THINGS CHANGE
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own these characters. I am just experimenting with them-wink, wink. The story is for entertainment purposes (mine and hopefully yours) and I will not profit from it.
Inspiration: Frustration over having to wait a year for the series to pick up, and therapy because I'm trying to reconcile Angie Harmon's unbearable hot, gay vibe with her political views. Lastly, no offense to other authors, there are many stories with so many errors they distract from the action, and writing this is challenge to myself to create as correct a story as possible.
Setting: During/after "When the Gun…" Spoilers: "When the Gun Goes…" and references to "I Kissed a Girl."
Tags: Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Language
CHAPTER 1
Maura stood in the doorframe of the ICU Family Lounge resisting the urge to both collapse and vomit. It was dark outside; the room was empty and cold. Maura shivered wrapping herself in a hug that was more about comfort than warmth. In the background, the vending machines hummed and for the first time, she became aware of the dried tears that cracked on her skin when she changed her facial expression. She stared at the floor allowing the mosaic pattern to momentarily distract her.
Soon, her glassy eyes lost their focus, half moons of dried blood caked her fingernails, and there was blood on her clothing. She ran her hands through her hair counting down the minutes until Jane's parents arrived. They wouldn't let her into ICU without their permission. "God," she thought, "how much longer? Frankie was going to be in surgery for another half an hour, and it would be at least two hours before he was in a room. Dr. Bryant confirmed that he was going to be fine, so they should be on their way." Maura wrung her hands.
She was hailed as a hero for saving Frankie. She cared for the young man on a personal level because he was kind, because he looked up to his sister, and because he chose to be a public servant. However; in her mind, the efforts to save his life were meaningless unless Jane pulled through too. If Jane dies there would be unbearable pain and deep regret. While biting her lip Maura thought, "If she doesn't survive, none of us will ever be the same." She tugged at her dress trying to smooth it out. It felt like a straight jacket that tightened whenever she moved.
She considered leaving Boston should Jane die-a drastic move, but less painful than staying in the city. A lone tear trickled down her cheek, "Please just let her recover." Over the course of their short friendship Maura knew that Jane was the best and most terrifying thing that had happened to her. Intellectually, Maura was fascinated that two people from such diverse backgrounds could bond over a common goal. Emotionally, Maura was deeply changed by their friendship because she really never had a friend before Jane. Acquaintances yes, but friends no.
Maura flushed and her adrenaline cascaded through her when she reflected on how wonderfully complete Jane made her feel. It amazed her that someone so knowledgeable about human behavior, someone so sensible not only accepted, but seemed to enjoy her quirkiness. She always assumed she would never have a best friend; therefore, she cherished Jane: She wasn't a stuffy professor, a rigid doctor, or a snobby socialite. She was a cop and a complex individual who understood people and their motives better than any psychologist. She was equally amazed that Maura Isles M.E. could detach herself enough form her intellectualism and her love of science to be drawn in by and care so much about another human being.
This sense of wonderment had nothing to do with Maura's self-esteem. It had everything to do with a friendship of such intensity being uncharted territory. The feelings of connectedness Jane created pulled all the loose threads of her life together. However, the bitter sweetness of the present situation caused her to hang her head with despair as she considered the possibility of losing it, and losing Jane existed. It wasn't fair she concluded.
Maura squeezed her eyes shut tightly, and smiled a small smile remembering the time they went to the shooting range. It was shortly after Jane taught her how to hold a gun. Jane offered to instruct her further, but Maura insisted that she try it without additional help. She aimed; shot, tilted on her five-hundred dollar heels, and fell backwards from the kickback. Maura's eyes popped with fear as she prepared to hit the floor. She tightened her muscles and gritted her teeth. A second later she felt Jane's arms slide under hers, and restore her to a standing position. They laughed so hard they cried.
Maura turned in the doorframe to view the clock. It was 8:07. Jane's parents should be there. She was about to have them paged when she saw Angela obviously exhausted treading up the hallway with a lost looking Frank in tow. Maura winced internally, she anticipated that this encounter was going to be dramatic, and she dreaded it. Every muscle fiber she had contracted causing her legs to ache and her shoulders to rise. Right now, she couldn't bear Angela ruminating about her biggest fears being realized while Jane sat in an ICU bed, her exact condition and the extent of her injuries unknown.
