Disclaimer: The Hobbit, all characters, places, and related terms are the sole property of J. R. R. Tolkien's estate, and Warner Brothers, New Line Cinema, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and WingNut Films.

Author's Note: Fill for a prompt on the hobbit-kink meme.

An Unexpected Proposal

Still feeling groggy from the spiders' venom, Fili sunk down to the ground. While he ought to see to his weapons - as the others were doing - the young dwarf became sidetracked when he ran a hand over his braided moustache and beard and froze, discovering it was covered in webbing.

"No!"

"Fee?" Kili looked up, hearing his brother's horrified cry. He reached the blond-haired dwarf's side in a moment, dark eyes scanning over him questioningly. "What's the— Oh!" His eyes widened, taking in the state of Fili's beard. "That's…"

"Not good!" Fili exclaimed. Brushing his hand over his beard again, he winced at the tangles and bits of webbing his fingers caught on. It would take a long time to set it back to rights. "Not good, not good!"

"You'll have to cut your beard, Fili," Thorin said, pausing in cleaning his sword to peer at his nephew.

The prince balked. "No, anything but that! There must be a way to save it!" His uncle's frown and dismissing wave of the hand did not deter Fili. "It took me years to be able to get it like this!" His face crumbled. Fili had always been proud of his beard, considering it one of his best features. What if people laughed at him for having it short?

"Oh, good grief!" a voice cut into the prince's gloomy thoughts.

Suddenly Bilbo Baggins materialized in front of Fili, her expression thoroughly frustrated, green eyes flashing, still panting from her fight with the spiders and saving the company. Huffing, she leveled a stern look at him. The dwarf could only gaze back at her, startled.

"You could be dead right now, rather than simply covered in spider webs, Fili! Do you realize that? You dwarves and your beards...now is not the time or place for this. Besides, it shall grow back and will undoubtedly be even longer, more golden and dashing than before. Now, will you let me cut your beard and be done with it or not?!" she asked hotly, holding up a pair of scissors.

Had he not already been sitting down, Fili would have toppled over in shock. His mouth dropped open, his blue eyes grew as large as an owl's, and his heart pounded wildly in his chest. Vaguely he registered the whole company gaping at him and their burglar. Thorin snorted, Dwalin sighed dreamily, Gloin's hands came to rest over his heart, and Dori murmured, "How romantic!" But Fili's focus was all on Bilbo Baggins as he stared at her, astounded.

The prince had just about truly despaired and given up. Fili had been charmed by the pretty little hobbit-burglar from the moment he first laid eyes on her in Bag End. Such a small, soft creature she was, taking pleasure in the littlest things such as handkerchiefs and books, comforts, and home. She was fussy, well-mannered, yet also proved to be valuable, feisty, courageous, gentle, and loyal. Naturally, Fili had not known all of that at the beginning; as the quest stretched into weeks and then months, he learned more and more about Miss Bilbo Baggins as he spent time in her company.

But he was fascinated enough at their initial meeting to boldly (or foolishly, some might say) take the first step of courtship when he placed his weapons into the hobbit's keeping. The dwarf swallowed back his hurt at her refusal when Bilbo turned away to scold Kili for wiping his boots on her mother's glory box. While disappointed, he was not one to give up easily. Thus, as time passed and Fili's affection for the lass grew in leaps and bounds, his attempts at courting continued. And he was met with rejection time and time again. Yet Bilbo always did it so kindly, her smile remaining friendly and sweet that he could not give up hope of eventually winning her over.

Then there was the quest itself. As Erebor slowly loomed ever nearer, the dangers and obstacles and difficulties increased. Fili turned all his attention to the task at hand. Surviving and pressing onward took up everybody's time and energy. There was barely time for musings on his romance (or lack thereof), let alone time to try help it along.

The lad had to be content with brief lingering touches, offering his rations, and giving up his blanket to help Bilbo keep warm in the dark Mirkwood. And the lass would simply give him a tired smile before moving away instead of returning the touches and entwining their hands together as he wished; in that rare bossy tone of hers she politely yet firmly turned down his food, insisting he eat as well; and when in the morning Fili discovered his blanket resting over Bombur's unconscious form, he had sighed deeply.

The incident with the blanket had occurred three weeks ago. Fili had not made any further tries at courting since then, starting to fear that perhaps his love was unrequited.

So now to suddenly have Bilbo Baggins proposing marriage to him, in the most passionate love declaration he had ever heard, Fili at first could only stare at her with a mixture of anxiety and tender awe in his eyes, fearing his heart would burst with happiness. It was not considered proper for dwarves to become engaged without first courting, but it mattered not to him. She loved him!

As the silence lengthened between them, Bilbo's frown deepened. Sweaty, dirty, clothes torn and bloodied, she had never appeared lovelier in Fili's opinion.

