Headcanon that sorta stemmed from a tumblr prompt lol. Also a really cool way for me to explore Cana's character. :D
But honestly, I'm not sure what I was thinking. :P
The guild members didn't know it, but Cana always determined how much she drank that day by reading it in the cards the morning before.
Sitting off in the corner of the guild, Cana shuffled her tarot cards over the smooth surface of the wooden table, polished with the occasional swirl of heavy glass cups filled to the brim with beer and Mirajane's constant and loving wiping of spilled alcohol with her washrag and practiced wrist.
She took a long swig of the bitter alcohol in her seemingly ever-constant full barrel before slamming it back down to the floor and returning to her card reading with a slightly more heavy buzz.
She turned the three cards—a speared heart, a headless armor, and the sun.
The brunette made the calculations quickly in her head.
Today, she would drink 27 bottles before the end of the night.
She rested her forehead in her hand and sighed discreetly.
"Hungover already, huh, Cana?" Mirajane's sweet melodic voice asked behind her.
"Nope!" she exclaimed, turning an alcohol blush and grin back to the demon mage. "It's just barely past noon—and you know I go until the moon sets!"
"Yare, yare," the white-haired beauty remarked. "What will we ever do with you?
"Well," Cana said, cleaning up her cards in one quick motion. "You can start by giving me some money so I can go buy some more alcohol." She gave Mirajane a cheeky smile. "Do you mind lending me some money, Mira-chan?" she asked in the cutest, most innocent way that she could without sobriety.
The S-Class Mage gave her the classic Mira look—a gentle and bright yet sternly ominous smile. "Cana, you know that thirty percent of Fairy Tail's money goes straight down your throat…"
"Yeah," the scantily clad woman tossed back. "And I'm asking for ten percent more…and I know you get plenty of tip, Mira-chan."
The eldest Strauss sister gave her an exasperated sigh. Of course, Mirajane couldn't deny their token drunk (and not to mention, Gildart's beloved daughter) from her favorite liquors—and the head waitress secretly reached her apron, pulled out at thick wad of bills and passed them to the younger woman, who winked back at her, unabashedly stuffing the money into her bra and walking straight out the door.
…
And so Cana spent the rest of her afternoon out in town.
She went to the store, carted out cases on cases of spirits, bumped into Bacchus on the way back, consequently got into a drinking challenge with the equally matched drunkard, got chased off by officials for public consumption of alcohol, and returned to her Fairy Tail home in one piece, glowing from the sunset and hell of a lot more inebriated than she had started.
"Pahhh!" she yelled, coming back in and taking a large swig from her barrel of alcohol, before dragging in the cart filled with all the newest drinks into the guild.
She heard the collective groan of all her precious nakama and smiled. They cursed her for being loud and uncontrollable, rolled their eyes when seeing the physical manifestation of her drinking problem, and suggested that she go see a therapist—
But she had never heard a more welcoming cheer to greet her home.
…
"You're still drinking, Cana?" Lucy asked her, coming by Cana's blissful corner. The blonde looked around the guild—seeing only a few of their guild members around, most of them nodding off to sleep—before looking back at the card mage, who was still drinking like it was the beginning of the day.
"Mochiron!" Cana cackled. "I can't be stopped!"
It was her 27th bottle that day.
The Celestial Mage shook her head and left the guild for the evening—but not before giving her favorite ever-tipsy friend a loving embrace and goodnight. Cana returned just as tough of a hug, albeit covering the blonde with the stench of alcohol.
She waited for a little bit more, the rest of her nakama to return home—until she was the very last one in the guild's large hall. Even empty, the guild hall didn't seem lonely, still filled with the warm laughter of her comrades.
"You always make sure you're the last one," Mirajane commented, from across the room.
"Yeah," Cana said, exhaling. She took a deep breath in to relish the atmosphere, before chugging the last backwashed drops of her last spirit bottle of the day, tossing the glass container into the cart that she still hadn't returned to the liquor store.
The brunette looked over at Mirajane, who was slowly drying the beer glasses and sake cups that had been celebrated with that night, and gave the white-haired woman a long wave.
"Well, I'm off for the night, now, Mira-chan!" she announced, carting along her empty spirit bottles.
The waitress gave her a wink. "Ganbatte tonight! Be careful!"
She returned a smirk. "Since when am I ever not?"
…
Cana admittedly didn't do much of anything in the mornings beyond drinking and receiving scolding for her laggard behavior, but little did her nakama know (well, except for Mirajane, who had coaxed the confession from her) that Cana's truly awake hours were in the dead of night.
She sniffed the air, immediately recognizing the stench of something worse than her excessive drinking.
The card mage rounded the corner of her guild and immediately threw out five elemental cards, surrounding an area of ground.
"Release!" she yelled, and the varied colors of her cards' powers spewed from the face of them, making a pentagon around a once-invisible-monster.
The monstrous thing—about three times larger than Cana—roared and squealed, spat poisonous fumes into the air.
"Stupid spirit," she laughed, unafraid. "I'll teach you what happens when you threaten my guild!"
She grabbed an empty bottle from her shopping cart and uncorked it, pointing the opening toward the trapped accursed spirit. With a swoosh of eerie wind that breezed past Cana's wavy brown hair, the spirit was sucked into the insides of her alcohol bottle—previously emptied and drunken from the day before—while it cried and gurgled in very high and low pitches.
Once the spirit was stuffed into the bottle, she quickly recorked it and tossed it back into her shopping cart. She'd deal with the cleansing of the nasty spirit later.
She always found it punny that she imprisoned the devilish spirits into her used and empty bottles of spirits—trapping spirits into spirit bottles.
Except, of course, the only difference was that one type of spirit tasted much better on the tongue.
Cana cracked her knuckles, gathering up her cards in one telepathic motion, and closed her eyes to concentrate on finding the next cursed spirit.
There were 26 more to handle that night, according to her card's predictions.
The number of bad spirits had been increasing as of late, and Cana knew that the reason why the unlucky spirits were so attracted to the guild was because they could taste the pure love and happiness emanating from Fairy Tail. These hungry ghosts would come from all corners of Fiore to try and feast on the wholesome energy, attempt to steal some of that joy from her friends.
Come what may, but there was no way that Cana was going to rest until her guild was rid of each and every single one.
So what if they thought that all she did was drink and hiccup in bliss?
In the backgrounds, she would continue to stop these dead and evil spirits from haunting her guild, her family, her home, her nakama.
They wouldn't have to thank her for a single action or profusely apologize to her for assuming that she only drank for drink's sake. She wouldn't have to be the unsaid hero of Fairy Tail, and she could protect her friends in the same tradition as her father—from the shadows.
Most importantly, they wouldn't even have to know there were such disturbing things haunting the air near their guild in the night. They wouldn't have to stress and wonder why there were so many tainted spirits attacking their home.
All she asked in return was that they leave her tired self alone to drink throughout the day, and for each of them stay alive and happy so that they could drink more tomorrow.
Drink to live, live to drink, so to say.
Well, she could toast to that.
I mean, what if, right? Haha, let me know what you think!
thir13enth