Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Paris Hilton, the breed of dog Chihuahua, Paris' dog Tinkerbell, the Keebler Elves, Peter Pan, Criminals in general, Youtube, Hell, light bulbs, Peter Parker's spider senses, siamese cats, Fleas, tylenol pm, or Scrappy Doo.
Kakashi sighed, he swore he'd never understand Pakkun. The dog could talk and drink most humans under the table, but yet the rotten little runt still insisted on Kakashi putting him on a leash and walking him periodically. Kakashi thought maybe it was a throwback from his past life as Paris Hilton's Chihuahua, Tinkerbell. Kakashi hated it when Pakkun wanted to be held or put in his fanny pack and carried around. He absolutely refused to buy one of those damn doggie purses just to suit Pakkun's effiminate tastes. So humiliating.
So on this particular day, Pakkun was in one of his funny (but not to Kakashi) moods where he wanted to be walked. Kakashi decided on a very brisk stroll past the training grounds and prayed to Kami that no one would see him. He swore this was the most embarassing thing ever...well unless you count the time Naruto and Sai got drunk and dressed as Sasuke and Sakura only to end up on Youtube and in comas for three weeks.
As luck would have it, bad luck that is, here came none other than that loveable keebler elf Gai. Of course the oversized Peter Pan wannabe, whom Kakashi secretly suspected was a pedophile and/or a serial killer, just had to oh so youthfully poke fun at poor abused Kakashi for having to walk his talking flea factory. A few minutes later, Kakashi walked away from an unconscious Gai and right into our favorite knucklehead ninja and his two best friends. 'Oh joy,' Kakashi thought, 'more fresh Hell.'
"Hey Kakashi sensei, what are you doing?"
"Walking the dog," and Kakashi immersed himself in the latest Icha Icha novel to escape his embarassing reality.
Naruto smirked as the little light bulb that always appears above mischievious teenagers' heads when they get a horrible idea turned on.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, his spider senses telling him of disaster in the making as Sakura hid behind him.
Naruto put his hands together and said quietly,"transformation jutsu," at which point, he turned into a siamese cat. He proceeded to run in front of Pakkun and shake his rump at the canine companion while sing songing the immature but guaranteed to get results taunt, "na na da boo boo."
The little dog who was not unlike Scrappy Doo, proceeded to growl, bark, and charge at the feline version of Naruto, only to be brought up short of his target and nearly choke to death. Kakashi noticed his arm jerk and his mutt growl and bark, but didn't bother to look up from his pervy hobby to look and see what was going on. Naruto shook his feline arse in Pakkun's face again just out of reach, blatantly taunting the tortured puppy. Pakkun cursed a blue streak and turned his head biting his leash in two. Naruto shrieked, hissed, and ran for his little life. Sakura, watching all the commotion, schreeched directly in Sasuke's ear,"SASUKE-KUN! DO SOMETHING, NARUTO WILL BE KILLED!"
Sasuke glared at the pinkette and proceeded to tell her in a very bitchy, Sasuke-like way that he couldn't do anything to help as she'd just rendered him deaf and then asked if she would like to take her shirt off to finish off the last of his functioning senses, namely his eyes. The sufficiently insulted, if somewhat banshee-like pinkette proceeded to knock him unconscious and race after the snarling mutt who'd just managed to tree Naruto.
Naruto, who was at the top of the tree clinging to a spindley twig and sobbing, seeing his personal hero unconscious, began screaming,"TEME! WAKE UP AND SAVE ME!"
Of course, Sasuke, being unconscious and deaf thanks to Sakura's bloodcurdling scream directly into his eardrum, didn't hear him and was currently having a nice dream about skinning Itachi alive and therefore would not want to wake up anyway. Sakura, because she was the only one not too otherwise occupied with porn or dreams of homocide, decided to take action and used her superhuman strength to punch down the tree that Naruto was currently taking refuge from the rabid Pakkun in.
Of course, she did not take wind direction into her punching equation and the tree fell directly on an innocent passerby who was running to save his youthful sensei a.k.a. Rock Lee. Of course, because Rock Lee is a stalker and a creepy green one at that, Sakura gave the hapless boy no more thought and instead tried to entice Pakkun away with Doggy biscuits. The tactic worked and soon Pakkun was docile, well fed, and ready for a nap as the doggy biscuits had turkey in them and we all know that turkey is nature's version of tylenol pm. Unfortunately, the G force from the tree falling had threw Naruto into a different tree, and for some unknown reason, Naruto couldn't get down, or change back from being a cat.
A little bit later, the Konoha fire department got Naruto down, Kakashi finally looked up from his Icha Icha, Sakura finally started fussing over Sasuke-kun the way we figured she would've from the start, Sasuke woke up with a smile and started planning his deflection from Konoha, Gai pressed charges on Kakashi for knocking out his sparkly tooth, and Rock Lee got to save his sensei. Naruto was stuck as a cat, so Sakura took him home and renamed him Fluffy. After all this, Kakashi realized no one had taped the incident for Youtube."Noooooooo!"
The End