A/N: So this is the first of the three one shots I've been talking about for what feels like forever and god, did this turn out long (hopefully it makes up for how long it took me to post it lol). A little background – I know technically on the show this should've happened sometime between the time jump years, but for the sake of these stories this happens after the time jump (the girls are about 25) and disregards what's happening on the show. Maybe lets say it happens in my On the Run universe? If you haven't read it yet, go check it out! (Excuse my blatant personal promo lol). There's no A, they've already resolved these issues and left them in the past.
Also, go check out my profile if you ever want to see what I'm currently working on. I keep it pretty updated!
Hope you guys enjoy this, drop a review and let me know what you think. I'll be back again soon! xx
x-x-x
"Tell me what you want."
Alison pants as a single finger drags through her wetness, warm lips pressing open-mouthed kisses down her sternum. She aches to touch the woman above her, the woman who's currently making her skin feel like it'll burst into flames, but she whimpers when her arms meet resistance and she tugs helplessly against the restraints that hold her wrists above her head.
"Tell me," Emily says huskily. The tip of her tongue drags down the valley between Alison's breasts and she turns to nip at underside of Ali's right breast.
"What." Nip. "Do." Kiss. "You." Lick. "Want?"
Alison's back arches into Emily's mouth, gasping a mess of incoherent syllables at the feeling of Emily's warm tongue flicking across her overheated skin. She groans when Emily pulls away, blue eyes opening to see the brunette's teasing smile hovering above her.
"Tell me," Emily repeats.
"Please, baby," Alison whimpers. Her hips lift in search of friction, Emily's fingers moving in tandem to keep up the torturously teasing touch. "Touch me. I need you –" She trails off mid sentence into a sharp moan when two fingers press into her slowly, hips rising against the welcomed intrusion.
Emily curls her fingers purposely, chuckling as the blonde writhes and breathes obscenities into the quiet bedroom. She loves driving Alison wild, loves seeing the blonde come apart under her touch.
"Do you want to come?"
The question is breathed into her ear, the brunette's voice low and husky, her lips brushing against flushed skin and god, the sound of it has Alison nodding desperately and nearly sobbing with need because she's right there, has been on the brink for what feels like hours and she just needs a little more to tip over the edge and end this sweet, sweet torture.
"Tell me, Ali." She drops her forehead to rest against Ali's as her fingertips circle lightly around the blonde's clit before they slide down to sink into her easily. "Tell me what you want."
"Make me come," Alison whines, wrists tugging desperately against their restraints and she curses herself for letting Emily tie her up because god, she wants to touch her, wants to sink her fingers into her girlfriend's soft skin and lose herself in the feeling of Emily kissing her, touching her, filling her. "Make me come, baby, please make me co –" Three fingers fill her suddenly and sharply and she cuts off with a shriek because yes, yes, yes.
Emily pulls back as she feels Alison tighten around her fingers, and with one final thrust the blonde's legs stiffen and she finally lets go. Her eyes roll back in her head as her back arches and legs tighten around Emily's hips, mouth dropping open in a – well, she honestly doesn't know if she's screaming or not, she certainly wants to because the orgasm that rips through her seems to go on and on until she thinks she's literally going to die, heart pounding so hard she doesn't know how it hasn't jumped right out of her chest and exploded into a thousand tiny pieces. Her body keeps jerking and twitching even after her orgasm starts to subside, ripples of pleasure running through her limbs until she collapses into the mattress, sweaty and sated and exhausted. This is her fifth – no, sixth climax of the night and she honestly doesn't know if she'll survive another round, already feeling exhaustion seeping into her limbs.
Thankfully Emily seems to be done for the time being, Alison abruptly realizing that Emily has untied her, and her arms fall limply around the woman's back as the brunette settles over her with her face buried in the blonde's neck. When she finally opens her eyes, chest still heaving for breath, she feels Emily's shoulders shaking and she glances down to see her girl smothering a smile into her shoulder.
"Why are you laughing?" Alison asks, lips twitching into a smile as she runs a hand lazily through Emily's hair. Her throat feels kind of scratchy when she speaks and yeah, she'd definitely been screaming before.
"You are so loud," Emily says, and she kisses Alison's neck, shoulder, jaw, until she's climbing her way up to claim her lips and they chuckle into each other's mouths.
"That's what happens when you're a tease," Alison replies pointedly.
Emily chuckles, dropping another kiss onto the blonde's lips, tongue teasing between Alison's lips until she hears Alison moan softly. "As if you didn't love it," she breathes.
"Mmmm." Alison hums her agreement into the brunette's mouth, lifting her hands to brush back the brown hair cascading around them, her fingers tangling in soft locks as Emily kisses her languidly.
Eventually soft kisses grow chaste and Emily pecks her lips once, twice, and finally a third time before rolling onto her side and sliding an arm around Alison's waist, pulling the blonde's back flush against her front as their legs tangle together. Alison sighs happily and grabs the hand Emily's using to trace along her bellybutton, partly to stop the tickling but mostly to thread their fingers together, because she loves how they fit together perfectly.
"I love you," Emily murmurs softly into Alison's hair.
"I love you too." Alison cranes her neck backwards to press a soft kiss to Emily's cheek and glances at the clock on her bedside table when she turns back around, groaning when she sees it's almost three in the morning. "I can't believe I have to be up in three hours."
"I can't believe you're actually complaining about going to the Hamptons."
Alison rolls her eyes. "It's with my dad, Em, not exactly my ideal vacation. And it's so fucking ridiculous that he refused to let you come with us. I mean –"
Emily shushes her gently with a kiss to her temple, sensing Alison about to go off into an angry rant. "He probably just wants to spend some time as a family, babe. That's good, isn't it? He never gets to see you anymore with us being in California."
Alison scoffs. "Family time, right. I won't even see him until tomorrow night, he'll be in meetings all day." She doesn't really understand the point of this trip, her dad's sudden interest in actually being a family an extremely foreign and unusual concept to her. "And you are family. We're engaged, for god's sake. I know he's not too fond of the idea but he could at least make an effort, couldn't he?"
Emily's lips press against her bare shoulder, a soothing gesture that calms her irritation almost instantly. She knows the fact that her dad doesn't particularly approve of their engagement bothers Alison more than the blonde cares to admit, still remembers the fight that ensued when Alison had called her dad to announce their engagement after Christmas and Kenneth had expressed his surprise, how he'd admitted he'd always thought Alison had used Emily to hit her experimental phase (though how he'd rationalized an experimental phase that lasted seven years they're still not quite sure). It took Emily hours to calm her down after that, Alison having yelled and screamed and cried until her voice had gone hoarse. Any mention of her father now had the potential to turn into a whole issue. "It's okay, Ali. He'll come around eventually."
Alison sighs, resigned. "Whatever. I'm just annoyed I won't see you again until Tuesday."
Emily smiles sadly because she feels the same way – any time spent away from Alison is painful in and of itself – but she starts dropping kisses all over Alison's face and neck, trying to lighten the blonde's mood.
"Well," the brunette says between kisses. "Between texts, FaceTime, and the phone sex I'm sure you'll be calling me for," She nuzzles Alison's cheek playfully at that, grinning when the blonde giggles. "It'll be as if you never left."
Alison chuckles, but doesn't deny the truth of her statement. When she opens her mouth to reply it turns into a yawn, feeling the effects of her orgasm finally start to sink in, and she elbows Emily playfully when she hears the brunette snickering behind her.
"You should get some sleep," Emily says quietly. "I don't want you falling asleep behind the wheel tomorrow."
The blonde rolls her eyes but relents as she yawns for a second time. Emily shifts away momentarily to make sure her phone is charging on the nightstand, and the brief moment of space between their bodies makes Alison acutely aware of the fact that she's naked and uncovered against the cold bedroom air. Goosebumps arise over her skin and she shivers.
