Box full of awesomeness!
Author's Note:
Based off LolliDictator's Manual fics, which are awesome by the way!
Chapter 1; Damn you bunny of mintyness!
Today was meant to be a normal Friday, a day with me running around my specially designed house trying to finish my coursework. Well, I say specially designed house, what I mean is a house that was made around my claustrophobia as in lots of big rooms. But obviously something had to spoil the 'normalness' of my Friday.
But before that, I really, really need to introduce myself. My name is Alyssa Hayward, but my friends just call me Asa, which means 'born at dawn' in Japanese, ironic considering I was born in the afternoon. I'm eighteen years old, I live alone (Poor, poor me!), I have greeny-brown eyes and I have my blonde hair cut into bangs, which apparently make me look like Switzerland, except I had my hair cut like that way before Hetalia was even released!
Anyway, I was running round my house, as per usual, looking for my recipe journal; it's a pretty awesome journal, it has a picture of England on the front holding a frying pan and on the back it has all the other nations running in terror, as I said it's awesome. Eventually I found it lying on the counter in the kitchen, the only room I had neglected to check, when I heard the doorbell.
'It's got to be the neighbours, probably come to shout at me for no goddamn reason.' I sighed, abandoning the recipe journal. I jogged down the stairs, ignoring my clicking heels and stopped by the door.
"Who is it?" I yelled, leaning against the wall next to the door. I jumped when the letter flap popped open, "Special delivery, I'll need you to sign for it." The letter flap snapped shut.
I pulled the door open; my face was now a mask of confusion.
"What is it? I never ordered anything!" I mumbled, snatching the electronic signy-thing from the delivery guy's hands.
"Two Hetalia units, courtesy of Flying Mint Bunny co. There are more coming…be prepared." He whispered the last sentence, but I ignored it.
"Still, I didn't order anything! Unless, well I do know some people who would order this sort of thing… But wait, did you say Hetalia? I love Hetalia!" I shouted, tossing the signer back to the delivery guy as he started to wheel the boxed units inside.
"Now remember, the manuals have been numbered exactly like the boxes. The unit's things are in a smaller box above their original box." The delivery guy said slowly, handing me two numbered envelopes. I nodded.
"And the customer services number should be in the manuals, okay?" I nodded again, before shutting the door behind him. I flopped to the floor, blowing my fringe out of my eyes.
"Let's see who I got lumped with then." I sighed, opening envelope one.
'ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual' I jumped up, whooping with joy. My home nation, England! The guy who sees magical…things…
I flicked through the manual, muttering to myself, searching for the instructions on how to wake him up.
"Ah ha! Don't worry Iggy; I'll have you out of that evil man eating box of doom!" I shouted to myself; damn I need to calm down…
"Removal of your ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit from Packaging,
Awakening your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is generally quite simple, but if he was jostled during shipment it could be harder. We have provided this list of failsafe ways to wake your unit, jostled or not, which will not result in you missing any body parts at the end. Your unit tends to make a lot more assumptions than he should, which might result in some terrifying moments while getting him up, but don't worry - he won't really hurt you, unless you're a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit.
1. Set a plate of hamburgers next to the box, preferably with a fan to force the aroma towards the box with. Momentarily, your unit will shout at you to get the food out of his face before kicking his way out of the box unless you move the food within two seconds. It is advised to stand a few metres away to avoid being stabbed with bits of the box. Once he realizes that you are not an ALFRED F. JONES unit, he will apologize for his "ghastly behaviour" and introduce himself, and you are free to reprogram him then.
2. Play either "Saving Grace" or "The Star-Spangled Banner" as loudly as you can. If you play the first song, your unit will hum or sing to it in his box and it is safe to remove the lid; if you play the second, your unit will shout at you to "turn that damn racket down" and again claw his way out of the box if you do not stop the music. Again, once he notes that you are not in fact an ALFRED F. JONES, he will apologize and be perfectly cordial towards you, allowing you to reprogram him.
3. Clink two glass alcohol bottles - preferably scotch or whiskey - together, in earshot of the box, but not too close lest you be hit by flying bits of wood as your unit scrambles for them. As soon as ARTHUR KIRKLAND has gotten out of the box, he will thank you for the alcohol and chug it; while he does so, you can reprogram him.
4. Cook an aromatic Spanish or French dish and set it down near the box. Your unit will laugh, start to punch his way through the box and ask in an evil tone whether you want to get your ass kicked again. When he sees that you are not an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO or FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit, he will ask you to excuse his behavior.
5. If you are certain that shipping went perfectly, you can just open the box and hope he doesn't reach out and try to kill you for waking him up incorrectly." I read out loud, mentally judging the five options, organising them into the safest and the most risky and the one that I would find funnier.
"Ugh, I hope his shipment went okay, I mean that's my only option!" I walked over to the box, finding the metal catch the box flicked open. I sucked in a breath, mentally praying that telling Arthur that I'm one hundred per cent British would save my bacon if he had been ruffed up in the van.
"Are you quite alright?" I blinked, releasing my held breath and glanced up at Arthur. I blushed, 'well done me, you've just made yourself look really sane…'
"I. I'm fine thanks…Uh, how are you?" I squeaked, mentally facepalming at my patheticness.
"I'm very well thank you, but seriously, a. Wooden. Box. What were they thinking? I'm Arthur Kirkland by the way and you are?" He kicked the now empty wooden box; the smaller box above it fell down, narrowly avoiding the other unit's box.
"Ah, yes…Um, I'm Alyssa Hayward, but you can just call me Asa." We shook hands, 'finally someone's got their confidence back!' Pulling my hand away I ripped open the other envelope, mentally praying for another reasonably sane unit.
'VASH ZWINGLI: User Guide and Manual' my face started to turn red; it was him the one which my friends paired me with whenever they wrote a Hetalia fanfic, the one who apparently was my twin brother…wait, ugh my friends have dirty minds!
"Great, I'm stuck with trigger-happy." England sighed, I chuckled,
"At least you're not stuck with Prussia! How you guys can stand him, I'll never know!" my face was still a bit pink, I sucked in another breath and began searching for methods of waking Switzerland wake up which wouldn't result with me having a bullet shot through my head.
"Option three looks good; I'll just go get my gun!" I shouted giving England the manual.
"Wait what? You can't fire a gun in the house and why do you have a gun you're only a teenager!" He shouted at me as I ran to my bedroom.
"One, it's my house, I'll fire a gun if I want to! And two, I'll explain later!" I shouted back down the stairs, laughing to myself. I flung myself into my room and grabbed my gun and some ammo out of my wardrobe.
I loaded my gun as I ran back to the hallway.
"Wait! I need a target! England? Are you-"
"NO, you may not shoot at me!" I pouted, spinning round I tacked a piece of paper to the floor, 'better safe than sorry.' I chuckled to myself.
I aimed the gun and prepared to fire.
Please review, or England's gonna be making your Lunch tomorrow!