Maura steeled herself; she needed to put her discomfort aside because they were suffering as much as she was suffering, and Jane needed her parents. A tear swollen Angela Rizzoli reached Maura; both women's faces drawn. Angela, took one look at Maura, and simply said, "Come here." Encircled by the warmth of the older woman's embrace, Maura burst into tears. Angela gently lifted Maura from her arms and Frank came over to offer a comforting hand on Maura's shoulder. His eyes were red; he tried to speak, but he choked.
Angela croaked, "Maura this isn't the worst thing that could have happened. Without you Frankie would have died. You saved our baby's life, and you kept Jane alive until the ambulance came. She is a fighter; she will be OK. Don't you dare eva doubt that." She swallowed hard, "Without you, we would be having a very different conversation right now. Without you two of my children would have died today." Maura pressed her lips together and nodded, her voice had retreated to somewhere deep in her body. She was so touched by Angela's words that she squeezed her hand as the three of them gained permission to enter the unit.
Finally, the door alarm buzzed letting them know that they could enter the floor. The bright lights on the stark unit reflected off of the white walls creating a glare that made Maura blink uncontrollably until she grew accustomed to it. She paused, found her voice and told Angela that she had tried to get information from the nurses in the operating room and on the unit, but they wouldn't tell her much because of HIPAA. All she knew was that Jane's surgeon was Dr. Christine Kline, one of the best trauma surgeon's in all of Boston. She left hastily after the operation because of another emergency, but promised to return in the morning and provide an update, but Jane was holding her own.
They reached the desk and a tiny unit clerk with a small scar on her left cheek motioned for them to wait while she finished a phone call. Maura was sick of waiting, but knew she had no choice other to endure it. It made her feel helpless, and she hated feeling helpless. Finally the woman hung up, and before she could say, "May I help you?" Frank blurted, "Hey we're Detective Jane Rizzoli's family, and we wanna know how she's doin, please." He looked as if his own life depended upon the small woman's answer.
She turned to her computer and told them, "Jane is in room 316." Her nurse, Kathy was in her room. "You can go in one at a time, and Kathy will update you-immediate family only." The woman glanced at the blood stained Dr. Isles, and her tone softened. "I know you're not a family member. I've seen you on the news, but since you're here with the parents I assume they'll give you permission to visit." Frank and Angela simultaneously said, "Yes!" Maura relaxed a bit and they walked to the end of the unit, the closer they got to Jane's room the longer the hallway seemed to get.
Angela went in first. Her legs wobbled, and she wished she didn't have to go alone. Fear of the unknown nearly caused her to faint before making it through the door. "Would Jane be awake? What would she look like?" The room was dark save for the nightlight above Jane's bed. Kathy leaned over Jane taking her temperature. Angela paused as she waited for the middle-aged woman dressed in purple scrubs to acknowledge her. Within five minutes, Angela received more information than she could process. When she left the room all she remembered was Kathy telling her Jane was, "progressing nicely," but the next twenty four hours would be crucial not because of the wound, but because of the blood loss and possible post-surgical complications.
When Frank went in, he saw the leads and tubing and his legs refused to bring him closer than four feet from the bed. A dull beep called to him from the far right corner of the room. He pulled a soggy tissue from his pocket. He wiped his eyes, said a prayer, told Kathy to take good care of "his Janie" and walked out the room with his eyes burning and his mouth as dry as stale bread.
It was Maura's turn. She leaned against the door as a full blown panic attack wedged its way into her body and her mind. She covered her face with her hands; she felt her fingers go numb, and her stomach plummet. "Maura," she chided, "get a hold of yourself. This is too important; you can't go vasovagal right now. Breathe." Within a few seconds, her breathing was under control and she entered the room.
It took mere moments to analyze the situation. She could smell the Betadine in the air. She quickly spotted the continuous blood pressure monitoring, EKG, IV with Ringer's Lactate, and morphine drip. Then, finally, her eyes settled on the figure in the bed. Maura stood there frozen until Kathy introduced herself after giving Jane a Heparin shot. Maura quickly returned the pleasantries and informed Kathy that she was a doctor. She hoped it would give her some pull and encourage the staff to share detailed medical information with her.
Jane was pale, but she was alive. Maura went to Jane's side and picked up her hand as if she were picking up a delicate ribbon of glass. It was warm. Maura smiled and looked behind her. There was a cardiac chair there, and she used her shoe to pull it up to the bed so she could sit close to Jane. Maura rubbed slow, delicate circles over Jane's wrist. They had touched hundreds of times, but this time it felt different. Maura's scalp tingled with each caress. She leaned in close and kissed Jane's cheek. She sat there for at least five minutes memorizing Jane's face. Every line, every contour, ever freckle and beauty mark was burned into her memory. She needed that to prove Jane was real, breathing and very much alive.
