To Love A Broken Man

by BookZombie

In the White Tower's dungeons a young male channeler sits waiting to be gentled come morning, a Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah, one of the six that hold his shield decide to talk to the condemned man, to help him through the night, but what begins as just a show of compassion soon develop into something else entirely.

(Disclaimer this is a fanfiction written just for my own amusement, I do not have any right to the Wheel of Time setting and I do not want to step on any copyright toes. All honor to those who actually own this wonderful setting.)

To Love A Broken Man

Cadryn quickly descended the old stone steps to the upper levels of the White Tower's dungeons, this floor had the best living conditions for prisoners, with a reasonably comfortable, narrow bed, a chair and a table in each of the six small compartments. These upper level cells where open in that they where more cages than cells, made so that a prisoner housed within could be seen no matter where they happened to be in the small rooms, the purpose of this was to be able to imprison channelers and have a circle outside to keep them shielded. The six open cells had over the years since the White Tower's construction been occupied by everything from novices who had tried to flee their studies, to errant wilders who had foolishly claimed to be full members of the Sisterhood. Aes Sedai who had broken Tower law had sat staring at the old steel bars while waiting for their trials, more than a few darkfriends with channeling abilities had spent their last days here, and off course this was also where captured male channelers who had be dragged to the White Tower sat waiting to be tried and gentled.
This night only one of the six upper level cells where occupied, in the furthermost cage a man sat on a narrow bed, he could not have seen much more than twenty winters, but in his sky blue eyes sat a deep weariness that should not have burdened such a young man. The prisoner was tall but somewhat grunt, he was handsome with a sharp, angular face, thin lips and a straight nose. Long, shaggy, honey blond hair caressed his pale skin and fell into his eyes every now and again. The man wore a plain white shirt that laced up across his chest and brown cotton trousers, the clothes would have been of good quality once, but months on the run and who knew how long in captivity had taken it's toll. The prisoner glanced at Cadryn when the young Aes Sedai entered the cell block but he did not say anything instead he just turned his head again and continued to stare at the wall beyond the bars of his cage.
Cadryn's eyes wandered from the handsome young prisoner to the six women who where gathered around his cell, holding the man's shield. All six of the Aes Sedai where intently focused on their target so that they would be ready in an instant if he tried to break the shield that held him from touching saidin or attempted any other escape plan, only one among the six seamed distracted, a small woman with dark hair and darker eyes.
«Are you here to replace me in the circle Sister?»
The dark eyed Aes Sedai said eagerly, Cadryn nodded, she could understand the other woman's desire to have another take over her duties so she could leave the basement and get up to the Tower's infirmary. The small woman was named Millia Hellac and her Warder Tenar had just been badly wounded in a training accident, apparently wooden sparring swords could impale a man just as easily as steel given the right circumstances, The Yellows had saved the Warder's life but that did not stop Millia from wanting to be at her bonded's side.
«Yes Juleena told med to get down here and take over for you so that you go be with your Warder, though he will be fine, or at least that is what the Yellows told me sister.»
Millia gave the younger Aes Sedai a warm smile as Odette the circle's chubby Red leader let her out of the link and opened the circle for Cadryn to take her place, five could probably have held the blue eyed prisoner just as well as six, but the numbers used to hold a male channeler where customary and the White Tower did not give up on custom easily.
«You will know once you take a Warder of your own sister, and when you find a man to love, if he get hurt you will desire to be at his side more than anything, even if he happens to be lucky enough to have a good healer around to mend his broken bones..»
Millia commented as she turned to give the much stronger in the Power Odette a hint of a curtsy before hurrying out of the room and moving quickly up the stairs and presumably onward to the Yellow's infirmary.

Once Millia had left the room Cadryn sat down in the chair the Green had occupied and glanced into the cell again, not that she needed to, Odette was maintaining the prisoner's shield, she was simply using the strength of all six of them to do so, Cadryn felt herself filled with the warm glow of saidar, it was like a lover's first caress only magnified a thousand times and only training kept the newly raised Blue from sighing with the pleasure of it, all of that Power flowed from her to Odette though so really Cadryn did not really need to to anything other than keep channeling, Odette did all the work. Cadryn however wanted to make sure she was diligent, and so she kept her eyes on the pale man who sat there on his bed looking like something half between a lost child and a caged lynx, frightened but just looking for that one moment when his captors would let their guard down.

Inside the cell the fair haired man stirred slightly, he had been sitting on the bed staring pointedly into the gray, stone wall instead of meeting the gaze of his captors, but now that sky blue stare traveled across the room and fixed itself on Cadryn, rage and intense fear filled those eyes which where the exact same shade of blue as a perfect, sky colored opal. The young Aes Sedai met the captured channeler's gaze and held it for a while before she gave him a polite nod, there where no reason not to be civil, this man had not asked to be what he was and for someone in his situation both fear and anger was quite understandable emotions.
«Are you having a good night Master Terdinhar?»
The young Blue said and tried her best to smile to the shielded captive, truth to be told though she was rather nervous, she had never seen a male channeler up close before, yes off course she had seen men be taken to the Tower and then seen what was done to them in the Traitor's Court, men who could channel where after all found every few years and the gentling of such men where public affairs, so at a distance Cadryn had seen men like Meian Terdinhar, but she had never been this close to one.
«You tell me Aes Sedai, am I having a good night?.»
The man in the cell said, his voice deep but soft, it was that kind of voice that could make a woman's heart melt when it whispered her name, but this voice was full of resentment now.
«I am in a cell at the White Tower, I have been tried and sentenced as a male channeler and come dawn I will be dragged out of here, taken to the Traitor's Court and gentled, so tell me woman, if you where in here instead of me, would you be having a good night?»
Cadryn was taken aback by the rage that filled every syllable of the young man's words and for a heartbeat she had to remind herself that he was safely shielded, then her mind turned to something even more terrible than an enraged man who was able to channel, what faced Meian Terdinhar in the morning was a fear every Aes Sedai harbored, to be cut from the One Power forever was a thought that fueled nightmares, no if Cadryn had been in Meian's place she would not be having a good evening, in fact she would probably not be able to show the calm and relative composure that the prisoner displayed and rather be sobbing in a corner. Cadryn met Meian's gaze again and she felt a weave of compassion for the trapped channeler well up inside her, the polite phrase she had used to ask about his evening suddenly felt so silly, off course he was not having a good night, he was to be gentled upon first light, who knew how the poor man must be feeling.
«No Master Terdinhar I do not suspect I would have a good night if such was the case.»
Cadryn said with as much of the serenity Aes Sedai was expected show as she could manage but she could not hide a slight quivering of her voice.
«I meant no offense Master Terdinhar, I merely wished to come with a polite greeting.»
Cadryn added once she had gotten her voice under control.
«Though I realize my choice of words could have been better.»
Some of the rage melted from the prisoner's eyes and he gave a hint of a smile, Cadryn did not know if he accepted her apology or not but he did not look quite as much as if he wished death and destruction upon her anymore, now he merely looked at her with a curious glint in those strange, blue eyes of his.

