Disclaimer: I whole-heartedly apologize to the makers of the movie Armageddon. And to Billy Bob Thorton, Bruce Willis, and Ben Affleck. I do not own any of them and have slandered their movie in this story. Also, I don't own Saw…the usual stuff.
Author Note: This is loosely based on a real conversation I had with a friend of mine. For the record, I agree with Adam! Just a short one shot to amuse myself and hopefully others as well. Rated T for talk of naughty things.
"Bruce Willis is not gay!" Lawrence's voice echoed into the refrigerator as he pulled two beers from their place on the bottom shelf. He took a look at a package of old lunch meat with an expiration date so old that he swore it was looking back at him. Making a face of disgust, he pulled it out carefully by the corner of the package. "And how many times have I told you to throw the ham out after it expires?"
He returned to the living room, holding the package up like a dead rodent, and stared at the younger man sitting on the couch. Adam looked up at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.
"Sorry…" He mumbled it through a mouthful of popcorn and gave a sheepish smile that cured Lawrence's annoyance almost immediately. "But honestly man, are you even watching this movie? Because there is serious chemistry going on between these guys…"
After disposing of the moldy food, Lawrence marched back into the living with two beverages. He dropped down next to Adam on the lumpy couch and held one of the beers out to his partner.
"Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck? They've both been married Adam…" The words came out before he could restrain them and Adam immediately shot him an amused glance with eyebrows raised. Lawrence stopped mid sip and it was his turn to share am embarrassed grin.
"Do I really need to say it, Larry?" Lawrence shook his head and finished his sip before placing the beer back down. Adam leaned into him farther as he spoke and Armageddon continued to play on the screen in front of them. Ben Affleck was preparing to sacrifice himself for the sake of the world and they both knew what was going to happen next, as this was one of Adam's favorite movies. Soon, Liv Tyler came on the screen and Lawrence pointed to her emphatically.
"See, Liv Tyler. Ben loves Liv. He even proposes to her." They watched as Liv put on a tearful performance as she waited to say goodbye to her lost love.
"Liv loves Ben, yes, but I really don't see Ben reciprocating. Oh and, as you recall, Bruce is about to sacrifice himself for Ben. If that's not gay man love I don't know what is…" Adam took a large drink of his beer and sat back on the couch, where Lawrence's arm was waiting behind him.
"You don't know what gay man love is?" It was Lawrence's turn to tease and Adam looked at him with a shy amusement.
"I didn't say that…." Adam twisted around the couch restlessly. "Look, right there. You see how Bruce is all 'Tell AJ that I've always been madly in love with him'. Come on, man! It's so obvious."
Lawrence smiled and playfully tugged Adam towards him again.
"No, it's not obvious at all." He paused. "He's telling his daughter that he loves her. That's all I see."
Adam looked up at Lawrence and put on his best concerned face. Lawrence almost believed that something was really wrong until Adam spoke again.
"I'm seriously worried about you, man. A gay man with no gaydar…that is so pathetic…"
Lawrence's worried expression quickly turned to a devious smile as he reached down and tickled Adam on that particular spot on his stomach. Adam was vertical on the couch and yelling for help when Lawrence finally let him go. He kept to his side of the couch with his defensive stance prompt and ready.
"You know what I think?" Lawrence took a sip of his beer as he waited for Adam's reply.
"That we need to incorporate space suits into our role play time?" It was said nonchalantly towards the screen as Adam continued to examine every angle of the two actors.
Lawrence almost spit the beer out as he began to laugh and instead it came out as a wet cough. When they were both sure that Lawrence wasn't choking to death, Lawrence continued.
"I think that you're attracted to Bruce Willis and that you just want him to be gay."
Adam turned to the side and pinned a stare on Lawrence that feigned seriousness.
"Really? You really think I'm a Bruce Willis guy? You don't know me at all do you?"
Lawrence smiled continuous at Adam until Adam finally broke and smiled back, attempting to conceal it in his sleeve. After they each took another sip of their beers they looked back at the TV, where Ben Affleck watched as Bruce Willis blew himself up along with the deadly asteroid.
"So sad. They could have been so happy together…" Adam muttered and then looked up at Lawrence. Lawrence looked back at him and smiled.
"Not everybody gets a happy ending, Adam." He paused. "Not like us."
Adam inched his way closer until he was within Lawrence's arms again.
"Yea, but if there ever really is an asteroid we are not going into space to destroy it…even if Billy Bob Thorton tries to bribe us with a threesome. Deal?"
Lawrence leaned down and kissed the top of his partner's head.
"Deal. Wait…you would pick Billy Bob Thorton over Bruce Willis?"
Adam shrugged. "Southern accents are kind of hot."
Lawrence nodded. "Southern accents." He paused and placed a kiss in that spot behind Adam's ear that always made him squirm. "I can do one of those for you later."
Adam leaned back into the embrace. "Or now..."
Taking pleasure in Adam's arousal, Lawrence smiled. "Don't you want to see the end of the movie?"
"World is saved. People are all smiley and happy. Life goes on. The end."
Adam flipped around and, without warning, began hungrily kissing Lawrence.
And unlike Bruce and Ben, Lawrence and Adam had more than one happy ending that night.