Kathy told her Jane spiked a fever, but the IV antibiotics would address that issue. Maura frowned, but knew it was to be expected given the area of the injury. The middle-aged nurse said she would have to wait for Dr. Kline's return to get the operative report. Maura thanked her and watched Jane for a few more minutes. She counted her respirations and felt her pulse. She didn't want to leave in case Jane woke up, but she knew Angela and Frank needed to check on Frankie, and Jane probably wouldn't wake until the morning.
She stood, and gave Jane a soft kiss on the forehead. "I promise to be back soon. Just get better. I love you." Maura had never said it to Jane before, in fact she had said it only two other times in her life, but she felt it and now was the time to voice it. However, she was confused about exactly how she meant it.
She was painfully aware that she and Jane shared a certain heated chemistry. They are best friends who often flirt, and sometimes fight. They spend more time together than most married couples and indulge in harmless teasing, but Maura was unsure of its significance. She knew she was closer to Jane than anyone else in the world, and Jane made her feel welcome and comfortable in her own skin. She also found Jane physically attractive and believing people gravitate toward one another when there's an initial physical attraction made Maura shake her head. That was biology; not emotion, and Maura felt herself ill equipped to analyze emotion right now.
CHAPTER 2
Frankie was put in a room four doors down from Jane. The Rizzoli clan spent a few minutes talking to his nurses and visiting his bedside; Maura looked in on him briefly then collapsed in a chair in the lounge. Around 10:30 Angela and Frank drove Maura to pick up her car and her belongings. The ride was spent in silence, and sympathy for each other's concern. When they pulled up in front of the department, Maura refused to look at the taped off area, and only nodded to the two officers standing guard over the scene.
Once inside, Maura unlocked Jane's locker, and put on the faded pair of BPD sweats she found inside. She bagged her dress in case it was wanted for the investigation, the material sticking to the front of her thighs and peeling off like tape from the dried blood. In comparison, the sweats were warm and smelled like Jane. Maura sunk into them, comforted by their closeness to her skin.
Twenty minutes later, she said goodnight to Frank and Angela as they waited for her to unlock her door before driving away. Once inside her house, she listened to her messages. Vince had Bass and Jo. He assured Maura they were both fine. She let out a huge sigh and reluctantly began removing the sweats. She showered, scrubbing blood and dirt off her body until it looked as if she were scalded. Finally, she threw herself down on her bed not even bothering to brush her teeth.
Maura turned herself and her pillow over and over. Finally she climbed out of bed at 4:30 AM., anxiety choking off her breath. She tried to meditate, but her thoughts kept racing. Over and over again she wondered, "What if?" Finally, she went to the kitchen and pulled all the items she would need for chicken soup. By 6:00 she had frozen a gallon of the liquid, and packaged a generous serving for Jane complete with some fresh fruit and a few organic yogurt cups for snacking. She changed her clothes and arrived at the hospital three and half hours before visiting hours.
Reluctantly Maura was allowed back on the floor. She briefly checked in on Frankie, and then sped to Jane's room. As soon as she arrived, the racing thoughts ceased. Jane was pretty much as she had left her a few hours ago. Nothing had changed except for the hint of sunlight that streaked through the room. Maura once again pulled the cardiac chair close to the bed to be as near as possible to Jane. After a few minutes she was sound asleep, oblivious to the teams of caregivers entering and exiting the room for routine reasons.
Promptly at 7:45, Maura awoke to a voice that clearly bore the strain of being intubated say, "Holy Crap, Maura. You look like shit." Maura jumped from the chair, temporarily forgetting where she was. The levity quickly dissipated when Jane realized where she was. "Oh my God—Frankie where is he? Maura how is Frankie?" Jane tried to get up. Maura saw her B.P. sky rocket, and rushed over to the bedside, "Jane. Jane, he's fine. He's just a few rooms down from you. He's on a ventilator until his lung heals." Jane collapsed back into the bed, the sudden movement causing a slicing pain in her side and a throbbing that was visible in her temples. Jane swallowed hard as her chest heaved from the ache.
Maura handed her a cup of cold water; her fingers brushed Jane's with a feathery gentleness. She thought Jane must have felt the same tingle because she curled her fingers slightly and her eye muscles registered attraction, or maybe she was reading too much into the gesture—maybe it was just a reflex. Jane's questioning redirected her attention. "Maura, what are you doing here? It isn't even 8:00 AM, and you look horrible. Have you been here all night?" Maura was about to dissect those questions when a smiling Dr. Kline walked into the room. She was a tall, beautiful woman with long chestnut hair, blue eyes, and aquiline features.