"Yes, Bilbo!" he whispered, finally finding his voice.

"Good!" Bilbo replied, expression melting into a smile that made the prince's heart skip a beat.

He was quiet and cooperative while she worked, an unusual bout of shyness making him tongue-tied as her nimble fingers danced through his beard. Several times he was tempted to capture her lips in a kiss as their faces were inches from one another as she cut his beard. Mastering himself, he watched her with love and joy shining in his eyes.

"Done," Bilbo proclaimed some minutes later after critically inspecting her work and nodding in satisfaction.

As she started to draw back, Fili reached out and engulfed her hand with both of his large, warm ones. Bilbo froze and glanced between their hands and his smiling face a number of times, a flush gradually rising in her cheeks.

"What—"

"Thank you, Bilbo," Fili murmured deeply, overwhelmed. Then he leaned forward because they were now engaged and he was going to kiss her—

"Halt!"

Oh, Fili could cheerfully strangle those confounded elves for their horrible timing! Once again thoughts of engagements and kisses were violently pushed to the back of his mind.

He did not get a second opportunity to kiss his hobbit until much later. After Bilbo yet again rescued the company and they escaped Mirkwood. After the dwarves' misadventure in Lake-town and Thorin's Company was separated. After Smaug attacked Lake-town and was killed by Bard. After Fili and the others reached the mountain, and there were Thorin's sickness and Bilbo's betrayal and banishment. After the battle, and he, Kili, and Thorin were nearly lost. After peace was made among the dwarves, elves, and men. After forgiveness was given and received concerning the Arkenstone between Thorin and Bilbo.

Now the hobbit had come to see how the two princes fared, both propped up by pillows in their cots. Sitting on the edge of Fili's, her hand lightly brushing his, he curled his other hand around the back of her neck to urge her toward him, only for his hopes to be dashed again.

"Now we can finally plan the wedding!" Ori piped up cheerfully.

"Wedding?" Bilbo turned curiously to the scribe (away from Fili and he groaned). "What wedding?"

"Yours and Fili's!"

"What?!" she squeaked, leaping up as though she had been burned.

So it turned out Fili had been an idiot from beginning to end, for the ways of hobbits when it came to such things as courtship and engagement were vastly different compared to those of dwarves. "I thought you were just being helpful or friendly!" Bilbo spluttered when Fili recounted his various rejections. When Balin explained what her request to cut Fili's beard signified, she blushed hotly and hung her head. "I had no idea. Hobbits are simple folk, straight to the point in such matters. I'm sorry."

Blushing as much as Bilbo, Fili helplessly shook his head, feeling his heart break into a thousand pieces. He wished the ground would swallow him up. "I never thought of the possibility of cultural differences. Please accept my apologies. We need not bring this up again; I promise I won't approach you," he offered, speaking around the lump in his throat, desperately trying to ignore the ache in his chest.

"But I don't understand why you went through all of this in the first place! I'm just a middle-aged hobbit, without fortune or title, only a nice comfortable hobbit hole to my name. Nothing of consequence to tempt the likes of you, a prince!"

Fili frowned. "You tempt me! All I ever wanted was you. What you are, your status, none of that ever mattered to me. I fell in love with you!" he confessed, his voice fierce. Meeting Bilbo's wide eyes, he chuckled humorlessly. His head fell back onto the pillows. "I am the one lacking in the end. The foolish and irresponsible prince who blundered every step of the way in an unsuccessful attempt to win the lady of his heart," he sighed.

It was Bilbo's turn to frown. "Do not speak that way!"

"It is the truth," Fili murmured glumly, turning his face to the wall.

The lass shook her head. "We were both at fault for the misunderstanding. And while I'll grant you at times you did act foolishly, you also proved to be much more than only that. I think you are wonderful," she admitted quietly.

"No need to spare my feelings." Fili squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the tears threatening to come. He nearly jerked in surprise when he felt a light weight settle back on the edge of his cot, followed by a gentle touch against his bearded cheek.

"Fili."

He found himself turning to look at the hobbit, unable to resist her soft calling. The dwarf discovered her smiling at him in a way he'd never seen before, and he did not know what to make of it. Nor did he know what to think when slowly, tentatively Bilbo reached out and laced her fingers through his. Almost fearfully he met her bright eyes.

"Fili, may I cut your beard?" she asked, voice wavering slightly.

For a second Fili frowned, puzzled. Then he gasped when her words sunk in. He opened and shut his mouth, frantically searching her face, trying to understand. Bilbo's smile faded a little at his silence, she growing nervous. Fili opened his mouth only to be at a loss for words a second time. So he did what next came to mind: he drew Bilbo into a heated embrace and kissed her, lovingly, gently. He did not notice the cheers that broke out in the tent. There were just he and his hobbit.

THE END