A Collection of Misplaced Feelings

A 'Vignette' in Letter-Form

Written in the Point-of-View of Princess Sally

Author's Note: This is my excuse for not updating Deprivation. I've been doing a lot of side pieces lately, this again being one of them. This is a 'letter' written to Sonic, everyone's favorite little blue hero (with the exception of Shadow, whose rising popularity is just blowing me away). Most of this, in my opinion, is overdramatized, but I really wanted to give writing in Sal's point of view a shot. I'm not sure how accurate I hit her character with this, but as soon as I wrote the first sentence, the writing came fluent. I have to warn you, this promotes the 'SonSal' relationship. This is also leaning more towards SatAM, as all of my stories has. You can actually call this SatAM, post-war. Whatever the case, enjoy. This might be full of spelling and grammar errors, but someday I'll read through this thoroughly and correct them. For now, please give me feedback on the content. Thank you for your time. (Refrain from Sally-bashing too, if you'd please.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Sally, Sonic, or Tails. It's no surprise I never will.

I write you letters even though you're gone. I send them out, knowing you'll never get them. I write them; I sign my name; I always end with the same conclusion; the same extra note.

The three words I never said enough to your face.

I liked to have thought I had everything together. I earnestly did. I liked to believe I had every crevice of my life together. I liked pretend I had my future all figured out and finalized. I liked to boast my fake sense of authority; I liked to boast the power I never had.

It isn't until now I've realized I never had it. I stare at your picture; that little plastic frame with your corny grin in the center sitting on the corner of my desk. I always told you too much and too little. I always told you too much of the stuff that didn't matter. I always told you too little of the stuff that did. I almost find it funny too, the times we spent together; the pointless times we spent together doing nothing. Chatting; laughing; my teasing and your comebacks…

I miss every witty, egotistical one. I took you for granted, hedgehog. I took every moment with you for granted. It kills me now. To be honest, you had me knocked out from the start.

I would muse it was from your charming 'good looks' to play around with your ego; I would taunt that it was from that lackluster brain never put into use. I would reply to you in that way, I would joke with you; I'd refrain from being serious, but you're not here and I can't. I was never serious enough with you. I know this may come as a shock; I might stupefy you with that exclamation from the way I used to regulate you like you were my child; always chiming in on what you should be doing or some other unimportant trivial manner but that isn't the case now.

I never illustrated it enough; I never made it clear enough that I cared. And I do. You're a refuge to me. I'm sure refuge seems like a foreign word to you, so I'll define it. To put it simply, you were my only shield from the world. I could pour things on you, Sonic, like a rain shower. My fears, hopes…all conjured together in one massive storm. I could lean on you. I could cry in your arms. I could cry period without the fear of being judged or degraded.

I could tell you things I could tell no one else. My own dreams; my hopes for the world…

You never judged me. I may have been 'uncool' to you in the sense I restrained you, but you have no clue how much the world restrained me. You were everything I wanted to be, Sonic. Writing this now, I realize it. You were my image of freedom; the fact you could go anytime; anywhere, any place. You were the bandwagon I wanted to hop on. You were so elusive; so laidback; nonchalant…so full of yourself. You were always so free.

I'm starting to believe-no, I completely and thoroughly believe there is no such thing as true freedom now for royalty. I never liked to use my title before or take it to my head; to be honest with you, it always discomforted me. I never saw myself as superior.

…well, no, that's a lie. I did. The image did get to me, I suppose, in the way I restrained others. My false sense of power was my biggest strength and weakness and you were the only one that was up to fight it. I was a forced leader, Sonic, but you were born one.

Anti-authority is the word for your defiance and at some points I deserved it. At some points, I was a tyrant. It was never my intention to be, but I was. And I can't even begin to express to you how sorry I am because of it.

I've always been directed with my decisions Sonic; I always had this set path. And I wanted to stray away from it so badly; to be frank, I was never any more than you. I am just as much against authority as you are. I'm obedient to it, but I'm against it at heart. The way my father makes decisions for me; the way everyone has some royal stereotype set for me. It was like a weapon, Sonic, having the word 'princess' in front of your name. But you were the only one that saw through it. You were the only one that saw me for me.

