Authors Note:
SilverIvy: Hi people! So this is my first fanfiction for Hetalia, with various pairings (obviously). I have decided to put my pokemon fic on hold, so apologies there, but I'm currently writing multiple Hetalia fics, as well as a Lord of the Rings one, so it'll be difficult to reasonably update them. This is a collab fic, btw, with my friend KammyKannible, who does not have an account on here, so you'll get 2 author notes each new chapter, mmkay? I write most of the action and I'm also the editor. I apologize for any spelling errors. I'm not good at English. I personally ship RuChu, but I needed Japan in the story, so... Sorry! Please review!
KammyKannible: I admit it. I am not an action writer. I do drama. And romance. Plenty of romance XD. So most of the awkward scenes and blushy-romantic scenes are mine, although the goal is for you all to not know who wrote what. I don't ship Spamano, which makes Silver pretty angry, but I let her ship them because she lets me ship Russia x Japan. They're a cute couple! So please, read and enjoy!
...
Chapter 1: Shakira, Freedom, & the New World
It all began one day at the World Meeting, which was being hosted in New York City. The host nation, was, of course, gloating over this fact, by insisting he lead the meeting.
"And so in conclusion, I think that if we make a giant superhero, we can have him fix the ozone and stop global warming!"
"Oh sit down, you bloody git! Everything you say involves either superheroes, hamburgers, or freedom!"
"You're just jealous!"
"Of what?!"
"That my eyebrows are normal!"
"YOU BLOODY WANKER!" It took both Germany and France to hold back the angered British gentleman, who quickly incurred his wrath upon France instead of America after the older nation decided to use this as a chance to grope him. Germany thought about the word wanker and nearly laughed. It was such a funny word even he had to laugh. Which was odd for Germany, since he was so used to being stoic. Italy noticed this, and, Italy, being Italy, pointed it out to everyone by shouting
"Ve~ Germany, you almost laughed!" The countries all turn to stare at the embarrassed German.
"Y-yes I did. It's not that rare of an occurrence." Many eyebrows are raised.
"It's true!" he angrily states. "Ugh, we don't have time for this! We must continue with the meeting. We have to at least make an effort to get something done. After all-"
"DUDES!" America yells, sharply cutting him off. "I have the BEST idea! Let's have a contest!"
"Ohonhonhonhon, what kind of contest?" France says, obviously thinking perverted thoughts.
"Gross man," America replies. "Not that kind. The hardest contest of all."
"And what is that?" Poland asks. Whatever it is, it will be more interesting than this meeting. And me and Liet could, like, have fun! Maybe it's a fashion show! Ooooh! I'd, like, totally win! The ditzy blond nation has completely stopped paying attention, so he misses America's answer.
"You can't be bloody serious!" England exclaims, but is quickly cut off by the excited murmuring around the room. "You are." he says as he sees America's big blue eyes staring at him, almost pleading him.
"Pleeeease, England. It won't be any fun if you don't join in! I want you on my team!" England turns away, hiding the blush that was creeping up his face.
"No! It's an awful idea!"
"It's not like we get anything done!"
"We'd get even less done if we did your idea! No means no!" With that, England sits down, shoving America into his seat as well. America glowers at England and is about to say something again, when Germany interrupts him.
"God, Italy, learn to keep your mouth shut." On the inside Germany thought it was cute that Italy pointed out that he almost laughed. It showed someone actually payed attention to him. At least, payed wanted attention. He got more than enough unwanted from Prussia, who wouldn't leave his younger brother alone since he began freeloading at his house. One of the downsides of knocking down the Berlin Wall. Italy scampered up to Germany and looked at him with those silly dreamy eyes as America opens his mouth but, again, is interrupted.
"Hey Germany!"
"Hello Italy." The other nations watched as the two continued to talk, each one oblivious to the others flirting. America tries again.
"Guys-"
"Look at those two!" England scoffed.
