sunshine rainbows and handguns chapter 1

A/N: Sort of a sequel to my oneshot "Afterthoughts" but you don't need to read it to get this. It would have explained why they're sleeping in the same bed (it's completely platonic).

Jess was awakened late that night by a slight shaking of the bed. She lazily rolled her head to the side to find Trish curled up on her side on the far edge of the bed, sheets kicked off, crying silently and shaking in fear.

"Trish. Trish! Wake up! Hey! Trish." Jess gently shook her friend's shoulder.

"I'm awake, Jesus." Trish mumbled. "I've been awake."

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"It's something."

"Go back to sleep."

"Look at you, Jeez, you're crying. You're fucking shaking-"

"I'm fine." Trish insisted, beginning to settle down and swipe a few stray tears away.

"He's dead. He's gone, Trish. It's over. He's not gonna hurt me, he's not gonna hurt you," Jess had kinda pictured a post-Kilgrave breakdown in reversed roles here. She thought Trish would be comforting her, not her comforting Trish about Kilgrave.

"It's not him." Trish said.

"…You don't normally cry in the middle of the night like this, do you? I mean, I'm asking. I really don't know."

"No… no, I don't. It was just a bad dream."

Jess stared at her friend, knowing that was a lie.

"That's the truth!" Trish said after looking up and reading Jess's expression.

"What was it about?"

"I'll tell you in the morning. Go back to bed. You've got a big day tomorrow finding IGH."

"You're going with me."

"Okay."

"So?"

"…So? So what?"

"So I can't have you being tired either if you're up crying all night."

"God, Jess, I'm done crying, go back to bed."

Jess laid back down and stared at the ceiling for a minute while Trish adjusted again.

"Was it about your mother?"

For a second Trish was almost angry at Jess for not letting it go. Then she realized she could answer that question honestly. "No."

"What was your dream about?"

"You're such a stubborn ass."

"You can add that to my door the next time the glass breaks. Jessica Jones, Private Investigator, Stubborn Ass."

"Don't think I won't."

"What was it about?"

Trish let out a frustrated sigh, falling back to the pillows and linking her fingers together over her forehead. She probably would sleep better if she told Jess, just to say it out loud. "I… dreamt I was back in that room where we were holding Kilgrave, when he escaped and told me to put a bullet through my head."

Jess nodded slowly.

"Well, in my dream there was still a bullet left, and I did it. I actually did put the gun under my chin and kill myself. And it's not that the thought of that alone was so stressing that it's keeping me up, but… like you said, Kilgrave can't control your feelings. And somehow just the action of it… the warmth of the barrel under my chin… that overwhelming urge to pull the trigger… And I felt just like I was back-"

"I know." Jess said softly. "Look, that was a long time ago. You don't want that anymore, do you?"

"Of course not!"

"I know. So put it behind you. It's over. Both of them."

"I guess you don't understand." Trish said.

"…There you go again. You said that the first time, when we were kids. That I "wouldn't understand" Why do you assume that?" Jess challenged.

"Because clearly you don't. You're taking immensely complicated issues and oversimplifying them, then dismissing them with a simple, "put it behind you." I'm not criticizing here, Jess, I'm just saying maybe it's not your thing to empathize with people's problems."

"What is it exactly that I don't understand? And if you say weakness again Trish Walker I swear I will slap you into next Tuesday."

"What? No joke about how my mother could do that for you, or that she already has?" Trish asked, folding her arms.

"Do I usually do that?"

"Yes."

"Oh. C'mon she's such an easy target. It's not like you mind."

Trish turned in the other direction and briefly raised her eyebrows, accompanying a shrug. Yeah, actually, she did kind of mind. She sighed, deciding not to answer Jess's original question, because of course the answer was weakness. "Whatever, Jess. Listen, you don't need to worry, okay? Having nightmares is just a normal person's way of dealing with stuff like this."

"Normal. Thanks." Jess said.

"Go the fuck back to sleep."

"Whatever. Night." Jess turned back over and let the conversation drop surprisingly easily.

~/~