The Takedown"
INT. THE OFFICE
(Pam is on the phone)
(Michael walks in)
Pam: (On the phone) OK. I'll tell him. Bye.
Michael: (Banging his fists on the reception desk) Pam! Pam-a-lama! What's shakin'?
Pam: (Not amused) I just got off the phone with Jan and she said
Michael: (Interrupting) You know, you should wear that red shirt again. It really accentuates your (looking at her boobs, then at the camera) uh, hair.
Pam: (Looking down) Please stop looking at my chest.
Michael: Thaaat's what she said. (Smirking and looking at the camera)
Pam: (Unfazed) Jan called and said she needs to discuss the downsizing email that she sent to you.
Michael: (Looking guilty) Uh, oh.
Pam: (Scared) What does that mean Michael? Are we losing our jobs?
(Michael looks at the camera)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL IN HIS OFFICE
Michael: Yeah, so there was some talk about one of the branches closing. (Takes a sip of coffee)
(Kevin is at the copier making copies)
Michael: (VO) But, honestly I'm not too worried.
(Meredith is stapling papers together. She looks around to make sure no one sees her and then takes a sip of alcohol out of her flask)
Michael: (VO) We have a great bunch of guys and gals here at the Scranton branch.
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL IN HIS OFFICE
Michael: I mean, Jan would be crazy to shut us down. Am I right? (Laughing nervously) God. I mean, what would these people do without me and this place. I'm like their father and they are my bastard children. Like, for instance, Kevin. What's he got going for him? Like his band is really going to take off? Yeah, right.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF KEVIN
Kevin: Ever since we lost the gig for Pam's wedding the band has been a little bummed. But our bassist's son is turning four next week and we're playing at his birthday party. So, we should be reeling them in after that.
CUT TO RECEPTION DESK
Michael: Oh Pam. You worry too much. Stop it. (Laughing) Everything is fine. (Heads towards his office). (Points to her) Back to work.
(Camera pans to Pam looking worried)
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: I'm really nervous about losing my job because I have my own apartment now. I might have to go back home and live with my parents. (Looking frantic) And that would be really horrible. (Suddenly, she gets a calming look on her face) Although, I'm not really a good cook and my mother makes the best lasagna. (Long pause. She looks at the camera with a smile on her face). I hope our branch closes.
CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS
CUT TO THE STAMFORD BRANCH
(Jim is eating lunch in the break room. Karen walks in)
Karen: Hey. (Sits down) What's going on?
Jim: Nothing, just eating my lunch. So, are we still on for tonight?
Karen: Yeah. I'm looking forward to it.
Jim: (VO) So, Karen and I have been out on like 3 dates.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: And she's really great. (Big smile) She does this thing where she fiddles around with her necklace when she talks to me.
(Shot of Karen fiddling with her necklace and talking to Jim at his desk)
Jim: (VO) It's like the coolest thing.
Jim: Pam used to do something similar when she, uh (smiling, looking down and then a pause)
CUT TO OFFICE
(All the salespeople are at their desks and Josh walks out from his office)
Josh: Hey guys. Listen up for a second. There has been some speculation about downsizing and I just wanted to make it clear that it sounds like it will most likely be the Scranton Branch so hurray for us! (Laughs and heads back into his office)
(Jim gets a concerned look on his face. Andy turns around to talk to Jim)
Andy: Hey Big Tuna. Lucky for you, you left when you did right buddy? (He pats him on the shoulder and then turns back around)
CUT TO INDIVDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: I really can't stand that guy. I can actually say that I'm starting to miss Dwight. (Pause) Frightening, I know.
CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH
(Angela, Kelly and Pam are whispering by Angela's desk)
(Michael comes out of his office and notices them)
Michael: Whoa. Let's break up the threesome over there. (Laughing) Unless you are all discussing something that requires the three of you to be naked? Any thoughts?
(The three of them look disgusted)
Kevin: Awesome.
(Dwight heads over to Michael)
Dwight: (Whispering) Michael, there has been some talk around the office that our branch is going to be shut down. Do you know anything about this?
