(author's note: well...I warned you, but you're reading it anyway. This fic could be hazardous to your mental health! Anyway, I'd like to thank: Christina, even though she thinks a RENT/RHPS cross is evil and disturbing; Liz, who read (and laughed at) this during lunch; Ali, who thinks I'm insane -- the feelings are mutual :-P; Stef, and her list of boys; and Emily, for telling me the 'insider's stuff' about the RHS-Live!...now on to...)
The Rocky Horror RENT Show, Part 1!!
Brad - Mark
Janet - Angel
Magenta - Mimi
Riff Raff - Paul (from Life Support)
Frank - Collins
Columbia - Maureen
Eddie - Joanne
Rocky - Roger
Dr. Scott - Joanne
Narrator - Benny
Ralph, Transylvanian - Steve (from Life Support)
Betty, Transylvanian - Mrs. Cohen
Other random Transylvanians - Gordon, the other Life Support people, the bag lady, Mrs. Marquez, Mrs. Davis, Mr and Mrs. Jefferson, Alexi Darling, anyone else I feel like sticking in here (mwahahaha. . . author powers. . . )
Directed by - Joanne
Usherette (lips): Michael Rennie -- who the hell is Michael Rennie?!?!?
Joanne: MIMI!
Mimi (Usherette (lips)): Anyway, this Michael Rennie guy was ill
The Day the Earth Stood still
But he told us where we stand.
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear-
Angel: I have silver underwear!
Mimi (Usherette (Lips)): (giggles) So do I!
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong;
They got caught in a celluloid jam
Then at a deadly pace It-
Maureen: It? What's It? Who's It??
Roger: Tim Curry is It!
(Everyone giggles except for Joanne, who glares)
Mimi (Usherette (Lips)): Right, It Came From Outer Space.
And this is how the message ran:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X will build a creature.
See androids fighting Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
I knew Leo G. Carroll -- I did??
Joanne: (grunts)
Mimi (Usherette (Lips)): Uh. . . I knew. . . what was his name again??
Joanne: Leo G. Carroll!
Mimi(Usherette (Lips)): I knew Leo J. Carroll. . . or was it Leo G. Carroll. . . aaah whatever
I knew this Leo Carroll guy
Was over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills.
And I really got hot. . . um riiiight. . .
When I saw Jeanette Scott
Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. . . what the hell is a triffid?
Dana Andrews said Prunes gave him the runes
And passing them used lots of skills.
But When Worlds Collide, (Angel, Collins, and Maureen clap their hands and shout "Boom!!")
Said George Powell to his bride, "I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"
Like a...
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X will build a creature.
See androids fighting Brad and Janet (Mark and Angel smile and wave)
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
I wanna go
Oh Oh Oh
To the late night double feature picture show,
By RKO,
Oh Oh Oh
To the late night double feature picture show
In the back row, Oh Oh Oh To the late night, double feature, picture show!
Crowd: Here they come! (The crowd chucks rice at Ralph and Betty)
Photographer(Alexi): Let's get a picture. Close together now. The parents and then the grandparents. Just of the close family. Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And... (snap)
Ralph (Steve): I guess we really did it, huh. . .wait a second. . . did WHAT??
Brad (Mark): I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses. And don't jump to any conclusions, Mister. That's my MOTHER you just married!
Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I showed up in the first place. (chuckles)
Brad: RALPH!
Betty (Mrs. Cohen): O.K. you guys, this is it. (throws bouquet)
Janet: I got it! I got it! Yay!! Look everyone! I got the bouquet!! Happy happy happy! Now I can have pretty flowers in my hair! Yay! I got it!! I go-
Joanne: Angel, we get the point. . .
Angel: Oh, sorry.
Joanne: Moving on. . .
Ralph: Hey big fella, -- wait, that sounds WRONG!
Joanne: Just say the damn line, ok?
Ralph: Grrr...fine. Hey big Brad, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?
Brad: Who knows.
Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad. Guess we better get going now, Betty. Come on, hop in. See ya, Brad!
(car drives away with the words "Ralph's eating out tonight!" written on the back with soap)
Brad: Wait! That's my MOTHER you're talking about!!
Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Betty...and Ralph... look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Munroe and now... now she's Mrs. Ralph Hap-shit.
Joanne: HapSCHATT!!
Angel: Yeah yeah, same thing!
Joanne: Just get to the song, please!
Brad: Hey Janet.
Janet: Yes Brad?
Brad: I've got something to say.
Janet: Uh huh.
Brad: I really love the... skillful way... you beat the other girls... to the bride's bouquet.
Janet: Oh Brad.
Brad: The river was deep but I swam it.
Mimi, Paul, and Maureen: Janet
Brad: The future is ours so let's plan it
Maureen: Marky, since when do YOU promote safe sex??
Mark: (blushes) Shut up Maureen...
Maureen: (giggles)
Joanne: (clears throat loudly) The song, please?
Mark: Oh, right. Where were we?
Joanne: Planning the future.
Brad: Oh, ok. I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you. Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
Angel: Ooooh! It's sparkly!!
Brad: There's three ways that love can grow. That's good, bad, or mediocre. Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so.
Janet: And you can spell my name! I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too.
Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do - ah - oo.
Brad: And that's go see the man who began it. When we met in his science exam - it
Made me give you the eye and then panic.
Janet: (giggles)
(moment of silence, then) Brad & Janet: I love you.
Joanne: Ok ok, good enough! Even though you skipped half the song, I guess it'll have to do. Any questions before we move one?
(a zillion beepers go off all at once)
Joanne: AZT Break?
Mimi: No! "Boston Public" break! We all love that show!
Joanne: (rolls eyes)