Disclaimer: I don't own DC, and I don't wish to be sued. Hence, I wrote these two sentences.

Mini A/N: The beginning of this chapter contains an extremely OOC Ran. Don't leave in disgust, please. Her OOC-ness is explained later on.

A/N: Well, here it is. The story that I kept talking about that never appeared… Anyway, this story actually has an interesting tale behind it. I read the Latin phrase that makes up the title in a brilliant Laurie King book, and just wanted to write something with that as a title. So it started out as a little humorous one-shot involving Conan, Ai, alcohol, and the inevitable drunken words. Half way through writing it, the plot bunnies struck, told me to write an angsty fic, and there was no other title for it than this. It suits this much more than it did the other. Enjoy.

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I awoke to a splitting headache and groaned softly. As I did every morning that I woke up as hung over as I was this particular morning, I checked the hair colour and hair length of the woman sleeping beside me. Blonde. Long. Not what I'd been hoping for during the past three years. That, and I had no idea what this woman's name was.

To my dismay, she rolled over and faced me with a seductive smile, which I tried and failed to return. "Ohh, Shinichi," she drawled, "last night was just wonderful."

I winced. Last night? I remembered nothing from last night, though I could certainly guess the goings-on. Of course, the fact that I couldn't remember the name of the woman attempting to fix a seductive stare on me was the more pressing issue. So, I just smiled faintly and said, "yeah… Wonderful. Do you want anything for breakfast? I'm just a coffee person."

"Ah, Shinichi," she squealed, "I just knew you'd be a coffee person. I've been thinking about that. I'll have coffee too." She giggled. She honestly giggled. When were you thinking about it, anyway? I asked silently, during the three hours I spent meeting you for the first time, seducing you, and having sex with you? Honestly.

I rolled out of bed, smiled vaguely at the anonymous woman lounging on top of my duvet, and made my way to the kitchen. Wearily, I pushed the button on the kettle and looked out the window at the cars that periodically zoomed down the road. The Kudo residence. I'd lived here for all 22 years of my life, excluding the five years I spent as Edogawa Conan.

The coffee pot dinged obnoxiously, and I swore. I'd promised myself I'd never think about those five years ever again. For all the things that had gone well during that period, even bringing down the black organization once and for all, they had still ended badly.

With another muffled curse, I poured out the coffee and carried the two mugs into the bedroom with a mumbled, "Hope you don't mind instant," said more out of politeness than actual care. She squealed something about not minding and I looked around the room for earplugs in vain. Why are almost all of the pretty ones stupid and/or annoying? Honestly. Well, at least she was blonde. The girl I'd loved since my life as Edogawa Conan was blonde too. Well, blonde-ish. Strawberry blonde, to be exact. I mentally reprimanded myself once more. I was not going to think about her. I can't. She's gone now.

Gone… I stared out the window. Disappearing without a trace was a talent of hers. Comparable to Irene Adler. It is said that she is the only woman Sherlock Holmes ever loved… Even without the helping character, Kudo, you're still Holmes to us… I shook my head violently. Not now. Not ever again. I will never be as good as Holmes.

A voice, an annoying voice, finally drilled its way into my mind. "Shinichi? Shinichi? Shinichi, are you alright?"

The corners of my mouth twitched. Never alright. Never alright again. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine. Just tired."

"And for good reason," she purred, "after last night." For heaven's sake, did she have to keep bringing that up? Once she was out of here, I would probably never see her again. The end. The others understood the meaning of the phrase "one night stand," why couldn't she?

I felt a hand grasp mine, and I twitched. "So, tantei-san… what do you want to do today?"

Biting my lip, I racked my mind desperately for an excuse. "Ah, about that. I've actually got to go investigate a case. I got a call last night while you were sleeping."

The woman (whose name still eluded me) pouted. "Alright," she giggled once more, "I'll see you when you get back, Shin-tan."

With a sigh that spoke of weariness well beyond my years, I pulled on a makeshift suit and left home.

---

The detective office. I hadn't been here in a long time. I took a long puff on my hastily lit cigarette and blew it out slowly. It had been part of my life for five long years, and yet I felt like a stranger here now. I raised my fist and knocked lethargically. The door was flung open and I took a startled step back. In the doorway stood Ran, looking rather bedraggled.

