Reunification
Summary: Fifteen years ago Sakura had been left alone and abandoned by Syaoran. At the same time, her own country had gone under a split. Fifteen years later, Sakura has Syaoran's son and the country talks about reunification - will she reunite with Syaoran?
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS or any CLAMP works.
001.
There was once a time where there was no war. There was a time where there was no senseless violence. It seemed like yesterday that there was none of this conflict, and that our country was still whole, before the whole political ideological conflict and before this whole mess started. There was a time of peace, but now, I don't know when that will ever happen, if at all.
It wasn't just the war that plagued our everyday lives, but it was the inner struggles in our own individual lives.
For me, it's been over fifteen years. I'm thirty five years old now. I'm no longer the Sakura Kinomoto who is twenty years old and carefree. No, I'm callous and alert. I remember that Tomoyo used to say I was an optimist. It's true, I was an optimist. However, that was just my immaturity and naiveté that made me an optimist. My twenty year-old self had never seen a war take place – to see her nation splitting, to get her lover taken away from her and to have to raise a child alone. I, at twenty years old, would have never seen my life turn out the way it did now. I thought that I would be what I have dreamt of being: a nurse with a family; a happy family. I wanted to give my son the opportunity of having both parents present in his life, but I know it's just a distant dream. It's just a dream, after all.
I named our son Kibou – no, my son. Since I raised Kibou myself. Kibou means hope, and I guess my feelings had manifested within him. I wanted hope. We needed hope for the future – but how could I have hope when there's missiles flying everywhere? With military walking all over our city? How could I have hope when others are starving? I'm lucky that my father was such an important figure in our government, his legacy had been passed down to my brother – and since I am directly related to him, I have had the privilege of living such a good life. I'm not so lucky, though. As I said, people are starving here. Wealth is heavily polarized. The government here wasn't fair for all the people. I always strived for equality, but fighting for equality meant treason.
I couldn't leave my son without a mother too – I wouldn't allow it. For fourteen years, I had raised Kibou alone. When he was growing up, he'd ask me where his father was – if he had a father.
What was I supposed to say to that?
Your father left us?
Your father abandoned both of us?
You have no father?
No phone calls, no letters, nothing. Nothing to tell us if he was okay, how he was doing or if he wanted to ask me how I was doing. No, I got none of those. He never bothered asking about me, about us. Worst of all, he never asked about his son. Even though I sent him multiple letters about it, no. There's none of that here.
This was my life now, and all those dreams of having a perfect family, a perfect life, tarnished by the reality of abandonment.
xxxx
"He still doesn't know, does he?" Tomoyo asked sadly as she was cutting me another slice of cake.
"Mmmm?" I said in between bites, "You're lucky to have such a nice husband like Eriol..." I took a gulp of tea to wash down the sweetness. I sighed as Tomoyo gave me the look, the look when she knew I was purposely avoiding a subject.
"No." My eyes drifted away from Tomoyo's gaze, "Of course Kibou doesn't know. He'll never know about this. I just said his father died. That's it. He doesn't need to know who his father is, and he doesn't need to know that his father abandoned us and fled the country. Do you know how heartbreaking that is?"
"I think if Kibou ever found out you lied to him for 15 years of his life, I think he'd be even more heartbroken." Tomoyo frowned, "It doesn't help that he looks exactly like his father."
"I know. Every day I have to look at my son – while I love him, he's my life... he's a splitting image of Syaoran! Exactly alike. He has the messy hair, the brown eyes – he looks nothing like me." I started to rub my temples as I felt a headache coming in thinking about it.
"At least you are blessed with a very handsome child." Tomoyo tried to ease the situation.
Sometimes I'd get like this, I'd agonize about my past and about the predicaments that had come to pass upon me and my son. Tomoyo doesn't know the pain of being abandoned – she and Eriol have been together since Syaoran and I had ever gotten together. The only difference was her and Eriol lasted – Eriol came from the same region Syaoran had lived in and was born in, but he stayed with Tomoyo. He never looked back, he never went back. Luckily, since he was married to Tomoyo before the country officially split into two separate countries.
"I can't believe it, though. I let myself believe that he loved me. Little did I know that I was just his play-thing until he was done school here, and when it was time to go back to his own city, he never came back. It's as if I never existed. He never even bothered to write back, Tomoyo!" I said as I put the fork down. I couldn't finish the rest of the cake, I had lost my appetite thinking about Syaoran.
"On the bright side... the war is coming to an end, I think." Tomoyo said with a smile, "Fifteen years of this nonsense hopefully coming to an end."
It's been fifteen years since I got pregnant.
Fifteen years since he left me.
Fifteen years since he told me that he had errands to tend to at home, but he promised that he'd come see me.
It was fifteen years ago Tomoyo and Eriol got married.
Fifteen years ago since our country split into two.
Fifteen years of no communication.
The whole thing made me sick. If he didn't want to be with me, it's fine, but I wish he had told me something – anything. Was he okay? Was he dead? Did he have another family? Did he have any children? Another wife? I couldn't know. I couldn't cross the country border, despite my status, because it was illegal for all citizens. Citizens trying to cross that border would be shot to death. I tried calling, but no one picked up. I tried writing, but no letters came to respond to me.
It didn't hurt me most, no. It hurt Kibou the most. He grew up resenting others for having fathers, and sometimes he resented me. His friends and his parents friends called me a whore, because he did not have a father, because he was an illegitimate child conceived outside of marriage; children are cruel, and Syaoran's absence made it sting harder than it did.
If I could take all the pain back I would, but this is the reality.
I long for the day that the war is over so I could somehow cross over and find him. I do not long to see him and be with him again, but I want Kibou to know the truth. Face-to-face.
I hope all the speculation was right. I hope that this war was over and we can re-unify again. I hope that the differences are settled, and I hope that somehow, I can resolve my own conflicts. I do not hope for my own personal reunification with Syaoran, but I hope that he and his son can reunify. I want Kibou to know who his father is, and I want Syaoran to know that he has a son.
Authors Note:
This will be a short story, about 2 or 3 chapters. I was going to publish this under "Two Parts, Same Sky" but I revised it, made it shorter and made it my usual writing style. (I cannot write in 3rd person, lol, I am my own worst critic!) I condensed it, removed the backstory and got straight to the point. I hope you enjoy!