Meian Terdinhar had been brought to the Tower nearly three days ago escorted by a group consisting almost exclusively of Reds which meant his journey to Tar Valon from Southern Andor where he had been captured had probably not been a pleasant one. The same day that he arrived Meian had then been taken before the Hall where he had been given a trial, though the outcome of such a exercise was already a given and then he had been tossed in this cell to await the hour the Amyrlin and the Sitters of the Hall had decided on for his gentling. Cadryn sigh, Meian Terdinhar's fate had been sealed the moment the Reds hunting him had managed to get a shield on him, and the worst part of it was that he knew it, the fair haired young man might not know all the details, but everyone knew the basic premise of what the Aes Sedai did to men who could channel.

Cadryn glanced into Meian's eyes again the man she had seen as intimidating when she first took her place in the circle now looked lost and vulnerable, his dinner stood untouched on the table, his eyes darted about nervously and he seamed to shiver as if he where cold there he sat on his narrow bed.
«Are you cold Master Terdinhar? It can get a bit chilly down here, I am sure we can arrange for some blankets if it would make you more comfortable, also you should eat a little it will do you good.»
Cadryn suggested in a friendly tone of voice, the young Blue knew there was little she could do for this man, she could not free him, and would not even if she could, he was a male channeler after all, he had to be dealt with. She could not make what awaited him come morning any less terrifying, and she could not make the state he would be in after it was done any less unpleasant, all she could do was offer sympathies and meager comforts, trying to make this man's last night, or at least his last night as a complete being more tolerable. Cadryn did not know if her attempts would be welcomed perhaps Meian just wanted to be left alone, but she knew that if it had been her that had traveled for close to a month with a group of people who only wanted her ill then a friendly face would be a welcome distraction. Meian looked at Cadryn then glanced at the bowl of stew on the table.
«I am not much hungry Aes Sedai, and besides this is a poor last meal.»
Cadryn sigh then fold her slender hands in her lap.
«You are not going to be killed Master Terdinhar, what will happen to you tomorrow is not an execution.»
Meian's blue eyes took on a hard edge as Cadryn spoke and rage bloomed back into them, the man all but spat his reply at the young Aes Sedai.
«No off course it is not, that would have been showing mercy, instead you will take from me everything that I am and then watch me die slowly and painfully over months or years. I begged the leader of your witches nest here for an execution during that shamble you call a trial, hang me I said, behead me, break me on the rack I do not care, just please don't gentle me, those pleas however fell on deaf ears, so no I am fully aware that I am not going to be executed, your order is far to cruel for that.»
Cadryn felt her cheeks burn with rage over Meian's outburst, how dared he speak about the Aes Sedai in such a way, calling them cruel and calling the Tower a nest of witches!
«Watch your tone boy, I will not tolerate such language from you. We do what we do because it is for the best both for the world and for you, it is your ability to channel that are dangerous, there is no need to kill you.»
The young Blue said in a stern voice and for a few seconds she was pleased with herself for how much like the Mistress of Novices lecturing a errant student she had managed to sound, that feeling of triumph vanished quickly however as Meian Terdinhar gave a harsh laugh and rose to his feet, two long steps brought him to the bars of his cage where he stood towering over Cadryn, his eyes burning with rage and his usually soft voice hard and threatening. Meian was held by a shield and he was locked in a cell but that did not seam to help, Cadryn could not ignore how much larger than her he was, nor the predatory grace of his movements, that the man would probably not have any way to hurt her right now did not help ease the young Blue's fear. The captured male channeler grabbed the bars of his cell with both hands and his eyes never left Cadryn's as he begun to speak.
«So it's the best for me is it, I assume then that the same apply to you, that if we had met out there before my capture and I gave you the simple choice, I could kill you, or I could still you, what would you choose.»
Cadryn felt the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand on edge, she could not look away from Meian's intense blue eyes, the young Blue swallowed heard several times trying to find her voice and speak without making it sound like a squeak, she was only halfway successful.
«You...would...»
Cadyn begun but without enough control over her voice to express what she was going to say.
«Off course not woman, I would never put anyone though that.»
Meian said then his voice lost it's hard edge and it was as if weariness seeped into his eyes and the man shook his head, his long fingers gripping tighter on the bars of the cell, but whatever or not that was for support or as an expression of the strong emotions that boiled inside him was hard to say.
«However that terror in your eyes when you contemplated even the possibility of being stilled tell me everything I need to know, now why would you think it would be easier on me? Why do you think I fear it any less and that I should be forced to live though something where you would have gladly accepted death instead?»