"Oh, Shinichi!" I nodded vaguely, and blew out another ring of smoke, "Sorry, I thought you were… Well, never mind. Come in!" Her face went through a peculiar range of emotions as she spoke. I tried to analyze the reasons behind them all, but failure leered at me, and I simply stepped inside.

Ran turned to face me, and from her expression it was apparent that her mood had changed again. "Shinichi!" she snapped, her anger flaring for no reason I could discern, "Since when do you smoke?" With speed most likely gained from her many years of karate training, she whipped the cigarette from my lips and put it out in one of her father's many ashtrays. I gaped. Ran could be unpredictable at times, but this was just peculiar.

"Ah, Ran?" I said softly, staring as she bustled around the office, "What's wron-"

She whirled around to face me, and I stopped in the middle of my confused words. "You walk in here, nonchalant and smoking, after turning down my confession? Twice? And then you have the balls to ask me what's wrong?"

We stood in silence, with her glaring at me, as I formulated a response. "Ran," I began, and she continued to glare, "It's been years since we've discussed this, Ran. Why bring it up now? Besides, you're dating someone. You should be happy with him, not unhappily reminiscing about what could have been."

She blinked, and suddenly looked as though my words had made perfect sense. "Of course, Shinichi," she said, looking almost confused, "I don't know what's wrong with me today." Neither do I, I mused, watching as she heated up some tea, this isn't the Ran I know. There was something so obviously different about her that I couldn't quite place it. There were the extreme mood swings, of course, but that wasn't all of it. It was as though she was missing something that was integral to her Ran-ness. I shook my head. Now I was acting like Conan.

I smiled as she handed me a cup of tea, and continued to observe her as she poured another one for herself. What is it? What is so wrong with this picture? The apron she was wearing was her usual one – blue with white stripes, her hair was as close to normal as her hair ever got, and her soulful brown eyes were as typical as ever. Everything was so right, so perfect, that it was wrong. I frowned. This couldn't be someone disguised as Ran. This was the real deal, but with the wrong personality. It made as little sense as shrinking teenagers to the size of children did.

"So, Shinichi," I looked up at her, startled. She was happy again, "What are you here for, anyway?"

I tried to look nonchalant. "Ah, nothing, really," I plastered as realistic a smile as I could manage on my face, "just thought I'd come and visit." It was something of an unrealistic answer, coming from me, but I couldn't very well tell her that I'd come to escape from an exceptionally clingy woman. And especially not when her mood was so unpredictable.

We chatted pointlessly, and I let my mouth run on automatic as I counted the number of times her mood changed. Four, five… It was absurd. Almost every time, there was no real cause for it – she was depressed one minute, and cheery the next. Perturbed by her strange actions, I studied the room instead. However, there was little to be deduced from it – it seemed to be as varied as she was.

There was what looked to be a pile of laundry in the corner – her father's? – several coffee cups were strewn across the kitchen table, notes about what seemed to be a fraud case were under said coffee cups, and a thick college-level book – in English, I noted - about chemistry was on the kitchen counter.

Nothing of any importance, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing- wait, a chemistry book? Ran hadn't studied chemistry in university, and there was no way Mouri-san was interested… Was it for a case? Distracted, I broke into Ran's monologue. I wasn't too sure what it was about by then, so I was probably better off interrupting it than letting her carry on and question me about it. "Ran, sorry to interrupt, but who does that book belong to?" I gestured towards it, and she looked slightly offended that I had cut in on her rambling statement, but she answered me anyway.

"Actually, I'm not too sure. I found it outside the door this morning. I would have given it to Dad, but he's been out since last night. I haven't really looked at it." I nodded slowly, and pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket – the book probably wouldn't have any useful fingerprints on it anyway, but you could never be too careful. If it belonged to her… Well, it would be my first clue to her whereabouts in years.