"You cold?" Emily asks when she turns back to Ali. She reaches for the covers bunched up at their feet when Alison nods and throws it over them both, waiting for Alison to settle before she snuggles into the blonde's side, arm wrapped tightly around Alison's waist.
"Goodnight, Ali." Emily breathes against her neck, eyes already falling closed with exhaustion.
Alison turns in Emily's arms and presses a sweet kiss to the brunette's lips. "Mmm, goodnight, gorgeous. Sweet dreams."
They spend a few moments in silence, Alison listening to Emily's steady breaths against her neck. She doesn't really want to sleep, prefers to spend her remaining hours in Rosewood soaking in as much of her fiancée as she can.
"Wake me up before you leave, okay?" Emily mumbles after a moment, voice already heavy with sleep.
Alison chuckles, pecking her girl's lips softly once more before she settles into her pillow. "Will do, sleepy girl."
x-x-x
Alison does another quick glance around her bedroom, illuminated by the soft light of her bedside table. Her bags are all packed and by the door, her purse is on her desk already with everything she needs, her phone is in her back pocket with the charger in her bag and she's all dressed and ready. With a heavy sigh, she deems herself ready to go – all that's left to do is say goodbye to Emily. Emily, who's sleeping so peacefully it pains Alison to have to wake her.
The brunette is laying on her stomach, bare back exposed to the cool air of her bedroom as the covers pool just at her hips, just barely covering her ass. Her brown hair is splayed out across her pillow, arms tucked in beneath it.
Alison sits down carefully at the edge of her bed by the brunette's hips, trails her fingertips down Emily's back and pulls the covers up with her as she trails them back up, marveling once again at the soft skin under her touch, because she really doesn't think she'll ever tire of touching this girl. She runs her fingers through Emily's locks and bends down to kiss her temple softly, nuzzling her nose against the brunette's cheek as she shakes her shoulder gently.
"Em," she whispers, pressing warm kisses against Emily's neck. "Baby, I have to go."
Emily inhales deeply as her eyes flutter, head tilting towards Alison's gentle kisses. Alison smiles, nuzzling into Emily's neck lovingly before she pulls away to watch brown eyes open, hazy and dazed from sleep.
"Mmm?" Emily mumbles sleepily, eyes heavy with sleep as she rolls over onto her back. "Whasgoinon?"
"Sweetie, I have to go." Alison repeats, pressing a kiss to Emily's mouth. "You told me to wake you up before I left so I did."
A few moments pass while Emily seems to process this information before the brunette inhales sharply and starts to sit up. "Right, right, you're leaving. Just give me a sec to –"
"Shhhhhh," Alison shushes her quietly, hand pressing gently at her shoulder to keep her down against the pillows. "Go back to sleep, my love, it's okay. I just wanted to say goodbye."
"I don't want you to leave," Emily whines sleepily.
Alison bites back a smile, reaches out to caress Emily's cheek lovingly and smiles fully when the brunette nuzzles into her touch.
"I'll be back before you know it," she replies, even as her heart aches at the thought of leaving, even if it's only for a few days. She claims her girl's lips swiftly, refraining from deepening the kiss so Emily can go back to sleep once she leaves. "I love you, Em."
"I love you too, baby," Emily replies, and Alison doesn't stop the chuckle that slips out. Emily only calls her baby when she's either drunk or half asleep and doesn't know what she's saying and the blonde finds it all kinds of adorable.
"You're too cute," she chuckles softly, bends down to kiss Emily again because she really can't resist and hums happily when Emily runs a hand through her hair. "Go back to sleep. I'll call you in a few hours."
"Mmkay." Emily sighs, her eyes already falling closed as Alison adjusts the covers over the brunette before she stands up.
Alison slings her purse over her shoulder, grabs the rest of her bags and heads to the door as quietly as she can, knowing any loud noises will jostle Emily out of her drowsy haze and keep her awake for the rest of the night.
"Love you, Em." Alison whispers into the quiet bedroom. She smiles when she hears a soft snore just before she closes the door behind her.
x-x-x
I miss you.
Alison laughs softly. She's been sitting out by their house's pool since she'd arrived three hours ago, and it'd only taken an hour for her mind to wander to Emily, for her to wonder what the brunette was doing, if she was still asleep, if she was still naked… She doesn't doubt that the brunette has just woken up, and she can imagine Emily lying in bed – in her bed – messaging her with a pout on her lips, sheets pooling around her naked frame.
Already? I've been gone for half a day…someone's clingy.
She hits send with a knowing smirk, and bursts into laughter when she immediately receives a shocked emoji in response.
Don't be mean.
Lol couldn't resist
I miss you too, baby, good morning.
More like good afternoon. I've slept half the freaking day away.
Hmmm, sounds like you were pretty tired last night.
Yeah, I wonder why?
Alison chuckles, and she feels her whole body heat up as her mind replays some particularly steamy scenes from the night before. Just the thought of last night has a dull, pleasant ache pulling at the blonde's lower belly and she finds herself wishing she'd fought harder with her dad to let Emily come with them, her mind racing with the possibilities of all the ways they could have christened the mostly empty beach house.
Lol what are you doing?
Enjoying your empty house
Not looking forward to having my mom harass me about the wedding at home
Why aren't we eloping again?
Alison laughs – she should've figured as much. Emily's parents had been ecstatic when they had first gotten engaged last Christmas – Pam in particular, who seems to never tire of talking about "her only daughter's up coming wedding" to the point that Emily had taken to ignoring some of her mother's calls.
"It. Is. May. I cannot take seven more months of this." Emily had said after a particularly long conversation – two hours long to be precise – over the phone last month.
But now that they were visiting Rosewood and they were actually staying with their parents – or rather alternating between their houses (Alison hadn't particularly wanted to stay with her dad, but Emily had insisted it would help them in the long run if they spent as least a few nights in the Dilaurentis' house) – Emily had no where to hide from Pam Fields and her wedding fever.
Don't be such a baby :p
Ignoring that.
Also your bed is really comfortable. A picture comes attached with that message, a selfie of Emily in bed, arm flung lazily over her eyes, hair fanned out over the pillows. The sheets cover her just enough to barely be decent and Ali feels a shiver of desire run down her spine because yes, Emily is in fact still very naked. The selfie in itself isn't meant to be sexy but god, the brunette is so effortlessly beautiful Alison could stare at the picture for the rest of the day.
What are you doing?
Alison jumps when the message pushes through and chuckles at herself for letting herself actually ogle at the picture for so long. She quickly saves the picture to her camera roll and pulls up the keyboard to reply.
Just laying out by the pool
Jason's out and my dad went to a meeting so I thought I'd get some sun
Hmm…
?
What are you wearing?
Em!
What? It's a standard question.
Alison chuckles and glances down at the white bikini she'd thrown on that morning. Not much.
Feel free to elaborate on that.
Alison snorts, rolling her eyes. I thought you were tired out from last night? Didn't get enough of me?
I'll never get enough of you
That reply has her grinning like a fool because the feeling is more than mutual. They'd ravaged each other well into the early hours of the morning and Alison's already yearning to have her mouth on her fiancée again.
Can I see you?
Pleeeeeaaaaaseeee?
She hesitates for only a second before she's switching to the camera app on her phone and running a quick hand through her hair. Extending her arm out in front of her, she angles the camera a little above her as she tilts her head and purses her lips in a coy smile to snap a selfie.
She waits eagerly, while the ellipses on Emily's side pop up and disappear…and pop up, and disappear…and pop up again… Alison laughs as her thumbs fly over the screen.
Any thoughts, baby?
God you're gorgeous.
I so wish I could be there with you
Alison sighs, yearning for the very same. She snares her bottom lip with her teeth, debating whether or not to veer the conversation in that direction. Emily's still alone at her empty house and she's alone right now too, so with an excited grin she thinks what the hell.
