'I don't wanna lose you'
A Pucktana FanFic
Hi, I'm Evelyne and this is my first Pucktana Fic.
Before to show you the story, I would like to thank the translator of it:
Danielle, seriously, thank you very much for the job!
I'm Spanish and could not translate it by myself soDanielle had helped me.
I hope it is accurate and that you enjoy reading ir,
PLEASE REVIEW! :)
Sayy'
We were in the labor room. Santana was right beside me, sitting, with her hand resting on mine. And once in a while a couple of tears slipped down her face. I didn't understand anything. Suddenly she looked up and put her face to mine, dangerously.
-Quinn… Puck… San… a triangle that does not… exist. You're the father of her daughter… ¿when do you think I'll understand? Many nights, I think of you… of me… of us… some times I try to make it look like it was a choice but, it isn't… and it doesn't matter how bad I want it to be, it isn't. She's" your everything": Quinnie… and the girl. There are no choices and... even if there were… - Santana started choking herself with words and tears.
- I'd choose you, Santana, I want to choose you. – I interrupted her. My eyes stung. I felt awkward and confused. I wanted to say something else, but she did it first:
- I don't believe you, but it's OK… that doesn't really matters or helps. It doesn't matter what you could wish. She's your future. Quinn and Beth are so. You are her boyfriend and her father, respectively. And there's nothing I can do about it… that was exactly what happened with Matt… he loved me, I know he did, but that, finally didn't care… that girl that he married, got it thanks to a pregnancy. There's no choice, it's just like that… - that last sentence stuck on both of us, leaving a bothering silence between us. I tried to deny that:
- The fact of having a kid changes the parents' life, I can't say it doesn't… and yes, Quinn -and the baby- are all I have, or I should have, but she isn't what I feel. I feel you. Here. –I said grabbing her hand and leaning it on my left pectoral.
She stared at me, dejected.
- Noah Puckerman, you don't know how confusing the hate that I feel for you… is… right now, I want to forget it all… I want to hug you, kiss you…
My heart was bound to beat right out of my chest. I wanted to mention that I did not think it was good idea but I stopped. Of course I wanted to listen her saying that she wanted to kiss me, that was obvious. But that raised my sense of protection with her… that kiss would lead to the implicit answer of still being together, as a couple, despite me being the father of a baby that wasn't hers.
- Puck… what's happening to me? – She whispered with her eyes closed. I felt melt by the heat that stemmed from our bodies because of the intensity of love and desire that filled the room.
-I don't know, babe, but don't kiss me if you're not sure of what you're gonna do…- I warned her. I knew she remembered the day, furious, told me, after trying to kiss her, that she would never kiss me if not to spend the rest of her life with me and that would NOT happen EVER.
- Sure? I … assure you that … I'm not. – She said faltering. She approached to me slowly, and slipping one of her arms over one of my shoulders, made me turn my head, and kissed me slow, long and emotively with such tenderness very improper of her. Our lips melted in that sweet kiss. The passion was gaining ground and the contact of our mouths lead to repressed desire frenzy. Santana tasted so soft, so… hers, I couldn't repress a moan as I noticed how she moved her lips against mine in a soft touch, she was tempting me to fall in that sweet game. I should try to reject the overwhelming desire that was waking up in both of us if I didn't want to bring more bad consequences. And I think I tried, but I was totally weak. In stead of pull her away, I held her tight in my arms, lost in a spiral of growing passion. I wished for that moment to never end, I was wishing keep kissing her and showing her how sorry I was because of my betrayal, and how much I care about her, but Santana moved gradually away from me. We were booth shaking when we parted.
- You are in love with Quinn… You're about to have a daughter. They're lucky to have you… they are. – She said, caressing my face with her soft hand.
- San…- I whispered when I saw that sad lonely tear, slipping down her cheek.
- You're sorry… I'm sorry… we're sorry 'cause of all, right? - She responded, going away from me.
She ran out of the waiting room.
I was totally confused and I needed to clear the million of thought and the bunch of feelings that filled me. But I knew I didn't have time for that. If Santana got out of the hospital I'd lose her for ever. Quinn and Beth could wait for me, San couldn't.
I got out quickly of the room and ran to the elevator, but she was already on it. I went quickly down stairs and did the sprint of my life to get to the lobby before the elevator did. I did it. The door opened and I was right in front of it. I got in and blocked the door. Luckily, she was alone.
- Wa… wait, baby… - I said, or rather stammered.