I could feel Ran's curious eyes upon my back as I tenderly opened the book. It wasn't old, by any means, but it reeked of being a clue to the profitless yet momentous case I'd been on, unofficially, for years. I opened the book somewhere in the middle, and slowly let the pages fall until I held only the inside front cover in my hand. I tilted it slowly to the left, and there, in faded pencil, was scribed a most telling clue. S.M. Written in a neat handwriting that I still recognized after all these years. It had to be her. There was no doubt about it… And yet, there had to be. You can never be sure if clues are facts, or simply distractions, I reminded myself, and mumbled something to Ran about having to take the book and leave.

I tucked said book under my arm, and quickly made my way out of the door to an inquiry from Ran as to where I was going and what I was doing. I just had to hope that my abrupt exit would deter her from following, and not entice her to come after me.

---

The streets of Tokyo, or at least Beika, were still awash with rain. I tugged my jacket more firmly around my shoulders, and assured myself that the book was safe from the rain. Shiho Miyano… Miyano Shiho… S.M. … Where have you been all this time, Ai? Hell, where are you now? What can this book tell me? I sighed and shook my head. It was no use getting philosophical about it now. I could investigate the book when I got home and-

I froze for a long moment. Gin. There was no mistaking it. That particular shade of blonde hair – shorter now than I remembered – those cold eyes, that smirk. But… He was in jail, serving a life sentence. His name had been, as we'd discovered, something like Kishiwa Ryujiro, and he was about 32. But that didn't matter. He had just walked right by me. It made no sense. Of course, it might not have been him. That hair, that smirk… and yet he hadn't so much as tossed me a glance. It couldn't have been him. It hadn't been him. I shook my head. Jail, He was in jail. Regardless, I stood upon that rainy, unpleasant sidewalk for a long few minutes as the mysterious man disappeared into the downpour.

---

Needless to say, upon my arrival at the house, I was soaked through. However, I was too deep in thought to care. Shiho's chemistry textbook, Ran's peculiar mood swings, the man who looked amazingly like Gin… It all pointed to them being back, and yet they can't be. We caught them, long ago, Shiho and I. Well, she was Ai then.

"Shin-tan!" The exhilarated cry roused me from my thoughts, "You're home!" A pair of distinctly female arms wended their way around my neck. Since when does she speak Kansai? I asked myself silently, and carried on to berate myself about not paying better attention. I was a detective. It was my job to notice tiny details, not completely miss important points.

After a long one-sided hug, she grasped my hand – the one not clutching the textbook – and tugged me into the living room. She gestured for me to sit down, her character as animated as ever, and I obeyed. She sat down on the armchair across from mine, and suddenly her demeanor changed entirely. In a split second, she'd gone from energetic and enthusiastic to cold and calculating.

"Good acting, ne?" She inquired, and I blinked. She reminded me of someone.

"Perfect," I said, doing my best to sound gruff, "but why put up such an elaborate façade?"

She chuckled maliciously and tossed her long blonde hair. "Ah, Shin-tan… Does your failure to understand something as simple as that mean that you don't know who sent me?" She smiled so impishly, so playfully, that my reply simply couldn't be nasty.

"To be honest, I have no idea who sent you, but that doesn't mean I have my, ah, theories." It was the sort of response I used for violent criminals – it worked like a charm all the time.

"Well, tantei-han, let me give you a hint. I am best known as Crème de Cassis. It has been quite a pleasure to get to know you." With that, she smiled, and I simply stared blankly.

A woman from the black organization in my house. Why hadn't I been blown away yet? I should be dead. She didn't carry herself as a traitor would, nor had she come to me for protection – that much was obvious from her words. Why, then?

Obviously annoyed by my blank stare, she continued. "Shinichi, Shinichi… Oh, how do I even begin? My original mission in coming here was to kill you, as you've obviously pondered. However, even when drunk out of your skull, you're quite charming. But," she laughed, "the purpose of this tale is not to feed your ego. I am, obviously, an assassin for the organization you thought you'd brought down. A few weeks ago, I was given an assignment to study you; a prelude to killing you, really." She laughed again, and I watched her, my eyebrows raised. "I started out with some simple Internet research, and I was intrigued by the chronicles of the cases you've solved. I was then told by some higher ups that you had been a victim of the APTX 4869 formula, but it hadn't killed you. They went on to tell me of your escapades as Edogawa Conan."