Oh yeah?
What would we be doing if you were here?
Well, that tiny little bikini of yours wouldn't be much use to me.
Emily Fields, and just what are you suggesting?
I think I'm being quite clear with what I'm suggesting.
You're insatiable.
Have you seen yourself?
Why? See something you like?
I see a lot of things I like
But I'd appreciate seeing a little bit more
Alison smirks and taps on her phone to snap another selfie, this one catching a little less of her face and a lot more of her cleavage.
How about now?
That's…yeah. That's better.
Alison chuckles. If she closes her eyes she can picture Emily's reaction clearly in her head, the way the brunette's eyes would struggle to focus on her face, the way she would rake her eyes down Alison's body, gaze lingering on all the places her mouth would tease later.
Already she feels desire and arousal pulsing deep in her lower abdomen, feels the urge to trail her fingers over her bare skin and into her bikini bottoms, to tease herself until she's coming with Emily's name on her lips.
I bet you're wet already, aren't you baby?
Maybe
I'm betting you are too
You're always so wet for me
"Jesus," Alison expels a harsh breath, quickly feeling heat crawling over her skin at Emily's words. She is wet, feels herself soaking her bottoms with the thought of Emily naked and alone and wanting.
Are you touching yourself?
She's eagerly waiting for Emily's reply when she hears the front door slam closed and Jason's voice carry from the foyer.
"Ali, you here?"
Alison curses, glances around to make sure she's decent and decides she's fine just as Jason pops his head in through the back door. "Hey, you hungry?"
She actually is kind of hungry, hasn't eaten anything since she stopped to grab a coffee at a Starbucks near Rosewood that morning, but she's kind of hoping Jason will leave her to herself again so she can get back to texting Emily (and maybe calling her later). Her arousal is hard to ignore, and if she has to sit through a lunch with Jason while she's thinking about Emily doing that…well, weird wouldn't even begin to cover how she'd feel.
"Uh, sort of." Alison answers hesitantly. "Why?"
"Dad got a break between meetings and he's down at the club grabbing lunch. He told me to come get you so we can eat with him."
"And what if I'd already eaten?"
Jason rolls his eyes. "Well, you haven't." When Alison's expression doesn't change, he huffs. "Come on, it'll be like an hour tops."
Alison sighs, both in annoyance and in resignation. She's not getting out of this, she knows. "Fine, give me a sec to throw something on."
Jason nods and heads back inside, and she hears him rifling through the refrigerator a second later. Alison glances at her phone and swipes open the unread messages from Emily.
You tell me. There's another picture attached, and this time Alison actually groans when she sees Emily's sent her a fucking nude, one that leaves no doubt as to what Alison is currently missing out on in Rosewood.
Fuck, she curses Jason's horrible timing.
God you're going to hate me.
What? Why?
Jason just got back and he wants to grab lunch with my dad.
Nooooooo
Alison giggles at the reaction, though inside she's just as pained to cut this conversation short. I'm sorry beautiful, but it looks like I have to go.
I hate Jason.
"Ali, come on! Let's go, I'm starving."
Alison glares over her shoulder. Trust me, me too. I'll call you tonight and we can pick this up then, hmm?
Fiiiiiineee
Hanna wants to grab lunch with Spencer who's in town too so I should get going anyways.
Have fun at lunch! Love you
Thanks baby, love you too. Have fun with the girls, talk to you soon!
x-x-x
The call, unfortunately, never actually happens. Alison calls her that night as planned, but oddly enough the call rings until she gets Emily's voicemail. She tries again a while later with the same result, and figures Hanna or one of the girls must have whisked her away for a night out. She settles on sending her a good night text and goes to bed.
The next day passes by with total radio silence, despite the several text messages Alison sends throughout the day. She tries to shake off the feeling that something's wrong, tells herself it's years of living in constant fear for their lives that has her in a constant state of paranoia, but the uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach just doesn't seem to fade.
Finally it's well after dinner, when she's sitting on her balcony looking out into the ocean after spending the day actively trying to keep herself distracted, that she finally receives a call from the last person she expects. Her phone buzzes loudly on the table by her side and she jumps, both in alarm at the sudden noise and as a quick attempt to snatch it from the table. She reaches quickly to answer the call, eyebrows rising in surprise as the caller ID flashes Hanna's name.
"Hello?"
"Ali – umm…hey. Are you busy?" Hanna's voice is quiet, the blonde on the other side of the phone sounding oddly down for her usual snarky nature.
Alison's eyes narrow skeptically, the feeling in her gut increasing tenfold. "No, not really. What's up?"
"Hang on," There's a pause on the line during which Alison hears Hanna mumbling to someone on her side, but the voices are too muffled for Ali to make out the conversation. "Okay, sorry."
"Are you with Em? I haven't heard from her since yesterday."
"Yeah, I know – I mean," Hanna clears her throat, and Alison's stomach drops unpleasantly when she hears the unmistakable sound of a sniffle. "Yeah, I'm with her. That's… that's kind of why I'm calling."
"Oh, you mean this isn't you calling to take a cheap shot at my free-loading vacation?" Alison teases half-heartedly, trying to lighten Hanna's apparently somber mood, but really she's testing waters.
"No, not this time." Hanna replies with a quiet chuckle, and Alison's stomach drops unpleasantly at the lack of a biting remark so typical of Hanna Marin.
Something is wrong.
That thought has the blonde sitting up in her chair, the palms of her hands beginning to sweat with the onset of sudden nerves. "What is it, Hanna? What's wrong? Is Emily –"
"No no no, she's fine. We're all fine, relax."
Alison sighs, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Her relief leaves her momentarily weak, but her heart still races with unease because Hanna's tone still hasn't changed. "Good. Okay. Thank God. But then – "
"It's – it's Emily's dad."
Alison inhales sharply, a cold heat of panic washing through her chest with Hanna's words. "Oh no…Hanna, please tell me he's not – "
"Yeah," Hanna interrupts before pausing, a shaky inhale filling the momentary silence that follows. "He's – he's gone."
"Oh my God," Alison's eyes drop closed, the back of her throat burning with emotion that can't quite turn into tears.
Wayne Fields is dead. That man was a rock to that family, had been like a father to her since she and Emily had started dating and God – Emily has always been a daddy's girl and just the thought of how destroyed the brunette must be with this news has Alison aching to be by her side because how can she not be there with her? "How is she?"
The few seconds of silence that come before Hanna's answer tell Alison everything she needs to know. She expels a harsh breath, her eyes shooting to the sky as she blinks back tears.
"Bad," Hanna finally replies, and for a second Alison thinks she hears Hanna's voice clogged with emotion, but the blonde continues speaking seemingly without any difficulty. "She's – she's devastated, obviously. They both are, but Em is –" Hanna sighs deeply, the shaky exhale making the phone crackle on Ali's end. "She's out of it. I was here with Spencer when the officers came and she just – she lost it."
"Oh my God, Hanna," Alison repeats, because that's all she's really capable of thinking. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"I thought she did. I assumed she would, but I saw your messages on her phone this morning, she hasn't even looked at her phone since yesterday. She's just – " Again Hanna pauses, a heavy, shaky sigh sounding through the line letting Ali know that the blonde really is on the verge of tears. "She's so out of it, Ali. She hasn't slept at all and her mom keeps asking for help with the funeral arrangements but w-we can't even get her to eat anything let alone do something functional and I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to help her." There's a desperate tinge to Hanna's voice that Alison thinks she's never heard before and this whole situation tears at her heart.
"She needs you here," Hanna finishes quietly. "We really need you here."
Alison finds herself already nodding as she wipes at her face, catching the tears that had slid down her cheeks. "Yes – yeah, of course. I'll tell my dad to get me out of here as fast as possible. Would a plane be faster? I kind of don't want to spend three hours on the road."