"Good morning Jane and you must be Dr. Isles. I'm Christina Kline, Jane's surgeon."
"Hi Doc., what happened exactly? How bad is it?"
The lanky doctor explained that the gun shot was similar to any puncture wound. The bullet passed through Jane's abdominal muscles, tore some minor blood vessels, and exited out between her ribs, chipping one of them, and altering the trajectory of the projectile. She would be sore for a long while, but fully recover barring any infections or other complications.
Dr. Kline looked at Jane with compassion and a hint of attraction. A pang of jealousy shot through Maura. She quickly dismissed it and asked herself, "Then why was there so much blood loss? Of course! The EMT briefly elevated Jane's legs forcing the blood to pump harder towards the wound. I should have remembered that." She rejoined the conversation, telling Dr. Kline it was a pleasure, and she was happy Jane was in the hands of a competent doctor.
As Doctor Kline was getting ready to leave, she paused in the doorway, and looked over her shoulder.
"By the way, I almost forgot. You basically blew your own appendix off. Amazing, it was such a clean shot."
Maura couldn't suppress the guffaw that escaped her.
Jane cocked her head toward her friend. "You're lucky I'm incapacitated, or I would kick your ass."
Maura put her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter before she spouted, "Not only are you incapacitated my friend, you look worse than I do. Besides, the appendix is a vestigial organ."
Jane remarked, "Well, it wasn't like I was using my appendix anyway."
"Jane vestigial means….never mind."
"Maura, you really need to look in the mirror. You look like you need this bed more than I do."
Maura was overjoyed and felt comfortable in releasing the tension in her shoulders. Jane was going to be physically fine. They would deal with the psychological aspects later.
Maura wheeled Jane to Frankie's room so she could visit. He was sleeping soundly; the only noise in the room was the piston like push and pull of the ventilator. Maura stood behind Jane, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She could feel her friend's breathing shift with the tears spilled forth. Jane reached up and put her hand over Maura's. "I've got to work through this Maura. I can't blame myself for this, and I can't begrudge his being a cop. He loves this job like I do, and not Ma, or anyone else can stop us from being cops. We're all just going to have to learn to adjust to the things that change." Maura leaned over and placed a kiss atop Jane's head, and promised Jane she would be there for her.
They went back to Jane's room, and called her parents. Jane talked to both of them, and then Maura helped her back into bed. She held Jane's hand and her eyes welled up.
"Oh Maura, don't go all mushy on me. What's the matter?"
Maura wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry Jane, but my Amygdala and my Lacrimal Gland are still connected to one another, and I can't help it. I'm just so happy you are alive. I came too close to losing my best friend."
Jane smiled, "Well go home because you're getting the floor wet, and someone's gonna fall and break their gluteus maximus."
Maura laughed. "I am tired Jane. I think I will go home and get some rest. There's chicken soup and snacks in the fridge for you, and they weren't in the dead people fridge either. Your parents will be here soon."
Jane grabbed Maura's wrist. "Wait a minute." Maura got a little dizzy from the contact.
"What about Marino?"
Maura stiffened at the mention of his name. "He's dead Jane. Jane, please explain why you did what you did?"
"I will, but not today. Get some sleep."
Maura accepted that answer, kissed Jane goodbye on her cheek and drove home to get some rest.
CHAPTER 3
When Maura awoke, she called Angela. "I have a proposal to make, and I hope you don't think I'm being too forward. Jane is coming home in three days, and Frankie will be discharged in a week. You'll have a lot on your plate, and Jane can't go back to her apartment because of the stairs. I would like her discharged to my care. I can take time off from work, change her dressings, and see to her other needs. You can of course visit whenever you like." There was dead silence on the other end.
Maura waited eagerly for the response. Angela had hoped Jane would come home, but Maura made some valid observations, and Angela knew Jane would receive the best of care.
Finally the other woman spoke, "OK Maura. I think it would work out."
She was ecstatic, now she just had to convince Jane that it was a reasonable solution.
"Hell no, Maura. I want to go back to my apartment because it's well, my apartment!" Outwardly, she didn't want anyone fussing over her, or getting in her way. Inwardly, she thought it was a good idea, and after what she deemed an appropriate amount of bickering she "gave in" to the suggestion. She loved not having to climb stairs because her side hurt like Hell, and she loved not being subjected to her mother's constant doting and most of all, she loved the opportunity to spend more time with Maura. After coming face to face with her own mortality, Jane started to see her friend in a different light, and she knew exactly why.
