*dramatic voice* Previously on Lost: Ben didn't kill John, they went back to the island together but John ended up in 1977, too. Eventually he found his way back to real time and is reunited with Ben who's still struggling to be a better person. John confessed his love but Ben didn't know how to express his feelings for John yet. But still, they leave the others behind to spend some time with each other... / You can read my previous stories from this AU titled "Fair Game" and "Time After Time" if you like but it's not necessary to understand this story. It's just smut after all...

"Do you like it?"

Ben couldn't answer, he was still trying to figure out whether he did like it or not. There was that subtle pain that wouldn't quite escape him just yet, but apart from that the feeling was overwhelming, arousing, fulfilling. It had been his idea after all and he didn't want to stop now, he wanted it to happen for it was always supposed to happen; in this very moment under these very stars on the sand that was still hot underneath him from the burning sun of the day. But even though – or maybe because – he was beginning to enjoy it, he remained empty of words.

"Ben?" John said with a gentle whisper and stopped moving. "Did you hear me? I can always stop if it doesn't-"

"No, don't stop! Stay! Stay inside of me. I just…" Ben wet his lips and tried to focus on what he wanted: John. It had always been John, ever since they were locked up in the Swan Station, Ben couldn't forget how close they got; how much he had enjoyed being with John and only John. Now Ben was far from whom he had been then – a liar, a fraud, always a step ahead of everybody. None of this mattered anymore. There was no need to have the upper hand, not over John or anyone else. Instead he began to find relief in letting go and giving away the control he once held on to so bitterly. With John on his side it was easy to change, to stop pretending; it was so good to be weak under his touch. "I want to feel you, John."

"But are you sure you're enjoying it?! I really don't want to hurt you."

"It's good. It doesn't hurt anymore. I guess I just had to get used to it."

John smiled at him and bent down to kiss him on the cheek, then slowly his warm lips traced to Ben's neck and the soft kisses turned into more passionate little bites. At the same time he let his fingers run through Ben's chest hair and tenderly pinched his stiff nipples. Matching the rhythm of his kisses John began gently thrusting his hips, each time entering Ben's body a little deeper causing them both to shiver and moan with pleasure. "Touch yourself." John said under his breath and peered at Ben who was blushing at what John was asking of him.

Ben hesitated for a moment but then decided to give in to John's commands, and once he did that it made him feel more confident knowing that John would tell him what to do. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen movies before. He had seen all kinds of porn, some of which turned him on, others left him intimidated or in shock. While in theory he knew what to do, what to say and how to move, reality proved itself to be not as easy as he thought. The sheer amount of different sensations having to be processed stunned Ben. He breathed in deeply, quietly, and did as John told him. He placed one hand on John's back to pull him down closer because he wanted to feel all of his lover's weight on top of him. The other hand found its way between them and embraced his most sensitive area.

Pins and needles rushed all over John's body as he cautiously picked up the pace of his thrusts. He never lost sight of Ben's eyes though; he needed to look into them to know Ben was enjoying it as much as he was. And if there had been any doubt about this before it vanished now. Seeing Ben's lips shiver and his cheeks blush, feeling his trembling body underneath him – all of this signalled John he was doing it right and put him even closer to the edge. He had to hold his breath and look away to concentrate because he didn't want it to be over yet.

"Look at me!" Ben said panting, almost begging when touching John's cheek to make him look at him. "I want to see your face when you come."

John breathed heavily, looking at Ben like he wanted him to, and went back to focussing on his own movements while Ben was stroking himself harder and faster. With a choked moan John couldn't hold it back any longer. He felt his body spasm and his heart race, skipping a few beats as he came inside of Ben.

Ben paused and let go of his erection to grasp every detail of John's orgasm. The way he bit his lower lip, how every muscle of his body tensed and eased off again immediately, how he sighed in relief and looked almost disoriented when slowly finding his way back to this small world.

Carefully he pulled out of Ben while they kissed. It made Ben dizzy and every little hair on his body started to tingle. "I need just a minute." John whispered into Ben's ear.

"Sure." Ben answered without actually being sure what John wanted to do in a minute. "You're shaking, John. Are you okay?"

