A/N: Hi all! Yes, I am very sorry for my absence during April... but there is a reason - and here it is! During April, I participated in Script Frenzy! Look it up if you've not heard of it, but it's connected with NaNoWriMo which I also did last November. It's very similar, except you're writing a script - 100 pages in a month. Very fun and crazy! Anyway, I decided to write a musical... for Torchwood! Don't you think it would suit John Barrowman to a perfect tee! I thought I'd share it with you all, in case anyone was interested in reading it. It is mostly written, but I still have edit it - that said, I won't be editing it too much, because the whole thing was just for fun really! I had to modify some of the plot of Torchwood S1 and S2 to shape a story arc that suited my purposes, and I'm sure you'll be glad to hear it focuses mostly on Ianto and Jack... ;) And, of course, I will get back to writing I Won't Send Roses pronto! :)
I also must just quickly let you know that for the songs, I've taken pre-existing tunes from songs from other musicals, and have written my own lyrics to them. As I have little musical talent, I didn't think I could write the melodies too. So, I will list the songs at the start of each Scene for you, so if you wish, you can youtube the song and listen along with my lyrics - and even sing along, I dare you! :)
1. Day In The Life Of Torchwood: Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats (Cats)
Enough from me - enjoy! :)
Torchwood: A Musical!
ACT I
SCENE ONE:
[An empty street at dawn. Orange street lamps provide some light against the blue/gray smudge of the sky. All is silent. After a few moments, four people slowly creep on stage, one after the other, from the left wing. They enter in this order: JACK, GWEN, TOSH, OWEN. JACK wears a military great coat. GWEN wears a leather jacket and jeans with heeled boots. TOSH is dressed similarly. OWEN also wears a leather jacket with baggy jeans and converse sneakers. All hold guns, ready and alert. JACK stops and holds a finger to his lips, listening intently. We hear a growl in the distance, then the sound of the wind, then nothing.]
JACK: Tosh, update on the location of the Blowfish?
(TOSH is clutching a PDA tracking device – it is beeping and flashing. She studies it.)
TOSH: It looks like it changed directions – it's headed towards – no... wait... it took a left turn down an alley up ahead.
JACK: This way!
(JACK runs off stage to the right, the others giving each other exasperated looks before following. We hear the sound of running footsteps, panting breathing, someone knocking over a trashcan, before they all return on stage from the right.)
OWEN: God, I wish these things were as stupid as bloody Weevils... I could still be in bed right now.
GWEN: At least this way you were provided with a perfect excuse to kick out whichever girl you ended up with last night...
OWEN: Oi, what I do in private has nothing to do with you! But. Yeah, it was rather satisfying to know that although I had to get up at this unearthly hour, at least I could cause someone else a similar hell.
JACK: Hey! Be quiet, both of you. No reason to wake the whole neighbourhood – unless you want to be on Retcon duty?
(OWEN and GWEN roll their eyes at each other, but fall silent.)
TOSH: Picking up readings! It is here... it's right in this street... but I can't see it.
(TOSH sighs, frustrated.)
Where has it gone?
['Day In The Life Of Torchwood']
(While song is ongoing, ALL continue looking for the BLOWFISH, with some near finds but to no avail.)
TOSH: [sings]
Running 'round in the dark, waking up before dawn
OWEN: [sings]
Eternally tracking all that the Rift sends us
GWEN: [sings]
It's not pretty work – our clothes even get torn
JACK: [sings]
Well, what's wrong with that? Can't you see it's a plus?
(winks)
ALL: [sings]
Because that's who we are, and that's what we do
It's our job to protect all of you
Oh yes we protect you all through and through
That is just who we are, what we do!
TOSH: [sings]
The big question is Why? I'm not sure that I know
OWEN: [sings]
Chasing aliens 'round Cardiff? How could it not be fun?
GWEN: [sings]
And when we can't find them? Oh, we search high and low
JACK: [sings]
But if they find you first, you must be ready to run!
(JACK takes off at a run suddenly away from the others, who quickly follow him. The BLOWFISH has appeared; he wears a maroon suit with an orange tie, and has red skin with fish-like features. ALL in pursuit of the BLOWFISH who is doing his best to escape.)
ALL: [sings]
Because that's who we are, and that's what we do
Most of you don't even have a clue
Don't even know that you need a rescue
If you did, you would think it's untrue
That is just who we are, what we do!
