This is my final project for English this year (I got to write about my favourite fictional character, how awesome is that?!), so I wanted to post it here so I could get any possible feedback before I hand it in tomorrow (June 8th) :) My teacher is unfamiliar with CSI but I tried to keep it as true to the story and character as possible! Thanks for reading and please review!
"Time heals all, right? I guess we'll find out if that's true." –Morgan Brody
Saying I don't believe in holding grudges could possibly make me the biggest hypocrite to ever live, but I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance in some form or another eventually. To keep me from being hypocritical again, I will say that I don't think anyone should be expected to forgive someone immediately, because I've certainly never done that, but over time, why not give someone another shot? The worst thing that could happen is that you go back to square one; except this time, you may have expected it to happen.
"Your jacket is impressive." Despite the fact that this was a job interview, I simply nodded as the folder holding my accomplishments throughout the few years of my career was leafed through; given the circumstances I was currently under, I didn't feel like being warm and friendly. "So, what was it this time?" This time. Those two small words only intensified the glare I had been holding for the past few minutes.
As if being in the same room as my father and attempting to be civil wasn't hard enough for me, that phrasing had to be slyly thrown in to make my current task even more difficult. I could respond maturely, to show that I had grown up a bit since the last time I had spoken with him, but I could also make the conversation even tenser in a second, which seemed to be what I had always done best. As much as it was killing me to bite my tongue, I decided to look at the bigger picture.
"I think you know," I paused, not exactly wanting to elaborate, but he shrugged nonetheless. "Langston fallout. It had a far reach," I replied shortly, maintaining the even, yet admittedly far from friendly tone I wanted to keep up. This was trickier than I wanted it to be; even a couple months later, the negative feelings I had about being fired were still heavily prominent, and they probably always would be. Having to respond in a brief few words while still pretending that I had little to no emotion percolating in my brain was not as easy as I had made it seem in my head, during my rehearsal of what I wanted to say throughout the taxi ride here.
Being fired in Los Angeles only a few months back was almost attempting to be bittersweet, but really, it was a huge shock to my system, and not quite in a good way. I had been trying to see the light at the end of the figurative tunnel, but it was a bit dim, obviously, as I was still dwelling on the negatives, even as I sat in a completely different office in a completely different lab, somewhat away from the problem. Well, maybe somewhat away isn't the right way to put it; if it wasn't for the original duo of Langston and Willows making the trek up to LA, there wouldn't have been any issue in the first place. It's not like I've had any problems with any of the Vegas CSIs throughout any of this, however, (even though the undersheriff I was staring down is a different story) because if I did, I wouldn't have helped them in the first place, and I certainly would not be sitting here.
Why was I sitting here, though? After way too many years to count of avoiding my father and anything to do with him like my life depended on it (and I had been fairly convinced it did), here I was, telling him that I am definitely worthy of a job here. I had been telling myself for the past few months that I was doing this solely because this lab is the number one in the country, and that my dad being here was merely a coincidence, but I know that's not entirely true. I could've just as easily found a new job in LA, or any other state that wasn't Nevada, actually. But, after a lot of nights spent agonizing over what my next step should be, or reiterating to myself that I was not going through a mid-life crisis (even though my job has proved to be dangerous, I'm fairly hopeful that twenty-eight is still not quite the middle of my life), I decided that the Vegas lab was worth a shot.
My reasoning for this isn't entirely muddled, even though it may seem like it. I was originally drawn in for the fact that it really is the best crime lab in the country, and I think I've done my job long enough to know I'm capable of being here. So, I use that answer for when people ask and don't want me to delve into some tragic backstory; some people just want that mainstream, scratching the surface, so to speak, answer. I also have the excuse that the Vegas lab was already planted in my mind, because without them, I'd still be working crime scenes in LA. When I look beyond that, and trust me, I have, I'm not just brushing over the fact that if this all works out in the way I think I want it to, my father will be one of my direct supervisors. As much as that will be difficult, I almost feel some sort of obligation within myself, as cheesy as that probably sounds, to go through with this possibly ill-conceived idea.
"There are hundreds of other crime labs in this country," my dad said, interrupting my thoughts, and I internally smiled at the fact that my initial thought process had been so similar, but I kept the sentiment to myself.
"This one's the best," I replied, only offering my weak reasoning, because in no way was I willing to go into the deep, emotional stuff quite yet. That was something I was not looking forward to. "It's your call." When I looked past my elaborate thought process and just looked at the job that I could acquire, it was pretty exciting, so in my heart, I was hoping the call would be a positive one.
As I've said, I honestly do believe in second chances, even though I'm sure anyone who is familiar with me wouldn't believe such a thing. Throughout essentially my entire life, I never even considered any reason to give my dad a second chance, because it almost felt like he had used that up; if he had fought for me to stay in the beginning, or any other time while I was living in LA, I guarantee our relationship wouldn't have ever reached some of the boiling points it did. He never did though, and there hadn't ever been even a glimmer of hope that he would, so eventually, I gave up and elected to stay in my state of hating him for absolutely any reason I could possibly imagine.
Hating someone is exhausting, though, and to be honest, I guess I'm getting tired of the constant fight, even though for close to half of my life, we were each living in completely different states. The feeling is one that almost always remains at the back of my mind, though, so it's not like I only feel hatred for my father when it's convenient, as awful as that sounds. So, on one hand, I'm just a bit sick of feeling this way, even though I'm not totally willing to forget why exactly this is how I'm reacting to everything. On the other hand, I'm trying to apply believing in second chances in my life. As much as I'd probably like to be a hypocrite regarding this, I don't want that sitting on my conscience, or simply being another thing sitting in the back of my mind. Therefore, I'm willing to give my dad a second chance, because this time, I know what could happen, although I'm hopeful that it won't.
Forgiveness cannot be achieved immediately, because that's just not who I am, and really, that's a difficult thing to expect of anyone. I'm willing to move on, for the most part, but it's going to take some time, because surely, it takes more than the length of a job interview to get over a fifteen year grudge. People always say that time heals all, and this just may be a rather flaky saying that is supposed to make people feel better or something, but it could also be true, and I think that's what I'm banking on. I'm going to get a lot of possibly judgmental questions as to why I'm doing this; you know, I already have, but in the end, I think I'm just doing this for me, and if forgiveness is a result of that, great. If not, I know to be even more wary of letting go of the past, especially when it comes to my father. Even if this doesn't end in a resolution of sorts, at least it's an excellent career choice in itself, and besides, what have I got to lose?