Ryu was sad. He was coming home from Jun's and Bailong's engagement party.

"I've lost one of my prospects for a girlfriend. Who will be my girlfriend?" He thought hard, then decided to turn back the way he came and talk to Ren.

"Ren, I need help finding a girlfriend!"

Ren was agitated because he was trying to watch his soap. "Go away! I don't have a girlfriend, so why are you asking me?"

"But you have so many fangirls, Ren! You must know something!"

Ren shivered. "Let me make it clear to you, Ryu: I DO NOT LIKE THE FANGIRLS. Understand? That's why I never leave my house!"

Ryu looked out the window. Indeed there were many, many girls (and some boys) outside. They screamed when they saw him at the window.

"Don't go near the window!" Ren said too late.

"REN-SAMA'S FRIEND IS NEAR THE WINDOW! YAAAAAY!"

Ryu wouldn't give up. "Reeeeen," he whined, "tell me your secret!"

Ren glared. "NO! I don't have a secret! Those girls come and bother me no matter what I do!" He eyed the window. "Watch this," he said disdainfully.

He stood at the window. He glared at them.

"OMG, HE'S GLARING AT US!" Some of them swooned. He glared more deeply and picked his nose.

"OMG, HE'S PICKING HIS NOSE! SOOO CUTE!"

He sighed and went back to his show.

So Ryu despondently walked away.

Then he spotted Anna. He felt his hopes go up for a moment, but then decided against it.

"Nah, she's the boss's girlfriend," he reminded himself out loud.

Anna appeared behind him, a very frightening look on her face.

"WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT ASKING ME OUT?"

"Um… nooo…." he said unconvincingly.

After receiving multiple bruises, Ryu ran away as fast as his possibly-crippled legs could carry him.

"I have to think of someone nicer than her," he said, "someone who's just as pretty but much nicer."

Pirka walked by, humming sweetly and skipping along.

"Pirka! Would you like to be my girlfriend!"

Pirka looked at him, very scared, for a moment, and then blew a whistle hanging on a chain around her neck. "BIG BROTHER! RYU IS BOTHERING MEEEEE!"

Horohoro magically appeared. "Grrr…. Of all the creeps to harass my sister…"

Ryu ran away before he could experience another wave of pain. Thankfully, he found himself at Yoh's house.

"Whew, I'm glad I got away from Hororhoro…"

"Um, Ryu?" said Tamao timidly, "Are you alright?"

Ryu stared at her.

"Um, R-Ryu, why are you looking at me like that?"

"I LOVE YOU, TAMAO!"

Tamao passed out.

Pirka came in. She gasped.

"You fiend! What did you do to her? YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"

Pirka took one of her nets, caught Ryu with it, and put the net (with Ryu in it) over a crocodile pit.

However, with a combination of his pompadour's magical powers and his wooden sword, Ryu managed to escape the crocodile pit.

Ryu, rather scraped up, crawled back to China.

"REN! YOU MUST HELP ME!"

"I'm still watching my soap, go away!"

Then Ryu got a great idea. He would be a soap star! Didn't women always swoon over the ravishing heroes in those shows?

So he applied for a job. To his great pleasure, he got one!

With extra gel holding his awesome pompadour in place, he made his way to the studio. His new boss told him about his part.
"You play the sleazy guy, Jacques, who's trying to steal the ravishing hero's girlfriend."

Ryu was very disappointed. He thought he would have all sorts of fans from the show, but instead all of the viewers wanted to throw rotten tomatoes at him for being the antagonist.

Once again, he returned to Ren's house.

"Ren, I need your help."

"I've told you a million times – HEY! YOU'RE JACQUES! DIE!" And he threw rotten tomatoes at him.

Ryu was about to give up. But today, as he made his way out of the Tao manor, he gave extra notice to the hoards of fangirls out in Ren's yard. I'm telling you, there are hundreds of girls camping out on Ren's front lawn.

"Really, I wonder what his secret is," Ryu thought enviously to himself. Then he had an idea.

He asked various girls what they liked about Ren. Some of them inched away, finding him creepy. Some of them asked excitedly if he was Ren's friend. Some recognized him from his soap and threw rotten tomatoes at him. Some gave him straightforward answers:

"His bad boy attitude… sigh…"

"His smirk is so dreamy!"

"I love how tough he is, but he's really a good guy! It's so hot!"

"His hair is just AWESOME!"

At this, Ryu was hurt. Wasn't his pompadour just as awesome, if not awesome-er?
Ryu went back to his house, pondering these things. He decided he could never be like Ren if it meant losing his beloved pompadour.

When he got home, he was thrilled to see that there were fangirls outside of the gate!

Okay, there was only one. But surprisingly she was out-of-this-world pretty.

"RYUUUUUUU!" she screamed, running up and hug-tackling him.

"I LOVE YOU!" he said, taking advantage of the situation.

They talked for a while and he got to know her.

She was named Mary Sue. She had shiny, golden-blonde hair highlighted with pink streaks. It was in perfect, shiny waves down to her mid-back. She had a perfect, glowing complexion. Her eyes were a clear, bright blue the color of sapphires. She was thin, but had curves in all of the right places. She was also incredibly kind, despite her tragic past.

She wore a tight, pink, long-sleeved shirt. She had a red vest over it that was adorned with little pink hearts. She had red pleated miniskirt and shiny black boots that reached almost to her thighs, but more like to her knees. She wore a heart-shaped pendant around her neck, and to finish off her look – hey are you still reading this? Don't tell me you've skipped over the lengthy paragraph describing Mary's outfit! (not that I blame you… do it all the time myself…)

"And," she said, tears collecting in her sapphire eyes, "you see, no one wants me around anymore!"

"Why didn't you go hang out with Ren? Not that I'm complaining, you know, but everyone seems to love him."

"I'm tired of that stupid Ren! I get stuck with him all the time; I cannot tell you how sick I am of being his fiancée!"

So Ryu found his girlfriend. His quest for true love was complete?

END

Q&A: Questions and answers with Maiden-Chan and… um… Maiden-Chan

Jeanne: (reads off of notecards): Maiden-Chan, did Ryu ever get tired of having a freakishly perfect girlfriend?

Me: Not really. He was just happy he had a hot girlfriend, much less a girlfriend at all.

Jeanne (reading): Will you continue to write Shaman King Journals?

Me: Of course!

Jeanne (reading): Will you ever stop shamelessly plugging your stories?

Me: Maybe. Probably not. Review and maybe I will…

Jeanne (reading): And when will you stop bribing your readers?

Me: WHEN THEY REVIEW!

Jeanne: You are pathetic.