I won't say I'm in love
Enjolras sighed. He was feeling strangely melancholic today, even though he shouldn't be. Things were going well for him; he was top of his class at Law School, the student organization was doing good work, the number of people they had helped had increased exponentially and here he was, with his best friends, relaxing with a cup of coffee at the Musain, his favorite place in the world. Yet there was something that just felt off about today, something that kept him from truly being happy. He sighed again.
"What's up boss? You're looking pretty bummed." Courfeyrac chuckled as he plopped down into the seat next to him. "Did Prouvaire read you one of his poems again? I know I want to bury my head in the sand like a fucking ostrich whenever he forces me to listen to his creepy existential verses."
"Hey" Jehan cried indignantly and glared at Courfeyrac, looking thoroughly offended. "Even if you have the sensitivity and literary knowledge of a real ostrich, it doesn't give you the right to criticize other people's hard work" the poet retaliated.
"Whatever" the center of the group replied unimpressed and chose to ignore any further blubbering Prouvaire threw at him. He returned his attention to their chief, who was still looking as gloomy as ever; then realization struck him and a wide, cheeky grin spread on his handsome face.
"You're upset Éponine isn't here today, aren't you?" Courfeyrac snickered, nudging the blond suggestively in the ribs.
"What?!" Enjolras spluttered, his ears taking on a bright shade of red. "Why would you possibly think that?"
Courfeyrac raised an eyebrow. "Uh… because you love her?" he replied as if it were common knowledge.
Enjolras's eyes widened and he stared at his second in command like he had gone insane. "What the hell?! I don't loveÉponine!" He said the word 'love' like it was a vile curse word. He did not love anyone; he did not love period.
Courfeyrac shook his head. "I can't believe you're still denying it."
"I'm not denying anything!" Enjolras retorted. "'Ponine and I are just friends, I feel about her the same way I do about all of you. Plus, you know how I feel about relationships and romance. They're pointless and not worth my time, or the aggravation that comes with them."
"Dude, who the hell do you think you're kidding?" Courfeyrac shouted, throwing his arms up in desperation, thus capturing the attention of the rest of the boys, who turned to stare at the arguing pair. "Seriously, you can't hide it from us, we can see right through that marble façade of yours. And even if we wouldn't know you so well, you're pretty damn obvious, if you asked me" he snickered and several of the boys nodded in agreement.
Enjolras swallowed. "Wh- What do you mean I'm obvious?"
"Well, for one thing, it's the way you look at her" Courf explained, "like she's some goddess sent down from the heavens, the embodiment of perfection." He laughed when he saw the chief's alarmed expression. "Just admit it: you worship her, man!"
"That's – " Enjolras began, but Courfeyrac quickly cut him off.
"And then there are the times when she's not around," he continued, "you keep sneaking glances over to the bar and sigh when you remember she's not there to bring you your coffee. And should I mention how you always ask us about her or manage to sneak her name into conversations that have absolutely no connection to her?" Courfeyrac gave the blond a mirthful glance. "It's so painfully obvious she's on your mind all the time; just come out and say it: you love her."
"I will say no such thing!" Enjolras snapped, though he was no longer looking Courfeyrac in the face, instead choosing to fidget with his practically untouched cup of coffee. He didn't like the coffee today.
"Is the chief still in denial about his passionate love for Éponine?" Grantaire rose from his seat and stalked over to where the pair was sitting, a mischievous smirk gracing his lips.
"Not you too" Enjolras groaned, already tired of this discussion. "I do not have a passionate love for anyone! I can't believe you guys actually believe this shit."
"Dude, have you no shame? You're just flat out lying right now." R cackled and took another swig of what was probably his fourth beer that evening. "Have you even looked at yourself? You swoon and sigh over 'Ponine even worse than Marius did after he first laid eyes on Cosette. And that's no mean feat, my friend."
The whole group erupted in roaring laughter at the horrified expression that covered Enjolras' face. "R, I swear to God, if you compare me to Pontmercy one more time…"
"Hey!" Marius' voice could be heard from the other end of the room, but no one paid him any mind.
Grantaire shrugged, unfazed by the heated glare Enjolras was throwing at him. "Why deny it, man? Just fess up, you're mad about the girl."
"What is this, some '70s chick flick?" the blond grumbled. "I am not in love with Éponine, and that is final!"
He took a sip of his coffee and cringed at its taste. He sighed and pushed it away, unable to even look at it. Why did the guys insist so much that he had feelings for 'Ponine? Why would he even do that to himself? Or to her? He had seen how hurtful love could be, he had seen how she had suffered because of stupid Pontmercy, and he didn't want to see her get hurt ever again. Watching her cry over that moron when he finally announced his engagement to Courgette had been almost unbearable. Remembering her pretty brown eyes turned red and swollen, her gorgeous rosy cheeks turned pale and hollow, the deep sadness and disappointment staining her beautiful face, made his heart ache. He would never hurt her like that. He would do anything to protect her from experiencing that kind of pain ever again. Maybe…
'No!' Enjolras screamed in his mind. 'Get a grip man, only bad things can come of this.'
"Enjolras" a voice startled him from his musings.
It was Combeferre this time. He gave the guide a hopeful glance, praying that the voice of reason in the group would actually take his side on this and change this stupid subject once and for all.
"Enjolras" his best friend repeated his name and gave him a warm smile, "you're an idiot."
The chief stared at Combeferre, his mouth falling open in complete and utter shock. He was actually rendered speechless, an occurrence that did not happened often.
"Enjolras, denying your feelings is the same thing as denying yourself" the medical student reasoned, patting his friend gently on the shoulder. "I know you think that you're better than all of this romance stuff" he imitated Enjolras' tone mockingly, but kept his expression serious, "but you need to grow up and acknowledge the fact that you're not made of stone and you have needs just like every one of us."