There were some escapes besides you; my bedtime stories with Tails; the times I could just get away whether it was lost in a book or in daydreams about you. Yes, you. I've dreamed of you, Sonic; I've always dreamed of you. No, to be specific, I've dreamed of us.

I took you as a default for my future. I believed so strongly it would be us in the end. I had a feeling; a strong feeling that you and I would be together. You were my partner. We were equal opponents. There wasn't any suitor on all of Mobius that could compete with you and I wouldn't have it any other way. I still wouldn't.

We're two different personalities, but when it comes down to it; when I analyze it, we're exactly the same. We both have the same morals. We both have the same ambitions. We both have the same ending.

And I want that ending for us to be together.

Want is such a demanding word. I hate to use it. But in this case, it's the only word that works; the only word that stretches the extent of that meaning. I want it, Sonic and I'm determined to have it. I'm as obstinate as you are, when it comes down to it but there is one thing I do know now.

I can't force it.

I don't want to force it. We're equals, Sonic. It's the message I've been telling my mind ever since I've realized it. I am in no way above you. This decision is as much yours as it is my own, and in a sense more of. I can't make you and I don't want to convince you. I want you to think for yourself.

It's almost hypocritical of me to ask that of you when I hardly think for my own self. There are some things I do that go above the line that everyone has set for me; this being one of them. Every letter I've sent, Sonic, I've said the same thing. Every silly little opportunity; every immature wish I made on a star for you; it's all the same thing.

I miss you.

Miss isn't strong enough to describe how I feel. Every waking moment, True Blue, every dreaming moment; every moment of my living life I miss you. I long for you; if that makes things clearer. I hate to put it like that; I hate the way it makes me sound so dependent. If there's one thing I've brought to my own ego, Sonic Hedgehog, it's my independence. I always admired my own self for my organization; my maturity; my direction. I always showcased it with the way I acted. I had so many people fooled that I came to fool myself.

And what was I thinking, to put my foot down as much as I did? I was against what I even wanted, Sonic, and you don't understand how much that kills me now. I had fake supports and the only time I had the chance to rebuild and strengthen them was when you were around. You were always the relief when they fell down.

I used to think crying was a horrible thing. I used to think it degraded me; it destroyed my own pride and image of myself. If there was anything I was ever the most wrong about, it was that. There's nothing like a good cry. There's nothing like letting my feelings escape me. There was nothing like letting my guard down and letting those beams fall for a while.

In a sense I now look forward to it. I always secretly have, almost. It never struck me, but I have. It was the fact that every time I did, I could fall on you. Those were the times we weren't kidding each other, Sonic. The times you'd hold me; the times that hollow voice of yours would soothe me. You'd serenade me with reassurance. You were my source of hope; you were my source of pride. You were those real support beams, hedgehog; the kind I lacked myself.

I can't even begin to say how much I was grateful for it. I can't even begin to say to you how much I care. Every silly move you made; every lecture I gave you; every cold glance I'd give you before I walked away…they were all signs. They all I said I cared but in a language no one could comprehend. I couldn't even translate it until later.

But I'll say it all right now. I love you, Sonic. Love doesn't even describe what I feel for you; every vivid, illuminated detail of the feelings that go on inside at the sound of your name. I was always happiest in your arms. You gave me a strong, latent feeling of security. You were that someone out there that showed me that something went right in this world.

You were always a success story; every lucrative detail of your life was splashed with victory. You were (and are) this eternal good and I envy you so much for it. You were the definition of protagonist, Sonic. My plans could never compete with your speed. My talk could never compete with your action. You were always my hero, Sonic. You were always my idol and the inspiration behind every plan that mind of mine came up with.

And you'll never understand how much your departure has scarred everyone; you'll never understand on how your leaving has hurt me. I'm not forcing you to come back; I'm not forcing you to visit. I'm simply giving you a reason.

I like to envision that someday, in some gorgeous place, during some poignant moment between us you'll get on one knee, look me in the eye and say, 'Marry me, Sal'.

And I, overcome with shock and joy will proceed to embrace you, wipe a tear from my eye and say 'yes'. You'll sweep me off my feet; our lips will meet for a good minute or too and you'll run into the sunset, the curtain of discord closing.

A perfect end.

