In a grand library, we see TMoe97 draped in the finest money can buy, smoking quietly on his pipe flipping through the pages of a book. Looking up, he begins to speak.
"Ah, I didn't see you there. What is it? The book? Ah, it's nothing, just pornography if you are truly curious. But that isn't what you are here for is it? If that is what you are here for...well, fuck you it's Christmas and I'm pretty sure you know several websites loaded to the brim with THAT kind of holiday cheer." Whispers under his breathe, "You sick bastard."
"Anyways, I thought we could take a look at one of my other selections that is more APPROPRIATE. Now, let's see." TMoe97 then began to go through his bookshelf, picking out books one by one.
"We have 'Don't Rock The Bed', no, that's porn. 'Santa Claus is (fill in the obvious) to Town, still porn, am I looking in the wrong section?" Faster now, "Porn, porn, Twilight, porn, oh for the love of-"
- Technical Difficulties -
"Ah here we are."
Pulling out a book, he set it down and blew off the dust. Then, with great care, TMoe97...flipped the book over to the right side, then went to page one. "Now I'm sure you will love this one, have you heard of Dark Souls? If not, it doesn't really matter, as even people who play the game still don't know what the fuck is going on. That is, unless you read the lore, like me. Anyways, this little ditty is called, 'How Seath Almost Screwed Christmas'. Let us begin."
How Seath Almost Screwed Christmas
Twas a very cold winter, here in the grand city of Lordran
But that doesn't matter, as this place isn't inhabited by man
Monsters roam this place, and crazy people too
And to be quite honest, the place reeks of poo
But despite all that, foretold undead are chosen
To help give gifts to all, and not to get frozen
For here in Lordran, they don't have a Santa Claus
For he was not foretold, why? Just cause.
So it is up to our heroes to spread the word
To every monster, dragon, and giant bird
That Christmas is here, and is here to stay
Unless, if Seath gets his way
Seath was always a grump, and not just because he wasn't immortal
But he despised Christmas, and laughed at it with an evil chortle
For no one ever visited Seath on this special time of year
Probably due to his guards, who keep anyone from getting near
So he looked down from his castle, onto the great white land
Sneering at the Undead, who came in bands
"Look at those idiots," he said with a glare
"They are giving gifts to monsters without a care!"
"Normally, the monsters would rip their freaking heads off clean!
Now everyone is smiling and drinking, this must be a dream!"
And as he sat, scowling more and more,
he thought to himself, "How can I settle the score?"
He sat there, pondering and pondering
And spent many hours, looking through books, wondering
Then he had it, a most ingenious coup
"If I can't have Christmas, I'll just take it from all of you!"
He devised to wait until night, when everyone was good and drunk
And steal all the presents, from the evil Gwyn to the goodly monk
"Soon, yes, soon," thought Seath with glee
"I will have my Christmas, just for me!"
Eventually, night fell over the peaceful city
And Seath slithered out of his castle, feeling quite giddy.
As quiet as a mouse, he snuck out onto the street
Careful not to knock over anything with his slithering feet
He made his way to the great chapel that housed Gwynevere
Knowing that presents were kept there every year
As he made his way up the steps, he found himself at the door
Slowly he pushed it open, wondering what was in store...
Closing the book, TMoe97 looks back to the audience. "Well, it looks like our friend Seath is a real dick, and may ruin Christmas for all in Lordran! Well good, because they ruined my fucking life when I forced myself to play the game to the very end and, yes, it may be easier after the Twin douchebag boss fight, but that doesn't excuse the fact that I almost suffered a heart attack several times when I was close to FUCKING DYING! GOD DAMN THIS PIECE OF-"
- Preparing the Sedatives, Please Stand By -
"Ok, I feel much better now, sorry for that rude outburst, that isn't really like me. Anyways, that is all for now and if you want to see the rest please leave a positive review and hey, give this a thumbs-up. That's right, I'm holding the rest of the story for ransom in exchange for likes. Or, if I feel like posting it, whichever comes first. And have a very, merry Christmas."