WARNING!

HEAVY SPOILERS!

Watch/read before: Episodes 308-316 / Chapters 525-551

This story is supposed to take place right after the "Farewell, Shinsengumi" arc,
including everything that happened before.

- Vin et amour, souvent jouent de mauvais tours -

Because of a job that Hinowa had asked them, Kagura and Shinpachi went to Yoshiwara while Gintoki stayed at home.
-Gin-chan, you'll slow us down if you come.
-She's right Gin-san, with your wounds you'd better stay here to take some rest while we get the job done.

And just like this, the both of them were gone, leaving the silver haired samurai by himself.
Now he was all alone in this room silently sitting in his office chair, thinking about all the stuff that happened.

Why did everything turn so wrong?
Despite all the things that he had already been through until then, he still couldn't get over the fact that Shoyo was alive and had switched to the worst side ever; the Tendoshu.

Once they had accomplished their task, Kagura and Shinpachi took their time to explain everything that happened to Hinowa and Tsukuyo.

The truth behind the Shogun's death, the disbandment of the Shinsengumi, the jailbreak of Kondo and Katsura, the attack of the Mimawarigumi with Sasaki's death and of course, the sudden appearance of the Tendoshu and their big shot Utsuro, who was no one else but the supposed dead ex-master of Gintoki.
-Honestly, I've never seen anyone that strong, explained the four-eyes. Okita-san was almost beat half-dead and even Kagura was no match at all...
-Tch! There's no way that Sadist was strong to begin with! Plus, I didn't try to actually beat that crow-bastard, I just wanted Gin-chan to come back...

Lowering her head, the girl remembered the face of her beloved substitute father and how empty his eyes were. Just as if he's own soul had disappeared somewhere, leaving a cold and empty shell...

Carefully listening to their stories, Hinowa looked sad and tried her best to cheer them up. Tsukuyo on her side seemed to be lost in deep thoughts.
-Is everything alright Tsukuyo?
-Huh? Y-Yeah, it's juss... unbelievable ya know. I mean, so much happened in such a short time...
-The world is not the one we used to know anymore, stated the wheeled-chair woman.
-Um, well... Sorry ya'll but I hafta take care of some business with the Hyakka so I'm leavin' for now, said the blonde.

Slowly walking in the streets of Yoshiwara, she couldn't help but feel bad for Gintoki.
Bad? No. It was different than just "bad"... The idiot had done so much for her and the city... She couldn't even imagine how he had to feel. She didn't know much about him, but the few she knew were enough for her to understand that the guy had been through a lot in his young years and that even now, life didn't seem to give him some rest...

Feeling her chest growing tight, she decided to go and see him.

The sun was slowly setting and the last rays gave a peaceful dim in the room.

He hadn't moved a bit since the two Yorozuya had left in the afternoon. He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He wondered if everything was real or if it was just an incredibly shitty dream.
How did he manage to stand up the first time? Was it because he was slowly getting old? Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't hear the knock on the door.

Standing in front of the entrance door, Tsukuyo waited for an answer but got none.
"Perhaps he's asleep?" she thought.

She rang the bell once... and a second time. A bit worried she asked gently:
-Gintoki? Ya...You're in there?

An uncomfortable silence that seemed to last forever was now falling on her. Nevertheless, here or not, right now she just wished to see his face because the pain in her chest kept growing to the point she almost wanted to cry.

Suddenly, the door opened to show Gintoki with some band-aids here and there. Somewhat shocked to see him with such a despair-looking face, her mouth fell open.
-What can I do for you? He gently asked with a small voice.

She couldn't say anything and only mumbled some strange noises. Had her heart just stopped? She didn't know, but felt like the man's one certainly died somewhere else while she wasn't here.

Seeing how her expression had changed when her eyes had met his own, he understood right away the reason she came.
Honestly, he didn't want to face anyone right now and just wished to sink a little more into his sorrows. Hopefully, aside that she certainly was the last one he expected to see, Tsukuyo was also the easiest to bear for him. He slightly moved from the entrance.
-Come in.

She silently followed behind him to the room where she stood, just looking at him. Like his usual self, he took support on his desk and crossed his arms.
-So? To what do I owe your visit?

She knew he tried his best to hide his feelings and act normally. She could tell because that was just how he was, never relying on people while always helping the others.
-Gintoki, I... Um...

How could she help him ease his worries a little and drop the act?
-Yeah?
-Kagura 'n' Shinpachi told me what happened, she said carefully.
-And what happened? Asking like he didn't recall anymore.

How stubborn was this idiot? But this time, she promised herself that she would be the one to help him because she knew he needed a hand. It sure wasn't easy, but she didn't care because that was the least she could do for him.
-Please, don't lie to me.

She slowly walked toward him until standing right in front of him. This time, she wouldn't let him suffer alone.
-I'm talkin' about all that you've been through recently... an' about yer master.

He let out a little smirk while gazing at her strong and determinate purple eyes.
-Why are you always so perceptive about some stuff and clueless about some other?
-'Cuz I like it or not, I know you an' I can't let you down when ya helped me so many times... want it or not, I just can't so... please, lemme help you.