Meian said, his voice had returned to the soft, melodious quality it had earlier. Cadryn did not really know what to answer, and she did not have much time to mull it over either for Odette's fingers flexed and in the next moment a switch made of Air hit Meian across the chest and sent the channeler to the ground as a grunt of pain escaped his thin lips. One more time Odette's Air weave lashed down, this time hitting the prisoner across his lower back drawing a sore moan from him.
«Stop Odette...stop! Master Terdinhar is a prisoner of the Tower you can not beat him like this.»
Cadryn shouted and turned to face the other Aes Sedai, not that she could do much to stop the other woman with her channeling caught up in the link that the other controlled.
«This man need to learn some respect Sister, and beside he threatened you, this can not be tolerated!»
Odette said and Cadryn could hear Meian gasping behind her as a new invisible whip stroke caressed his flesh.
«Stop Sister, please, he is only angry and frustrated, which is quite understandable given his circumstances.»
Cadryn nearly shouted now but Odette ignored her and continued to viciously beat the helpless prisoner, only when Milva a Gray almost as new to the shawl as Cadryn herself reminded Odette in no uncertain terms that if she continued to disregard Tower law there would be consequences did the Red let her Air weave dissipate.

In the cell Meian was slowly staggering to his feet, the lacing of his white shirt had loosened showing a angry red welt that crossed his pale chest. Cadryn gave a sigh and walked to the bars so she could stretch her hand into the cell and help the captured channeler up.
«Are you hurt Master Terdinhar?»
Cadryn asked in a soft, worried voice.
«I am terribly sorry, that should not have happened, rest assured that once the Hall hears of this my sister will be reprimanded.»
Meian glared at Cadryn, though not as vehemently as Odette did, the woman had daggers in her stare, and pulled away from her and turned his back to the Aes Sedai angrily.
«Leave me alone!...just leave me alone.»
The prisoner growled before making his way back to his bed where he sat down and winched slightly as the rough bed covers brushed against one of the bruises on his back.
«I will send for someone to heal those bruises, or if Odette will let me out of the link for a a moment I can do it myself Master Terdinhar.»
Cadryn offered but the captured channeler merely shook his head and turned to stare at the gray, stone wall again.

One hour passed, Meian did not speak and none spoke to him. The prisoner would probably do well with some sleep, but even suggesting it to him would be pointless, Cadryn knew as much.
«Three more hours to go, then we can escort him to the Traitors Court and get out of here.»
Said Fumira one of Odette's Reds as she stood to stretch tired limbs and fill a cup of tea from a pot a nervous novice had brought down only a few minutes earlier. In his cell Meian stirred and glanced fearfully at Fumira.
«Three hours hum...»
He muttered, Cadryn sigh, the anger was gone from Meian's voice completely now and only terror and resignation remained, the young Blue stood and filled a cup of tea as well, but instead of drinking herself it she held the cup by the saucer and offered it to the young man in the cell.
«I understand why you are not hungry Master Terdinhar, but at least have a bit of tea, like I have said before it gets chilly down here, we are in the basement after all, something hot to drink will help you stay warm.»
Cadryn expected the teacup to be turned down, or even that the captured channeler would go into another rage, but instead Meian stood and after hesitating for a moment he accepted the fine porcelain cup, his slender fingers brushing against Cadryn's for just a second while he grabbed the saucer.
«Thank you Aes Sedai.»
The prisoner muttered as he took a sip of the warm drink, the fine Sea Folk porcelain giving a delicate sound when he put the cup back onto the painted saucer and sat down in the cell's lone chair.
«What is your name Aes Sedai?»
Meian Terdinhar asked and turned his head to look into Cadryn's eyes, for some reason the young Blue felt herself blush under that stare, Light what was she, a giggling novice who felt her heart beat faster every time a handsome man looked her way? Cadryn had to smile over her own silliness and for a moment she busied herself with filling a cup of steaming hot tea for herself as well before allowed herself to glance in Meian's direction again and meet his blue stare.
«My name is Cadryn Temeran.»
The young Blue said as she sat down in her own chair before taking a sip of her tea. Meian nodded, his fingers tapped against porcelain rim of the teacup nestled in his hands, then he smiled, Cadryn felt herself blush again as she noted that Meian had a beautiful smile, why would she notice something like that? Granted she was not a Red, she did like men and had invited one or two of them to her bed as a distraction or to have some fun when she felt she needed it, but this was a male channeler sentenced to be gentled in a few hours so she definitely should not feel attracted to him. It had to be pity, Cadryn told herself, pity combined with the fact that there was no denying that Meian Terdinhar was easy on the eyes with that pale skin, long shaggy hair and off course those unusually colored blue eyes.
«Well than Cadryn Sedai, I would present myself as well but you already know my name.»
Meian said, his voice was still apprehensive but now at least it did not sound hostile. Cadryn nodded.
«Yes I do at that Master Terdinhar...hum...can I ask you a question though?»
The young Blue said as she watched Meian finish his tea before putting the cup aside on the small table beside the cell's narrow bed, she was not really that interested in asking this man anything, but she felt that some conversation might help keep his mind off the rather sticky situation he found himself in.
«You can ask, but I can not guarantee that I will answer.»
The prisoner muttered taking Cadryn's bait, or perhaps he was thinking the same, that it was better to have someone to talk with than to simply sit and brood with his own thoughts and fears until the morning came.
«Off course Master Terdinhar I do not want you to answer any question that makes you uncomfortable, I was wondering though how long have you been channeling? And how did you discover that you could?»
Cadryn hoped the question did not step over the line, it had to have been traumatic for the man to discover that he could touch saidin, to discover that he was doomed, perhaps this was not something the prisoner would want to discuss, Meian however just gave that slight half smile of his again, a smile which Cadryn suspected had won him the affections of more than one tavern maid and farmer's daughter.
«I begun channeling when I was seventeen years old, I had this little black dog my mother had bought me for my tenth name day, one morning he took a bad fall while I had him with me out in the forest to hunt for rabbits, broke one of his back legs he did. I knew there was only one thing I could do for him at that point so I grabbed my dagger and I lifted Ika, that was the dog's name, into my arms to hold him while I did what had to be done, however as I sat on the ground, and it was quite cold since this was in the middle of winter, we might not get snow in the region of Andor that I am from but it was cold enough, suddenly I felt this warmth inside of me, I had no idea what it was, and at that moment I did not care I was so focused on my dog, wishing with all my heart that he was not hurt, that I would not have to put him out of his misery, and then suddenly Ika stopped yelping, he sort of jerked once and then started twisting in my arms, I was caught by surprise so I dropped him and Ika just ran around me barking, he was completely fine not a limp, no nothing and he was just looking at me wondering why I was sitting on the ground like a fool.»
Meian gave another smile, this one made it to his eyes and made them light up, somehow Cadryn did not find it surprising that the prisoner was the kind of man who would care for animals, had fate been kinder to him Meian Terdinhar would have made some woman a good husband and a child a good father. You could learn allot about the character of a man from how he treated his animals Cadryn's father always said and there was allot of truth in that saying. Hum...when she came to think about it Meian was in his twenties so he might already be married for all that the young Blue knew, though that would doubtfully work out very well now if he was. For some reason the thought of Meian married made Cadryn uneasy, it was just concern for the poor woman who was about to for all intents and purposes loose her husband the young Blue told herself and she stomped hard on any idea that her discontent could come from something else.
«At first I just ignored what had happened, I told myself my eyes had deceived me, surly Ika's leg had not been broken, he must have just have twisted it or something, but as the weeks passed more and more thing happened that where impossible to explain away and in the end I had to accept what I am, and that is three years ago now.»

