A/n: Just a short drabble.
I don't know what love is.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to see her walk away with some other guy.
I don't want to feel abandoned.
How am I sure, you ask, that I'll be rejected?
Because. Because I'm a worthless piece of nothing. If I could be anything, anything at all- a pencil, a snail, a helping hand- I'd give up my whole life.
But I'm nothing. Only a memory fighting to stay alive. Only the hollow remembrance of a man once alive.
You're something, then, you say. You're a memory.
Yes, I reply, and you smile. You think that you solved all my problems. You think I can be happy now, knowing that I'm something, knowing that I'm a memory.
But I'm not. A memory, I mean. Perhaps I was once in someone's memory. And I struggle to keep that alive, so that I won't be completely forgotten. But no, that's not what I am.
I won't say it, though. I'll watch you smile.
You stand up and leave.
I look at myself, the nothing that makes me. I pretend to feel the aching pang in my chest. I pretend to feel burning tears rolling down my cheeks.
I pretend I have a heart.
I pretend I love you.
No.
Even if the rest of it's a lie, that isn't.
I love you.
I don't feel the pang in my chest, I don't feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, I don't have a heart.
But I love you.
Because. Because I'm insane.
And I look down again, at nothing, and I realize that I am something.
I'm hopelessly attached to you.
I know what love is.
But I wish I didn't have to know.
I watch her walk away with someone else.
And I feel broken.
How do you know what being broken feels like?
Because. Because that's what I was my whole life. If I could be whole, whole for just one day, I'd give up my whole life.
But I'm broken. Only a shattered dream. Only a numbing helplessness.
Only a wish to be near the warmth, the safeness of your light.
I love you.