His head fell down to look at the floor while his hands lay down on the desk to support him.
-How could you help me when I feel like such a shit...
-Gintoki...
-I don't know what to do anymore... he admitted sadly.
All these years, I've lived with and have bore this sin. I fought hard in what I thought was right and harder against what I thought wasn't right. And then, I had to make the worst choice of my life. What to do? Cutting the head of the most important person in my life to save my young comrades and friends, or let this special person alive and watch the other two die in his place? The truth is that I didn't want to do anything. Cut Shoyo's head? Don't fuck with me!

Tsukuyo just listened to him, letting his entire pain overflow. She now understood why he never ever tried to look for help. Because he simply couldn't let anyone know how shameful he felt, how desperate he was, and how weak was the little boy who never grew inside of him.

But then again, even if my heart was saying "don't do it!" my head knew that if I didn't act, all of them would be killed. So of course, I cut his head... While Takasugi was freaking out behind me, all I was seeing was Shoyo. His long hair and that dumb smile of him... That idiot thanked me, guess he certainly preferred to die from my hands than these Naraku bastards... But how are kids supposed to live when they kill someone that's the closest to a parent to them?
-Gintoki...
-And now I see with my own two eyes that this idiot is alive and so strong that just breathing beside him is painful... THE HELL IS THIS? GODDAMMIT!

The man slumped a little more on his desk while covering his head with his two hands. The woman could tell that his voice was breaking, alongside the heavy walls he had put around his heart.
-Was this all a dream?! A freakin' bad dream?! Was all this pain, all these sorrows just my imagination?! Or maybe my actual life is in fact a dream and when I'll wake up, I'll hear that annoying laugh of Sakamoto... How should I know?

Then, the blonde gently put a hand on his shoulder.
-It's okay, Gintoki this ain't a dream, she said with a soft voice.

His left hand fell back along his body and his right hand came to rub his temples, slightly curtaining his eyes.
-...What am I supposed to do now? I don't know anymore...

While he surely tried to hide himself, Tsukuyo couldn't stand to watch him like this. She approached and put her right hand on his head, softly pulling him against her chest.
- We'll think 'bout it and ya'll find a way I'm sure, she said slowly patting his head.

Then, she felt his trembling arms come and tighten around her waist.
-Ya ain't alone, I'm here with you, she repeated again to calm him down.

-Shinpachi, what do you think Gin-chan will do now? Asked the Yato with an unusual worried voice.
-Well, I'm not sure myself, but Gin-san is strong, said the boy trying to reassure her, we should just let him some time alone.

She hummed in response, still not convinced that things would stay like before.
-Well, it's getting late, so I'd better back home. Thank you Hinowa-san for letting us stay a little.
-Please don't mention it, it's nothing really.
-Kagura, you're coming with me? I'm sure Aneue will be happy if you stayed the night.
-...I think I'd rather stay here and play with Seita instead... Her tone definitely not in the mood for any game. Is it okay if I stay here, Hinowa?
-Of course! I'm sure Seita will also be very happy to have someone to play with! But, perhaps you should tell Gin-san so he won't worry...

The sun had gradually let his place for the moon to rise in the sky. The room was plunged into the darkness, but from the faint light of the street lamp that slipped through the window, two shadows merged into one could be seen.

Tsukuyo didn't dare to disturb the man until he slowly moved his head backward, loosening his grip around her waist. She dropped both her hands to his shoulder, silently looking at him.

While she would usually freak out whenever he touched her, she now didn't mind that they were in each other's arms. The situation was completely different from the ones where she would have thrown a kunai at his head...
She was happy that he opened up to her and gladly welcomed him against her body if it could soothe him, even just a little. She wasn't even blushing while she could see her own reflection in his eyes. Even if the man didn't make any sound, she could now tell that he had silently cried because of his puffy eyes.
-My head hurts like hell... he said bluntly with a hoarse voice.

She smiled at him and put a hand on his forehead, sliding it under his bang.
-Course it hurts, ye're thinkin' too hard, dumbass.
-That's not a way to help someone whose head hurts, you know?

"Seems like his usual self's back" she thought while dropping her hand. Still, she didn't want to let him alone, fearing he might get depressed once again.
-Oh poor lil' boy, she said mocking him.

Then his gaze suddenly changed. She felt uneasy and her heart began to pound hard in her chest.
-...Sorry for that, he said with a serious but honest tone.

She let out the breath she had unconsciously held in, and slightly nodded her head in response while giving him a tap on his shoulder. Was it the time for her to leave?
After all, it was pretty late and he surely needed some rest... But, she was still trapped within his arms like he didn't really want to let go of her...

While she wondered what to do now, she didn't really wanted to leave him like this and remembered that neither Shinpachi nor Kagura had come back.
-Kagura ain't back yet, she said, avoiding the "leaving possibility".

