Inspired by Tom Lehrer's "The Masochism Tango".

Edit 15/2/2012: Grammar revised.

The Masochism Tango

If there is one thing Saiyans love, it is fighting. All the better if your opponent is ridiculously strong… and you end up practically dead afterwards.

So it should not come as a surprise that every week Vegeta demanded a spar from Goku. He lost terribly every time, so it mystified the humans as to why he kept going back for more. But this was something only Goku could do with him. They had a mutual understanding.

One of Goku's punches finally caught Vegeta in the mouth, and he was sent flying backwards. After some distance he came to a halt in mid-air. He grinned and wiped the resulting blood from his mouth. Goku was the only person he knew that could make him bleed these days. It just made him want to dismember the moron even more!

At last! He got a satisfying hit on the idiot, in the eye no less. Privately he hoped it would bruise. That would attest to his strength.

However, these small victories were forgotten as the battle continued. Neither could get an edge; every attack was either blocked or dodged. Their frustration and desperation escalated. The need to get one up on the other burned as brightly as their Ki.

They parted briefly. Both were breathing and sweating heavily. But it was easy to see neither of them was ready to give up yet. The desire for battle was still a tangible blaze.

Goku briefly considered stopping when he realised how low Vegeta's Ki had become. But a single look at his scalding, coal black eyes proved he still had fight in him yet. The last time Goku had seen that look, he'd literally almost been gutted. Underestimating Vegeta could be the last mistake he ever made. He leaped back into the battle with great enthusiasm.

Despite his mental note from earlier, Goku was still careless enough that Vegeta managed to kick him in the groin. He howled in pain and his face became a few shades paler than usual. If Chi-Chi wanted any more children, he was afraid he might not be able to provide anymore.

Merciless, as usual, Vegeta simply snickered and sent his foot into the back of Goku's head. To his surprise, Goku didn't show any anger about this. In fact, he was soon smiling and raising his Ki again.

A vicious exchange of Ki beams followed, causing both men to be severely burnt in several places. Vegeta had finally depleted even his deepest of reserves, and became overly aware of this when his knees buckled beneath him.

He remained weary, even when he was stuck lying on his back. However, he needn't have bothered with Goku. He wasn't like Frieza's men: there was no need to worry about being hurt, or worse, when he was down.

Goku tried to laugh, but he didn't have enough air in his lungs to do so. Instead, he made an odd wheezing sound before plopping down next to Vegeta.

Several hours later, Goku was breathing at a normal rate. He felt Vegeta would also have enough energy to return to Capsule Corporation by himself, soon.

"Hey, Vegeta…" Goku began now that he was finally able to speak properly again.

Vegeta just rolled his eyes; what did the idiot want now? He grunted in response because he didn't want to admit his body hadn't recovered enough to talk properly yet.

"Lately Chi has been telling me to buzz off whenever I try to … erm…" He scrunched up his face as he tried to remember the exact words Chi-Chi had used, "engage her sexually."

Vegeta choked slightly, wondering why the fool would want to talk about something so obviously private to him, of all people. Didn't he know anything about modesty? But of course he didn't. Vegeta remembered Kakarrot had been bought up by Roshi in his teenage years…

"Thing is," Goku went on, either ignoring his reaction completely or not noticing it, "lately I want to do it all the time. You and Bulma are about the same age as us, right? Are you going through the same thing?"

Vegeta spluttered again. Now he had the gall to ask after his mate, too! "Don't you know anything about Saiyans? You shouldn't even think these things around me, let alone actually ask them of the Prince!" He exclaimed, mad enough to both jump to his feet and try to speak despite his breathlessness.

He could have sworn he saw the corner of Kakarrot's mouth twitch upward. But before he could be sure, Kakarrot had adopted an uncharacteristically serious, almost sad, facial expression. He stood as well and said, "What do you think?"

Vegeta sighed and turned away slightly to give himself time to think of a response. Of course the idiot didn't have anyone to explain anything about Saiyans too him. Vegeta had, at least, had Nappa to give an awkward explanation or two.

"You'd better hope your mate changes her mind, then. For the next decade or so you'll be like this. Your body feels it's reaching the end of its prime, so it wants to take every chance it can to breed." He finally replied, grudgingly.

"Oh," he replied, still looking downcast. It was beginning to make Vegeta nervous. "So you and Bulma are having trouble too, huh?"

"Yes, troll, we are." Vegeta replied, turning back to the fool angrily.

"How do you put up with it? Is there some way to make it go away? What's a troll, Vegeta?" He kept asking, not giving Vegeta any time to respond in between.

"What are you, five! Get acquainted with your hand if you can't put up with it!" He yelled, wondering if Goku was even taking this conversation seriously.

There it was again, the flicker in the right corner of his mouth, which may or may not have been a victorious smirk. He laughed lightly, and his normal goofy grin returned.

"It just isn't the same to me. You must be really good at it for it to be, though!"

"What are you implying?" Vegeta growled darkly, eyes narrowed.

"What are you talking about? Anyway, I'd better get back now. Thanks for the talk, Prince Vegeta!"

Vegeta whipped his head around, expecting to die from shock-induced cardiac arrest at any second. Had the moron actually addressed him as…?

But Vegeta's thought was cut off abruptly as he noticed the way Goku was bowing. Basically, he was leaning down to Vegeta's height, so they were eye to eye, foolish grin in place. Finally he snapped: he'd had enough of this conversation! He pulled his fist back and punched the brainless buffoon, attempting to destroy his stupid face.

Goku staggered back slightly, smile still firmly in place.

"Aw 'Geta, that's not very civilised." He mumbled, cradling his swelling nose. "Well anyway, gotta go!" He exclaimed – did he just wink! - and brought his hand to his forehead.

Before Vegeta could punch him again for his insolence and/or creepiness, he was gone.