Before the shooting Maura kept a tight reign on how much of herself she shared. After the shooting, she seemed more open, approachable, and most of all human. In fact, Jane thought Maura seemed slightly more intrepid. She hoped working on and saving two live patients did something for her friend's confidence. What ever it was, Jane found it alluring.
Maura stocked her fridge, bought an over-sized recliner for Jane to relax in, brought Bass, Jo, and Jane's tortoise, Shelly to her house. She made sure every room would be easily accessible to Jane. Maura, quite pleased with the results, surveyed her home with pride. She had planned on leaving her now to pick up Jane, but Frank and Angela insisted on driving Jane to Maura's, and they would be there in an hour. Maura really wanted to be at the hospital, but Jane gave her a last minute list of things to collect from her apartment. She wanted some clothes, a few books that were on her coffee table, and her toiletries.
She called Frankie's room to check on him before going to get the items Jane needed. He was removed from the ventilator, and sounded strong. He couldn't stop thanking Maura for all the things she brought him each day. One day it was flowers, another it was a new Sox cap. Maura beamed as she listened to his excited ramblings. Then suddenly, he choked up when he thanked her again for saving both he and Jane. Maura truly liked Frankie, and felt she was growing on him too. He no longer seemed uncomfortable when she started "talking Google" as Jane had called it.
When Maura got to Jane's, she quickly started to gather the requested items. She also disposed of the spoiled food in the refrigerator, and watered the few plants that were still alive. She turned a couple of lights on to make the place look lived in. She was about to leave when she realized she had forgotten the books on the coffee table. She quickly grabbed them and shoved them into the side of the bag.
Jane sat in her wheelchair by the window in Frankie's room. She had been there when Maura called, and knew her friend was probably using an ultraviolet light to make sure her house was as close to a sterile environment as possible. Jane chuckled and looked over at a sleeping Frankie. She was pleased that her brother and her best friend were getting on so well. It was important to her because as far as Jane was concerned they were going to be around one another for the rest of their lives. Maura was a part of her as much as any other family member.
"Ma, I'm going to switch places with you, put you in this chair, and wheel you directly to the psych ward if you don't stop hovering over me. For Christ's sake, I'm being discharged from the hospital, I'm not going out on a date, I don't need to put on make-up, and fix my hair."
Angela groused, "But Jane. There have been some handsome doctors who took care of you. Maybe you would like to see one of them outside of this place, you know…maybe on a date?"
Jane snapped, "Really? Really? You are trying to arrange a date for me with a doctor. I can barely wipe my own ass, and you want me to consider a romance?"
Frank laughed and Angela quickly admonished him.
The ride to Maura's was bumpy and uncomfortable for Jane. When they finally arrived her parents were on either side of her, escorting her to Maura's front door. Maura opened the door before they had a chance to ring the bell. She gave Jane a gentle hug and showed the trio into her living room. Jane was carefully lowered to the couch.
Maura looked down at her, "Jane, what's bothering you?"
Jane shot back, "Oh I don't know…..maybe getting shot? Besides, how do you know anything is bothering me?"
"You rub the side of your thumb with your index and middle finger when something upsets you, or you rub your scars."
Jane looked down at her hands. "It's nothing. I'm sorry. Ma, was trying to play matchmaker with me and the docs from the trauma team. She thinks one of them may be attracted to me after seeing this gaping wound in my side."
Angela yelled, "Jane, do you always have to be so negative?" Maura knew this was shaping up to be an interesting two weeks. "Maura honey," give me a hand with these trays will you. Here's a tray of chicken parm, a tray of lasagna, and a tray of broccoli rabe and sausage." Angela handed the items over to a wide eyed Maura. "Oh. I almost forgot the six pack of Dr. Pepper—it's Jane's favorite, and two loaves of crusty Italian bread."
"Thank you Angela, but I have outlined a menu that provides Jane with a perfect balance of nutrients designed to compliment the healing process. Not to mention, all this will spoil before we have a chance to eat it."
Jane could be heard in the background. "Oh shit. This is going to be good."
Angela frowned, "Maura, I'm sure you have designed the perfect menu, but you have to leave a little room for comfort food. You know the stuff that satisfies you up here." Angela pointed to her head.
Maura considered the older woman's comments, "Angela, you do have a valid argument. Studies have shown that the consumption of foods with properties such as ….." Angela looked at Maura as if she had three heads. Maura recognized the look as the one Jane described as, "The look people give you because they have no idea about what your Google speak means," and she needed to rephrase her explanation. "What I meant was comfort food can be beneficial as well because it's soothing."