At this moment, the telephone rang and Gintoki completely released her so he could bend back and take the phone. At his move, she awkwardly took a step back and felt her blood rushing.
-Oh Kagura! I was wondering if y- ...what?
-[...]
-Hmm... I see. Well it's okay with me, I don't mind but can- eh?
-[...]
-Wait. No, there's no nee-!
-[...]
-...Hi there Hinowa-san...

When the blonde heard the name, her eyes widened.
-Tsukuyo, you say?

She nervously shook her head, making big moves with her arms. Curiously watching her from the corner of his eyes, he followed his conversation as naturally as before.
-Nope, I didn't see her. Should I have?
-[...]
-Oh, I see... Well, guess she's on a job.
-[...]
-I'll leave Kagura in your care then. Bye.

When he hung up, Tsukuyo sighed heavily somewhat feeling safe. He turned to her waiting for some possible explanations, but none seemed to come. Instead, the woman relaxed while seating on the couch.
-Kagura is staying the night at your place.
-Is that so? She asked timidly.
-Yeah... So? Did you elope or what? He said like talking to a mere kid.
-Wha-?! NO! She coughed trying to keep her cool. A-anyway, I'm gettin' hungry... Should we eat out?

The fact that he knew she had hid her visit here was making her uneasy. She tried her best to don't sound any more suspicious than she already was and acted like she would normally do. Now that Kagura wouldn't come back, she wasn't sure what to do. He seemed to be back to his old self, but it wouldn't bite to be sure, right?

~...~

They were seating in a family restaurant and it was now the favorite part of the silver haired samurai: dessert time.
-One Chocolate Parfait for me, please.

Tsukuyo was reading the menu when her eyes stopped on a certain name.
-Oh! Then I'll take this one, please.

The waitress looked to where her finger was pointing and confirmed the order with a smile; "One Chocolate Parfait and one Coupe Colonel then, I'll come back very soon".
-Ooh, I didn't know you were knowledgeable in terms of dessert, he said with an impressed tone.
-Well, I guess sugar ain't bad from time to time, right?
-And here I thought you were some no-fun woman, how bad of me to have mistaken.
She threw him a glare but stood silent.
-And, of what is made that 'Colonel' you ordered?
-Eh? Well, I dunno.
-What? Wait, why did you choose it then? He asked in a high pitched voice like she was now making some sacrilege.
-I thought tha name sounded rather cool for a dessert... she admitted.
-Cool? The name was cool? Is that it? Really?! That's why you choose your dessert?! He now seemed to get crazy like the idiot he was had the habit to do.

While she was at first feeling a bit offended, she soon decided to let it go, stating that the Gintoki she knew was really back. She smiled in her head and bluntly retorted;
-'course I did. Coupe Colonel IS a cool name, right? It's nothin' like these soft 'n' cutes names that somewhat sound ridiculous...
-Forget what I said. I KNEW you were a no-fun woman. Definitely.

Her brow twitched and before she had the time to throw a kunai right in his damn head, the waitress came back with both desserts. Each one was gracefully presented in a beautiful glass-crafted cup that let appear each little layer of ingredients.

Tsukuyo wasn't much of a sugar fan, she'd rather have some traditional and regular sweets like mitarashi-dango and daifuku-mochi. But looking at her own dessert, she admitted to herself that she was kind of drooling to taste it. While she was hesitating with "where should I first begin?" Gintoki had already eaten the first tier of his own parfait.

When she put the spoon in her mouth, she melted along the lemon flavored water ice. Acidulous and sweet at the same time, she let it slip through her throat. The refreshing and cold feeling soon became incredibly hot. So hot she almost felt her head spin.
"Wow... Is that why he likes dessert so much?" she wondered.
-So, how is your cool-named dessert? He dared to ask after finishing his own.
-HAH?! AIN'T THAT BAAAAAD, YA KNOW!
-What?
-Ya should try an' taste it, Gintoki!

"Why does it look like she's completely drunk? Is that why she usually don't eat sweets?" He said to himself, pondering as her face was turning a faint red.
-I TOLD YA TO TASTE IT, YA PUNK!

Before he could say anything, she had thrown her spoon right through his throat, almost killing him in the process. While he tried to stay alive, he suddenly froze when recognized the taste... He was pretty sure about it but still asked the waitress.
-Um... excuse me, miss?
-Yes, sir?
-What kinds of ingredients are used exactly in that Colonel my friend here has ordered?
-Oh, well it's a blend of two kinds of lemon sorbet slightly watered with vodka liquor.
-V-Vodka... you said...

He was right. He hoped he was wrong but nope, he was damn right and was know fearing for his life...

I tried to keep (but not too much) Tsukuyo's way of talking, though I admit I don't really like it... ahah. But since I think it is part of her character, I thought it would have been OOC for her to speak like the others. I made her, depending on the situation, to try to talk 'normally' by using more "you" than "ya" but well... Who cares?
BTW, I didn't re-transcript the -ARU accent of Kagura tho... Sorry for that.

PS: I often order a Coupe Colonel when eating in a restaurant ;)