A/N: This story borrows Malena (Lena) Banes, an OC from Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, which continues on in OLOBA: The Light Was Yellow, Sir. If you haven't read them, you should, they're excellent fics.

This is told from Sam's POV.

Disclaimer: I own Chase, Caz owns Lena, but other people own everything else, lucky bastards.

Ow, My Foot!

I've never seen Bee this excited. He was always happy at the prospect of greeting old comrades and welcoming them to a new home, but this time was different. I could feel him practically humming when I got in. And, there were the shocks, nothing really painful, just weird random shocks from him here and there.

All of us would be there to greet the newcomer. Jazz was bringing Mikaela and Lena. Ironhide would be bringing the Lennox family. I was fairly certain that Maggie and Glen were even showing up, though I didn't know if an Autobot would get them, or if they'd just drive a regular car. Bumblebee was bringing me.

He was also being a pain in the ass. I finally just gave up on trying to drive myself, and let him take control, after which I closed my eyes and held on to the chicken perch for dear life. "So who is he anyway?" I figured Bee would know what I meant, this new arrival was only the second wandering Autobot to find their way to Earth, Wheeljack was the first.

"Not HE, Sam. She."

This should be interesting. "Who is she?"

"Her name is Chase." A brief pause. "She is my mate."

"You never told me you had a mate!"

"You never asked."

I didn't know what to say. Bee was totally right, of course, I had NEVER asked. Hell, I didn't even think to. I knew there were a few femmes left, very few, but I never even thought that Bee might be married to one of them. I felt guilty. Bee was my guardian, my best friend, and there was still so much I didn't know about him. Hell, so much I hadn't even thought to ask him. It's like I thought his life began only when he found me. I am such a shitheel.

"You aren't a... shitheel Sam."

"I said that out loud?"

"Yes. You shouldn't feel bad, you know, this is a situation we're all still getting used to."

"I guess."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, then Bee opened the comm link, and the voices of the others drifted to me from the speakers. Once Jazz was aware of Bee's presence on the communications lines, he started the gossip.

"We're goin to meet Bee's mate, y'know."

"OooOOoo"

"Bee, you hound."

"Why didn't you tell us about her?"

By this time, all the women's voices were blending together, I was having a hard time telling them apart.

After a moment, Bee replied, "She was in stasis lock for awhile, I wasn't sure when she'd get here."

That explained a LOT. I knew Bee well enough to know how to read between the lines. He might have said 'when' but he meant 'if'. Evidently she'd been injured, and Bee wasn't sure she'd live, or even be able to get to Earth. And if he'd told them, and she hadn't made it, his grief would have been made public. So he waited until she was already here. I patted his dashboard, to let him know I understood.

Apparently, Jazz understood, too, because he glossed over the subject by adding, "I wanna know what alt-form she chose. She stopped in Vegas before coming to Tranquility, and I just KNOW it was to pick an alt. And I know HER, it'll be flashy.

Ironhide broke in, surprising them all. "I hope that Simmons guy has the brains to stay away from her."

"Why?" Mikaela's voice came over the speakers.

"Because, you don't mess with someone's bond mate. Chase would have felt everything S7 did to Bee, just like she felt it when he lost his legs. And she'll know who's responsible. She's knows what he does, whether she was in stasis lock or not. "

"But Prime says humans aren't to be harmed." definitely Mikaela.

"Motherfucker deserves it." I'm pretty sure that was Lena.

Jazz broke in. "Thing is, Chase ain't above doin' shit she knows'll get her in trouble. She says sometimes doin' the crime is worth takin' the ass beating that follows... Oh, and Mouse? She's gonna know ALLLLL about that car wash you gave Bee."

"Ohmigod!"

Chase was waiting for us at the lookout. I was surprised she hadn't said anything over the comm link, but Bee said her long range communications had been damaged. He'd alerted everyone to her impending arrival himself, having found out through their bond. I wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but I was sure of one thing, femme Autobots were pretty fucking awesome. She was as clearly female as the mechs were clearly male. Hell, it was easy to tell they were dudes, just watch them walk.

Chase though, she had an hourglass figure that would have made Betty Rubble jealous, AND she swayed in all the right places, AND she

"Has hair!"

"Yes," Bee said, "It's not like human hair of course, think of it as... thousands of fiber optic cables growing from her cranial unit. Thing is though, they're prehensile." Bee shivered. "You wouldn't believe what she can do with it."

Yes, yes I would. In fact, my brain chose that unfortunate time to show me a picture of myself suspended off the ground, her 'hair' wrapped around my wrists and ankles, while even more of the long cables whipped and slid all over my body. I hate when my brain does that shit. Just thinking about it made me hot all over, and Bee must have noticed because he was chuckling when he kicked me out of his interior so he could transform.

I made sure to pull my T-shirt down a bit. I couldn't wait to see what her alt-form was. Or, Jesus, her holo.

"Yer drooling." Mikaela grinned.

I'd been so caught up in watching Bee and Chase embrace I hadn't even noticed the arrival of Jazz and Ironhide. Jazz was his typical self, but Ironhide was even more grumpy than usual. Evidently, he'd also brought Maggie and Glen, along with the Lennox family and had had to tolerate four adults AND the sparkling. Everyone tried their best to hide grins, he was fond of and ferociously protective of the Lennox family, and we all knew it.

Lena walked up to stand on my other side. "It seems like they'd dent each other or something, doing that." Then she added, "I bet I know what they're going to be doing tonight. Shame I can't watch."

"Lena!!" From about five different people.

"What?"