Maura could have sworn she heard Jane huskily whisper, "That went better than I thought. I expected hair pulling." Maura thanked Angela again and froze some of the items.
CHAPTER 4
After eating quite a bit of the chicken, Maura sat on the couch reading the newspaper while Jane settled into the recliner watching television. After a few minutes, Jane looked over at Maura whose brow furrowed as she read the headlines. She had never noticed before, but Maura's profile resembled the elegant features of the Renaissance women Jane had studied once in art class. Maura caught Jane staring, and Jane spoke up to cover her embarrassment.
"You really went out and bought this big ole overstuffed chair for me?" Jane flashed that brilliant smile that made Maura feel weak.
"Yes. You should be comfortable while you recover." She folded the paper.
"I am. I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate all this. You're probably the only person I know who will put me in my place, change my bandages without ripping my skin off, and help me without fussing. Thanks."
Maura beamed, "You're welcome, Jane."
Maura couldn't help the infusion of attraction that bubbled in her stomach and turned her face hot. She had always considered herself enlightened about sexuality, and if and when she fell in love, she thought she would fall in love with the person, and gender would be inconsequential. However; thus far in her life, she had limited all her encounters to men, unsuitable men.
They never fully understood her, and Maura thought it was time to consider dating a woman. After little internal debate, Maura realized exactly which woman she had in mind, but the prospect terrified her. There were so many variables to consider, but she reminded herself that, "courage was doing something despite one's fear," and she vowed to leave herself open to the possibilities, and hope Jane felt the same way.
Jane lay in bed that night in the guest room. Maura, struggling to remain polite, helped her to shower and change her dressing, and her clothes. She then left to make some tea. Jane should have been comfortable in the soft bed, but she wasn't. She could hear Maura cleaning up in the kitchen while humming a tune, and for the first time in many years Jane found herself desiring another woman. She had crushes on female teachers, friends, and co-workers before, but that always seemed like fantasy, something that intrigued her because of the taboo, and distracted her when life became too stressful.
She also felt that at that time in her life, she wasn't equipped to handle the social fallout that dating a woman would cause. That's what she always told herself anyway. She never felt the need to reveal herself to any of her crushes, and they never seemed to notice or respond to the subtle cues that betrayed her attraction. But this was something different; something Jane felt had to be addressed.
Jane was sure that Maura knew she was attracted to her. If the socially awkward doctor couldn't see it in the way they interacted, Jane was sure Maura would see it in what Jane had no control over, her facial musculature. Exasperated with trying to sleep, Jane grabbed her cell and dialed Maura.
"Hey Dr. Death, would you bring me a Dr. Pepper?" The teasing apparent in her tone.
Maura laughed, "The caffeine will keep you up."
"I'm already awake. You've taken away my beer; don't deny me my caffeine fix, please."
"Alright you win. I'll be right there."
Jane could hear the smile in Maura's voice. She asked herself, "If we were involved, would the relationship ignite and burn itself out like a match? Would it be no more than a release of tension after a bad situation?" Jane dispelled those doubts fairly quickly. She realized her desire to have Maura share every part of her life had been steadily building since they first met, and Maura never turned down an opportunity to flirt. "Besides," she thought, "didn't every freaking Hallmark card say the best thing in the world is to fall in love with your best friend?"
While Jane pondered a possible future with her best friend, and her next move, Maura pulled the envelope she had picked up today, tucked it into one of the hard covers she brought from Jane's apartment and brought it in with the soda.
"Thanks Maura." Jane looked radiant, her color returning to the warm glow Maura adored.
Maura smiled, the blush creeping its way up her neck, making her skin splotchy. "I'm so glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here too because being dead would well, suck."
Maura rolled her eyes. "If you don't want to read The Collector, I can get you a different book." She said nervously as she pointed to the novel she placed on the bedside table.
"No, it's fine. I'll read it later." Maura really wanted her to read it now, but knew not to push Jane. She continued to stand there looking like a scared teenager waiting for an invitation to the prom.
"Maura, would you like to stay? You keep looking at the empty side of the bed."
She nodded, "Normally, I would just climb in and watch TV with you, but I thought you might like some time to yourself given how chaotic things have been, and I didn't want to intrude."
"I spent enough time with my thoughts in the hospital, and if I thought you were intruding, I'd just kick your ass out—so what that it's your house and your bed."