Michael: (Laughing nervously) What? Wha? No…no! Dwight! (Addressing the entire office) Do you believe this guy? Ha..he's so twitchy, am I right?
(The entire office is staring at him)
Michael: I mean, wouldn't I, your fearless leader, tell you if we were all out of jobs?
Pam: (Coldly) No, you wouldn't Michael.
Oscar: (Mad) Pam's right. In fact, that would be the last thing that you would ever tell us.
Toby: Yeah, I mean you've lied to us in the past when someone needed to be let go.
Michael: OK, you know what Toby, that was one instance and…like…it all worked out for the best, am I right?
Toby: Well actually,
Michael: (Cutting him off) Toby, don't be they way you are. It drives me insane.
(Phyllis looks like she's going to cry)
Phyllis: Oh my God! How am I going to pay for the wedding?
Michael: OK, everyone calm down.
(Phyllis picks up the phone)
Phyllis: Hi can I speak to Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration please?
Michael: (Upset and yelling) OK, that's it! Everyone in the conference room now. Team meeting. Right now!
Stanley: (Plainly) I'm sorry I have work to and I do not have time for one of your meetings.
Michael: This is not a choice. Everyone, right now. Let's go!
Dwight: (Whispering to Michael) Should I get my mace in case things get out of hand?
Michael: No, no. God, that's so stupid, Dwight.
Dwight: Honestly, it's a good way to show these subordinates that we mean business.
Michael: (Looking down) Just, get in there.
Dwight: (VO) (Very seriously) I disagree with Michael's decision not to use force with these people. If our branch closes it is because of the weak. And pretty much everyone here is weak. Except for me. And maybe Angela. (Long pause. Then he gets a big goofy smile on his face) She is definitely not weak.
CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM
(Everyone is seated)
Michael: OK, everyone relax. Let's all take a couple of deep breaths. In…out.
(Everyone looks pissed off at him)
Michael: In…out…
Kelly: OK, cut the crap Michael. Are we getting fired or what?
Michael: (Ignoring her statement) You're not breathing Kelly. In…
Oscar: (Getting up to leave) That's it! I'm posting my resume on Monster.
Michael: Alright, alright. Everyone just sit down. I'll tell you the truth.
(Oscar sits back down)
Michael: The truth is, I have a 3:00 conference call with Jan today to discuss if we are closing, OK?
Ryan: You mean, you don't even know if we're closing or not?
Michael: No, I do not. And like what do you care? You could just go back to temping anyway right? I mean, you didn't have to say yes when I hired you. So, don't blame me.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN
Ryan: I think the only reason Michael hired me was because he thought I would be his best friend or something. I really don't think Michael has any friends. Because if he did, they would have probably killed him by now.
Michael: So, that's the scoop-a-doop. Ok?
(Everyone gets up to leave)
Michael: Ooh, ooh. One more thing. Please do not mention this to the warehouse guys yet OK? I wouldn't want Daryl to get his gat and kill us all, if you know what I mean? (Slightly laughing)
Stanley: (Sarcastically) No Michael. I do not know what you mean. Please enlighten us.
Michael: Stanley, you of all people should know what I mean. Come on.
(Stanley looks pissed then rolls his eyes and leaves)
(Michael goes over to Pam)
Michael: Uh Pam?
Pam: What Michael?
Michael: Uh, you're not going to mention this to Roy, right?
Pam: He has a right to know Michael.
Michael: I know, but just not yet. Not until I find out everything, OK?
Pam: Fine, whatever.
Michael: (Relieved) Thank you. Thank you. You know, between you and me, I'm a little scared of him.
(Pam looks at the camera)
Pam: (Sarcastically) Really? I would never have guessed.
Michael: (Oblivious) Yeah, it's true. I know, I wore that hat well.
(Pam turns to leave)
CUT TO STAMFORD BRANCH
(Jim and Karen are eating lunch in the break room)
(Andy enters)
Andy: Hey, you guys. Royal bitch entering the hen house.
(They both turn their heads to see Jan entering Josh's office)
Karen: So what, a woman in power frightens you Andy?
