But I m not going to harp about the odds and ends of being pregnant. I m sure you ll hear it a thousand times growing up. I m just going to tell you about yourselves, about your parents, about the people that will love you or would have loved you. The heroes and the martyrs and the people you ll never know. Your father would tell me to stop being so strung up about it but I can t help it. We ve lost so many good souls but that s for later. For now let me tell you about yourselves.
Every day I feel you two now. They told us we ve got a boy and a girl on the way (and Mira, baby, let me tell you, your daddy s already freaking out about you). We re casually placing bets on who ends up like whom, what house you ll be in, what you ll look like. Mira, you never stop moving, kick me all the time, you re just like your father. Restless, wild, energetic in the extreme. My little Orion I think you re more like me. Your grandmum Adrienne says I was always quiet except the occasional kicks and wiggles, you seem to be the same. You seem happiest when I m sitting and reading on the couch, as if you re soaking up the knowledge too. I know that whatever happens you ll both be beautiful and perfect in your own ways. Even if you killed my little stomach! How does skin even stretch that far! We ve sorted out that you both like your father s voice, and that s about the only thing that will get Mira to quiet down enough for me to sleep. There s about two and a half months of this left, before we get to meet you, and I don t think either of us can wait. There are so may people that want to meet you too. This is the important part.
I ve been thinking lately You re daddy thinks I m thinking about this too much, but I want you to know about the ones who would have loved you, in case they re gone. You see, you ve already lost family and you don t even know it. In July
-words here smeared by tear spots and smudged out in places-
Let me try that again. You see, we ve lost Marlene my Marly, my very best friend. Your Auntie Lily and her were going to be your god mother hadn t sorted out who got who yet but that was the plan. Now well I think your Auntie Lotta will fill in, but I want you both to know the person you lost, we all lost. A brave woman, one who I always knew would be great. A great friend, a great mother. Rory and Oliver are on their own now I can nearly guarantee that her last thoughts were for them. She was a good mum, would have been a good godmother to you. I loved her with my whole heart and I still can t go a day without missing her. You da thinks I get too upset about it, that it s going to hurt the two of you if I don t calm down so I try not to think on it too long, but I miss her. I miss her and I m afraid. Afraid for all of us. For Alice and Frank. For Andy and Ted. For Lily and James. Remus and Peter and Mary and Egdar and Kingsley and even crazy old Moody (who s still a bit put out by your unexpected arrival taking away one of his aurors.) For Fabian and Gideon and Molly and Arthur. (Molly s little girl will probably be in your year, you know.) Lottie, Tiras, Al and Lauren my Mum and Da even. What if something happens to them? Any of them, all of them. Sometimes I don t want your father to leave the house. He won t let me do anything really helpful for the Order anymore but he insist on being out there all the time. Some days I can t keep from breaking down i tears when he leaves. I blame it on your two, on the hormones and everything, but that s not the whole truth. I m afraid for all of us, that we think we re invincible, infallible, and one day someone will find that chink in our armour.
I watch everyone, every day, go out to fight a war while I m stuck here useless. I see that look in their eyes that says they re ready to lay down their lives for what they believe in. We call this honorable, and maybe it is, but when it serves at the harbinger of death for so many good men and women I can t find the logic in it. It seems every day that this fight is slipping further and farther out of our grasp. They cross our lines, find our safe havens, take away our loved ones. Can we win this? Dumbledore thinks he knows something, or is on the edge of something that will make the difference but we re still waiting. Waiting for word, waiting for action, while part of me is afraid. I ve lost a part of me already with Marlene I don t know how many more I can lose. What if it s Lily, or Alice or God forbid Sirius. I
I just want you to know that you re surrounded even now by great men and women. People who will change the world. People who with live and die by their morals and who deserve your love and will give you all of theirs. All of those people I named, every last one of them. Even strict old Minnie. They re your family, whether you know it or not. Cherish them.
Your godbrother wants to visit all the time now and talk to you two, I wonder what you think of him and his baby gibberish. I wish you d have all been the same year. Lily jumped the gun on me though. We re young twenty one, some younger and already losing lives and creating them. It s what this world needs, a sacrifice of blood so that you can grow up in a better world.
And please, my little babies, my pride and joys, my world. If anything should ever happen to me, know that it was in order for you to have the world at your fingertips. That it was for you to grow up safe and happy playing in the garden with Harry and Ronald and Ginevra and Oliver and your cousin Alexander without a care in the world. All we have is the present and out hope for the future. I hope your future is the brightest. I will make it so. For you, for Marly. For all of us. I love you both.
Mummy