In reality, I know it'll never be like that. It's a childish thing, the way I imagine it but in a way, I pride myself for it. It's my story; it's my end. It's the one thing I have control over. There's no reason why I can't use it. I'm sure your own would include indulging yourself head over heels for chili dogs during our reception ceremony, but that doesn't matter.

Or, more or less, it does. I'd love to hear your story, Sonic. To put it simply, I'd love to hear your voice again. I don't care what you say; whether it's 'hey Sal' or 'where's the chili dogs, I'm starving'. It doesn't matter at all, as long as it's you. I don't care if you walk here on crutches or arrive here in a pair of overdone garments. I'll do the same thing.

The first thing I'll do, more or less, is hold you. I don't care if you object; it's my own interests I'm serving; it's my own gap I'm filling. Call it selfish if you like, but you haven't a clue how much I need to. The war taught me the power of the embrace; the way it unites a pair of people; the way it assures someone for a nanosecond someone else feels the same way.

That they care.

I was cursed with the power of complete and utter realism, Sonic, but at heart, I'd love to extend the time longer. But that's all beyond the point. I know you're somewhere right now, staring up at that same starry sky I am from my window. I know I may be the last thing on your invisible mind, but you're always the first on mine.

I love you with all my heart, Sonic Hedgehog, I love every little inch of that stubborn, nonchalant, breezy personality. From your tacky red sneakers to your carelessly styled, unkempt blue quills, I care. I never laid it on the table enough; the way I feel about you. We never told each other it quite enough and because of it, I'm suffering now. I was never really honest with you with the extent of my feelings, but I am now. All supposing you receive this, True Blue, but it's doubtful you will now with you being so far away.

I'll make a second copy of this for myself, however; I've done the same with all my other letters. I store them in a box I always keep close to that dated picture of you. Someday, when you come back, I'll give them all to you. I'll tie them in a ribbon and title them 'A Collection of Misplaced Feelings'. Or I'll send one to your hut each day; a special delivery from a close friend as a reminder. I'll make sure you'll always aware of how much I care…or at least potentially. I'll see to it I say the three words I never said enough before. I'll show you how much I really missed you while you were gone.

Every little word, Sonic, every little word always scripted to you.

Because whenever I look at that picture on my desk; whenever I feel that gap in my heart sting, I grab a piece of paper. The type of paper has varied, Sonic; from royal stationary with my family's name engraved on it to lined paper from the notebook I take notes about political affairs in. I have to say, the latter's always struck me as my favorite for its lack of formality. That rugged lined paper always reminded me of you.

I don't know how you feel about me anymore. You were always an enigma, Sonic, but that was what drew me. It was your mystery; it was my own desire to put the pieces together. I always called you incorrigible before you left; your behavior hadn't changed since the day you turned five, True Blue.

There's so much of me; no, all of me that are hoping your feelings are the same. I'm waiting, Sonic, I'm waiting for you to return. Every painstakingly long day, I always have that small slimmer of hope that you'll come knocking at my window; even foolishly tossing a stone up. Your form of notice doesn't matter, as long as it's you.

Your return is your own decision though, hedgehog. I could never make decisions for you and now doesn't change anything. If you get this, however, it would mean so much to me if you in some way acknowledged it. I don't know how to be exact; a return letter or a trip back would be the ideal in my standards, but at this point, I don't know if it's even possible.

Whatever you do, Sonic, promise me you won't take this for granted. I'm not teasing you with these massive paragraphs, I'm informing you. I let the wars down and poured and again, you're victim. I apologize for it, though I can't say I mean it. I've always liked it.

Consider what I've said and if it's possible, please, come up with some kind of reply. I'm sure with that mind of yours you'll come up with something. You were always some sort of latent genius, hedgehog.

This is the hardest thing for me to do when I'm writing to you; that is, stop. Setting the pencil down just doesn't do it for me; coming up with a conclusion paragraph almost kills me as much as the concept of you being away does. I'll end it swiftly and quickly, Sonic, I understand how busy a person you are. Thank you for your time, and most of all, for reading this far. With your patience, I know it's a struggle. I'd always do the same for you though. Be careful out there, True Blue, and come back to me if it's possible. That's no demand, it's a request. All the same, it'd mean all of Mobius to me if you did. (Tails misses you too, you know? He asked me to add that).

My best wishes eternally,

Sally--no, Sal

P.S. I love you, Sonic Hedgehog; Tails too.