Cadryn sigh and sips her tea while carefully considering her next question, she did not want to insult the prisoner again, but at the same time she was curious, finally she decided the best thing was just to come right out and ask what was on her mind.
«Three years, that is quite some time for one of your kind, forgive me if I am rude now, I do not mean to offend you, but are you still sane?»
Instead of answering Meian laughed, real laughter not the harsh, angry sound he had made earlier when Cadryn had suggested that gentling was a better fate for him than death.
«You tell me Cadryn Sedai, am I sane? Joking aside though there are things, shapes seen in the corner of my eye which can not possibly be there, irrational fears, things that scare me to my core, but all in all yes, I do think I am still fairly sane.»
Cadryn nodded, Meian was probably right, he did not show many signs of insanity, his moods shifted allot but that had probably more to do with the situation he was in than the general state of his mind.
«I have answered two of your questions Cadryn Sedai, perhaps you then will consent to answering one of mine.»
Meian said and gave Cadryn a coy smile, obviously he was beginning to enjoy the conversation for the terror in his eyes had lessened, at least to some extent, and curiosity filled them instead.
«What do you want to know Master Terdinhar? I will answer you if I can, but the same rules as you gave me apply, I will only answer those questions I am comfortable with.»
Meian nodded then he muttered.
«Fair enough.»
The prisoner seamed to consider for a moment then he asked.
«I think I would like to ask you the same question you did me Cadryn Sedai, how did you start channeling? I assume it was a bit more joyous occasion for you to discover your talents than it was for me?»
Cadryn could not help but grin at that question, she leaned back in her chair and begun to tell the story of how she had ended up in the White Tower.
«Joyous Master Terdinhar? Yes it was for me at least, for my mother on the other hand, now that is another thing all together. I was eighteen and living in a farming village near Falme, now it just so happened my parents had arranged a marriage for me, with a man I neither loved nor wanted. He was fifteen years older than me and the only reason my parents wanted me to marry this fellow was that he was rich. I remember my mother spending days preparing for the wedding and when the day came all our relatives and friends where there dressed in their feast day best, all where laughing and congratulating me but all I wanted to do was get on a horse and go somewhere far, far away. At one point I stood watching my mother and my husband to be talking, and I remember wishing that a strong wind would just blow the entire party away, that something would happen so I did not have to marry the fool of a man my parents had selected for me. Suddenly a strong wind came out of nowhere, wedding guests where blown off their feet, the decorations my mother had so lovingly crafted and hung in the surrounding trees where ripped of the branches and a huge pot of my aunt Minamare's best beef stew somehow flew through the air and emptied it's content over the heads of my mother and my would be husband.»

Meian looked like he was about to burst into laughter from listening to Cadryn's story, his blue eyes twinkled, the young Aes Sedai found that she for some reason liked to see joy in those eyes. As soon as the thought occurred to her Cadryn tried to stomp it out. She should distance herself from this doomed man, all she was trying to do was to offer a bit of comfort and distraction while he sat waiting for what would happen come dawn, it would not do to fall for him, to bad Cadryn's heart did not seam to obey what her mind was telling it.
«Did you know what you where doing?»
Meian asked and Cadryn shook her head.
«No I was as shocked as anyone, I got my wish though for among the wedding guests where a woman who had once trained at the White Tower, she told my father I was the cause of the wind and both my parents where so angry I was sure they where about to burst, the wedding was canceled and the very next day my father ordered me onto my horse and he took me here where my name was written into the Novice books.»