John giggled. "Yes. I'm great." When he finally had his full consciousness back he began kissing and stroking every inch of Ben's body on his way down until his lips reached Ben's inner thigh. His strong hands held on to Ben's waist as he moistened his lips before taking him fully into his mouth.

Ben's instinct told him to throw his head back and close his eyes but he fought it; he wanted to observe everything that John did to him – mainly out of curiosity but also to make sure this was really happening and not just a very vivid dream.

John tried all the different combinations of licking and sucking he could think of, first slowly, then quicker, hoping to find out what Ben liked the most. But he had only ever been on the receiving end of blowjobs and was daunted by his own lack of experience. He stopped to catch his breath – he hadn't imagined it to be this exhausting – and shyly looked up at Ben hoping to get any kind of feedback.

"Good God, don't stop!" Ben begged, his eyes wide open and his skin shining in the moonlight.

"You're enjoying it? I wasn't sure if I was doing it right."

"John, it feels amazing!" Ben said and grabbed John's hand. "Please continue."

Ben panted harder and squeezed John's hand tightly as he was getting closer and closer to climax. Only moments later he finally felt that sweet relief, that little death that would bring him back to life.

John looked at him, a big grin on his face. "Now you are shaking." He said and lay down on top of Ben, wrapping his arms around him to pull him close against his own body.

Ben wiped little beads of sweat from his forehead as his muscles slowly relaxed. His heart was still pounding inside his chest when, even with his eyes still closed, he could feel John's lips hovering above his and he opened his mouth a little to take John's tongue into his mouth and play with it.

"You taste salty." Ben whispered with a smile.

"No. You taste salty." John said making Ben laugh.

John turned over to lie down next to Ben who immediately snuggled up to him and rested his head on John's chest. They were silent for a little while and occasionally glanced at each other like it was the first time they met. Everything was new yet familiar, as if this moment and this beach was all there had ever been.

"You're beautiful, Ben."

Ben blushed and escaped John's gaze. "Thank you." he said almost inaudibly. "So are you."

Again they struggled to find words that would do justice to how they felt. It was Ben who finally had to courage to break the silence.

"Can I ask you something?"

John nodded and put a hand in Ben's neck which helped him relax a little for he was nervous about asking the question that he couldn't stop thinking about.

"Are you my boyfriend?"

John would have laughed if he hadn't been so speechless. He didn't think this question was still necessary but then he remembered that Ben wasn't like other people and had never been in a situation like this before. If for John it was new and exciting to be with a man for the first time he could only imagine how mind-blowing it must be for Ben.

"Look at me, Ben." John kissed him on the forehead and buried his fingers in Ben's hair. "I would love to be your boyfriend if that's what you want, too. A romantic relationship, I mean."

"I don't know if I can be..." Ben swallowed, searching for the right words to express his worries. "I don't know if I can be romantic."

John smiled. "I think you're doing pretty well so far."

But Ben was still struggling to sort his thoughts, most of which frightened him in this moment. He could feel his heart beat quicker again but this time it didn't make him feel good.

"Ben. It's okay. I don't expect you to have all your feelings figured out yet. I know this is new to you and you don't have to know how to do this already. We can just enjoy each other's company." John caressed Ben's cheek and caught a tear before it could reach Ben's lips. "I want you to feel good, not anxious. And we've got all the time in the world to find out together what kind of relationship we want to have."

"You really are too good for me, John. I don't deserve you."

"Shut up!" John said and put on a fake angry face. "You're right, I'm too good for you but that doesn't mean you don't deserve me."

Finally Ben could smile again. He was mesmerised by how easy all of this was for John, how he could keep his humour and not be intimidated by the emotions he showed so openly. Ben wished it was as easy for him to figure out how he feels about John but whenever he tried to put it into words, it didn't seem right. All he knew was that he didn't want to be without him ever again and that he knew nothing more comforting than John's presence. "I would really like you to be my boyfriend." he said and parted his lips waiting for a kiss for he was still too shy to initiate it himself.

John grinned. "Well, then come here, boyfriend, and give me a goodnight kiss."