"It might be, yeah. Depends on how long it takes you to get to the airport if you can get a flight. Some of your dad's business partners probably have a jet, right?"
"Actually yeah, I think so. I'll look into that and be there as soon as I can."
"Okay, good." Hanna sounds relieved as she says this, which makes Alison wonder exactly how bad things have gotten in the short time since news had broken. "Should I tell her you're coming or should I wait until you actually know when you'll get in?"
"Yes, tell her," Alison replies instantly, forcefully. She's already walking into her room, glancing around at the things she needs to repack into her bag. Thankfully she never got around to fully unpacking so it shouldn't take long for her to gather up her stuff. All she really has to do is tell her dad she's leaving, because she is. There's nothing he can do to stop her. "Tell her that I love her and that I'll be home really soon."
"Okay. Text me when you know how you're getting in."
"Bye, Hanna."
x-x-x
There's a crowd of people coming and going from the church when Alison finally pulls up to the curb. Of course the wake would be packed; Wayne Fields was a beloved member of the Rosewood community.
She's later than she would have liked – if Hanna was right, they'd be moving to the cemetery in a little under an hour – but she's just relieved she's made it at all after the struggle that was leaving the Hamptons thanks to her dad, not to mention getting to her house to change into something more appropriate only to find she'd forgotten her keys at the beach house. She'd had to climb up to her old bedroom window, which she'd thankfully left slightly open, and had felt momentary sympathy for all the times she'd made Emily sneak into her bedroom the same way because fuck, that was exhausting.
Alison's crossing the street to the church when she spots Hanna out on the sidewalk. She's anxious to get to Emily, has been since she'd spoken to Hanna the night before, but seeing Hanna now at least calms part of her nerves because she knows Emily's just a few feet away inside the church. The blonde looks like she hasn't slept much, and it makes Alison wonder what she's missed while she was gone.
"Hanna, hey."
Hanna looks up from her phone just as Alison reaches her, her expression flashing relief as she pulls the blonde into a hug.
"Ali, finally. I thought you weren't going to make it. What the hell took you so long?"
Alison rolls her eyes. "Long story. My dad made this whole show of not wanting me to drive so late – I literally spent most of the night arguing with him before he finally let me go this morning."
Hanna snorts. "What, are you seventeen again?"
"Exactly, thank you." Alison glances back at the church as she sees a crowd of who she thinks are Emily's cousins climbing up the steps. "How is she today? Has she eaten?"
Hanna shakes her head sadly. "She ate, like, half a banana this morning but that's it. She's been really quiet too. Spencer says she's probably gone into shock."
Alison runs a hand through her hair tiredly, worry clawing at her stomach; she feels the back of her throat burning and she clenches her jaw, fighting her tears. She's barely had time to process this whole thing, the last twelve hours all a blur in her head, and in the back of her mind she wonders how long it'll be before she can't fight them anymore. She wants to be fully present for the grieving brunette, but part of her knows seeing Emily will undoubtedly set her off.
"God, this whole thing sucks." she finally breathes, eyes shooting to the sky as she blinks away moisture pooling in her eyes.
"I know," Hanna agrees. If she notices Ali's tears she doesn't acknowledge them, much to Alison's relief. "I really thought we'd be done with funerals for a while."
Alison nods her agreement, inhaling a deep breath as she finally gets a handle on her emotions and meets Hanna's gaze. "Is Em with Spencer?"
"Yeah, and Aria too. She and Ezra came in last night."
The corners of Alison's lips turn up in a tiny smile – Emily had expressed her disappointment over the fact that Aria hadn't been able to come to Rosewood like the other girls had because she and Ezra had important meetings with their publisher all this week. At least Emily gets to see all of her friends, Alison thinks, even if it's under terrible circumstances.
"I'd better get in there, then. Are you coming?"
"I'm waiting for Caleb. He says he's almost here so I should be back in a few minutes."
Alison nods and goes to head into the church, but feels a hand on her arm suddenly holds her back.
"Ali, wait."
She turns to Hanna, slightly confused and startled when she's pulled into a fierce hug. It lasts longer than Alison expects it to, but after a few moments she relaxes into the embrace, not having realized how much she actually needed one until now.
"What was that for?" Alison asks quietly when they pull away.
"Mutual moral support." Hanna offers with a shrug, a smile tugging at her lips, but her expression softens as she adds, "And because I know how much Mr. Fields meant to you too."
The unexpected sympathy takes her off guard and Alison's eyes well with tears before she can stop them. She expels a harsh breath and offers a watery smile, squeezing in gratitude the hand Hanna had slipped into her own.
Hanna smiles softly, accepting the silent thanks, and jerks her head towards the church. "See you in there."
x-x-x
There are three people in front of her when Alison finally climbs the last step to the front doors. She sees Pam greeting everyone a little farther in, some with quick, formal handshakes and polite smiles while others take a little longer as embraces are shared and tears are shed. The blonde can't help but admire the older woman as she watches the interactions from the sidelines – all things considered, Mrs. Fields looks incredibly strong and put together, even as she prepares to say goodbye to her husband forever.
Finally the people in front of her begin to disperse. Alison takes a deep breath, steeling herself for what is sure to be the beginning of a whirlwind of emotions, knowing that the day ahead of her will be anything but easy.
The elderly couple in front of her step to the side, having said their share of condolences before heading to choose their spots among the pews, and Alison is placed directly in Mrs. Fields's line of sight only a handful of steps away. The blonde sees the surprise and recognition cross the older woman's face along with the relief that flashes in her eyes when their gazes meet. Alison doesn't have much time to ponder on the latter, though it's not hard to guess where it stems from, as the woman extends her arms towards Alison as the blonde approaches.
"Alison," Mrs. Fields greets softly, a soft smile of surprise adorning her face. "I thought you were out of town."
"I came back as soon as I heard." Alison envelops the woman in a gentle hug, her heart clenching at how Pam grips tightly onto her shoulders. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Fields."
"Thank you, sweetheart," the older woman replies, voice thick with impending tears. She pulls away from the hug after a long moment, wiping half-heartedly at her eyes with her sleeve as her hand rubs along Alison's arm. "Thank you so much for coming, I know Emily will appreciate having you here."
"Of course, there's no where else I should be."
Mrs. Fields smiles gratefully at that and pulls her into another hug. Alison catches the slightest hint of a sob, barely noticeable through the soft chatter of the crowd surrounding them but unmistakable just the same, and the sound sends a pang of grief through her chest so strong that it leaves her gasping for momentary breath. She closes her eyes against the tears, lets herself enjoy the brief comfort as Pam runs a hand over her hair and squeezes her tight.
She clears her throat as they're pulling away, feels her words catch on the lump she fights to swallow, and her voice cracks when she finally manages to speak. "If there's anything my family and I can do for you, please let me know."
Mrs. Fields smiles warmly and gently cups Alison's cheek in her hand. "You being here is more than enough, dear. Wayne would want nothing else. Now," She places a kiss on Alison's forehead and pats the blonde's cheek as her head tilts towards the front of the church. "I think my daughter would be very happy to see you. She's in the front with the other girls."
Alison nods with a smile, squeezing the woman's arm consolingly as she brushes past her and strolls down the line of pews. Most of them are filled already – Alison recognizes a few of Emily's cousins and aunts, though a great part of the crowd is made up of military officers and their families. She wonders absently if someone is set to speak before they leave for the cemetery, but that thought is quickly pushed aside when she spots Aria and Ezra sitting up by the front and heads over.
"Hey, you two."
They both turn at the sound of her voice and smile. Alison can't help but think how familiar the sight is – the two of them together, dressed up in suits and ties and black dresses – and it warms her to know Aria finally found her happiness, though the familiarity of their funeral garb unsettles her in a way she feels it shouldn't by now.