Maura laughed, and carefully climbed in next to Jane. She got within a hair's breath of her friend and just melted into the comfort extracted from being close to her. Jane provided her with a security she had never known before, and she planned on soaking it in, reveling in it. Jane reached over and grasped her hand loosely, giving Maura the opportunity to pull away if she chose. Maura just held on tighter, that one moment defining all the others before it.
In the sliver of time it took Jane to grasp her hand, Maura realized that the attraction was deep and mutual. Jane's dimpled smile set her sex drive into overdrive, and she needed to distract herself before she gave into her desire to straddle Jane, kiss her, and slide the nightshirt off the beauty's curvy shoulders.
"Jane, will you tell me why you did what you did? I need to know. I know you don't have a death wish, but if there's a reason why you essentially nearly took your own life, I want to know."
Jane didn't want to discuss this now, but if she didn't, Maura would continue to worry.
Jane swallowed hard, "Maura, Bobby stopped being a cop a long time ago, and descended into nothing but a heartless criminal and a cold blooded murderer. When he was dragging me through the building, he told me he was going to kill me as soon he no longer needed me for insurance. If he could easily kill me and the guys that were in on it with him, then he wouldn't think twice about killing any civilian that got in his way. I stopped him the only way I saw possible. I'm sorry, but I felt like there was no other choice."
It was heartbreaking for Maura, to hear, but she respected and accepted Jane's drastic actions. "Jane, it's been terrifying, but I understand it. It's a testament to the type of person and detective you are." Maura wiped a stray tear from her jaw line.
Jane untwined their hands and motioned with her head for Maura to come closer. Jane was relieved that Maura both understood and accepted her reasons, and she just wanted to have her close.
"I don't want to hurt you, Jane."
"You won't." With that, Maura slid closer and rested her head on Jane's shoulder. The two drifted off into a deep, comfortable sleep.
CHAPTER 5
The next week and a half passed in very much the same way. They had settled into a comfortable routine. The days were filled with visits from the entire Rizzoli family, and occasionally Vince and Frost. Well wishes poured in from co-workers and friends. There were follow up medical appointments, questions from the investigative unit, and at night they took walks, made dinner together, read, or watched television before going to sleep in the first floor guest room. They still teased, flirted, and fought, but when they argued, there was no more running away because there was no where to run to, and they had no other choice other than to work it out.
Maura was impressed with how quickly Jane was bouncing back. Medically she'd be cleared to return to the gym and light duty any day now. However, Maura felt a pang of guilt at that prospect because she wanted Jane to heal, but that meant she would be returning to her own apartment, and Maura would miss her terribly.
Jane sat on the edge of the bed lifting her tank top to examine her newly acquired scar. She ran her hand over it and she would learn to accept it like she accepted all the other scars she had. Most importantly, she felt good and was eager to get back to work, but not eager to go back home. She wanted to stay with Maura, but still wasn't sure if it were the right time to let her know how much she had grown to love the smart, goofy woman.
Later that evening, Maura was preparing dinner without Jane's help. She told her to go watch a hockey, or baseball game, or whatever game was on while she prepared a special dinner. She knew Jane loved chocolate lava cake, and she baked individual ones, that she would later frost with a decadent vanilla cream and brandy glaze.
When Maura called Jane out to dinner, the table was set with paper plates and napkins. Jane was stunned.
Unsure of what to expect Jane sarcastically quipped, "I see you have spared no expense. Let's eat."
Maura smiled, "Have a seat, and eat we shall."
She disappeared into the kitchen and came out with a tray full of sliders, homemade French-fries, and hot dogs with the slaw on top and a salad. She laid the tray down and quickly returned with two frosted glasses of ice cold beer.
"Holy Fu…I mean crap! You did all this for me? This is incredible, and I get beer too? There is a God." They spent the next two hours eating, laughing, and talking. It was natural, and the air between them was charged with their desire for one another. Occasionally, their hands brushed or a kiss was pressed to a cheek, or legs pressed together underneath the table when one of them leaned in to emphasize a point.
"Thanks. I really enjoyed this, and honestly, though delicious, I was getting sick of eating things whose names I couldn't even pronounce, and please no more dishes from the metabolic cookbook. Yuck."
"It's good for you."
"Sweetie, nothing that tastes like something a horse dropped in a field can be good for me."
"It wasn't that bad."
"Yes it was." Her dark eyes twinkled and Maura just about melted into her Jimmy Choo heels.
