Chapter 1: Depression

Renesmee's POV

I was riding on top of a huge russet colored wolf. He was running for both of our lives; but mainly for mine. Momma had wanted him to do this to protect me. The magnificent animal stopped in front of a large building. The sign read "orphanage". That was a strange foreign word to me that I had not ever read anywhere. The huge wolf beneath me looked at me straight in the eye and beckoned me to get off of him. I didn't understand what he was doing. Even with my highly developed mind I didn't understand what he was doing, but I had a feeling that it wasn't good.

I got off of him and he ran off. Only to return a minute later as a human.

"Ness" he said. He seemed to struggle to find the right words to say. "I have to leave you here for now"

I felt my eyes start to water up. "Why Jake?" I asked. My voice was shaking.

"It's safer for you here. I don't want to leave you but I think it's best" he said.

"No Jakey! Please don't leave me!" I shouted.

"Ness, I promise that as soon as it's safe again I will come back for you" he said. "I won't stop until I find you wherever you are" he said.

"Nooooooo!" I screamed.

I woke up with a jolt. It was just a dream. I should've known that it was just a dream. I've had this dream for as long as I could remember. I don't know what it means though. Surely this couldn't be the way that I was left at the orphanage? I was only five years old at the time and I don't remember anything about who left me at the orphanage, but surely this wasn't how it happened? Horse sized wolves didn't exist; and I would know.

I had been dropped off at the orphanage by a teenage boy the staff had told my parents whom eventually told me. That was all that I knew about that though.

I reached over to my dresser and took my daily antidepressants.

In the process of getting out of bed I accidentally stepped on Max's tail causing him to jump in pain. Max was my golden retriever; he had been given to me by my parents. I better not think about my parents, if not I would start to cry.

I made my way over to the kitchen where the cooks were currently making me breakfast. I didn't know why they were making so much food. It was only me now. Just me.

One year ago my parents were killed in a car crash. I remember it vividly because I was the one who was driving. A drunk driver had ran a red light and smashed right into us. It technically wasn't my fault but I still blamed myself every single day. I could have prevented it somehow. Or maybe I shouldn't have insisted on driving to that damned store in the first place. I had just gotten my driver's license so of course that naturally meant that I wanted to drive everywhere and anywhere. If I hadn't done that then they'd still be here today. It was all my fault.

My parents owned a large racehorse-breeding farm. They owned, raced, and bred many horses. They acquired a pretty good fortune with this business. Half of that fortune was left to my brother and half of it was left to me.

The business went downhill really fast after my parents died. My brother was 19 years old at the time and I had just turned 17. Since I wasn't a legal adult yet he had total control of my half. Nobody trusted him since he was only 19 years old. They didn't want to do business with him because they thought that he was young and irresponsible.

Then about six months after our parents died he died as well. He had an undiscovered brain tumor that just killed him. So like my parents, one day he was here, and the next he was gone. I was alone. I had no family, no one that would take care of me. Every one that I cared about was just suddenly gone. I had never felt so alone before.

The money problems continued to get worse and worse as I continued to spiral down into the depths of depression. There were quite a few times when I actually seriously considered suicide as an option to end the pain, suffering, and problems. That's when I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. They determined the problem to be depression and they put me on antidepressants. The medicine has helped me a little, but I still feel. The sorrow, the pain, everything. Even after starting the medicine I have still considered suicide from time to time. It's much less frequent, but the thoughts are still there. I wondered if they would ever leave.

After eating breakfast I took my anti anxiety medicine. I forgot to mention those didn't I? I get frequent panic attacks because of the memories of the car accident. I know I'm seriously screwed up in the ahead. I should be in a mental hospital but my therapist and psychiatrist think I manage just fine with the meds.

Just then my best friend Will comes running in with a clearly panicked look on his face.

"What's wrong Will?" I asked.

"Somehow Star Emblem escaped" he said. Star Emblem was one of my horses. She had just given birth a few days ago.

"How?" I asked.

"Her stable door wasn't closed all the way" he said.

"Well then lets go look for her" I said. I put on my horse riding gear. The only way to look for a lost horse in the woods is on horseback. Luckily we have no shortage of horses here.

I ran after Will. I looked at his muscled arms. How could I not look at them? Will was one of the stable boys here. That just means that he took care of the horses such as feeding them, making sure they have enough to drink, and cleaning up after them. But we've been best friends forever since we were little. His parents used to work here so on the weekends he would come and we would just play and do things together all day long. Once puberty came along I started to look at him differently. I developed a huge crush on him as he changed. I don't think that he viewed me any differently though because we just remained best friends; nothing more and nothing less. I had never told him about my feelings for him changing because I was terrified of ruining the perfect friendship that I had with him. I wasn't good enough for him anyways. I wasn't good enough for any guy. I was just a broken down car that was never going to run right. He didn't know about the status of my mental health, and I preferred to keep it that way.

"Nessie are you okay?" he asked me using the nickname he had given me as a kid. Claiming that my name was to much of a mouthful.

"I'm fine Will. I'm just thinking" I said as I got on my horse.

"Okay" he said as he got on another horse. I don't think that he believed me but he left it there.

"I'm worried about you Ness" he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"You just seem so different lately" he said.

"How can I not be?" I asked. "I lost all of my family members in the span of six months" I said.

"I'm sorry Nessie" he said. "I shouldn't have said anything"

"It's okay Will. You are like family. I would never get upset at you for bringing those things up" I said.

"I still shouldn't. I care about you. More than you imagine. I shouldn't bring up things that are going to cause you pain" he said.

The conversation stopped there because my horse's cry of terror tore through the forest. I went in the direction that the cry had come from.

My horse soon came into a view. I could have sworn that I saw a blond pale guy that looked about 23 years old leaning over her, but in the blink of an eye he was gone and I was sure that I'd imagined the whole thing.

I caught up to her and was able to calm her down after a few minutes. Will caught up to us just then.

"What's this?" he asked as he looked her over. He was pointing to an odd pale crescent shaped mark on her neck.

"I don't know but we better get her home and call the vet" I said.

The horse seemed to be in a lot of pain. I had called the vet on the way back and she was going to come by.

She took a sample of blood and said that she was going to run some tests on it and that she'd be back in a few hours with the results.

The pain seemed to be worsening as the hours passed. The vet came back that afternoon with an odd look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"She's been poisoned" she said.

"By what?" I asked.

"That's the thing. We don't know. This poison or venom is something that has never been seen before. None of my colleagues know what it is" she said.

"So what are we going to do?" I asked.

"I want to acquire more samples. Then I think the best thing would be to put her down" she said.

I started crying.

This idea just came to me yesterday after watching horseracing for a long time and it's been bouncing around my head all day. Do you like it? Anyone ready for a jealous Jacob? Let's just say that there is a love triangle on the horizon. Please let me know what you think.