"Hey stranger." Aria's greeting is borderline cheerful, though her smile is sad as she stands to pull Alison into a tight hug. "I didn't think you were going to make it."
The blonde makes a face as she bends down to press a swift kiss to Ezra's cheek. "Just barely made it, I know. Did you guys get in okay?"
"Yeah, we flew in last night after Spencer called." Aria's expression softens, her voice turning somber and quiet. "I can't believe this is happening. He was just here visiting a few weeks ago."
Alison sighs, nods her complete agreement as she runs a hand through her hair wearily. "I know. It's…it's such a nightmare."
"How are you holding up?" Ezra asks, and the sympathy flashing in his eyes takes Alison by surprise, not used to nor expecting people to turn their compassion towards her when Emily is so much more important today.
"I – I'm fine." She clears her throat, feeling a tickle bothering at the back, and her eyes flit across the room when it finally dawns on her that Emily's supposed to be with here with them and she isn't. "I'm just anxious to see Em. Where is she anyways?"
"She and Spencer went to the bathroom a little while ago. They should be back soon." Aria fixates on something over Alison's shoulder and adds, "Actually, here they come."
Alison turns in direction to where Aria points and her breath catches in her throat as she sees Spencer maneuvering Emily towards them with a steady hand on her back. The brunette looks stunning in her black halter dress, her hair pulled over one shoulder cascading in long, flowing waves, but it's her eyes that suck the air right out of Alison's lungs in the worst way imaginable. Emily's chocolate brown eyes are entirely devoid of their usual expressive light – the brunette stares emptily, a ghost of her usual self, as she follows Spencer through the church. She looks tired, exhausted, the lack of sleep Hanna mentioned over the phone clearly evident on her face.
Spencer sees Alison first, catches her eye when they're a few rows away, and nudges Emily gently, murmuring something unintelligible in the brunette's ear as Emily looks up and notices her. The blonde doesn't know what to expect, but her stomach sinks unpleasantly at Emily's lack of a noticeable reaction, because the brunette remains expressionless when she meets Ali's gaze, and her eyes are so empty and emotionless it's absolutely unnerving.
Emily is well and truly broken, and for once, Alison has no idea how to help her.
She forces her best smile, though her chest feels laden with the weight of a thousand bricks. Her urge to wrap Emily in her arms is overwhelming – she wants to wrap her arms around her fiancée and bury her in love and security and comfort until this whole nightmare of a day is nothing but a distant memory, and as two kids finally file into their seats with their parents, the path is cleared and the two women join the rest of the group.
Spencer reaches her first, offering a swift but fierce hug along with her quiet greeting, one Alison returns with her eyes firmly on Emily the entire time. There's time for small talk later, they both know, and Alison smiles gratefully when Spencer steps back just as quickly as she'd arrived, but Alison has barely turned to her fiancée before her arms are filled with said brunette, Emily's face quickly finding its place against the blonde's neck as her arms cling to Ali like a lifeline.
"Oh, Em." Alison breathes. She feels the woman's uneven breaths against her neck but she can't tell if the brunette is crying, though that does nothing to prevent the tears that quickly blur her vision until she has no choice but to close her eyes and let them fall as she tucks Emily into her neck and wraps her in the tight embrace she'd yearned for since she arrived. She chokes on the lump that has formed in her throat as she tries for air, her voice sounding just as strained as she presses her lips against Emily's temple and murmurs against her skin. "I'm so sorry, my love. I'm so, so sorry…"
She doesn't know how long they stand there for, Alison running her hands through Emily's hair, down her back and over every other body part she reaches that'll offer the brunette some or any type of consolation. It's only when the blonde feels a hand curl over her shoulder that she turns her attention elsewhere, sees Hanna by her shoulder with Caleb hovering behind her as more and more people begin filing into the pews.
"Mrs. Fields said the priest is going to speak in a minute, so we should find our seats." Hanna says, already nudging Alison gently towards the row the other girls have occupied.
Alison carefully detangles from Emily's arms, wiping quickly at any stray tears that may still be on her face as she leads the brunette to her seat, Hanna and Caleb occupying the spaces right next to her. It's only now that she notices Mr. Fields' army portrait and casket placed in front of the altar – there's no array of flowers or ribbons or any of the usual adornments that usually come with funerals in Rosewood – only a perfectly placed American flag laid over the closed chest, three roses tucked into the fabric. It's simple – like the family, like the man himself.
Mrs. Fields slides into the pew in front of them with one of her sisters, flashes them a quick smile as she sits down, eyes flashing with concern as they linger on her daughter whose mind is clearly elsewhere. Alison takes Emily's hand and pulls it into her lap as she catches the look on Mrs. Fields' face, threads their fingers together as her free hand runs along Emily's arm softly, coaxing goosebumps that in no way show any effect on the brunette.
It's an odd feeling, having Emily in her arms and yet having her be a thousand miles away at the same time. Talking – simple, long conversations about anything and everything – usually helps get Emily get out of her rare moods. This is more than just a mood, Alison is well aware – this is grief, at its purest and rawest form, the type of grief that is so strong that it strips the person of their very essence as their true soul leaves to mourn with the person they lost in the first place. But still, the blonde feels the need to do something, even if it is just talking, because she feels absolutely helpless and it's not a feeling she enjoys, not when it comes to helping her friends, helping Emily.
She wants to turn and say something, anything, to try and coax some of Emily's person out of the shell she's currently become, but before she can even think about what to say the priest is suddenly there, clearing his throat and calling for the attention of the crowd.
The service itself is short, barely a half-hour long. Wayne Fields is described, honored, praised as the husband, father, soldier and friend that will be sorely missed, and there's a speech about life and death and mourning thrown in there somewhere but Alison can barely concentrate on what's happening because everything is just suddenly so surreal. Reality hits her and it hits her hard and god, crawling into herself and never coming out sounds like a hell of a good idea because it has to be better than this. It has to be better than watching Mrs. Fields burst into tears as four officers from Wayne's unit stand to carry the casket outside to the waiting hearse, than feeling Emily stiff and aimless at her side, than seeing four men haul a lifeless body down the path to its final resting place, never to be seen again.
By the time they're standing to follow behind the officers to head to the cemetery, Emily has yet to shed a tear or say a word, and Alison's heart cracks just a little bit deeper.
x-x-x
Alison discreetly glances out the window for what should be the twentieth time. Emily had needed some air after a particularly odd (and random) outburst with one of her more obnoxious cousins, so she'd stalked out to the back porch to disappear from the crowd of family members currently gathered in the Fields' living room. Hanna had tried to go after her when the situation had unfolded, but both Mrs. Fields and Alison had held her back, knowing Emily was probably just overwhelmed and needed some time alone.
That had been nearly half an hour ago, though, and Alison worries what so much time alone could do for a girl who's already stuck so far within herself.
The burial had been just as horrible as everyone had imagined it would be. Alison had been forced to let Emily go, much as it pained her, so that she and her mom could say their final goodbyes as the soldiers saluted the casket as it was lowered into the ground. While Mrs. Fields had sobbed softly yet unabashedly, Emily had remained quiet and stoic by her mom's side.
All four girls had exchanged worried looks, all thinking the same thing, but neither had voiced any of their thoughts because honestly they just…they're grasping at straws, drifting through unfamiliar grounds and they haven't quite managed to find their footing. Emily has always been the one to offer comfort, insight, level headed advice, but to see the roles reversed is…it's heartbreaking, hasn't happened since Maya and god knows that hadn't been easy to get through (Alison hadn't even been here then, but she'd seen from afar, seen the heartbreak tear through the brunette until she was almost unrecognizable) and this is so so much worse.
"You told me to give her a break but you haven't moved from this window in, like, fifteen minutes."
Alison jumps at the voice in her ear, turns to see Hanna flashing a sheepish smile, murmuring an apology for startling her.
