finger fuck me behind some speakers at a party."
"You…didn't shag him?"
"He didn't try." Franky said, she didn't bother mentioning that she might have let him, hell, she wasn't so sure she hadn't wanted him to. She had been rflying last night She took another hit, as they walked down the road arm in arm. "so?"
"So I was a bitch to you before and now I don't want to be, remember? Sod it all, Franky, this isn't like me and Liv. She shagged my boyfriend, you're using my ex to forget about his brother. And you never did let me know if it worked."
Franky glanced sideways at Mini, not able to suss out what she was really feeling. That was the problem with her though, it was hard to tell what she really wanted. Franky decided on honesty, "it did. Last night I wasn't thinking about how fucked in the head I am over Matty." Or how fucked she was in general, but she let that part be silent.
Mini grinned, "then don't worry about anything else, we'll be fine, mate. I promise."
Franky smiled back, then took another drag from her smoke. But the smile was hollow because she didn't really feel fine. She wasn't comfortable in her own skin and she didn't know if it was Nick, if it was Mini or if it was just because she was Franky Fitzgerald and she was born wrong somehow.
Thoughts? Comments?