"Can't even tell the other their feelings. How sad." Upon hearing this, France broke into laughter. America's eyes narrow.
"Hey,-"
"Like you're one to talk, Angleterre!" As the two nations began to wrestle once again, the meeting slowly descended into its usual chaos. However, one nation was surprisingly serious. Anger flaring in his blue eyes, America shoots from his seat and yells at the top of his lungs.
"HEY SHUT UP RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" The room got instantly quiet. After all, it wasn't every day the loud and proud USA got truly angry.
"Hey, I was serious! Why do you all never take me seriously? Just because I don't always have good ideas, doesn't mean everything I say and do is complete crap! We never get anything done at these stupid meetings anyway, why not have some fun? Let's make Germany laugh!" Pondering this, some nations agreed, while others (Austria for one) simply walked out the door. ("What's even the point of going to these anymore?"). Hungary quickly runs dyer Austria and returns a few moments later, dragging Austria in a headlock back to his seat at the table. The remaining nations got into groups or decided to go solo, each planning out their own acts.
Italy reached Germany's hand. Italy said, "Germany your hands are really big"
Germany laughed. "Yes they are. You're so observant." The two suddenly became aware of the definite silence filling the room. All the remaining nations in the room were staring at the two.
"Well America, it looks like all it takes to make Germany laugh is for Italy to make a stupid observation." Russia chuckles.
"GODDAMNIT THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED. Fine, the contest is still gonna go on! Italy isn't included!"
"Wait, you're serious?" Germany questioned.
"YES I AM, THE HERO HAS DECIDED."
"God, what have I gotten myself into?" Germany muttered, while Italy simply laughed.
"Ve~ this seems fun!" Germany looks down at Italy then hugs him in a loving way and whispers in Italy's ear
"Shush Italy. You're disqualified from the contest. If you keep talking, I'll laugh" Ignoring the two lovebirds, the other nations continued to practice while the first group went. Poland had somehow convinced Lithuania to help as he performed his own personal version of 'The Tonight Show', with Hungary (who had convinced Austria to help her) acting out the roles of Kim Kardashian and her most recent boyfriend, Kanye West, who was acted by Austria (much to his displeasure). However, it did not make Germany laugh, nor did the act that closely followed, although Belarus chasing after a terrified Russia while Ukraine and China made commentary could hardly be considered an act. Germany yawned completely bored.
"Is this all you've guys got? It's quite lame" Italy quietly watches the guys goof off and holds back a giggle. All of a sudden, music starts blasting around the room as the lights go out. A hot pink spotlight glares down at a position near the front of he room, by the or and a trio walks in. All three are wearing loose white shorts buttoned to about halfway up their bodies, feather boas around their necks, a hot pink one on the blond, neon purple on the white-haired one, bright red on the brunette, tight black pants for to their knees where they go the rest of the way down in black drills edged with silver sequins, ballet flats on their feet. They each wear fedoras. The first few lyrics of song come on.
Shakira, Shakira
I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira
The three men turned around and began dancing, swinging their hips back and forth while making crazy yet coordinated arm gestures. One word summed the strange performance: hysterical. Yes, the Bad Touch Trio had certainly outdone themselves. Everyone was laughing, America in particular, except for Germany, although he had a wide smile that he was trying (and failing) to hide. Not to be outdone, America and England, who were originally going to be doing a sort of makeshift magic act, decided to try something different.
"We can't just do your little magic tricks, Iggy!"
"Don't call me that!"
"I'm the USA! The hero! I need to win! Do something you've never done before!"
"Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! What if something went wrong?!"
"Nothing'll go wrong! I believe in you!" England could feel his cheeks heat up at those words.
"...Anything?"
"Do anything!" America responds with a wide grin. England's face stretches into a dark smile.