"I know. I'm just…" She trails off into a sigh, eyes finding the back of Emily's head through the window again.
"You're worried." Hanna finishes, her tone full of understanding. "We all are." She has two glasses of wine in her hand and offers one to Alison with a knowing quirk of her brow.
Alison smiles as she accepts the drink. "Thanks." She takes a long gulp, grimacing at the overwhelmingly sweet taste and glances down, disgruntled and slightly appalled, at her glass.
"Yeah sorry, it's pretty cheap," Hanna chuckles. "I think Emily's cousins from Iowa brought it. Mrs. Fields is trying to push it around to get rid of it."
Alison makes a face at that. "Remind me never to drink wine in Iowa."
Hanna snorts. "Dully noted." The blonde then watches in silence for a moment as Alison goes back to staring out the window. "Why don't you go out there?"
"You think I should?"
"I think someone should – she's been there for a while now – and you're the best one for the job."
Alison bites at her lip, hesitation written all over her face, but Hanna gives her shoulder an encouraging squeeze and it's enough to push her through the back doors and out into the yard. Alison approaches quietly, glass of wine clutched tightly in her hand, and announces herself, voice soft, not wanting to scare or startle Emily and have her run away.
"Hey, baby."
Emily turns her head slightly towards her, but doesn't turn completely at the sound of Alison's voice. "Hey."
The blonde takes a step forward, standing next to instead of behind Emily now, who she sees is staring blankly out into the trees of her backyard, head resting against the porch rails. "Mind if I join you?"
Emily shakes her head and Alison takes the invitation, but at the last second she hesitates.
She's never seen Emily like this before, doesn't really know the proper way to handle it yet, the proper way to help her, doesn't want to smother her with attention but really doesn't want to neglect her either. It takes her a second before she sits down, leaving about an inch of space between them, close enough to reach out to her but far enough to give her some space should the brunette need it.
They sit in silence for a moment until Alison speaks up quietly, offering Emily her glass. "Want some wine?"
Emily shakes her head again, lifting up her own glass from where it sits by her feet.
Silence falls between them again, but it's not uncomfortable. Alison knows Emily will talk when she wants to, so she's okay with just sitting with her quietly until she does, knows that just her presence will serve as a type of comfort, offering the knowledge that she's there, ready and willing to listen – so she shits patiently, elbows resting on her knees as she cradles her wine glass in both hands, and waits.
It's already getting dark out, Alison realizes for the first time, as the porch lights switch on and cast a golden glow around them. Alison's gaze flits around the backyard, memories of their time spent here flashing before her eyes: so many afternoons after school spent playing or talking, even more of those afternoons spent sharing kisses (both secret and not so secret) under the trees and on the very porch they're sitting on, hands wandering and laughs shared until Emily was called in for dinner or Alison had to go home.
A soft touch on her hand pulls her out of her reverie. Her heart leaps in her chest when she realizes it's Emily, reaching out for her, fingers grazing over the top of her hand as if asking for permission. Immediately she places her wine by her feet and takes Emily's hand in her own, their fingers threading together as the brunette squeezes the hand tight. It's with a little surprise that Alison feels Emily tug her hand over onto her lap and Ali takes the hint, scooting to close the little distance between them and pressing close to Emily's side as she cradles their joined hands with her free one.
Another few minutes pass in silence with them sitting like this and Alison's slightly more at ease. Even if Emily hasn't processed her grief yet, she's reaching for comfort, which means she wants the comfort, and that in and of itself is a step in the right direction. Emily plays gently with Alison's fingers, though her stare remains fixed on the lawn at their feet.
"He's not going to be there." Emily says abruptly.
Alison startles somewhat, follows Emily's line of sight to their joined hands where Emily's playing with the blonde's ring, the ring Emily had placed there herself when she'd surprised Ali with it in January after the blonde had proposed during Christmas. "Hmm?"
"He's not going to get to see us," Emily murmurs sadly. "He was so happy about us getting married and he won't get to see us on our wedding day."
Alison's eyes flutter closed momentarily at the heart breaking statement. Emily's dad had been absolutely ecstatic when they'd announced their engagement, had declared his love for both of them, both of his daughters, and his excitement over finally having Alison be an official part of the family. Later on when they'd set the wedding date, it had taken him barely a week before he'd called to say he'd gotten the time off to be at the wedding and celebrate with them properly, and Emily had been overjoyed at the fact that she would actually get to walk down the aisle with her dad when they'd worried so much over whether or not Mr. Fields would be able to get away from the base.
Now it all seems like a cruel joke, how everything had worked out so perfectly only for it to be ripped away.
"He'll be there with us," Alison assures softly, but with a conviction she's not sure how she musters. "He'll always be with you, Em."
Emily sighs deeply and doesn't respond, but after a moment she shifts, and suddenly her head is resting against Alison's shoulder and the blonde nearly leaps with joy. Alison untangles her hand from Emily's to wrap her arm around the brunette's waist, tangling the fingers of her free hand with that of Emily's as she pulls her fiancée into her side.
"It's not fair." Emily says, and her voice is so meek and small, tears spring to Alison's eyes.
"No," Alison breathes, her hand rubbing over Emily's back soothingly. She can't resist placing a deep kiss to Emily's forehead, her lips lingering as she murmurs against bronze skin. "It's not."
They sit in silence, and now that Emily's torn down part of her walls Alison's taking great advantage, her lips brushing over Emily's forehead, temple, cheek, and any other part she can reach, hoping the affection is as much of a comfort for Emily as it is for her. She figures it is, by the way Emily burrows deeper into her neck.
A particular memory springs into her mind while they sit there, a happy one.
"Do you remember that time your parents came down to California for our graduation?"
Emily nods against the blonde's neck. Alison glances down and sees a tiny frown furrowing her brow, the brunette no doubt wondering why Alison is bringing this up now. Alison smiles at the familiar expression and kisses Emily's head fondly.
"You remember how we dragged them up to Disneyland the day after our ceremony and your dad forced your mom to go on all those rides with us?"
Emily nods again, and her lips actually twitch into a smile. It's small, barely there, but a smile nonetheless and it literally takes away half the weight that's been sitting on Alison's chest since that morning.
"He threw up his corn dog after going on Space Mountain three times in a row." Emily adds, a soft chuckle blowing warm air against Alison's neck and god, if that isn't the most amazing sound in the world.
"Then he made us take a picture of him next to the trash can he threw up in," Alison recalls, laughing softly into Emily's hair. "Because he'd taken a picture with the corn dog before so he wanted an 'after picture' too."
They laugh together quietly, a gentle tranquility washing over the moment, and Alison feels a rush of love so fierce for this woman her eyes nearly tear up. Sadly the moment doesn't last as long as the blonde would have hoped, Emily turning somber after a mere few moments as she resettles against Alison.
"That's how we have to remember him," Alison murmurs gently, her fingers combing through Emily's hair. "With all those happy memories. Every time you had fun together. Every time he showed you how much he loved you – how much he'll always love you, even if he's not physically here."
"Is that how you remember your mom?"
Alison sighs deeply – boy is that a loaded question – and there's a short pause where she tries to come up with a decent answer. "That's how I try to remember her." she finally settles on. "I didn't have as many happy memories with her as I would've liked, but…that's what I focus on: the best ones, the best version of her."
Emily doesn't reply and Alison figures her answer's been deemed acceptable. A moment later she feels lips brushing against her neck before they place a firm kiss against her collarbone.
"Thank you."
Alison smiles. "Anytime, beautiful."
The conversation lulls after that, the two women embracing the silence of the quiet day turned night as they take comfort in each other's arms. As the sun finishes setting behind the trees and the sky looses its pinkish hue, a soft but steady breeze, chilly for a mid June night, wafts the floating sounds of a party winding down and people exchanging goodbyes to their ears.