Meian had been grinning all through Cadryn story, now he leaned forward to ask another question.
«Your family Cadryn Sedai, you said your father brought you here, do you have any contact with them? Do they accept you as an Aes Sedai or do they fear you?»
The young Blue shrugged and shook her head, a few years ago such a question would have brought her sadness, but she had long since accepted that her family would never look at her the same way they did before her abilities manifested and she became an initiate of the White Tower.
«I get a letter every now and again, other than that there is no contact. I do think they accept me, but at the same time I think that if I showed up on my mother's doorsteps they would fear me, mostly I think they just do not know how to relate to me anymore, I mean the slowing alone often make a normal person uneasy, I have a two years older bother, he would look ten years older than me now and that disparity will only continue to grow with time until I look like I do now and he is an old, white haired man, I do not blame my family for not knowing how to deal with that.»
Meian just nodded, he glanced into Cadryn's eyes and said nothing.
«Well Master Terdinhar you have asked me about my family, so now let me ask you about yours, do they know what you are? And perhaps more importantly is there anyone you would like for us to contact, perhaps you have parents, siblings or a wife that need to know where you are and what have happened to you.»
Cadryn gave Meian a slightly sad smile as she spoke, it was unlikely that if his family knew what he was that they would want anything to do with him, some did but most acted as if their family member was a bloody darkfriend when they learned that he could channel, furthermore by the time any family of Meian's who might accept him got here most likely he would either be dead or so deep into the depression that came with gentling that he would not care if they where there or not, so contacting them would be pointless, Cadryn however felt she had to ask. The captured male channeler sat in silence for a moment and the young Blue halfway assumed he would not answer, though after a while he shook his head.
«No wife, my parents passed into the the Light two years ago and my only sibling is a brother who is an officer in the Queen's Guard in Andor and I very much doubt he would take kindly to knowing his brother can channel, so no Cadryn Sedai there is no one you can contact, I am pretty much on my own and have been since I discovered what I can do.»

After their talk about family Meian did not say anything else for a while, his mood had shifted back to brooding, not that Cadryn blamed him for that given the situation he was in, the prisoner sat absentmindedly fingering the laces of his shirt and Cadryn could feel him probing the shield that blocked him from saidin. Odette lifted one eyebrow, she felt it to, but since Meian only slightly shifted in the shield and did not hammer on it or try to break free she let him continue. Cadryn wondered what the prisoner was doing, trying to find a way to escape probably but from the scared, hopeless look in his eyes it was obvious that Meian did not hold out much hope when it came to his chances.
«How long...ehm...how long do I have left?»
The prisoner said after a while, not looking up as he spoke, Cadryn sigh, there where no clocks down here in the dungeons, after all such devices where far to expensive to waste on a prison, but since clocks where to expensive to waste on novice and Accepted quarters as well most initiates of the Tower got rather good at estimating the time.
«About two hours.»
Meian closed his eyes and his hands formed into firsts, he was obviously fighting to remain calm, to not not let fear drive him to hysterics, Cadryn found herself wishing there where some words of comfort she could offer which would not be woefully inadequate, but she could not think of any so all she said was.
«I am sorry Master Terdinhar.»
Meian slowly opened his eyes, they had a wet sheen to them and he just nodded slowly.
«You can not be blamed for the passage of time Cadryn Sedai.»
The prisoner said with a slight, sarcastic smile that clearly said that while Cadryn could not be blamed for dawn creeping closer, she could however be blamed for being an Aes Sedai and thereby being a part of the systematic hunting down and gentling of men like him. Cadryn had never felt so low in her entire life, Meian Terdinhar was an intelligent, kind man who had never harmed anyone except in self defense, and even then he held back, in fact Cadryn had talked to Itara one of the Reds who had been part of the circle who had captured Meian, and she said that as he at one point had come over her and one of the other Reds alone, the two Aes Sedai had tried to place a shield on him but he had just swatted the weave away like someone might an annoying insect, the two Reds had assumed their last hour in this world had come, surly this desperate, hunted male channeler would take this chance to get rid of two of his pursuers and by that weakening the rest's chance to capture him, but no, Meian had just shielded the two Aes Sedai and locked them in a barn until their sisters could find and rescue them. Itara off course could not completely bring herself to show compassion to Meian even if he had spared her life and she was more concerned with the humiliation she had suffered when the man she and the rest had been hunting had just locked her up like a cow in a barn, but even Itara had to admit that Meian Terdinhar's unwillingness to use violence against his pursuers was the mark of a good, decent man, or at least a man who could have been decent if he had not been born a channeler. Cadryn sigh and ever so slightly shook her head. Yes Meian was a kind man and soon the Tower would do to him something so horrible that she even had problems speaking the word, Cadryn knew it had to be done, she was not advocating letting this man go, far from it, after all he was a decent man now yes, but give it another year or two when the madness got a good hold of him and this kindhearted young man would be a walking horror spreading death and destruction, he had to be taken down, Cadryn knew the Tower was right in how they handled his kind, but she still felt bad for Meian and his fate, it was always hard when bad things happened to good people.

