Emotions
DESTIEL TWO SHOT. Set pre Sacrifice. Dean has feelings for Cas. Cas has feelings for Dean. Simple, anyone would think. But sometimes Angel and Human emotions just aren't worth the trouble they cause. Then again - occasionally they are. Lots of references to Goodbye Stranger. R&R no hate please.
Hey :) Just a random two-shot I wrote whilst extremely tired and bored (therefore, this is terrible quality!) I don't own Supernatural, or Destiel would be canon by now :P
Castiel had learned so much since meeting the Winchesters.
He'd rebelled against the only life he'd known, he'd been on top of the world, he'd been at the very bottom. At one point he even became God. But through it all he'd learnt emotions, thoughts, feelings, desires, preferences. Since the angel had been freed of Naomi's grasp, he had learnt what exactly those emotions were.
Before, Cas had thought they were strange sensations, something from inside of Jimmy; his vessel, perhaps. Only once those 'strange sensations' had been taken away and replaced by Naomi's demands had he realized just what those feelings were.
At the centre of those emotions? Dean Winchester. His charge.
At first, Castiel hadn't known what broke him free from Naomi's will. He assumed it was the tablet, and kept it with him. When it was taken by Crowely, he realized it had to be something else - something that eluded him constantly. Till he noticed just how much he was prepared to do for Dean, even when there was no need to do it.
Usually, there was an excuse. Stop the apocalypse. Act as Michael's vessel. Help open Purgatory. Defeat the Leviathan. Free Dean from Purgatory. Then those demands, under influence, became far more sinister. Lie to Dean, leave out Dean...Kill Dean. Then, there it was. Cas' true purpose overriding the system. Save Dean. Protect my friend. It was Dean, not the tablet, giving him his own free will.
Then the jealousy had started.
Castiel, now back with his own mind and will (something he had fought for in the beginning, yet often wondered if free will was worth anything at all, it made life far more complicated), began to notice Dean's smaller actions. Flirting, for one. He didn't like Dean hitting on strange women who he didn't know and had never benefited the hunter's life for the better. Why did she, the strange blonde or the tall girl or the talkative redhead in the miniskirt have more of a right to Dean's life and feelings than Castiel?
Angel emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.
-LineBreaker-
Dean Winchester had learned so much since meeting Castiel.
He'd learnt that angels existed, for one thing. And were usually just arrogant douche-bags who would stop a national disaster such as the Titanic sinking just because they didn't like the movie remake.
But that was bottom-lining it. Dean had discovered that these pompous asses could feel; think for themselves. Hell, Dean had a sneaking suspicion they could even love to a certain extent; if they tried hard enough.
Dean never expected he'd be able to love an angel back.
Castiel had shown how much an angel could destroy or how much an angel could bring together if he'd had his mind set to it; if he believed enough in the cause he was fighting for.
If he'd refused to kill Dean under Naomi's orders...Was Castiel that faithful in him? The pitiful human that had done as much bad as he had good. If not more.
At this thought, Dean's first instinct and thought was to get rid of Cas. Those closest to him always got hurt (though Castiel had been inflicted with enough pain thanks to Dean anyway), before he noticed just how...Unthinkable the thought of losing Cas was. After all they'd been through; the apocalypse, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, the trials...Life without Castiel was darker than Dean wanted to admit. Hope was there with Cas around, and trust. Trust he'd never believed he would have with someone other than Sam - let alone a supernatural being.
Human emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.
-LineBreaker-
A night off of drinking and gambling was a rare thing these days, so Dean cherished them. Sure, for a hunter gambling was usually to earn the money they lived off (between credit card scams) and drinking was to drown out the crap going on around them, but they both took what leisure they could get.
Dean was talking to a brunette in a tight dress with, from what Cas could tell from her memories, an absent father and an autistic toddler named Tommy who's father was also in the lurch. As sorrowful her case was, this likely 'easy chick' (as Dean often described women at bars) wasn't a person Castiel wanted to talk to Dean.
Remembering that the truth is what got rid of a woman last time, he simply told her:
"It's not your fault."