The law student clenched his jaw and looked away from his best friend. He wished he would just stop talking.
"Remember that time when we were all hanging out at her place, and R kept putting whiskey in your coffee when you weren't looking?" Combeferre asked.
Enjolras nodded and threw a quick glare at Grantaire, who had begun snickering.
"Do you remember how Éponine didn't leave your side the whole night while you were huddled over the toilet, puking your guts out?" the medical student continued.
Enjolras cringed at the memory, but nodded.
"And do you remember how you took it upon yourself to clean her whole apartment the next day and bought her a huge bouquet of sunflowers, which you just happened to remember were her favorites after she only mentioned it once several years beforehand, as a thank you present?"
Enjolras nodded once again, unable to stop the small smile forming on his lips. She had loved the flowers, and the warm hug she had given him had made his heart flutter.
"Face it, my friend, you've got it bad" Combeferre leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms, looking proud of himself.
"No" Enjolras shook his head. He was not going to say it.
"You're still grinning" Joly observed, giving the blond a knowing look and smirking at his startled expression. "You're in love and you know it, it's just a matter of saying it out loud."
"I won't say anything! I am not in love! Can we please discuss something else?" Enjolras requested impatiently. He couldn't handle this discussion much longer and he could feel anger beginning to bubble up inside of him.
"Do you actually think anyone here believes you anymore?" Feuilly added his own two cents, bending over the table and staring the chief straight in the face. "Read our lips: You're. In. Love."
"That's it!" Enjolras bellowed, slamming his fist on the table. He was angry and frustrated, and he would not listen to any more of this crap. "I've had enough of this shit! You're all way out of line, telling me what I should do and what I should feel!" he rose from his seat and glared daggers at each man in the room, one at a time. "Let me tell you assholes something: IT'S NOT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" he roared, already starting to lose control of his temper. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "I'm going home" he added more quietly this time, averting his eyes from his friends and began marching towards the café exit.
Just as he was about to get out the door, a hand suddenly grabbed him by the elbow and made him stop in his tracks. He turned to find Marius holding a firm grip on his arm and staring at him intently. "What do you want?" Enjolras snapped; if there was one person he did not want to speak with and had no patience for, it was Pontmercy.
"I just want to tell you one thing" Marius said softly, so only the two of them could hear, "don't let pride cloud your judgment and keep you from experiencing the most beautiful thing this world has to offer. I'm serious Enjolras" he continued, pretending he didn't see Enjolras rolling his eyes at his statement, "being in love is the greatest thing that could ever happen to you. Don't let a girl as wonderful as Éponine get away, because if you keep waiting and denying your feelings like this, some other guy will end up getting her, and the only thing you'll have left is regret."
They stared at each other for a few minutes, before Marius released his hold on Enjolras' arm. "Just remember," he added, "it's okay to be in love."
The blond did not know how to reply, he had actually been struck by his words and his mind was beginning to flood with a million thoughts he needed to sort out. He nodded at Pontmercy and without another word, opened the door and disappeared behind it.
It was already late in the evening, and a light breeze was blowing outside. Enjolras was grateful for this, as the cold air helped clear his agitated mind and calm his already throbbing head. He was just about to round the corner, when he suddenly collided with a small frame, nearly knocking it to the ground.
"Ouch" the person yelped and Enjolras froze as he realized who it was.
"'Ponine?"
"'Jolras!" Éponine exclaimed, equally surprised. "What are you doing here?" she asked, flashing one of her brilliant smiles that made him melt every time.
"I should be the one asking you that" he replied, unable to help a smile from spreading on his own lips. "Isn't it your day off?"
"It is" she confirmed. "I just wanted to drop by and give this to the new girl." She held up a yellow post-it in one of her hands and waved it in front of his face.
Enjorlas looked at the note confused.
"It's indications on how to make your coffee" she explained with a grin. "I know how anal you are about it, so I wanted to make sure you could get an acceptable cup of joe even though I wasn't there to make it for you."
Enjolras blinked. He stared at the young woman in awe and had to inhale deeply to keep himself in check. He felt like his heart was about to burst and the need to wrap his arms around this perfect girl in front of him was almost overwhelming.
"Your turn" Éponine said, poking him playfully in the chest with her index finger, "what are you doing here?"
Enjolras grabbed her small hand in his own and smiled. "The coffee tasted like crap, so there was no reason to stay there anymore."
She giggled and swatted his arm playfully with her free hand. "Like the only reason you come to the café is to drink my coffee."
He smirked but said nothing.
Their eyes met for the briefest moment and they stared at each other for what could have been an hour, but what was actually only a few seconds.
"Are you hungry?" Enjolras blurted out before he could stop himself.
"A bit" she replied with a shrug
"Want to go get some dinner? My treat."
"Hmm" she scrunched up her face, pretending to be in deep thought. "A free meal with a good looking guy or chinese take-out with Doctor Who? Decisions, decisions."
"We can have crepes for desert" he said in a seductive tone.
Éponine's eyes widened; the magic words had been uttered. "You, dear sir, have got yourself a date!" she grinned and moved the hand that was still being held by his and circled it around his elbow. "Lead the way, Monsieur."
Enjolras looked at their joined arms and smiled. "With pleasure, Mademoiselle."
They began walking down the street towards what he knew was a restaurant Éponine had been dying to go to for a long time, and his mind involuntarily went back to the discussion from the Musain between him and his friends. Enjolras still stood by what he had said: he would never say out loud that he was in love…
Not to them, at least.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this little ficlet. Reviews are very much appreciated.