"...Very well." He steps forward to the front of the room, commanding the attention of the other nations. "If you all would listen to me! I am about to attempt something I have never tried before! Now I must warn you all, I have never attempted this spell before," England says to the nations. "And it could potentially be quite dangerous, however it should work as long as there are no interruptions." The room quiets down as England begins to chant unintelligible words from a somehow floating book, a large magic circle appearing beneath his feet. It's at this moment that America's pet eagle, Freedom, decides to complain about all the noise. A very loud and abrupt 'SKREE' startles everyone, causing England to lose his concentration. There's a very bright flash of light and the last thing anyone hears is England yelling "SHIT!" before everyone blacks out.
...
Germany and America wake up at the same time and look at each other. America looks like a panicked school boy and yells, "WHERE'S FREEDOM!?" Germany shake s his head unsure where the bird went.
"I don't know America." He mutters, very annoyed. "Maybe he went to sleep." Germany looks around for the bird before shrieking in a very unmanly voice "WHERE ARE WE?!" Looking around a little better, America nods before responding.
"I think you have the better question, my man." They are all lying in an open field of pink flowers, nearby a giant forest with blue trees and a pale lavender colored sky. "Yep. Your question is definitely better." Germany, having recovered, looks around.
"It seems we are all here..." He breaks off, doing a head count. He sees France, Prussia an Spain all lying next to each other, still in their Shakira outfits of sparkly pants and open loose white button down shirts, feather boas still adorning their necks. Russia is next to China and Ukraine, with Belarus not far behind. England and Canada are next to America. Japan is next to Hungary, both holding video cameras. Austria, Poland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland and Lithuania are all still there as well, even Romano. However there is one missing nation.
"MEIN GOTT, WHERE IS ITALY?!" America looks around.
"I don't know dude. Maybe he had to take a leak or somethin'."
"Ugh enough with all the bloody yelling. God, my head is fuzzy enough what with that spell-gone-wrong. Stupid after effects. America why can't you control that stupid pet bird of yours better, you git!"
"Hey dude, I'm not the one who creeped him out with all that magic mumbo-jumbo! It's your fault we're here at all!"
"I said no distractions! Your stupid bird ruined bloody everything!"
"SHUT UP! We have more important matters to deal with! We must discover where we are, how to get home, and find Italy!"
"Ok Germany, no need to yell dude!"
"You were just- Oh never mind! I'll leave dealing with you to England."
"Oh thanks a lot!"
"You're welcome." The other countries have all begun to wake up now. Japan gets up and in his usual quiet manor just looks around. Germany notices but doesn't say anything. He wants to ask about Italy again but Japan would have no idea and America is babbling idiotically about Freedom or something. Germany slips his hands into his pockets and looks up at the sky. Sighing, he speaks up. "Everyone is awake now, ja?" He's met with 19 voices in various languages saying yes. "Well then, we must decide what to do."
Ignoring Romano's cry of "Who made you boss, potato bastard?!", he tells the other nations his plan.
"After observing this place, I've concluded we are not on earth."
"No shit!"
"Roma, be quiet! He's trying to help."
"You're not the boss of me Spain!" Romano does quiet down though.
"Italy is also missing." A few cries of distress are heard, as Italy is a well-liked nation, friendly and nice, although his obsession with pasta is a bit strange. "We must first discover a way home. After that, a few of us should remain... Wherever this place is, to search for Italy."
"About that way home, I should be able to help with that." England speaks up.
"And how is that?"
"Well, it was my magic that sent us here, it's only logical that my magic can send us back. I agree though, some of us should remain here, and one of them must be me if we all want to get home."
"Can you really send us all home?" Canada asks quietly, ignoring his little white bear saying "Who are you?". "Wouldn't that be difficult? It seems hard." A flash of worry is seen on England's face, before he quickly reverts back to being confident.
"Of course I can!" Only Canada and America, who are quite close or England, as he raised them, notice the hint of uncertainty in his voice. Germany watches as England comfort Canada.