Meian stood and begun to pace his cell, after a few minutes of this he stopped and his eyes met Cadryn's.
«Will it hurt?»
Meian asked, his voice barely a whisper.
«The gentling I mean, will it hurt?»
Cadryn looked down into her empty teacup, right now she wished she could lie. During her time as an initiate of the White Tower the young woman had seen three men gentled, one was a false Dragon, the two others just young men who had been discovered to have the ability to channel. Cadryn had stood far back in the crowd of onlookers filling the Traitor's Court each time, she had no need to see the thing up close but the men's screams as they where cut from the One Power forever still haunted her dreams, proud, powerful men had been brought into the Traitor's Court and as the circle led by the Amyrlin herself cast that dreaded weave they had fallen to the ground, trashing like dying beasts and howling in agony. Once when Cadryn was just a novice she had read a description of...well...that weave and what it did and the book had described it as the worst pain anyone could experience, from the looks on the faces of those men as they went though it Cadryn did not doubt that what that book said was correct.
«Yes Master Terdinhar, it will be painful, but I assure you, the Amyrlin picks the strongest Sitters to join her for such a task, it will be quick.»
Meian just nodded, he closed his eyes for a moment and his chest heaved as he took a deep breath to calm himself.
«Yes...well I assumed it...I assumed it would...it seams like the kind of thing that would...hurt.»
Meian muttered to himself as he struggled to keep his emotions under control.
Cadryn sigh, she hated this, for some reason she had begun to care for the handsome young prisoner and now she could not help him or even offer him any words of comfort that would make anything any better, all she could do was sit and watch him be wrecked by terror.
«Try not to think about it Master Terdinhar, just sit and calm down. Give me your cup and I will get you some more tea, it is chamomile, so it might help you relax at least if I remember what my mother taught me about herbs correctly.»
Cadryn said in as soothing a voice as she could. Around her the other Aes Sedai in the circle looked uncomfortable, or at least everyone who was not Red did, Cadryn had to suppress a snort, Odette and her brood probably found watching the fear in the prisoner's eyes fun.

Meian closed his eyes, he breathed quicker now, those deep breaths he was trying to take to stay calm where obviously not working and though the heightened senses that holding the Power gifted her Cadryn could hear that his heart racing like a drum.
«After...it...is done, will I still be me? They say I will loose the will to live.»
The prisoner asked his voice shaking. Cadryn closed her eyes, she did not need to have them open Odette was the one keeping an eye on the flows that formed the prisoner's shield. Every word that Meian spoke was filled with boundless despair his fear bored into Cadryn, all she wanted to do was to help this young man, but there was nothing that she could do, and even if she miraculously suddenly had the option to let him go she knew she would have had to deny him his freedom anyway, Meian was what he was and there was only one possible outcome for him, and still the young Blue's heart bled for the frightened man in the cell, he did not deserve this, no one did.
«You will still be you Meian, the...gentling will not affect your personality, not directly at least, but it will leave what have been described as a gaping hole in your mind, and that combined with the loss off...well the knowledge that you will never channel again, yes most do loose the will to live, but if you find something to fill that void in you mind you might have a chance to survive.»
Cadryn's own voice was shaking now even if she was trying to sound confident and soothing, to even speak of loosing the ability to channel, to loose that bliss filled her with a terror of her own that she could not keep out of her voice. Then if you are so afraid of it, a small voice inside Cadryn said, if it is such a cruel fate that Aes Sedai grow pale just by the mention of the thing, then why is it done so readily to these poor men? Cadryn pushed that line of thought out of her head, to think like that was heresy, it had to be done she told herself, no matter how horrible, it had to be done.

In the cell Meian sank down to his knees, there was a look of utter defeat in his warm, blue eyes and the slight, careful plodding at the shield that held him stopped, in the prisoner's eyes where finally accept, accept that this was it, he was not getting out of this one, and with that accept came renewed terror, the gentling was only hours away and there was no hope of rescue or reprieve, Cadryn found herself wondering how she would have handled if it where her, but she put those unpleasant questions out of her mind as quickly as she could with a slight shudder, the answer would probably be not well.
«No this can't be happening.»
The captured channeler muttered, as he grasped for any straws, any hope that he had abandoned just a few moments earlier, his deep voice trembling with despair.
«Any moment now I will wake up under a bush somewhere in Andor and find that this whole ordeal have just been a nightmare, it would not be the first time I have had those about being captured.»
Cadryn stood and walked to the bars of the cage like cell where she knelt down on the floor and stretched one hand inside to touch the prisoner's shoulder, at first Meian looked like he might pull away from the young Aes Sedai's hand but then he settled down, Cadryn knew there where no sympathies she could express, no hope she could give, nothing she could do that could make the situation any easier for Meian. Perhaps if his fear had been unwarranted, perhaps if there where even a sliver of hope for this man then she could have found words to comfort him, as it where the terror in those blue eyes, bad as it was hardly seamed enough for what lay before him and there was nothing Cadryn could say or do, the only thing she could offer was her presence and a hand on his shaking shoulder.
«I am sorry Master Terdinhar I am afraid you are not dreaming this time.»
Cadryn said after a while and Meian sigh and nodded, slowly he pushed himself to his feet, his pride would not allow him to stay simpering on the floor. Cadryn stood as well and regarded the prisoner, he was a proud man that much was clear, perhaps she could not aid him or make what was going to happen easier for him, but she could perhaps help him face his fate with some dignity.
«You should start making ready Master Terdinhar.»
Cadryn said as she gave the prisoner a smile she hoped he would see as kind.
«Getting ready woman? Is there anything I can do to prepare, the way I understand it that weave your Sisterhood plan on using on me will do the same no matter how ready I am or not.»
Meian growled, Cadryn sigh and nodded.
«That is right Master Terdinhar, it do not much matter for the outcome what you do or do not do, however I imagine that you would rather face this with your head held high rather than as a disheveled wretch being dragged up from the dungeons.»
That seamed to give Meian Terdinhar pause and after a few moments he nodded and turned to walk the few steps needed to get to the small table beside the bed he had used the nights he had been a prisoner in these cells, a table which held a pitcher of water and a wash bowl.
«You are right Cadryn Sedai.»
Meian said as he filled the wash bowl with cold water from the old, won pitcher that stood beside it.
«If I can not avoid this fate, I will at least be decent when it happens. I am not a common criminal and I will not be dragged before half the inhabitants of the White Tower like a dirty beggar being dragged before a court for flogging.»