By this time, Chase seemed to realize they had an audience, and with some difficulty, the red femme managed to pull away from Bee- only to be hugged instantly by Jazz, and surprisingly enough Ironhide. Ironhide, of course, stepped away and tried to recover his usual aloofness. Jazz earned himself a smack on the head while hugging Chase (who was about as tall as Bee) when he laid his head on her chest and said, "I love huggin' tall women"

After Jazz and Ironhide sprawled in the grass behind her, Chase bent down to have a look at the humans.

"Nice to meet y'all."

Y'all??

Glen was struck speechless for about five seconds. Then: "Do you like short black men?"

Chase looked confused.

The rest of us were trying not to laugh.

Glen kept trying, "Baby, let me get into your sub-processors and I will make you PURR! Just say yes baby, and all this (he gestured to himself) will be yours."

All of us really DID start snickering then.

Glen looked around defensively. "What? WHAT?? I'm just sayin', I'm just sayin'. Once you go black, you cain't go back. You don't need that yellow guy. (Glen pointed at Bee, just in case there was any confusion.) Lookit him. He looks all Japanese. You need you a red-blooded AMERICAN MAN!"

Chase looked at the rest of the humans, more than slightly confused. "Isn't all human blood red?"

We all started laughing then, making no effort to hide it anymore. Glen spread his hands palm up, in a sort of placating gesture, "What??" he said, "You was all thinkin' it! You was ALL thinkin' it!!"

"Hell I been askin' her what's she doin' with that rust bucket for centuries," rumbled Jazz's deep voice.

Chase turned where she knelt leaning forward slightly to see around Bumblebee. She looked at Jazz. He was stretched out in the grass, feet rocking from side to side in opposite directions, looking supremely comfortable. Without saying anything, she folded one of her arms into a cannon even larger than one of Ironhide's and promptly shot Jazz in the foot.

"OW!! BITCH I NEED THAT!!" He unfolded one of his cannons, rolled slightly, and fired back at Chase. She ducked, and the stray shot caught Bee in one of his door wings. Bee lowered his battle mask, unfolded BOTH of his cannons, and aimed them directly at Jazz.

"Cool it Bumbles, or I'll tell Chase how much time you spend cruisin' the porn sites... Ooops, too late."

"Oh? Have you seen this one?" Evidently, Chase sent Bee a site she'd bookmarked, because his optics dimmed slightly, in a way that I've learned means he's checking out something on the web. It must've been pretty interesting too, because his eyes stayed dimmed. Jazz eyed Bee warily as both of his cannons were still pointed at him, though slightly lowered. Chase watched Jazz watching Bee and merrily shot them both.

They both stared at her for a minute, dumbfounded. Then they lit out after her. Chase took the time to say, "Oh, shit!" before turning to run but they brought her down and dog-piled her.

By now, everyone, including me, was all hooting and catcalling. This was wayyy better than anything WWF had to offer.

Glen yelled, "I LOVE me some women with some big guns!"

Mikaela looked at Lena "Two on one, " she started-

"Is SO not fair!" Lena finished. They lit off into the fray.

I started to follow, thinking Jazz and Bee were going to need some help once all THREE of them got started, but changed my mind when my girlfriend, AND her sister, turned around and grinned at me.

I tried to look innocent. "I was just going to do something over there by Ironhide." Then I beat a hasty retreat. So, yeah, I killed Megatron and probably saved the world, but I wasn't stupid enough to mess with the Bane's sisters when they gave me the Great White shark smiles. No way. I plopped down by Ironhide, who was looking rather amused and watched.

Lena and Mikaela climbed the Autobot dog pile and proceeded to pummel every inch of silver and yellow armor they could find. And there really wasn't much Jazz and Bee could do about it, either, because if they moved the wrong way, they'd crush the girls.

"Cheaters!"

"OW!"

"DAMNIT!!"

"Hahahahahahahhahahah!"

It would have continued on that way, but Prime made his appearance. And he looked very stern. And not amused. All the people that had been cheering tried to wipe the grins off their faces.

When Mikki looked at her sister and whispered "Run!" that seemed to be the signal for them to suddenly join me in finding something to do beside Ironhide. Bee, Chase, and Jazz all stood up, looking throughly ashamed of themselves.

Chase stepped forward, "Optimus, it was my-"

She stopped mid-sentence when Prime's cannon blast hit Jazz square in his OTHER foot.

"OWFUCK!! WHY do I keep gettin' shot in m'feet?!"

Everyone gaped at Prime, except for Jazz, he was too busy bitching. Prime gave a little shrug. Then someone let out a loud wolf whistle, the humans gathered around started cheering, and it was ON.

The three smaller 'bots were doing their best to bring down Prime, but he fended them off well, even AFTER Bee and Chase dug in behind an out-cropping of rock to take random pot-shots at him. He dodged and rolled with unending grace, cackling and giggling the whole time.

That's right, Prime giggled. He'd always struck me as so solemn, to see him clearly having so much fun left me speechless. Watching a group of giant, alien robots horse around is pretty amazing, but watching their big, noble, leader play, that was just a complete mind-fuck.

Ratchet finally came along and ruined it. Standing behind him, Wheeljack waved happily at Chase, but wasn't quite brave enough to say anything. Ratchet's optics raked over the various dents, dings, and soot smudges on the four Autobots in front of him and trembled in righteous fury.

"What in the PIT were you fracking SLAGGERS, doing?? You,' he pointed at Chase, "are still damaged from your trip." He pointed at Jazz, "And YOU haven't been together all THAT long, and don't get me started on Bee's vocal processors.-

WHO STARTED THIS??" Ratchet bellowed.

The three smaller 'bots stood behind Prime, shooting each other some rather shifty looks before all three pointed at their leader. Jazz pointed with BOTH hands. "HE DID!"

Prime looked behind him, shook his fist at his younger soldiers, and called them traitors before turning to Ratchet and hanging his head. "My bad."