Santana looked down at the ground speechless, like, waiting for me to talk but I didn't, the words just didn't came out, or better, I did not knew what to say.
- What the fuck do you want, Puck? I got things to do, places to go, people to see. Just say it. – She finally asked, looking up, with a rude tone.
- I… wanted to try to explain again the Quinn, you and me thing. – I started using the worst words. God! I was so scared of losing her, I was totally blocked.
- Don't even try it, Puckerman. She has always been better at everything and she always gets the best things. She got you. That's it, there's nothing else to say. - She seemed to believe that I was faking compassion… She didn't understand anything I was trying to say.
- I don't think she's better than you, or better than anyone. Indeed you are, by far, more attractive and cooler than she is, but, that's not the point. – Santana's cheeks turned a little red and she looked away.
- Puck…
I put my index finger on her lips asking her to make silence.
-Don't say anything, babe. – I whispered, smiling. – I think I can do something to make you feel better.
I think she wasn't looking at me, because she misunderstood my words:
-I'm not gonna do it with you in an elevator, and less in the hospital where your child is born, no, I won't. – She said with a really angry voice.
- That was not what I was offering to you! God! Why do you have to assume that so directly? – I bawled.
One teasing look at me made me calm down a little.
- OK, fine… you win, but honestly I tell you that I was not looking a hook up with you in an elevator, Santana. I… I wanted to sing you something – I admitted bashfully.
She looked up bemused and gave a step in my direction, staring at me gasp and speechless, she could only say:
- Sorry? What did you said?
I snorted.
- I've said I wanna sing something to you.
For several seconds, Santana opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, looking for something to say and I can say that I understand her confusion. For six months we had been together, I had not sung anything and is ... at that time was not ready but now, I wanted to sing, I needed to express how much I loved her and had to be with that song.
She rolled her eye, but finding not excuse she decided:
- Eehm… ok?
I grinned and took her hands between mine.
- I don't have my guitar, but I'll try this to sound as better as I can.
She looked at me with one of those warmer looks than she had that made my body tremble with pleasure and felt like I was melting at that moment.
- You're wonderful, Noah…- she mumbled
"I already know that this is over
The most beautiful story of my life
Will for the time
Will be to wait
For something to happen that would not happen...
If it was my fault or your fault
If not careful love fades
As we put on by the skin of the doubt
As we invent more of an adventure
Ohohohohoh...
If you go once you leave
And do not say anything I do not know
I miss you already know that
And I will dream with the stars
To seeing you again here
I give my life with my
I do not want you to go
Just do it...
That was one of the promises they gave us
If we conquer the battalion from oblivion
If you'll take with you this voice
That does not make sense to sing this love ...
There are these your front door
And I like a fool I'll take the bags
And do not say anything to avoid arousing
My pride that agreed with loneliness
Nonononoo...
If you go once you leave
And do not say anything I do not know
I miss you already know that
And I will dream with the stars
To seeing you again here
I give my life with my
I do not want you to go
Just do it, now…
Hold on and listen...
Wait and do not leave my soul girl...
Do not go see and say nothing hold me kiss me
That love of it already and all the stars down
If you go I stay in anything if you leave I'm in ... nothing.
While I was singing her eyes started flooding with tears and when I finished the song she was crying uncontrollably. It was the firs time I saw her cry. Santana never shown her feelings to anyone, but in that moment… she was doing it. And, the worst part was. That I didn't knew what to do. I had to stop that right there.
I went over a little bit her and told her:
- Hey, San, I'm sorry… I didn't wanted to bother you… please, don't cry… you know I'm not good with woman tears.
- Stop that nonsense, idiot. – She replied wiping away the tears with the fist of her shirt.
I muted, looking at the ground. Suddenly I noticed her warm breath near my ear.
- Thanks… - she whispered. I turned and held her tight in my arms, now it seemed like everything was going to be fine.
- I love you, you know that, don't you? – I whispered in her ear with deep voice.
- So do I, Puck… So do I… – She replied, leaning over me and kissed my lips gently. I responded to her kiss with passion. Barely control, frantically, as I pressed against him parted my lips to his, and obviously I did not oppose. I wanted to fell San with my whole body, my heart and my soul. I had been waiting for months to recover, and finally, I succeeded.
I held her in my arms in such a way that our bodies united closely, as our mouths melted in that passionate kiss…
It seems that during the kiss, she had to change his mind about the sex in the elevator.
And overwhelmed by the passion, in provocative kissing, fondling and forbidden tempting hugging, we finished perfectly joined.