TOSH: [sings]
We neglect our families, have no time for friends
OWEN: [sings]
We can't have no sick days, we lose out on sleep
GWEN: [sings]
Our relationships suffer, we don't speak of 'weekends'
JACK: [sings]
With the demands of this job – we are in this thing deep!
ALL: [sings]
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
(ALL have been weaving on and off stage, as has the BLOWFISH. Now, ALL appear back on stage to stand together, panting from exertion – the BLOWFISH has disappeared. They take a breather.)
TOSH: [sings]
All this may sound unreal, I ensure you it's true
OWEN: [sings]
We would prove it to you, oh if only we could
GWEN: [sings]
Would you really believe us? I've met only a few
JACK: [sings]
Want to know who we are? It is simply: Torchwood!
(TOSH thrusts her PDA into the air and sets off at a run – she is tracking the BLOWFISH once more. The others follow her. They once again weave on and off stage.)
ALL: [sings]
That's who we are, and that's what we do
It's our job to protect all of you
Oh yes we protect you all through and through
That is just who we are, what we do!
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
(ALL stop running and move into a line as each introduces themselves.)
TOSH: [sings]
I'm a technological genius, you can call me Tosh
(taps her PDA)
OWEN: [sings]
The name's Owen and don't forget, I'm a doctor
(hand on heart, smug nod)
GWEN: [sings]
I go by Gwen – Ex-PC Cooper's too posh
(waves a hand dismissively)
JACK: [sings]
Call me Captain Jack Harkness, and I am their leader!
(strikes an impressive pose)
ALL: [sings]
Torchwood Cardiff! We deal with the Rift
We even have an invisible lift!
Running through all of space and time
We capture aliens, it isn't a crime!
The things we do and things we see
We really don't know where we'd be
But without Torchwood, what is there?
Where would we be? Don't know, don't care!
Family, Fearless, Faithful and True
To each other who do what
(The BLOWFISH runs onstage right in front of them, and the struggle begins. ALL have surrounded it – it tries to escape.)
That's who we are, and that's what we do
Most of you don't even have a clue
Don't even know that you need a rescue
If you did, you would think it's untrue
That is just who we are, what we do!
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
(The BLOWFISH still trying to escape. With each alien and alien technology mentioned, the BLOWFISH is trying to get past one of them, but they don't let him past.)
Laser Saw, Weevils; Telepathic Pendant
Invisible Lift; Blowfish, Mayfly
Singularity Scalpel; Nostrovite Shape-shifter
Abaddon, Retcon; Sleeper Agent, Mind Probe
Rift Activity; Vortex Manipulator
Hoix, Arkan, Hitchhiker; Ghost Machine, Dogon Eye
Life Knife, Risen Mitten; or Resurrection Gauntlet
Pterydacton; Temporal Displacement
Severed Hand, Silver Flask; Hyperspectral Scanner
Sub-Etheric Resonator; Stun Gun, Mara Fairies
Night Travellers, Pheromones; Rift Manipulator!
That's who we are, and that's what we do
It's our job to protect all of you
Oh yes we protect you all through and through
That is just who we are, what we do!
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do
That's who we are, and that's what we do!
(ALL arrive at a position where JACK has a hold of the BLOWFISH by the collar of his suit, with his gun digging into the BLOWFISH's chest. The others are spread out onstage with their guns pointing at the BLOWFISH.)
JACK: Now that you've got us all hot and bothered, it's only fair that you stop struggling. Besides – bondage isn't all bad. Owen? The cuffs.
OWEN: My pleasure, Captain.
(OWEN takes some handcuffs out of his jacket pocket and clips them around the BLOWFISH'S hands.)
Hyper-steel, they are, impermeable.
BLOWFISH: You can't lock me up! I haven't done anything!
JACK: 12 burglaries, joy-riding a sports car, 7 cases of consuming food without paying for it – it's like an addiction with your species, isn't it!
BLOWFISH: I'll make it up, I promise!
JACK: Awww, promises, promises. It's too late for that, my friend!
BLOWFISH: It's just a bit of fun!
JACK: Oh yeah? Well let's see how fun you find our long-term storage vaults. Owen, sedate him.
(OWEN plunges a small tube into the BLOWFISH's neck, and the BLOWFISH sags and collapses against JACK AND OWEN.)
C'mon!
(JACK and OWEN both haul the BLOWFISH across the stage, TOSH and GWEN following, and they all leave the stage.)
I do hope you enjoyed this! I will be updating as often as I edit it the next scene, so hopefully it won't be too long... let me know what you think! I'm quite nervous about posting such a 'different' type of fanfic! :)