"I think some of your cousins are starting to leave. Do you want to head back in with me?"
Emily shakes her head. "I think I'll stay here for a little bit longer."
"Okay." Alison rubs her hand over Emily's back in soothing circles. She'll take this conversation as a win for now; she won't push any more tonight. "Would it be okay if I head in or do you want me to stay here with you? I kind of want to take a shower before helping your mom clean up, but I can stay here if you want me to."
Emily squeezes her hand softly. "It's okay. Go ahead."
"You sure?"
Emily nods.
"Okay." Alison scoots back as they untangle from each other. "I'll be in your bathroom upstairs if you need me, okay?"
Emily nods again, her eyes flickering to Alison's face momentarily before they go back to staring out into the yard. Alison sighs – Emily's stare is still blank, her face mostly expressionless, but Alison still feels like she's achieved something. She smoothes Emily's hair back and presses a loving kiss to the woman's temple, letting her lips linger over her skin as she murmurs, "I love you, Em."
When she stands she sees a small smile on Emily's face, and a small thrill of satisfaction courses through her. She picks up her wine glass and turns to head inside, lets her hand run through Emily's hair, nails scratching over the brunette's scalp gently as she passes and steps back into the house.
x-x-x
Alison sighs in delight as she steps under the spray, the warm water flowing down her body taking her one step closer to finally being able to relax. It's been a hell of a long day – she hasn't slept since Friday night and she's exhausted, hadn't really realized exactly how tired she was until now, her day having kept her so busy between worrying about Emily and joining the other girls in watching over and helping out Mrs. Fields. She tries not to think about the past few hours too much because she knows she still has her own processing and grieving to do, but she'll gladly put that aside for now in favor of keeping herself together – between her lack of sleep and the emotional rollercoaster of a day they've had she doesn't think she'll have the strength to actually finish the day should she let her reality fully sink in. For now she'll try to relax under the warm bubble she's creating under the water and enjoy the brief moments of peace before she's needed back in the chaos outside.
Part of her is surprised when, barely a few minutes later, she feels a whoosh of cold air hit her bare back as the curtain is pulled back and Emily steps in to join her. They've made it a habit to join each other in the shower (rarely does one of them shower without the other anymore), but she hadn't expected Emily to join her today, not when the brunette has been so emotionally detached from herself and from everyone else.
But there she is, standing hesitantly behind Alison when the blonde turns around and she catches how Emily's eyes rake over Ali's naked frame just before Alison does the same. Brown eyes flash with a momentary heat, an echo of what usually happens when they're in this situation, but it falls flat pretty quickly and they return to what they've been for the entire day: vacant, empty shells. Though for the first time since Alison arrived Emily actually looks tired, defeated, and it's that thought that has Alison extending a hand for Emily to take and pulling her fiancée under the spray with her.
Warm arms wrap around her waist as the blonde curls hers around Emily's neck, sighing in content as bare skin presses against each other.
"I love you." Alison murmurs softly.
The moment lacks Emily's usual response – a low, throaty whisper of her love in return, usually accompanied by some sort of appraisal of Alison's beauty. Instead, Emily pulls back from their embrace just enough to rest her forehead against Alison's, her eyes once again taking in every inch of the blonde's naked body before they settle on her lips. A hand comes up and cradles Alison's cheek, her thumb rubbing gently against the blonde's bottom lip and Alison releases a shaky sigh. There's boundless affection dripping from the simple gesture, Alison feels it all the way down to her toes, and her blue eyes drop to Emily's lips a fraction of a second before they collide with hers.
The kiss starts out chaste, a soft meeting of lips, but it takes a heated turn when Emily's tongue suddenly slips past her lips and slides deliberately against Alison's, the brunette's hands clenching into the soft skin of Alison's waist as she guides the blonde to press her against the wall.
Alison hisses as the cold tile makes contact with her warm skin, the stark contrast sparking a heat in her that has her clenching a hand in Emily's hair to kiss her hard, and it's suddenly a desperate clash of lips and teeth and tongues as hands begin to wander under the shower's warm spray.
Emily's lips break from the kiss, leaving Alison gasping for breath as the brunette kisses a trail down Alison's neck, lingering on all the places she knows make the blonde tremble to lick and kiss and nibble until Alison is moaning and whimpering beneath her. Alison clutches desperately at Emily's hair, keeping her trapped in her embrace as her head falls back against the tiled wall behind her, eyes fluttering closed when Emily's lips drift down her heaving chest. A firm hand is suddenly grasping at her breast, tweaking her nipple between two nimble fingers until it pebbles and hardens under the touch.
"Fuck, baby." Alison pants, the low curse turning into a moan when Emily dips down and takes the blonde's nipple into her mouth. Alison's knees buckle, the blonde grasping desperately at Emily's shoulders as Emily's tongue flicks and swirls against the hardened bud while her other hand fondles the neglected breast, the combined feeling shooting sparks of pleasure straight between Alison's legs and god, she's sure she's soaked, feels the pulsing heat between her thighs grow with every sweep of Emily's tongue.
She's desperate to feel Emily's lips against hers, wants to devour the brunette until they forget their own names, and with a firm yank at Emily's hair she pulls her fiancée away from her breast and crashes their lips together, reveling at the moan she pulls from Emily's throat as her tongue sweeps into the brunette's awaiting mouth.
A hand appears along the back of Alison's thigh, skimming along the skin until it curls with purpose and her leg is suddenly hoisted over Emily's hip, a firm thigh pressing perfectly against her center and shit, the sharp moan that rips from her throat is loud enough for Emily to shush her quietly because no, they're not in their house and there are guests downstairs who really shouldn't be hearing any of the things they're doing.
But it's that thought that suddenly brings Alison back into awareness as she realizes exactly what they're doing and god, it feels so so wrong. They're at a wake. There are people downstairs mourning the death of Wayne Fields and Emily hasn't even cried today, has barely faced her own emotions, has barely spoken in the entire day and this all suddenly feels like an incredibly detrimental solution to Emily's grief.
Alison wrenches her lips away, intends to put a stop to this and force Emily to talk, but her words die at her throat when Emily latches onto the skin of her neck and bites down hard enough for Ali to know she's going to have a mark.
"Em," Alison gasps. "Em, stop. Please."
"No." Emily breathes the word into her ear, voice low and husky and Christ, Alison usually loves the sound but today she fights against the urge to give in and let Emily fuck her like she wants her to.
"Em," She tries again, even as her traitorous hips grind against the thigh that thrusts against her center. "Not like this, baby. We need to –" She cuts off with a sharp moan as she feels two fingers swipe through her folds.
Alison grabs her wrist, effectively halting the brunette's assaults as she pulls the hand to more neutral territory. Her hands come up and cradle Emily's face, pulling the girl away from her neck and trying to get her to actually look at her, something she thinks Emily hasn't done all day. "Talk to me, baby. Please don't shut me out."
Emily's eyes fixate on Alison's lips despite the blonde's attempts at eye contact, and there's little she can do to stop the kiss Emily pulls her in, a kiss that leaves her breathless and trembling and almost forgetting why she's trying to stop this in the first place.
"Baby, please." Alison pleads when she manages to pulls away. Their foreheads fall against each other's, Alison's hands sinking into Emily's wet hair, caressing lovingly. "This isn't right."
"Please, Ali." Emily begs in turn, eyes falling shut against Alison's gentle touch. "I need this. I need you."
Alison hesitates at the tone Emily's voice takes, a desperate tinge marking her previously determined words. Emily brushes her lips all over Ali's face, trailing them down her neck with kisses that seem to beg – but they're loving, Alison can feel it, and it's a stark contrast to their kisses from a few minutes ago, all hurried and desperate and heated. Emily's momentum has finally slowed down as her hands wander aimlessly over the blonde's skin and it's this difference that makes Alison break, ultimately unable to deny Emily anything.