She stopped flirting with Dean mid-sentence and looked at Castiel with a confused expression, as if she'd forgotten he was even there. "What?"
"Your father walked out because of his unhappy relationship, not because you were a bad child. Also, you are not to blame for Tommy's condition, and I'm almost certain you will find his father with a positive DNA test soon."
Her expression turned from flirtatious and free to disgusted and ireful. She lifted her martini glass and threw what was left of it in Castiel's direction.
"How the Hell do you know all that you freak? Stay away from me, both of you. I'll call the cops!" She stood up and ran away as quickly as she could in bright red stilettos that didn't fit her feet.
"Cas what the Hell?" Dean hissed, reaching for a tissue and flinging it at Cas so he could dry the alcohol caught on the side of his face. "What did I tell you about doing that? You know, pointing things out no human stranger would know!"
"She was trouble and you would forget her in the morning any how. Did you even know her name Dean?" Cas made no move to dry himself, it was no issue. Just a slight spill.
"Of course - Katy,"
The angel shook his head. "Kathleen, actually. Although she does prefer Kathy." Dean just shook his head, glaring at the floor - he didn't have the gall to glare at Cas - and stood up, making his way to leave. He didn't even bother to take his half-drunk beer.
"Who cares - it's just one letter. I-" I won't remember in the morning anyway. That was Castiel's exact argument, and Dean had nearly agreed with it.
"Look, we - as hunters dealing with crap bigger than average hunter crap - don't get to do much anymore. Jesus broads like her and bars like that are the only things that separate me from the trials and Sam's illness and the tablets and you going all robot on us again. Why'd you have to drag me back to that crap twelve hours earlier than scheduled?" He slammed the door shut, face flushing in the cool night air.
Before Cas could speak, Dean started his rant again. "I mean, why are you even here Cas? I've messed up your life more than any controlling son of a bitch angel upstairs, you don't even drink or get with chicks or anything-" Cas cut him off.
"For the record, I'm not - as you say - 'into chicks'."
Dean stopped for a moment, frowning, and Castiel saw that look Dean wore when he was re-thinking his entire life. He was tempted to look into Dean's mind, see his thoughts and try to understand his feelings, but Dean always hated it when he did that - and if there was one person's privacy he was going to respect, it was Dean's.
"Well, you don't get with guys or anything then. Just, what's the point in you sitting and watching me drink my life away just to wake up with a stupid hangover next to some random chick and memories of my entire crappy life. I know angels are different, but that sure as Hell doesn't sound like fun to me."
Castiel sighed, glad Dean was only slightly drunk - or he'd be impossible to deal with. Most other human's he'd have left alone by now, why was it so important to make sure Dean was OK? That he understood and wasn't mad with Cas? He stopped being Castiel's official charge when the apocalypse was stopped; when Sam fell into the pit.
"You're my friend, Dean. At least, I like to think so. Spending time with you is fun for me, even if your version of fun isn't healthy or wise in any way, shape or form."
Dean stopped still for a second, leaning slightly on the Impala and wearing that thoughtful look he wore a moment beforehand. For a moment, Castiel was worried he'd said something unacceptable on human terms.
"Was I insulting in any way Dean? I am terribly sorry."
The older Winchester shook his head. "Huh, no. That- that's not it Cas." He cocked his head to the side, wearing that cheekily smug smile Cas rarely saw. "You- you care about me don't you?"
Caring. That wasn't a human emotion Castiel had considered. Ca-ring: Adjective. Displaying kindness and concern for others. That sounded a lot like his relationship with his ex-charge.
"Of course Dean, I would have thought that to be obvious."
"Well, that's cool to know. I guess I care about you too, Cas."
There was silence for a minute, and in that moment the reason they were outside fighting was forgotten.
Castiel, looking straight into his charges eyes, felt strange for a second. That strange sensation that, before he was controlled by Naomi, he dismissed as a problem with his vessel Jimmy. His heart was pounded, his hands were sweating and his thought process became mixed and confusing. He wanted to be closer to Dean, as if the meter gap between them wasn't close enough.
"Cas I-"
But Cas, in a fit of panic and state of confusion, was gone.