I don't own Naruto. Normally I would put some funny remark here, but I am tired, and depressed. I am sorry I haven't updated my other stories in a while, but I have been busy, because I have a life, and sometimes it gets in the way of this. So don't bug me. Or else.
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You
don't know my name
you don't know anything about me
No
one paid attention to me. They barely knew my name. They didn't
care. They never asked me how I was. Not even Kiba. He said 'Hi'
when he had to, he talked to me during missions, but other than that
he avoided me. I wonder if they would care if I took off my mask. Or
if the mask shattered.
I
try to play nice
I want to be in your game
I'm
nice to everyone. I've never yelled or gotten mad at anyone. I've
always encouraged everyone. I suffered Father's wrath because I
wanted to stop Hanabi from getting the seal! So why am I always left
out? Why was I always left there standing by myself? I always thought
that if I was nice people would like me.
The things that you
say
You may think I never hear about them
But word travels
fast
They
talk about me when they think I can't hear. They insult me, they
call me weak. I know about it. I know everything they say. They don't
know anything about me. They ignore me, they gossip about me, they
disrespect me.
I'm telling you to your face
I'm standing
here behind your back
I give them hints. They are so obvious. I'm basically telling them I know what they say, what they think. But they are so oblivious. They then turn around and gossip more when they think I'm not right there. So often I'm right behind them.
You
don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
I'm
hurt even if I don't show it. I invite them to every birthday party
I have, hoping they'll come. They don't even bother to tell me
that they can't come. They never come. Every year I sit at home and
make my wish. It never comes true.
You don't know what it's
like
To be left out
Some
of them have had it good. Some have never been left out. Others
vaguely know. If they once did know they have forgotten. After all,
who can remember being thirsty?
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
I never had a friend. Almost with Neji, but then his father died. Then he hated me. I've always had to be my only friend. I even talk to myself. I was never comforted by anyone. I was never held, never protected. I was only left alone. I watch those who have friends as I pass by. I'm always pushed to the outside.
If
you could read my mind
You might see more of me that meets the
eye
If
they could read my mind, they would know how strong I really am. They
would know how my Byakugan had different powers. They would be able
to see what others have never seen. To see the real me. The one
behind the mask. The one that had power they will never know. The one
who had known true, unadulterated agony.
And you've been all
wrong
Not who you think I am
You've never given me a chance
They just assume I'm telling the truth. They never did deeper than the surface. Once they thought I was weak they didn't even give me a first chance, let alone a second. They never acknowledge my accomplishments. They never notice how I want to cry. They barely look at me. They all hate me.
You
don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
The
crowd of people all having a good time. The crowd of happiness. I've
almost never felt that. I've never felt what its like to be
surrounded by people who like you, and are also having a good time.
Never.
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
They
don't know how it feels to be me. They don't know how much they
hurt me. How they changed me. They will never understand that, no
matter how hard they try. I have never, not from the moment I was
born, felt love, not even the pretense of love. My father hated me
because I was a girl, and looked weak. My mother hated me because I
had weakened her. Everyone hated me.
And you don't know how it
feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
No one should know. No one knows. No one but me.
Well,
I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and alone
I'm sick of
wasting all my time
I want to go to a party. I want to know what fun feels like. I want to have a friend to visit. But I've never been invited to a party. I've never had fun. I have no friend to visit.
You
don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't
know what it's like
To be left out
It
feels awful. You feel unhappy, depressed, unloved, angry, and empty
all at the same time.
And you don't know how it feels
To be
your own best friend on the outside looking in
You
don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You
have no friends to comfort you, nor family to love you. You have to
be strong, you have to pretend like it's all right. You have to cry
in the middle of the night, when you're all alone. When no one can
hear you.
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
To
be hated, to be sad, to have your heart ripped out and shared by a
thousand people. And the worst part is, you still have to be strong
and not react, although you are dying.
And you don't know how
it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
One day, one day soon they will all pay for what they have done. I have been only nice, I have been strong, but they still hurt me. Soon, very soon they will have not only great physical pain, but the pain of knowing that if they had been nicer, if they had accepted me, this never would have happened. And the worst part, they will have to live with that, live with the fact that people, innocent people, were killed because of them. As I once read, killers are made, not born.
I switched the radio off. It was funny how many songs I could make fit me. I picked up a silver book with a yin and yang symbol on it. I flipped through it, reviewing several poems and lyrics I had written. Here's a song I had written:
I like black
And I like white
I like being in the center
And being out of sight
I'm a girly-girl
And a tomboy too
I want to be different
But I want to be just like you
I'm conflicted
I'm confused
I can't decide
I just can't choose
Who am I?
I'm yin and yang in one
I love the moon
But I love the sun
I'm glad to be me
But I want to transform
Into something better
I'm so torn
I'm conflicted
I'm confused
I
want to decide
I really want to choose
I can't fix me
I want it to go away
I'm going crazy
It won't go away
I'm yin and yang
All in one being
I can only hope
That I will end up seeing
The way out of this
The way for me
So I will finally know
Who I should be
I hated hiding who I was, especially because the person I did it for didn't appreciate it. But I was so used to it, I couldn't help it. I suppose you're wondering how the previous song applies to only me. Well, I'll make a list.
Sasuke: First he had his family that loved him. Then he still had his fan club, always pulling him into the crowd. He takes it for granted.
Sakura: She was mocked, but still she had a family. And then she had friends.
Naruto: He had Iruka. He was alone for a while, yes, but he had someone, something to blame. He didn't have to know that this was self-inflicted. And then he got drawn into the crowd.
Kiba: He always had a family and friends.
Shino: His family loves him and is proud of him. He chooses to avoid people. Besides, he has and has always had his bugs.
Ino: She was always outgoing and had friends and family.
Shikamaru: He had a group of friends, and then left them for a best friend. Besides, he had family.
Chouji: Again, had family, then friends.
Neji: He had his father, then he had the Sasuke situation.
Tenten: I don't think she has a family, but she's always had friends.
Lee: Lee may have been teased, but I think he still had a family, and then he had Gai and his youth thing.
Temari: I think she always had friends.
Kankuro: At the worst of times, he had his sister and his puppet.
Gaara: He had Yashomaru for a while, and then he had his demon, and then he was drawn into the crowd.
I never had family, nor friends. People didn't even bother to insult me in front of my face. It wouldn't hurt so much if they just came out and said they hated me. Instead I have to read their minds to know. Oh, and that is not figurative.
You see, my Byakugan is different. I can't see chakra points so well, but I see far more useful things. For instance, I can read minds, see the future, implant thoughts in people's heads, and many more things. I am far more gifted than Neji or Hanabi. What I have has never before happened in the Hyuuga clan, and I know for I have checked every record there is. There is a chance that there is some undocumented case, but I doubt it. Anyone with a brain would know to write this down. Which is why I am doing this. One day, one day I will reveal myself, and this document can be used to tell the world that yes, the person who did that was Hyuuga Hinata, not an imposter. I want everyone to know how they hurt me. I want them to suffer. But I don't want them to die. Some will appear to die, but they will really just be kidnapped to start a new village. They will forget everything about Konoha, they will be given new identities. I have planned this. I planned every little detail.
I will get my revenge. Nothing will stop me.
Nothing.
