In the words of Katy Perry…I am truly Wide Wake. It's late…really late. Grunting, I reluctantly turn over to check my digital alarm clock…3am in the morning! Ugh. Then glancing down at my bed sheets, I can see that they're completely tangled between my legs. This is making me too hot…I need to crack a window! Both of my shirt and my purple tie are also tangled up with in these retched sheets, whilst the rest of my costume is resting on the floor. Drat! And to top it all off. I just can't get all of this dame glitter paper that they showered on us after winning Regionals, out of my hair…no matter how hard I tug. But soon…it hits me. We've won! The New directions…have won Regionals. And in a couple of months were are all off to the National Championships for a second time in a row. Oh my god…we actually did it! But why do I feel so unhappy…so…so incomplete?

"Ouch!"

I am suddenly distracted by a small, hard box that is digging into my back. So I try to slip my hand around me to retrieve whatever the hell it…ooooh but it's so cool…leather? Humm…it's in the shape of a square. Oh no. Immediately…I remember what it is. So much so…it causes tears to prick into my eyes. It's the box. The box that holds my ring…his ring I mean! The ring that I bought for…him.

"Kurt."

To speak his name…it is such a comfort yet a painful stab in my heart as well. But despite this, I still say it out load all of the time. It's not like I don't deserve it…the pain, and you can't blame him for not wanting me back! Not after what I did to him…with Eli. But the problematic thing is…I'm still worried sick about him. I do worry so much about the ex-'love of my life'.

"Kurt."

I know…it's pathetic! But with Kurt's stressful life at NYADA and everything…not to mention what he's been telling me about his dad. I feel like I should be helping him in some way…shouldn't I? One thing I did notice though, was way back…way back from last week at the Lima Bean. When I was watching Kurt opposite me, obsessively arranging those sugar packets around the table…right in front of me! I swear he is developing OCD or something and I can't do a thing to stop it! Luckily Kurt's dad has come through the worst stage of his cancer treatment. Therefore I am happy that Kurt's family are finally okay again. God…I do miss being part of the Hummel family…Carol, Burt, Finn…K-. Before I know it…I am sobbing uncontrollably. Because in the end…I know that it's all my own fault.

In what feels like slow torturous motion, I open up the small leather Zales box…revealing a sparkling 14k silver ring. Lathered with tiny blue sapphires all surrounding one large diamond in the middle. Once again I admire this beautiful ring that me and Tina planned, then had specially made for him…not so long ago. Some small feeling of glee finally grips my soul. I'm so happy with my design…my choice…Kurt loves colourful things…especially with the colour blue…oh he's going to love it! And every time that he'll look down at it…he will say that it reminds him of me. Wherever he is…he'd feel that I am always there for him. But now. In comparison to my dream…he wants hardly anything to do with me. The only time he will see me…is if someone else is there or at a large gathering. I snap the box shut and sigh…holding it tight to my chest.

"How am I going to tell him?" I murmur, shaking my head from side to side. This is just like what Kurt's dad said to me. "Are you joking or are you nuts?" Yes Burt! I am nuts…I'm crazy about your son and I want his hand in marriage! Forever.

"Blaine?" Oh no…its mom, and she's at the edge of my bed! Shit. Hastily I slide the precious box off my chest and to my side, underneath the covers so as she cannot see. "I could hear you rustling from right down the hall you know! So-so I knew that you were awake. I just thought I'd come in and tell you how proud I am that your club have won Regionals again…well done sweetheart!" Mom always works late, therefore she doesn't usually get home until around midnight. So tonight, I just went upstairs and straight to bed before I'd even had the chance to tell her.

"Ahm yeah thanks mom." I manage a smile, but I hastily wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. Before she can come any closer and spot that I have indeed been crying. She gasps loudly.

"I'd usually nag about the state of your room Blaine! But I can see that you're tired and…" she pauses and frowns slightly causing my heart to skip a beat. Shit…what? "…what's that?" she asks. Oh no…Kurt's box! Has she seen my ring?

"Werrr-what? What's what?" I splutter unconvincingly. She continues to look down at me…very sternly. Oh crap…I feel as though I am about to die. But finally she looks over to the windowsill…pointing…

"That…is that p-protein powder?" My brain gives me permission so start breathing again…phew.

"Emm yeah…yes it is."

"Why on earth have you bought that Blaine…wait is it yours, or is it your brothers?"

"No…it's mine. I-I just wanna prepare for Nationals and…for my NYADA audition okay." I can't help but look away…utterly embarrassed. Rolling her eyes, she falters a small laugh at my expense.

"What you boys think you need that stuff for I'll never know…is raw talent and a brilliant student record not good enough for colleges anymore?"

"Yeah…well I just want to be ready for it all mom! I wanna give it my all this year…and to be strong enough you know. To be ready for both of these humongous milestones in my life." And to look good so that Kurt might notice me again…

"You're perfect Blaine…just as you are." She assures me. But I can't help but notice a dark memory flash across my mother's eyes…I recognise that look all too well. Her memory of day when I told my entire family that I was gay. Mom said she was completely fine with it…but I know that she shares a small amount of my Dads disappointment. Who himself…considers me a freak. Some days are better than others with him…but I know I am a huge disappointment to him. Kurt. No matter…I know what true love is…and it's Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.