I leaned forward in my chair as she paused, and drew the chemistry textbook out from my coat. I placed it on the coffee table, and she smirked. "Ah, yes, Sherry. I'm getting to that." I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. She had information on Shiho…

"Anyway, intrigued as I was by the various reports I was getting about you, I decided to observe you myself. I've watched your past five cases from afar, Shinichi, and I was amazed during all of them." She smiled, and my fingers gently brushed the chemistry book once more. Shiho…

"Finally, after watching you for a little over a month, the organization divulged another piece of information to me: you were looking for Sherry, the little traitor." I tensed. If they knew something, anything, that I didn't know, I could finally find her. "We know very little that you don't, Shin-tan, so don't get your hopes up." I winced. "That… interested me. I didn't know much about Sherry, so I made it my mission to learn about all three of her lives: Miyano Shiho, Sherry, and Haibara Ai. As Haibara, she was something of your partner in crime. Or," she smirked, "I should say, your partner against crime. I could see, from statements given by those that knew you, that you two grew closer as the years of your second childhood wore on."

I sucked in a slow breath. There had to be something more to it all than that. "Since I couldn't very well observe Sherry, I went back to shadowing you. I had grown fond of you by then, so I wasn't terribly pleased when the organization told me to get on with it and quietly dispose of you. However, as in the army, orders are orders. My first mission was to test a mind-altering drug on your dear Mouri Ran, the effects of which I'm sure you noticed today. Don't look so concerned, Shin-tan, she'll be back to normal in a while. Anyway, I was then told that he easiest thing to do would be to prey on your womanizing habits, sleep with you, and then kill you. Therefore, I ended up here." She smiled impishly. "And that's my story."

I sighed. That narrative had explained nothing. "Alright, then. You going to kill me, or what?"

Her laughter filled the room once more. "So morbid, Shin-tan! Of course I'm not going to kill you." She said nothing beyond that, and we stared at each other for a while – her, smirking, and me, frowning.

Finally, she gave in. "Alright, I see the question in your eyes. Sherry was last seen in Lisbon airport boarding a flight to Chicago, Illinois."

Shit. Hope does spring eternal. I leapt up from my chair, intending to get to the airport as fast as I could, return of the black organization be damned. I was stopped, however, by the surprisingly strong grip of the woman who I now knew as Crème de Cassis. I turned to her, yelling incoherently, but her grip remained firm. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and through my rage I could see true sadness in her eyes, "but I'm afraid the organization's icy grip has reached my heart as well. I can't just let you go." I slumped. It was cruel to get my hopes up and then proceed to smash them like that. "However," she murmured, and my eyes jerked up to meet hers again, "I can give you a chance."

I looked at her questioningly, and the sad smile remained on her face. She drew a device I recognized immediately from the back pocket of her faded jeans – a pair of handcuffs. "Ironic, isn't it," she muttered as she encased my right wrist in the metal ring, "the great giver of justice arrested by a criminal." I didn't protest. A chance was a chance, however small. It felt like I'd told Ai that once. Créme de Cassis locked the other end of the cuffs to the room's radiator, and looked at me sadly for what would probably be the last time. I knew that one of us would likely end up dead within the day. "Good luck," she said tenderly, and leaned forward to kiss me, ever so softly, on the lips. "I've got to call the dogs on you now."

With that and not so much as a look back, she swept out of my house, her cell phone to her ear. I tugged hard on the handcuffs, and only succeeded it making an obnoxious clanging noise. I sighed softly. She hadn't given me a weak pair of cuffs – these were police-issue and new. Créme de Cassis. I would remember that name well, and whether for ill or for good I wasn't capable to tell.

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A/N/wipes sweat off brow/ Wow. Well, it wasn't as long as I really wanted it to be, but hey. If you noticed changes in he writing style at various points, well, let me put it this way: I started writing this almost a month ago, and have been adding to it on and off ever since. During the past three days in Paris, I pretty much did nothing but write… Now that I'm finished with this chapter, I'm getting the feeling that my girlfriend is angry at me. Ah well. Your reviews shall form my safety net when she throws me off of our apartment building.