With a hand curled around her neck, Alison captures Emily's lips, swallowing the girl's groan when she deepens the kiss Emily intended to keep chaste before she breathes, "You have me."
She knows they should stop and talk first, knows this isn't healthy, that Emily burying her grief with sex will do nothing but put a temporary lid on an already overflowing cup that's more than ready to burst but god it feels amazing and it's comforting, to be wrapped up in their love for each other at least for a few moments, and Alison honestly can't bring herself to stop.
It all turns into a blur of lips and teeth and tongues and hands as they both explore familiar flesh, looking for the comfort they can only find in each other. When Alison comes to, two of her fingers are sinking easily into Emily's wet heat while two of Emily's own pummel into the blonde's depths, moans muffled against each other's skin as they push each other closer to the brink. Alison has to bite at her lip to stifle a scream, teeth sinking hard enough that she feels the sting and faint taste of blood when Emily's fingers hit that spot inside her, the spot that turns her legs to jelly and her brain to mush and fuck, the brunette is definitely hitting her mark tonight.
It takes her by surprise when Emily suddenly tightens around her fingers and reaches her climax, her scream of pleasure lost in Alison's mouth as the blonde curls her fingers purposely, drawing out the woman's pleasure for as long as possible. Emily's fingers falter in their rhythm for only a moment before they fall back with full force, the palm of her hand now grinding against Alison's clit with an unmistakable determination.
"Come for me, Ali." Emily whispers against her lips as she presses the heel of her hand against the blonde's bundle of nerves, and that's all it takes for Alison to come with Emily's name on her lips, her body trembling against her fiancée's as she rides those waves of ecstasy.
The aftermath is quiet, the sound of their panting breaths drowned out by the water spraying around them. Alison's eyes sting for a reason she at first doesn't understand. It's only when Emily's arms tighten around her, pulling her into an actual hug, that the blonde realizes she's crying. And it feels good, to finally let go – to let herself feel the weight of the day they've had and expel the tension through an unexpected (but no less cathartic) cry, with Emily's body pressed tight and close as an assurance, a pillar, a consistency manifested through the rings on their fingers that ensure their forever.
So she does: she lets go.
x-x-x
To the blonde's disappointment, her breakdown in the shower had done nothing to trigger or provoke Emily's own. The brunette was just as closed off as ever, even as Alison tried to get her to open up while they were getting dressed. Her attempts proven futile, she left Emily in her bedroom at the brunette's insistence to go down and help clean up the living room, the rest of Emily's family members having gone to their respective hotels while the two girls were in the shower.
Downstairs she'd found the girls and their partners helping Mrs. Fields finish throwing away the last of the mess. Alison immediately set to work, but the girls took one look at her red rimmed eyes and told her to go to bed, that they had everything handled and that she deserved to get some rest. The blonde had been ready to argue, but when Mrs. Fields agreed and flashed her a knowing, sympathetic smile Alison gave in, bidding everyone a good night before climbing back up the stairs.
Now by the time Alison returns to the bedroom Emily's already curled up under the covers. She's breathing steadily, but all it takes is a crane of her neck for Alison to see she's not actually asleep, her brown eyes open, gaze set firmly on the other side of the room. She'd kind of hoped Emily would have fallen asleep while she was gone, trusting the brunette would have succumbed to her body's exhaustion, but clearly the night ahead of them won't be as easy as Alison had hoped for.
With a sigh, Alison sheds off her sweatshirt and hangs it behind the door before she shuts off the lights and slides into bed. Emily blinks hard and shuffles when Alison settles facing her, as if the movement had jostled her from a trance, yet her expression remains as blank and empty as it'd been when Alison first arrived.
Alison's heart aches for her girl as she clenches her jaw to put a stop to the tears pricking at her eyes. She knows Emily is somewhere inside the broken shell of a person laying next to her, too hurt and scared and confused to show herself even for her mom's sake. Somehow Alison has to pull her out, comfort her enough to break through the concrete walls Emily's own defenses have put up to shut out the pain. But for now she focuses on getting her girl to sleep, the dark circles under Emily's eyes screaming for some much needed rest.
"Em," the blonde whispers, part of her afraid that speaking too loud will startle the girl that is clearly lost in her own world. She'd made some progress with their time on the porch and in the shower, but her time alone seems to have pushed Emily back to the dark place her mind had been that morning. Slowly she reaches out to caress Emily's cheek, giving Emily enough time to pull back if she doesn't want the contact. When the brunette doesn't move, she curls a lock of brown hair behind Emily's ear and cups her girl's cheek in her hand. "Sweetie, please look at me."
Emily blinks, her eyes flickering to Alison's, and for a fraction of a second they seem devoid of their haunting emptiness. For a fraction of a second, Emily's eyes are brimming with such sincere emotion – a heart wrenching sadness that pulls tears from Alison's eyes as much as it makes her heart race with sudden hope. A wave of disappointment washes over her when Emily closes off just as quickly, but the brief moment of vulnerability is enough for Alison's determination to set. Because if there is one thing that Alison doesn't stand for it's Emily in pain, and the pain behind Emily's eyes is beyond what Alison has ever witnessed.
"Baby," Alison chokes when a tear slides down Emily's cheek. The blonde is quick to catch it with her thumb as she strokes over her girl's soft cheek.
Emily's expression doesn't change even as another tear trails down her face when she blinks again. This is the most emotion she's gotten out of Emily in the entire time she's spent with her, Alison notes, and despite the emptiness in Emily's gaze, Alison takes it as the first brick chipped off her mermaid's walls.
"Come here." Alison shuffles closer with open arms, her heart leaping when Emily meets her half way and leans into the embrace, the brunette burying her face against her neck. Alison wraps an arm around Emily's waist as the other tangles in her hair, stroking the luscious locks soothingly until she feels a shaky sigh against her skin, to which she responds with her own breathy whisper. "Please come back to me."
It's a moment later when she feels a hand against her chest, fisting the fabric of her tank top until it wrinkles with the strain.
"Ali."
It comes out strangled and barely audible, but Emily's quiet sob is unmistakable. Alison tightens her arms around Emily as much as she can, tears slipping down her own cheeks as the girl in her arms trembles with silent sobs. She lovingly presses a kiss to Emily's forehead and allows herself an internal sigh of relief, because despite the agony wrecking through Emily's body, she knows these gates need to open for her grief to run its course.
"That's it, sweetheart," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion as she rubs soothing circles over Emily's back. "Let it out. I've got you."
She holds her for hours, lets her cry and gasp and sob until her face turns red and splotchy and puffy and her voice turns hoarse. Despite how much she fights it, Alison drifts off every so often, the exhaustion of the day taking its toll on her, but she always pulls herself back into consciousness when she realizes her eyes are closed. Sometimes she wakes and sees Emily's own eyes fluttering and she waits with bated breath, strokes the brunette's hair and face and neck, hoping to lull the girl into much needed sleep. Yet somehow it never seems to work, something startles Emily every time and brings her back into awareness, the cold cruelness of her reality pulling fresh tears from her eyes as she curls into Alison's welcoming arms and starts the same process all over again.
It's in the early hours of the morning, when the slightest hints of light begin easing through the bedroom window, that Alison glances down at Emily drowsily and finds the brunette finally asleep, lips slightly parted as she breathes softly against the blonde's neck. Alison sighs in relief and presses a long kiss to Emily's forehead, careful not to jostle her as she wraps her arms around her tightly and finally allows herself to sleep.
Her last thoughts before slumber claims her turn to Wayne Fields, how thankful she is for the daughter he brought into this world, how he'll never get to walk his daughter down the aisle come December, how said daughter will never be the same without him, though Ali vows to do her best to help her fill that gap he leaves behind – if only as a thank you to him for giving her the love of her life.