The crowd had gone insane as usual, and mutilated bodies littered the Siberian tundra. Novosibirsk was on fire- literally- and the screams of melting bodies accompanied Skwisgaar's final shred. His body trembled with a desire akin to lust- the desire to creep his fingers up and down the neck of his guitar in one final solo. But the show had ended. His lazy bandmates had thrown down their instruments and were headed for the store of tacos and tequila imported directly from Mexico. He joined them, slipped off his clothes, and hopped into the hot tub, keeping his hands firmly on his guitar.

"Feck, Charles," whined Pickes, swigging his Corona. " Ya forgot da dang limes agin!"

"Ja," said Toki ,"It ams not sames wit nos limes!"

"You do realize they make vodka here, Pickles?" asked Charles. "You know, your favorite drink?"

"Dude, feck dat. It's Tuesday."

"Taco and Tequila Tuesday," growled Nathan.

"Well I'm sorry to tell you boys, that due to the fungal growth you launched at your last concert-"

"Fungal growth is brutal," said Nathan.

"Totallys brutals," agreed Skwisgaar, his fingers roaming up and down the guitar.

"Wheresh my goddamn lime?" Murderface tilted the bottle up, and screamed when the beer poured into his eye.

"It's uh, like you uh, pissed your face" said Nathan, snorting.

"You should calls your sides bands Project Pisses my Faces," said Skwisgaar, barely containing his amusement.

"Well, Murderface," continued Charles. "There will be no more limes, because you boys eliminated all citrus fruits. Everywhere."

"So no lemons to sucks?' asked Toki.

"No, Toki."

Toki's face crumbled.

"No biggie," said Pickles. He had already finished three quarters of a bottle of Patron. He turned to the nearest Klokateer. "Now you, you take this tequiler-" he slurred, " Take it and make it into a tequila sunrise- with three cherries dis time."

"My Lord," said the Klokateer. "I'm afraid there is no orange juice in the building."

"Well feck, ya douchebag! Go git some den!"

"Pickles," said Charles. "Orange juice comes from oranges. There are no oranges left in the world. Because of you. All of you."

"Dat's so fecked! Don't use orange den, use-"

"This tequilas ams oranges." Skwisgaar held up a bottle of golden brown tequila with an orange tint.

"Yeahh!" Pickles grabbed the bottle and thrust it into the Klokateer's hand. "Jes replace da orange wit dis orange tequila."

"Yes, my liege." The Klokateer bowed.

"Listen, guys," said Nathan. "We got our tacos, we got our tequila. It's Taco and Tequila Tuesday. We're fine. FINE."

"Ja, We don't need no dildos limeses," said Skwisgaar.

A brunette in a tight spandex top crawled over Nathan, her miniskirt floating over her waist in the hot tub. A tequila shot was nestled between her breasts, with salt in the cleavage. Nathan licked the salt from her skin, and she leaned over him, tossing the shot into his mouth. He gulped and stared fixedly at the wall for three seconds before throwing his hands up in the air.

"ARRRG!" he screamed. "It's NOT the SAME!" Nathan smashed the glass in his hand.

"Actually, ya know, it's a biiig improvement." Pickles held up the tequila-tequila and his blood-shot eyes rolled back in their sockets.

"Aw Nathans, did we makes a mistakes with the funguses?" asked Toki, pressing his hands to his cheeks.

"NO! We didn't make a MISTAKE!" said Nathan. "We just need to make limes exist again."

"Nathan," said Charles, "I don't think that's-"

"Just leave me alone!" Growled Nathan. "This is your fucking fault, letting us do what we want all the time!"

"You know there are plenty of flavors, replacements for -" Charles counted off on his fingers.

"IT'S NOT THE SAME," growled Nathan.

"Ish totally not," said Murderface.

"We need a real limes makers," said Toki dreamily "that knows the earths, and trees, and hows to makes the beautifuls plants grows."

Skwisgaar scowled. "Beautiful plants ams dildos. We needs limes to licks off the naked ladies."

"If I remember correctly Skwisgaar,"said Charles. "It was your idea to have a massive fungus on stage."

"Big deals. It was a totally cools fungus."

"What about that scientist, Dr. Derdilliat?" asked Pickles. "He made it, maybe he can get rid of it."

"Great idea, Pickle!" said Toki.

"Dr. Gurgliata is dead, Pickles. Traces of the fungus made their way into his bloodstream through his fingernails, causing each of his arteries to explode. You may remember, a number of your fans met the same end."

"Fucking fans," said Nathan.

"Regardless, I'll find you a scientist, and you'll see for yourself whether making limes is….well, possible."

"And we want it more brutal, like limes that like…that burn out your TONSILS!" Nathan glowered and curled his hands into menacing fists.

"I don't think that's the best idea, Nathan."

But Charles came through, and the next day the world's premier citrus expert, Dr. Margareta Gurgliata, joined the band in a lab newly installed by the Klokateers. She was the widow of the late Dr. Gogol Gurgliata. She was a menacing figure in her matronly heels, standing nearly as tall as Skwisgaar himself. She had squinty eyes, and sharp teeth and nails. She pointed one knotted finger towards the band as they walked in her lab.

"Do you think it wise to mess with nature?" she screeched.

"Yeah, it's like, the most brutal thing ever," said Nathan.

"Yes, brutal, brutal, you say. Perhaps you will learn."

"Listen lady," said Pickles, "We jes wanna get some fruit and get outta here."

"Of course," she said. "But first we must have…a Powerpoint presentation."

The band looked up in horror as a screen fell and she scrolled through, naming species after species.

"I think I will dies," cried Toki. "Of the boredoms."

Skwisgaar played rapidly on his guitar. "It will pass," he moaned. "It will pass, little Toki." His head fell back over the chair groaning as his fingers passed over the chords.

But their looks changed to awe as she showed, slide by slide, how her precious lime trees, her babies, had succumbed to the consuming fungus. She spun towards them, her lips curling. "And you, Dethklok, would have met a much worse fate, had you not done me a good turn, by disposing with my worst enemy." And she snarled as the screen turned to a photo of a pinched little man. "My husband."

"We hates our families too!" cried Toki.

"And so," she continued, "We will work together to create a new citrus with a higher acid content than ever before, one that could just about burn out your tonsils."

Nathan stared dumbfounded for a moment. "Uh," he said. "Uh." He was trying to remember something. "That's what I said!"

"We will start by making a vat of acid, something far more potent than citric acid, for the ultimate tang. But there's only one power that can make this acid tangy enough."

"Wait, I think I know this one," said Pickles.
"The power of metal."

"Well, yeah," said Pickles. "But lady, how are we gonna make fruit from dat?"

"Just leave that to me, boys. Leave that to me."