Hey there! So this was written for the 'All or Nothing' Dialogue Challenge.
Feel free to review!
Sirius Black is normal.
Remus Lupin is Italics.
"This wasn't supposed to happen. Why is it so dark?"
"My head hurts. Oh, Merlin."
"I'm dead."
"Oh, NO! I'm so young! Merlin, please, have mercy on my soul! Don't take me from my under-lived life!"
"You are not dead."
"Who said that? Have you come to take me to the Afterlife?"
"What? No! It's Moony!"
"MOONY! YOU'RE DEAD TOO?! OH, NOOO!"
"No, I am not dead, and neither are you! For Merlin's sake, stop being so melodramatic! We are fine, we're just a little stuck."
"Are you sure?"
"Have I ever lied to you?
"Well-"
"No, don't answer that."
"Oh, THANK YOU MERLIN!"
"Sirius, where are you?"
"I'll come to you, my lovely!"
"Sirius- ouch!"
"…"
"…"
"Sorry."
"That's okay. Who needs their head?"
"…"
"…"
"I'm BORED, Remus! Shouldn't we try to find an exit from this ghastly corridor if we are not dead?"
"You do realise where we are, right?"
"Yes! Come on, Remus, I am not an idiot!"
"…"
"Hey!"
"We fell into the Vanishing Cabinet, Sirius."
"How?!"
"Really, Sirius, really? Are you trying to tell me you don't recall that amethyst coloured explosion?"
"What amethyst- oh. That. That purple flare thing? That wasn't me. It was… Snivellus. Yeah, that has his mark all over him!"
"And the series of eruptions that threw us off of our feet?"
"I am ninety-eight point nine percent positive that was Snivellus. He was looking a bit shady, don't you think?"
"I wouldn't know, considering I did not see him there at all."
"Really? Why, Moony, there must be something wrong with your eyes. We need to get that fixed. I am sure together we can raid the library and find some ancient spell to correct poor eyesight!"
"Seriously, Sirius. Snape was not present."
"Remus, there is no need to get all defensive! It is truly okay. I pinky promise not to tease you about this in front of Jamsie-boy! May my soul be sold to, er, umm, the band of nasty centaurs who reside in the deep, dark, scary Forbidden Forest if I break this oath!"
"You are making an oath now? How comforting."
"So it should be!"
"Yes. Shall I return the favour? Here is my oath to you, Sirius Orion Black; I, Remus John Lupin, werewolf and sixth-year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, do oath to not give my dear friend Padfoot here his regular flea bath doth he dare accuse me of having 'bad eyesight'."
"That was very fancy, Rems. I hardly understand- oh. Oh, no."
"May my little furry problem be known to the world if I break this oath."
"Okay! Okay! I give in! I surrender! Please, for Merlin's sake, have mercy on this young man's itchy flea-infested fur coat!"
"Padfoot, do I have terrible eyesight?"
"Your eyesight, Remus? Your eyesight is perfect! Nothing misses you!"
"Now, Padfoot, my good friend, care to tell us the truth?"
"Will you make another oath if I don't?"
"I, Remus-"
"It was me! Forgive me, dear, sweet, beautiful Remus, whom I love and simply wanted to entrap in this dark corridor so that I could have my way with you!"
"Okay, Okay! You're standing on my feet, Sirius."
"Oops, sorry."
"That's alright."
"Sirius, this isn't a corridor. This is the connection between the Vanishing Cabinets."
"Ridiculous! This is just another corridor of the castle Peter the unreliable git must have missed. It has to be, Remsie! There is the- ow- wall!"
"We fell into the Vanishing Cabinet, Sirius, remember? The instant the door closed we were evanescent; fading away from that Cabinet and travelling to the other one, the twin that no one is quite sure where is. But the connection between the Cabinets is broken. We are stuck in the in-between."
"I don't understand! We are trapped here… forever?!"
"Does forever mean until one of the Professors works out how to breach the in-between and snatch us back?"
"That WILL take forever, Moony! I have Quidditch tomorrow! James'll KILL me!"
"You should have thought of that then before you- what were you actually trying to achieve?"
"…"
"Sirius?"
"Would you believe I was trying to apparate?"
"No. You already know how to do that, and you know perfectly well that you can't do that in Hogwarts."
"Oh, yeah. Okay then, I was trying to… open a portal."
"To take you where?"
"… Hell?"
"Uh huh."
"Fine then! I was trying to make spaghetti."
"Spaghetti?"
"…"
"…"
"Spaghetti."
"You aren't going to tell me?"
"…"
"I'll get it out of you somehow."
"…"
"…"
"Wait, Remsie! How did you see those… let's call them 'experiments'? You weren't there with me! So how did you end up here?"
"I was there."
"What? Really? I didn't know that! Why?"
"I- was, er, making sure you weren't getting up to mischief?"
"You were following me?!"
"Nooo. Of course not!"
"Moony! Why were you following me?"
"…"
"Moony!"
"I don't know! None of your business!"
"AWW, Moony! Couldn't stand to be away from your darling couldn't you? Were you jealous that maybe I was meeting someone else? Moony, that's so cute! But of course Moony, you know that there will never be anyone else for me bar you. You know that, right?"
"I know. Thank you, Sirius."
"…"
"…"
"How much longer is this going to TAKE?"
"Calm down, Pads! They will be working on a solution, I am sure."
"Moony, can't you just wave your wand and get us out of here?"
"No I can't. I think I lost my wand when we were thrown off our feet. Even if I did have a wand, I highly doubt magic would be a good idea in such an unstable place as this. Besides, I wouldn't want to make things worse and mess with whatever the Professors may be doing."
"Oh. Does that mean I can't conjure up some food or some, I don't know, light?"
"… That's exactly what that means."
"Damn."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"I'm bored. This is boring!"
"Nope, not for me. I am perfectly happy here. It's how I wanted to spend the day before the full moon, in a dark place with only a mangy mutt for company."
"I am sorry, Moony!"
"Maybe you can make it up to me."
"How?"
"…"
"Moony?"
"Where are you, Sirius?"
"Right beside you! I've been holding your hand the entire time!"
"No, you haven't."
"WHAT?! There's someone else here with us?!"
"Nope."
"Oh. Ooh. Well… that's awkward."
"Sirius?"
"Yes, Remy?"
"Kiss me."