The song for this chapter is What Have You Done by Within Temptation.
Chapter one.
MPOV
I glared up at the ceiling. I wasn't sad, not really. To be honest, fury was probably the only thing I felt right now. And hatred, pure hatred. Not towards her, no, never her. I could never hate her. No, I was hating myself. I was so furious at myself for ever letting this happen. I knew, somewhere deep down inside, that this wasn't just my fault, but it sure did feel like it. It was after all me who did it. I really didn't mean to cut myself that first time. I truly didn't. It wasn't like I'd planned for this to happen, it just did. One moment the knife was lying on the table, and then suddenly it was on the floor, covered in my own blood. I'd stared at the wound for a long moment, just watching the blood slowly drip from it. Drip, drip, drip. Just like the rain on the rooftop. It hadn't hurt, I was already too numb for that. But it made me feel alive, and I'd been kind of glad that there was something that I could control in my life. I could control my pain. And later on, I'd realized that with that, I could also control my death. I didn't have anything to live for, not after everything that had happened. I didn't have a place in this world. So why stay in it any longer? I could see it very clearly, the memory, of when I purposefully went down into the kitchen and took the knife out of the drawer. I'd made sure the cuts were much deeper than that first time, and I'd made many more of them. I'd started on my wrists, moving up to my elbows, making deep, messy cuts. My blood had been everywhere. And it was there, lying on the floor, slowly fading into the darkness of my death, that I realized what I had done. But it was already too late by then, and I knew I could never be saved. That's when she showed up. I gritted my teeth as I thought about her. At first when I saw her, I'd thought she was an angel. But when she started biting me everywhere, my neck, my arms - and even my legs - that was the moment I started to panick for real. Okay, dying I could deal with, but what the fuck was wrong with this person? was the exact thing I'd thought. But then I couldn't think anymore, because my body went numb with the pain. It was like fire in my veins, burning me. I couldn't even scream. I'd wanted to. I'd wanted to scream at her to make it stop, ask her why she was doing this to me, and just scream. But I couldn't. The pain was too overwhelming. It'd blinded my vision and made me see red. Or maybe I'd just been seeing my own blood everywhere. It didn't really matter.
I stood up from the bed and walked over to the mirror. I stared at the girl I saw there, the girl I didn't know, but she was still so familiar. Her ravenblack hair fell down her back in thick, wavy curls, and her piercing eyes were a crimson red. Just like my blood. They used to be a sparkling emerald green, they should be green. But they weren't. Not anymore. I felt a sting of loss as I took in my pale white skin. It was strange to think that just three days earlier, it'd been a beautiful light tan. The chalky color was beautiful too, but it wasn't the same beautiful. My real skin colour was natural, normal. This was inhuman, and otherworldly. It wasn't me. But still.. I could still see myself in there. These were my same bowshaped eyebrows, the same full, red lips, the same straight nose, the same catlike eyes. But it was all too perfect now. I didn't even have birthmarks anymore. I was completely flawless. I laughed out loud without humor at the many times I'd complained about my appearance. And now that it was perfect, totally flawless, I hated it. I wanted so badly to be human again. I felt so cold, so empty, so dead.
"But this was what you wanted, right? You wanted to be dead! You killed yourself!" I screamed at my reflection, and sobbed quietly. I couldn't even cry anymore.
I heard the footsteps long before the door opened. A little girl, about eight years old, with bronze hair and chocolate brown eyes was standing in the doorway. Her skin was just as white as mine, but I could hear her heartbeat.
"Why were you screaming?" she asked me, her eyebrows pulling together in a concerned expression.
I sighed. "It's none of your business. Please, just go away. Just.. Just leave me alone, okay?"
She nodded, but hesitated with her hand on the doorknob. "I know it's hard to accept it at first, I understand it. You don't have to be scared, you don't have to go through this alone." Her voice held more maturity than any other I'd ever heard. It was like she was a thousand years old, the way she spoke with wisdom. But I was too furious to notice it.
"I am not scared," I said in a hard voice and set my jaw.
"Nessie! Nessie, where are you?" I heard a man's voice call from downstairs, desperation coloring his tone.
The little girl turned on her heel and closed the door behind her without another word.
"Relax, Jacob. I'm here," I heard her say, and covered my ears. I didn't want to listen to anything, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to cry. But I couldn't. Not anymore.
I walked back over to the bed in one swift movement. I curled myself up in a ball on the bed, and rested my head on my knees. I closed my eyes and blocked out all sounds. I knew I couldn't sleep, I'd already figured that out, but I still had to try. I wondered if this was death. If there was no heaven, and no hell. Just humans and monsters. I knew I wasn't dead, though. Or maybe I was. Maybe this was what it meant to be dead. It sure did feel like it. I buried my face in my hands and turned off the light.
A/N: This is my new fanfic. It takes place after Breaking Dawn - as you can see, Renesmee is about eight years old. Mira, the main character, is me. I'm pretty knew to fanfiction so please review and tell me what you think! :)