Andy: No. Pft, whatever. It's just a known fact that she's a bitch. Right? (He touches Jim's shoulder) He knows what I'm talking about.
Jim: (Not amused) Actually I think Jan is pretty cool. She's the one who suggested I move to this branch.
Andy: (Pissed) Oh would you grow a pair please?
Karen: (Laughing) OK, you can leave know Andy.
Andy: (Towards Jim) You better not turn your back because I'm coming for you with my sniper rifle. And it won't be pretty.
(He exits)
(Jim looks uncomfortable)
Jim: He was talking about the video game, correct?
(Karen shrugs and continues eating. Jim looks nervously at the camera)
CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH
(Pam is eating by herself in the break room. She is looking at one of her illustrations. There is a post-it note on it from Jim that says, "This one is your best yet Beesly." Pam has a big smile on her face)
(Roy walks in and she quickly puts the illustration away)
Roy: Hey. Do you mind if I eat with you?
Pam: (Slightly hesitating) Uh, no. It's OK.
CUT TO OFFICE AREA
(Michael is peering out of his blinds in his office and sees Pam & Roy)
(He picks up the phone and calls Dwight)
Dwight: Hello?
Michael: Get in here. I have a special project for you.
Dwight: I'm your man.
(He gets up quickly but trips over his phone wire and falls flat on his face)
(Angela walks by holding a cup of tea and shakes her head at him)
(Michael opens the door to his office)
Michael: (Pissed) Would you get in here Dwight? (Dwight slowly gets up) God, you have about as much agility as Kevin.
(Kevin overhears from his desk)
Kevin: (Very slowly) Hey!
Michael: What? Nothing, Kevin go back to doing (pause) uh, whatever it is that you do.
(Kevin just looks at the camera)
(Michael & Dwight enter his office and shut the door)
Dwight: Sorry about that Michael.
Michael: God, it's like sometimes I wonder why I use you for these tasks.
Dwight: I will not let you down. What is it that you need me to do? Fire someone?
Michael: No.
Dwight: Strip search someone?
Michael: No.
Dwight: I'm fully trained to do a complete body cavity search.
Michael: Ew Dwight! Come on. Stop it. No. I need you to go into the break room and spy on Pam & Roy.
Dwight: You want me to see if they're getting back together?
Michael: No, ick...who cares about that? No, I want you to make sure that Pam isn't telling him about the branch closing.
Dwight: (Nervous) The branch is really closing?
Michael: No, uh, I don't know. Just make sure she's not saying anything alright?
Dwight: OK. If we don't close, will I be promoted for this?
Michael: No, just do it OK Dwight.
Dwight: Fine.
(He exits and Michael closes his door and peers out of the blinds again)
(Dwight enters into the break room and fiddles around with some change for a soda)
Roy: (Whispering) So, what's going to happen to us?
Pam: (Whispering) I don't know Roy. It's complicated.
(Dwight gets a serious look on his face and moves closer to them)
Roy: (Getting louder) Well, I need the money. I mean, he can't do this to us.
Pam: Well what do you expect me to do?
Dwight: A-ha! How dare you tell Roy, Pam! (Yelling) Michael, get in here!
Roy: (To Pam) What is he talking about?
(Michael comes in)
Michael: (Disappointed) How could you Pam? After I specifically told you not to.
Pam: What the hell are you talking about?
Dwight: Don't be coy Pam. You told Roy that our branch is closing!
Roy: What? The branch is closing? What the hell! Crap!
(Roy storms out of there and heads towards the warehouse)
Michael: I'm so disappointed in you Pam.
Dwight: Very disappointed.
Michael: (Under his breath) Shut up Dwight.
Pam: What are you talking about? Roy and I were discussing trying to get our money back from some one of our wedding vendors.
(Michael & Dwight just stare at her)
Pam: You had Dwight spy on me?
(They both look guilty)
Michael: (Covering) What? No, no Pam. (Laughing) God, no. Dwight? Were you spying on Pam?
Dwight: You asked me to Michael.
