Davis Got Run Over By a Reindeer
From the Author that brought you "How the Kaiser Stole Christmas"
"You're getting Kari a what?!"
"Yeah, I wanna get Kari a reindeer for Christmas. Will you help me find one?"
"Davis, you have to be out of your mind!"
Here's the scene: Davis is trying to convince Matt and Tai to help him go find a reindeer for Kari's Christmas present. Why he wants to give Kari a reindeer for Christmas one will never know. For the sake of having a plot, let's just say Wizardmon made an off-handed comment about it and Davis took it seriously.
"Pleeeeease?"
"There is no way in Hell I'm going out there and freezing to death trying to find you a freaking reindeer!" Matt snapped, pointing out the window.
Twenty minutes later…
"How the hell did he trick us into going out here?" Tai asked, rubbing his hands together. Matt shrugged.
"When Lia finds out about this I'll never hear the end of it."
"I bet she and Nicki will come up with a song for it."
"Yup."
"Here reindeer, reindeer! Here reindeer, reindeer!"
Davis shook a plastic baggy and poked around the bushes.
"Uh, Davis, what's in the bag?" Matt inquired. "Or do I not want to know?"
"It's reindeer feed!" Davis showed them the bag, which contained a mixture of oatmeal and glitter…the "magic reindeer feed" every kindergartener knows how to concoct.
"And this is supposed to attract reindeer? It looks more like bad granola…and I should know!" Tai groaned.
"Of course it's supposed to work! Jun and I put this stuff out every year and that's how Santa finds the apartment!"
"Riiiiiiiight."
So Matt and Tai have to walk around in the woods in twenty degree weather being forced to shout "here reindeer, reindeer, reindeer."
"Here reindeer, reindeer, freaking reindeer," Tai called lamely.
"Maybe Cujo will come out of the bushes and savagely rip Davis limb from limb," Matt suggested.
"God I hope so," Tai muttered back. Hey Nicki, at least we're not discussing Mayor McCheese.
"If anybody we know sees us, we'll be ridiculed for life," Matt sighed.
"Come on, reindeer! Come to Uncle Davis!"
"Uh, make that for all eternity."
~*~
"Damn forest. Not a single freaking reindeer in it!"
"Well Davis, maybe we should turn around and go…" Tai started. Something moved in the bushes.
"It's a reindeer!"
"It's Cujo," Matt hissed in Tai's ear.
"It's somebody who'll just shoot us now and get it over with."
"That'll work."
"Aren't you guys going to help me catch the reindeer?" Davis asked, pulling a rope from his backpack.
"We'll let you catch it Davis. That way you can take all the credit."
"Yeah, you wouldn't want Kari thinking we caught the reindeer for you."
Davis nodded and went into the bushes to catch the "reindeer."
"You think it's a reindeer?" Tai muttered.
"Five bucks says it's a chipmunk."
"You're on."
After much thrashing and hollering, Davis emerged looking slightly battered.
"Was it a reindeer?" Matt snickered.
"Nah, it was this pissed-off chipmunk, like that rat that went down Mimi's shirt only more pissed."
Tai frowned and dug into his pockets. "You knew that was going to happen, didn't you?"
"Yup. Being the author's boyfriend has its perks."
~*~
After another half an hour of walking the guys hit the border between Fox and the WB. It's not that hard to tell the difference, once you've stepped into the WB boundaries a squadron of Customs Officers with Pikachus come and hassle you.
"Aw too bad Davis, not a single reindeer in all of the Fox territory. Guess we'll have to turn around," Tai said, backing away from the borderline.
"Yeah, besides, I told Lia I'd help her…do something tonight and she gets mad if I'm late so let's go!" Matt added.
"Oh no ya don't, you're staying until I catch a reindeer!"
"Why couldn't Veemon help you?"
"He and Gomamon are off playing poker with the Gazimon again."
Just then Davis spotted something standing on the Pokémon side. His eyes lit up and he went for the rope again.
"See? I told you I'd find a reindeer!"
"Uh Matt, what the hell is that thing?" Tai muttered.
"Looks like one of those freaking Johto pokémon. God I hate that theme song!"
Yes, our happy crew of three has stumbled upon a lone Stantler. For those of you who don't bother watching Pokémon Johto (I only watch it when I'm waiting for Digimon and even then it's only for Team Rocket), a Stantler is this kinda reindeer looking thingy. Grab a bag of Lay's potato chips with a Pikachu on it, there's a Stantler on that.
"Davis, that's not a reindeer, that's a pokémon. You can't give Kari a pokémon, Gatomon will try and murder it and Patamon will go wage war on Pikachu again and I'll end up in the hospital yet again with Joe working the defibrillator. So just give up," Matt sighed.
"It is too a reindeer and I'm going to catch it!"
"I'll bet you Ash jumps out of the bushes," Tai mumbled.
"If it's Misty I swear to God I'll drop dead right here. She's just as bad as Jun."
"Are you dissing my sister again Matt? Cuz she's still miffed that you're going out with that weird girl and not her!" Davis said, getting his rope ready.
"Sure, yeah, Lia's weird. I can see her running around in some nasty orange shirt that hasn't been washed in two freaking years."
Davis paid no attention and started sprinkling the reindeer feed on the ground in Fox country. (Or is it Stantler feed now?)
"Come on, little reindeer. You know you want this stuff. Come and get it!"
"You don't know how warped that sounds," Tai muttered.
The Stantler stupidly walked over and Davis wrestled it to the ground. But the idiot forgot a crucial plot point: Stantler come in herds. So now he's running for his life screaming like a girl and Matt and Tai are kinda in the back getting trampled.
"This…is…great! Now…I…can…give…Kari…a…whole…herd!" Davis called.
"Get the hell off me, dammit!" Matt shouted as a Stantler stepped on him.
"What do we look like, doormats?" Tai hollered.
In the end, Davis gets the worst of the maiming. Matt and Tai are just bruised and pissed off.
~*~
It was after dark by the time they got back to the computer room. I don't know why they just don't go home; for the sake of the plot they're there, all right? Lia and Nicki were sitting there, discussing Mrs. Anti, the tap-dancing English teacher. They looked up at the guys, Davis covered in bandages, Matt and Tai holding ice to huge bruises.
"Don't even…"
"Davis got run over by a reindeer, showing off for Kari Christmas Eve! You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Veemon, we believe!"
Davis looked incredibly pissed, and the guys started laughing. Needless to say, Davis gave up on the whole reindeer idea.
~*~
A/N: Here it is again, the song that you'll be singing this holiday season: Davis Got Run Over by a Reindeer.
Davis got run over by a reindeer,
Showing off for Kari Christmas Eve!
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Veemon we believe.
Merry Whatever, and don't expect any Christmas miracles Davis cuz Kari isn't gonna be snuggling with you under the mistletoe.
"Mistletoe sounds like a disease, just like sea monkeys!"