"Do you still want your desk lamp on Blaine?" Oh. I hadn't realised that I'd left it on after checking my Facebook notifications.

"No mom. You can turn it off…thanks." I murmur with my recovered yet slightly croaky voice.

"Nighty, night Blaine." She closes the door softly behind her. I listen carefully for the sound of the latch scraping completely shut, before I can start to vigorously rub my face with my hands, breathing deeply in…and out. Come on Blaine…pull it together. You need a plan. A sensible one. Okay! Firstly I'm going to work on my fitness throughout the winter months. Then I'll somehow sail through my NYADA audition…hang on…wait! Maybe I should travel down to the optional audition in New York, instead of staying back here and auditioning in Ohio. So then I have a valid reason to go and visit Kurt? YES! YES! YES! That's what I shall do…because Nationals is in New York too so this will work. I'll stay with Coop to avoid any suspicions on Kurt and Rachel's behalf. I've sussed it, YES!

I start to beat my pillow back into shape before gently sliding the box back underneath it. My room is so much darker now with the lamp light being gone, so it's easier for me to doze off again…thinking over and over about what it is that I am going to do. Bearing witness to Will and Emma's surprise wedding not only six hours. Has made me even more impatient for my own special day. Standing next to Kurt, as we watched them say their vows at the end of the glee club isle. Well…what he didn't know…was that I was clutching this very engagement ring…behind my back.

Nothing much happens to me over the weekend. Except for when Tina and Sam invited me to hang out with them at the mall on Saturday for a short while. But soon we are forced back on track the following Monday morning, when Mr. Schue calls us all in for an emergency Glee Club meeting in the auditorium, at 1pm sharp. Frankly I am not really in the mood for this…so when I arrive. I instinctively sit with my arm around the chair next to me…just like I used to when Kurt sat with me. But now he is gone.

"Alllllright! Welcome back you guys and a huge congratulations on our third Regional show choir competition victory…come on!" Everyone's mood is electric…except for mine. Including the excessive hugging and cheering that just keeps going on and on around me…yet all I can do is stair down at my shoes.

"Hey…are you alright?" I spot a strand of dark, glossy female hair accidentally stroking my arm as she leans over to ask…I don't even have to look up…this is unmistakably Marley's hair.

"Yeah of course I am…thanks Marley." Being the sweetie that she is…Marley immediately grabs hold of my arm and starts hugging it tightly, whilst resting her pretty little head on my shoulder. I return my affection without hesitation by resting my own woeful, filled head on top. Surprisingly though…I do manage a smile. Oh my god. This is the first time today…that I have genuinely smiled. And in those few precious moments just now…I was able to forget all about Nationals. Kurt. NYADA. Help?

"So what's the problem Mr Schue? Why have you called us in here so early in the morning for an emergency meeting? It's not-" Tina voice trails off with worry.

"No, no Tina. There's no need to threat…both Coach Washington and Sue have agreed to keep their noses out of our business this time. So to tell you the truth guys…there is no actual emergency…errr sort of speck. But due to you all being off on study leave this morning…I couldn't wait till four o'clock to tell you-."

"Wait to tell us what Mr. Schue?" Persists Artie.

"That….the theme for this year's National Show Choir Competition is…drum roll please?" Straight away the whole Glee Club starts to excitedly, pound their feet down onto the ground…whilst I just pat down on my thigh.

"Not '33% Vintage'…and it's not Katy Perry I'm afraid Blaine." As if on cue, everybody but me starts to roar with laughter. Then once everyone has turned around to look at me. I do fail miserably to hide my amusement for more than a second. So. I stick my tongue out at them whilst mimicking the cream boobies scene from the 'California Gurls' music video. Making us all laugh uncontrollably for a little while longer before giving Mr. Schue the chance to finish.

"Aha…okay, okay…OKAY GUYS. LISTEN UP…LISTEN!" Once the noise desists…we continue to watch and wait…even more eagerly this time. "This year's National themes is…" Mr Shue reaches down into his gym bag, pulling out a small white-board with…MODERN ICONS…written on it in large capital letters. We all just sit there reading it…in complete silence. Okay. Am I the only one who thinks that this…SOUNDS AMAZING!? Come on you've gotta admit it! I lift my head up from Marley's, sighing thoughtfully. See! Now I'm really glad that I came in today…considering the fact that I was going to ring in and lie about being "off sick." But this Glee Club…my home…my friends. Always help me through. I glace over to Artie, who is waving his gloved hand above his head in uncontrollable excitement. Ha ha…I love it when he does that!

"Our prayers have been answered ya'lls!" He bellows.

"Woop woop woop!." Repeat the boys and…

"Oh my God…oh my God arrr oh my God!" Squeal the girls and…

"Beyoncé all the way baby!" Declares Unique before Mr Schue interjects.

"Maybe…but we have got to perform songs…that the judges will not be expecting. All of which will have to fit together perfectly, and they must! I want you guys to think up some incredible songs ideas, by some unlikely artists that you admire for your homework this week. However…I also need you to prove to me…why your artist is such an iconic figure for your modern generation. Well…that is if you want any chance of your song making it into the final running order. Now. I want to make this very clear. Everyone needs to remember that these songs will have to flow…one after the other…in unison. So that our Nationals set list can…and will be…unstoppable! Alright has everybody understood the theme? Yes? Good. Well Artie…I think your right…all in all…our prayers have indeed…been answered."