Jane offered to help clean up, but Maura insisted she go in the guest room while she put the finishing touches on dessert. Jane obeyed, and went to return a few phone calls. Maura was waiting for the cakes to cool when she saw that one of Jane's books had ended up on the floor when Jo knocked Jane's bag over.
Maura read the spine as she picked it up, Sexuality in the Modern Era. She flipped the book open and started to read. She had heard of the work by a prominent Harvard professor, but had never read it. Jane's copy was worn, and had copious amounts of marginal notation. The more Maura read, the more intrigued she became. There were interesting theories on sexuality, the nature vs. nature debate, and Jane's notes were quite revealing. At one point, she wrote, "Strongly supports my belief that gender can be irrelevant to relationships, and sexuality is partly a fluid, social construct that can change with one's circumstances." Maura closed her gaping mouth and rested the book on the counter while she frosted the lava cakes.
"Maura, my sweet tooth is screaming; How much longer?"
"Be right there." Maura tucked the book under her arm as she carried the tray with the desserts and two glasses of milk on it into the guest room.
"Chocolate lava is my absolute favorite." Jane was sitting up in bed reading the mail that Maura had picked up for her earlier that day.
Maura sat on the side of the bed close enough to feel Jane against her. Jane put the mail aside, and took the plate from her friend. Maura looked her directly in the eyes and asked, "Well, what do you think?"
Jane, not breaking eye contact seductively responded, "It's delicious."
Maura put her plate on the nightstand and pulled the book out from under arm.
"Jane, I hope you don't mind, but this came over in your bag of belongings and I started reading it…your notes, they are astounding."
"Why are you saying that? Is it because you don't think I'm smart?"
"No, not at all," Maura knew Jane was sensitive about the gaps in her education, and she wanted to clear the air. She continued, "They're highly insightful for a non-sociologist. They display highly evolved analytical skills. I especially agree with your comments about gender and sexuality being partly a fluid, social construct."
Jane dipped her head a bit so she could look Maura directly in the eyes. With her best straight face she said, "Yes. I know there's a lot of fluid involved in sex, duh." An evil grin graced her features and she raised her eyebrows.
Maura laughed and nearly choked as she struggled to regain her composure. Jane became very serious very quickly when she noticed how her friend's face was sensually lit by the nearby lamp.
Maura raised her thumb to Jane's chin just under her lower lip. She rubbed her thumb along the skin. "You have frosting on you."
"Did you get it?" Jane asked as her respirations increased with excitement, and Maura's pupils widened.
"No," she whispered. It was Maura's turn to duck her head slightly lower. She kissed Jane's lips and Jane responded hungrily, not allowing any air between them. Maura pulled away just a fraction and licked the spot on Jane's chin. "Now I got it."
The two women were breathing hard, and Jane was the first to speak. "I want you, and I don't want to leave here…..ever."
"Then don't." Maura leaned in for another kiss, and soon hands were roaming over breasts, stomachs, and thighs. This went on for fifteen minutes. Then Jane winced as she twisted too far to the left and pulled her scar. Maura stopped the interaction and suggested they wait. Jane protested, and Maura regrettably needed to show her why they should suspend their activities.
"Jane, I want you too, but you're not ready."
"Let me prove you wrong."
"Jane, you could get hurt. You need time to get stronger. I'll prove it to you."
Maura slipped her fingers into the waist of Jane's pants and pulled the band down an inch or two. Jane felt a rush of heat in her abdomen and lower. Maura leaned over, never breaking eye contact with her. She kissed the flat plain of Jane's stomach just under her navel. Jane's muscles clenched sending a rocket of pain through her insides.
"Ouch…damn that hurts. OK…if your doing that caused me pain, I'm sure an orgasm would kill me."
Maura laughed, and then remembered the envelope. She reached over for Jane's copy of The Collector, and pulled it out.
"Do you remember saying you would flip for front row season tickets to the Celtics' games?"
"Yes."
"Well, just in case you were on the fence about us, I got you these." Maura pulled two front row season tickets out.
Jane laughed, "You didn't have to sleep with that chick on the dating site to get these did you? Besides, I'd definitely flip for you tickets or no tickets."
"Then I can give these away," she said trying to remove the tickets from between Jane's fingers.
Jane leaned in, kissed Maura, and spoke while never breaking contact. "Let's not be hasty, you can come to the games with me, and I'll fill in the gaps in your education." She sucked Maura's bottom lip before pulling away. Maura just smiled.
They said their good nights, as Maura shut the lights and cuddled close to Jane. Jane rested her hand on Maura's hip, a peaceful look on both their faces.
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