If our hearts are never broken

You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken, the day you meet your soul mate - the day you realize there's not enough time, because you want to live forever. Those are the biggest days.

Alex Karev thought he had already experienced his biggest days – the first day of being an intern, the first day of being a resident, the first time he held a scalpel, the day he fell in love for the first time, the day he became a husband, the day his wife died in his arms and then survived, the day he survived his broken soul, the day he succeeded in passing his medical boards or the first time he saved a life.

But all of those days seem almost unimportant compared to the day the love of his life came back. His heart is still broken but the pain wasn't forefront and center anymore - just a dull ache in the back of his chest whenever he thought about her or what they had or everything they could have had but when he sees her walk through the doors of the hospital that's become his home, he realizes that moving on isn't all it's cracked up to be, or as easy as it's made out to be.

She looks the same but painfully different. She's aged – gracefully and subtly just like he has, she's aged. Her smile is just as bright, but the light in her eyes has somehow dulled over the past two years that he's missed her, because he has. He's missed her. Whether he admitted it to Cristina or Meredith or Arizona, he has missed her. She was his wife, of course he missed her.

Some days, it was all he did. All he did was miss her.

…

He didn't think he'd ever see her again. He was counting on it, actually.

He was counting on never having to feel that shooting pain jolt through his body when he woke up and realized that she was gone, and she wasn't coming back. He wouldn't feel his stomach churn because of how much he missed her, or his heart raced because he dreamt of the future they never got to have together but here she is.

Here she is, Izzie Stevens, parading around the hospital with her bright brown eyes, bright and shiny smile that could light up the hospital and the familiar bounce in her step before the cancer claimed it a few years ago.

Here she is.

…

His feelings are all over the place as far as Izzie Stevens goes, so when he goes to the Chief of surgery to demand why his ex-wife is parading around the hospital like she never left, anger is coursing through his veins just like the blood that pumps through his body.

He's had a rough day so he's a little short on patience and shows no sympathy when he faces the pompous resident who was trying so desperately to keep his heart hidden under his sleeve rather than exposed on top of it.

"Karev, six of our people were involved in a mass trauma, one of who died. Three of my attendings are patients instead of surgeons, and two of my residents, one of which is my wife are getting their bones reset not to mention Altman and Kepner who don't even work here anymore! Stevens was part of this hospital for years and she's damn good at her job so I called her in because right now, we need all the help we can get and if you can't handle that, then you find me someone who can."

…

"You know the drill; if you need something page the nurses. I'll be back to check on you in a little bit," he said on his way out the door. He was beyond exhausted, all his friends and colleagues being in a mass trauma really does that to a person, so all he really wants to do is go and sleep for days.

But she never makes things that easy for him so she calls him back in a cracked voice and when he looks at her, he doesn't see his superior that ripped him a new one before she left. He sees one of his dearest friends who almost died today. "What?"

Her lips pull up into that super-magic-smile that Torres goes on and on about and says, "I'm sorry I called you an ungrateful crapdog. Hopkins is lucky to have you."

Alex sighs and looks at the floor, disappointment and exhaustion washing over him. "Thanks but uh – I don't think I'm going anywhere after all."

There is a part of him that expects her to throw a parade; after ripping him a new one, her favorite resident and best student aren't wasn't going anywhere just like she wanted but when he looks up at her she's looking at him with eyes full of sadness and sympathy as well as naked curiosity. "Are you not going anywhere because of the accident – or are you not going anywhere because of Izzie Stevens?"

"How did you even know about that?"

Arizona shrugs lightly. "News travels fast around here and gossip spreads like wildfire, the more pressing question would be what you're going to do about it and before you tell me to mind my own business, you should know that this is what I do. I like to fix things – people. I like to fix people."

But he doesn't want to be fixed so he lies. He lies and he says, "I'm not broken."

…

The last time Alex gave his heart away was the last time he ever truly saw it again. But his heart is back and it's beating violently in his chest, smiling tentatively at him from across the room, begging for forgiveness right in front of his eyes and all he can do is think about what was said the last time their world was falling apart.

"Be my husband. Get undressed, get into bed and hold me. I don't know what you're so mad about and I don't know what you're scared of because you won't talk to me but I'm scared too, Alex. And I can't – if you won't – if we're gonna have any chance at a life together then I need you to…please."

"You died in my arms. You freakin' died and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to save your life. You wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything! I'm scared to move. I'm scared to breathe. I'm scared to touch you! I can't lose you. I won't survive. You made me love you, you made me let you in and then you freakin' died in my arms!"

"You broke me, Iz. You broke me. You broke me!" he shouted.

"What if I hadn't?" she asks suddenly. "What if I hadn't? What if I hadn't broken you? What if – what if our hearts were never broken?"

"Iz, I would have loved you all my life but now – "

"I'm not going anywhere."

He shakes his head, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Iz – "

"You told me once that I make you better but you were better all along. It was you that made me better and even after all this time, I wake up in the morning and you make me want to be better. I'm here now. It might be just a hospital, and you and I may be as good as strangers but I'm here and I'm home and I'm gonna be better. I'm gonna be better for you, Alex. I'm not going anywhere. You can stop hiding. If you wanna be scared that's okay, just be scared with me."

His voice cracks, "Izzie – "

She ignores him because she's still too in love to listen to logic or reason. "Be scared with me while you fight because whether you like it or not, I'm gonna fight like hell for you."

"There's no point. It's over – I'm damaged goods, you broke me. I'm broken."

"Then I'll fix you." She takes his face in her hands like she has a thousand times before and kisses his lips lightly – gently. "I will fix you."

...

He didn't know it then, but that was the biggest day of his life – the day that everything would be okay.

That was the day that she fixed him.