Meian had not have anything to shave with, it would have been unwise to give a prisoner a blade, especially a prisoner as desperate as a male channeler fated for the Traitor's Court, but the young man did wash then he undid the leather strap that held his long fair hair and combed through the blond mass with his fingers as good as he could before tying it back again. Meian had worn the same clothes since he was captured and there where only so much that could be done with them, but he washed away the worst steins, by the time the prisoner turned around again, his slender fingers still busy working on doing up the laces of his shirt the man's appearance had transformed, now he looked less like a wretched prisoner and more like a man who had spent to many days on horseback, his clothes might be worn but they where tidy and a little bit of confidence had crept into his blue eyes.
«Well do I look acceptable Cadryn Sedai? After all if I have not understood it wrong I am getting to meet the Amyrlin Seat herself.»
Meian said with a bit of humor in his deep voice as he finished with the laces and gave Cadryn a slight grin.
«Well you could need a good shave and something clean to wear Master Terdinhar, and a bath I imagine, though that is not likely to happen right now, however under the circumstances not bad, not bad at all, I am sure the Mother have seen worse.»
The young Blue answered and she had to smile when Meian actually gave a slight laugh, she found she liked to hear him laughing, to bad it would not be a sound she would get to hear often.

Not long after Meian had sat down on his chair again the door leading down to the upper level cells opened and a woman's footsteps sounded as someone descended down into the basement. A young Accepted, her pristine white dress only decorated with the seven bands of color representing the seven Ajahs seamed out of place in the darkness of these cells. The young woman, barely twenty winters old glanced fearfully at Meian as if the man was some sort of terrible monster, well in some ways Cadryn assumed that he was at that even if that was not his fault so she could not begrudge the initiate her reaction.
«I was sent to inform you Aes Sedai that first light have come.»
The girl said, her voice shaky as she dropped into a curtsy for the six Aes Sedai gathered around Meian's cell.
«Thank you child, you may go.»
Odette said barely glancing at the golden haired Accepted as the girl turned and hurried back up the stairs, as close to running as she would dare in the presence of full Aes Sedai. Cadryn glanced at Meian and there was a hint of sadness in his sky blue eyes, the man did not like that his mere presence had frightened the young woman, then sadness melted to make way for renewed fear, first light, that meant his time was up.
«Call for a guardsman to lay the prisoner in chains.»
Odette said and stood, smoothing down her red silk skirts as she did so.
«No, let me.»
Cadryn muttered quickly and stood as well, Odette glanced sceptically at her but she did not protest.
«As you wish sister, but be careful, Master Terdinhar might be shielded but he is still a man and he have no reason to not try something, in fact I imagine that he is rather desperate by now.»
Cadryn just nodded and took a set of irons that hung on a peg on a nearby wall.
«I am sure he will not harm me sister, and besides if he tries, even if I am in a link and unable to defend myself, I trust you would help me.»
Odette only grunted she did however take the large, iron key she had been holding onto and opened the door to the cell.

Meian Terdinhar slowly stood as Cadryn came into the cage that had been his home for these last three days. The young Blue found herself wondering why her heart skipped a beat when she got close to the man, like she had told Odette she was certain the prisoner would not try to cause trouble, he knew his chances of escape at this point where as close to nonexistent as one could get, and yet as she stood next to the man, so close she could feel the heat from his body Cadryn could not help but feel a little dizzy.
«How do you want me to hold my hands Cadryn Sedai?»
Meian said looking deeply into Cadryn's eyes as he spoke. The young Blue took a grip on herself, you are not a air headed novice, she told herself firmly, and he is not a handsome merchant's guard, he is a male channeler.
«Hands behind your back if you would Master Terdinhar.»
Cadryn instructed in a kind voice and the young man shrugged, he turned his back to her and did as she had ordered, Meian tensed for a moment as Cadryn placed one of the iron cuffs around his right wrist but he did not move or resist. Cadryn placed the second cuff around Meian's left wrist and locked the irons in place. The young Blue then checked that the chains where securely in place, Meian stood calmly but his pulse was racing, in fact as Cadryn's fingers brushed against the prisoner's skin while she worked on his restraints he reminded her of the wounded sparrow who had flown into her quarters and hit a wall a week ago, Cadryn had gathered the bird up in her hands to heal it and the little animal's panicked pulse where the same as what she felt under Meian's skin.
«Be calm Master Terdinhar.»
Cadryn said soothingly as she begun to lead the prisoner out of the cell, Meian did not resist, he let himself be guided out to where Odette stood waiting impatiently. At a brisk pace the seven of them left the cells, the tall, fair haired man and the women guarding him, soon however they where joined by Tower guards and even a few Warders, all intent on making sure Meian reached the Traitor's Court with no incident.

«I will get another sister to take your place in the circle Cadryn, you are young it might not be wise for you to see this up close.»
Odette said suddenly, a rare brush of concern in her hard voice.
«Especially since you have spent half the night coddling this man.»
And with that the harshness of Odette's voice was back, the concern for the younger Aes Sedai vanished like dew on a hot summer day, gone almost as soon as it had appeared. Meian had been moving along quietly, pale as death yes and with dread in his eyes but quietly, now however he stopped moving so suddenly that the young Red walking right behind him almost cashed into his back, the woman glared as him as the prisoner turned and fixed Cadryn with pleading eyes.
«Please...stay with me Cadryn Sedai, I can not face this alone, please I will not ask for anything else, but be there when they...when they do it, I need someone there who do not hate me.»
Cadryn had to fight to hold onto her Aes Sedai serenity, the man sounded so miserable, she had planned on asking Odette to be allowed to leave the circle and then hurry to some part of the Tower where she would not hear Meian's screams as he was gentled but now she knew she could not, like it or not she might be the only support this man had at the Tower, and she could not just abandon him to face his gruesome fate alone.
«I will stay Meian, I will stay with you for as long as you need me.»
Those where dangerous words, Cadryn knew that, she was bound by those words now, but this man needed her, needed her desperately and even if she had not spoken words and by that bound herself to this task she knew she could never just leave him. The group escorting Meian Terdinhar got moving again, it was ironic though Cadryn she was taking him to a fate worse than death, possibly the worst thing that could be done to another living being would be done to him and she was a part of it, and yet he needed her, and for some reason she found that she also needed him.