Michael: No, no I didn't. I asked you to buy me a soda. That's all.
Dwight: Yes and listen in on their conversation.
Michael: What? No, no I didn't.
Pam: Well, now the entire warehouse is going to know. And I think Daryl knows where you live right?
(Michael gets a nervous look on his face)
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL AT HIS DESK
Michael: I invited Daryl over to my condo to help me move some furniture. At first I told him I was having a cocktail party but when he showed up, I started getting him to move stuff. He seemed kind of upset but I figured that a cocktail party wouldn't have really been his style anyway. He was probably a lot more comfortable moving furniture.
CUT TO STAMFORD BRANCH
(Josh and Jan are still in his office. Josh has a blank expression on his face)
(Andy is sitting on Jim's desk spying on them)
Andy: (Frustrated) God. I wish I could read Josh's face. What do you think they're talking about?
Jim: (Annoyed) Uh, I'm not sure. But I'm working so if you could
Andy: (Interrupting) I bet this branch is closing.
(Jan finishes talking to Josh and walks out of his office)
(Josh is just sits there for awhile and then gets up and exits his office to address everyone)
Josh: Uh, listen up people.
(Everyone stops what they are doing and looks up)
Josh: As you may have heard, corporate needed to do some downsizing and well…our branch is closing.
(Everyone starts grumbling)
Andy: What?
Josh: Now, don't be alarmed. There are some positions that will be moved over to the Scranton branch.
(Jim looks at the camera)
Andy: (Freaking out) Oh my God! This sucks! This is total BS! (Throws his computer on the ground) I say we kill everyone in corporate!
(Josh looks at the door and gives a nod. Office security enters to take Andy away)
Andy: You can't do this to me! (Being dragged out) I'm an American citizen! Do this to her! (He points to an Asian employee who looks hurt)
(Josh walks over to Jim's desk)
Josh: (Whispering) Don't worry Jim. Jan hooked us up in Scranton so we're fine.
(Josh walks away and Jim tries to contemplate what is happening. He looks at the camera and then behind him where Karen is wiping tears away)
CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH
(Everyone, including the warehouse staff, is gathered around in Michael's office waiting for his 3:00 conference call)
Michael: (Looking nervous) Uh, really. You guys do not all need to be in here. I will let you know what happens.
Daryl: Naw, see that's not going to happen Mike.
Oscar: Yeah, we don't trust you Michael.
Michael: (Looking shocked) What? I just don't
(The phone rings interrupting Michael)
(Everyone is staring at the phone looking nervous)
Pam: Well, answer it.
Michael: Uh, isn't that your job?
(Pam looks pissed off and the rolls her eyes as she picks up the phone)
Pam: Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam. (Pause) Uh huh. He's right here. I'll put him on speaker for you.
(She puts Jan on speaker)
Jan: Uh, hello?
Michael: Jan, what's happening hot stuff? (He looks around the office with a big smile on his face but no one is laughing)
Jan: Michael? Why am I on speakerphone?
Michael: Uh, because everyone wants to know the big news Jan.
Jan: Michael, this is for us to discuss one on one. Then you can relay this information to the office.
Dwight: We already know what's happening Jan so why don't you simply fire all of these people and give Michael and I are next instructions.
(Angela gives Dwight a cruel look)
(There is a long pause)
Jan: Michael, please pick up the phone.
(He does so reluctantly)
Michael: Yes Jan?
(There is a long pause)
Michael: I see. (Pause) Uh, huh. Right, ok. Can you please repeat that for everyone because I don't think they're going to believe me.
(He puts her back on speakerphone)
Jan: Michael I (Realizing she's back on speakerphone) –Sigh- Fine. The Stamford branch is closing and a couple of their employees will be transferring to your office.
(Everyone looks relieved except for Dwight)
Dwight: Not Jim! Not Jim!
(Pam looks nervously at the camera and slightly smirks)
(Creed comes into the office eating a turkey sandwich)
Creed: What's up?
(Everyone just looks at him)
(He keeps eating, shrugs and exits)
THE END