"Get over it."
"Stop being dramatic."
"You have nothing to be sad about."
"You aren't depressed, you smile and laugh to much."
These are things I hear from people who don't understand how depression works. Most under this category don't even truely understand what depression is.
Yes, sadness is a part of it, but that isn't what this monster hiding in my mind's proverbial closet is. This dark shroud enveloping my mind is more a bonecrushing, soul stealing, empty lonelyness. Most of the time, I can't feel much of anything. The rest is spent with a breaking heart so painfull I can phycially feel the claws of despair sink in and rip it out over and over again until i cry and beg for it to stop. Yet still it continues. Depression doesn't descriminate either. This thing is ravenous, and it does not care for your age, gender, or race. It will chew you up and spit you out until you break and become tender enough it decides to swallow you whole. It curls in your chest and leaves you aching. Sweet nothings pouring venemous hate and descust breathed in your ear endlessly. At first you try to fight.
"I'M NOT NOTHING! I'M NOT WORTHLESS!" you scream to yourself.
The beast answers back
" Yes. You are."
And you slowly begin to believe.
Worthless. Nothing. Lazy. Stupid. Talentless. Ugly Lazy. Worthless. Stupid.
A wirling movement of sour notes and bitter words that begins to accelerate their tempo. It builds, towers higher and higher until the tension snaps and-
I'm Better Off Dead.
No One Would Miss Me.
No One Cares.
The greatest poison yet slips in and, like everything else, you don't notice it at first. then the icy talons tear deeper into flesh and take a greater hold.
So begins an even more deadly dance of mockery, shame, and hate. Yet again twirling faster until it becomes a hurricane and the glass begins to shatter under your feet. you try running but get nowhere. you try hiding but it always finds you. your life becomes a tight rope performance over a pitch black cavern and you wonder how in the world you're supposed to make it to the other side. To a safety that never comes closer no matter how far you travel. You begin to lose hope.
Self-harm
Suicide
Alive but Dead
Walking a razor thin wire has its consequences when you falter. when it becomes to much and you begin to let yourself fall into the nothing the Beast so desperatly wants you to be. This is perhaps sadder than depression itself. Not in the beast itself, but the effect it has on you and the ones around you. The thing that amazes me the most is some people Are crumbling to dust in thier own minds, and yet they still smile and laugh on the outside. that some of the people that are the most broken are also among the strongest.