The dawn's feeble light had just begun to banish the darkness of the night as Meian Terdinhar was lead into the Traitor's Court, thousands of people filled the large courtyard, more filled the windows and balconies overlooking the large square garden, all eager to catch a glimpse of the horror that where to transpire here in mere moments, blood lust in their eyes. Those among the spectators who could channel, Aes Sedai and their students, had a more grim look to their faces, they could better understand just how bad the thing that would happen here was, but while some of those faces held pity for the unfortunate man being lead past them, all where determined, this was something that had to be done, male channelers where to dangerous to let go free.

The Amyrlin stood in a small cleared space in the center of the courtyard, her seven striped stole resting neatly on her wide shoulders, around her stood twelve of the Sitters, the light of saidar surrounding them all like it did Cadryn, Odette and the rest, indicating that the Amylin had already liked with the Sitters and formed a circle. Meian missed a step as he walked towards the center of the Traitor's Court and the thirteen women who would gentle him, but his head was held high and his jaw was set in a determined expression, he would not be dragged to the circle kicking and screaming, in fact when he stopped before the Amyrlin he managed to give her a elegant bow, well as elegant as someone with their hands chained behind their back could.

Odette ordered her circle to one side to allow the Sitters gather around the prisoner, Meian eyes held Cadryn's as the Amyrlin begun to speak the traditional words that came before gentling a man, harsh words that denounced him as little more than a darkfriend for using the gift he had been born with.
«This man abandoned of the Light has touched saidin the male half of the True Source, Thus do we hold him.»
The Amyrlin had spoken these words before and she did not sound like she agreed with them, Cadryn did not pay much heed to the words, she was focused on Meian, trying to hold his panic down by locking her eyes on his. The rest of the words droned on, the prisoner's panic grew and Cadryn was actually amazed that he was able to stand there outwardly so calm, had it been her she would have been begging and screaming by now. As the words which had been spoken again and again, to false Dragons and unfortunate farm lads alike continued the Amyrlin begun to form that dreaded weave which would cut Meian from the One Power forever. The weave begun like a normal shield, flows of Spirit forming a web that would keep a channeler from the One Power, but then that web was made sharp, it was not a shield anymore it was a sword. Cadryn could not help but shiver as she saw the weave form. Cadryn found herself thankful that men could not see weaves made out of saidar, Meian could not see the flows the Amyrlin wove, there was that small mercy at least.

«Thus do we chain him.»
As the last of the customary words fell Meian screamed, it was an inhuman shriek one that spoke of intense agony. Cadryn felt tears well up in her eyes as she saw the warm, kind man she had only known for a few hours, but which she had grown to care for non the less, fall to the ground still howling in unimaginable pain and begin to trash on the well kept grass like a wounded animal. Odette released Meian's shield, there was nothing there to hold anymore, Cadryn felt like she might become sick. Meian twisted on the ground, he was still screaming but his eyes found Cadryn's and the young Blue had to use all her willpower to suppress sobs when she saw the look of complete horror and shock expressed in the man's blue stare. Cadryn suddenly found herself running to the middle of the circle of Sitters, barely managing to not bump into a any of them, rushing into their mids like that might earn her penance later but Cadryn did not care, all she wanted was to get to the man who was still feebly trashing on the hard, grass covered ground. As soon as she reached Meian the young Blue sank to her knees and gathered him up into her arms, cradling him like a babe.
«Shhh, Meian it is over, try to calm down, it is over.»
The young Blue whispered sweet nothings but the man in her arms did not seam to hear her. Yes it was true the gentling weave itself had only used a few seconds to do it's dirty work, it was a complex weave but the Amyrlin and her Sitters where strong and had done it many times before they could do the deed disturbingly quickly, the pain of that tearing however was still wrecking Meian's body, still drawing now weakened screams from his lips.
«The pain will soon pass Meian, rest now.»
Cadryn tried again to soothe poor man, this time however he seamed to actually hear the young Blue's words.
«No...no...»
Meian sobbed weakly, his eyes filling with tears.
«When...the pain...»
Cadryn held the former channeler close as he struggled to speak, a few of her own tears running down her cheek and falling into his now dusty from the ground blond hair.
«When...the pain...ends...there will be...nothing...I...do...not...want it to...end.»
Meian managed to get the words out between his howls of agony. Cadryn sigh, around them the Traitor's Court was emptying, the show was over.
«Shall I take him? He will need rest I can find him a bed and get him some herbs that will help him sleep.»
Cadryn looked up to see who had spoken and saw a plump Yellow with graying hair standing above her with a concerned look in her warm, brown eyes. Cadryn shook her head.
«No sister, thank you but no. I promised I would stay with him, I will sit here with him for a while longer if you do not mind. I might not be an expert at healing and the workings of the body, but I do not think he should be moved right now, when he is strong enough to walk I will take him somewhere he can rest, I do not think there is much your Ajah can do for him in either case.»
The Yellow looked sadly at Meian then she nodded and walked off together with the Amyrlin and the Sitters, there where nothing more for them to do here at the moment. Cadryn turned her attention back to Meian, he had stopped screaming now but the light had died in those beautiful, blue eyes of his. In the pale morning light clouds heavy with rain had drifted in over Tar Valon and now heavy drops begun to fall, as if the heavens had decided to weep over Meian Terdinhar's cruel fate, and the woman at his side who realized in that moment that she loved a broken man.