"I am going to stay here to find Italy" he says and everyone nods in agreement. America then pipes in with his obnoxiously loud voice
"I'll help find Italy too. He might be a bit odd but he's pretty nice." Germany ignores America's comment on how Italy is a bit odd and nods and smiles.
"Thank you America"
"Ah, I think I shall stay as well, if that is alright."
"Of course it is, Japan." Germany quickly responds, thankful to have a levelheaded person besides himself staying. Each of the countries voiced their opinions, and they all have two different groups, the Go-Home group, Hungary (who was forced to go home by Austria), Austria, Switzerland, Lichtenstein, Belarus (much to her displeasure. "But Big Bruder Russia, I must stay with you!), Ukraine, France, Poland, Lithuania, Prussia, China, Romano and Spain.
"But mon amis, I wish to stay!" France cries.
"No. You'll only cause extra trouble. If we find Italy, you'll just grope him, Germany will kick your ass, and I'll leave you here. Go, before I decide leaving you here is the best option." England's voice is icy and annoyed, still angry about France's comment about his feelings. The ones who decided to stay were Germany, America, Japan, England, Canada and Russia, as they were the only ones to bring any form of a weapon to the meeting. Romano wanted to stay as well, but Spain convinced him to go home, promising to give him as many tomatoes as he wanted. Germany looked at Russia who seemed to tower over every one and quietly thinks to himself 'He did sit in that cursed chair multiple times. He could probably beat off a few enemies without breaking a sweat'. Russia smiles at him and says
"Hey Germany, I got your back. I like little Italy. He's like a little kitten, da?" Germany shudders, thinking of what Russia might do to Italy if he was.
"Alright!" England says. "Are you all ready?" America speaks up now.
"Wait England are you sure you'll be okay? Like, really, really sure?" England is completely shocked. Germany watches with his arm crossed over his chest. England blushes a tiny bit and looks confused.
"O-of course I'll be fine!" He sputters, looking a bit flustered and nervous. "Since when would you be-"
America cuts him off. "'Cause it'd be a pain if something happened! Who'd I annoy then?" America laughs, not noticing England's face grows angry and cold.
"Of course. I should've known. It's not that you care, it's that you want someone to poke fun of. I see how it is."
"England, I didn't mean it like that-"
"No, it's all perfectly fine. I should be alright a while after this."
"A while?" Canada and America question, but he doesn't respond as he begins to chant. America watches him quietly and wants to just hug him tightly but he can't, feeling embarrassed, and knowing England would simply get annoyed or angry. He glances at Germany who is chatting with Russia about god knows what. They always have some battle plan forming in their tiny warlike brains. His attention snaps back to England when there's a loud exclamation. It turns out Romano decided to stay anyway, regardless of Spain's comment about tomatoes. Clearly, he was very motivated to save his brother.
"Roma! Come back here, por favor! Before it's too late!"
"No way tomato bastard, I'm helping my brother!"
"Then wait I'm coming too!" The two both start to step out of the magic circle, just as England yells.
"Wait dammnit! Don't-!" It's too late already, as both Spain and Romano have left the safety of circle. There's a groan of pain from England as he drops to one knee.
"England!" America tries to go to him but England stops him.
"Don't! I need to concentrate or else the others won't get home safely! I'm fine!" America halts in his tracks. America's eyes tear up as he sees England drop down in pain. He wanted to run over to him but he knew England would just get mad. Germany looked at England with a slight look of sadness.
"England are you all right?" He doesn't respond as he finishes casting the spell. With a final cry, half angry, half in pain, the light grows bright before disappearing altogether, along with the 11 countries who went home. Germany rubs America's shoulder.
"He'll be fine...dude." He punches his shoulder lightly, trying to act American and just ends up being extremely awkward.
"Yeah... Thanks." Not wanting to make it any worse, America takes a few steps forward to the hunched over British man. As he moves towards him, the man stumbles to his feet, turning his attention on the two people who decided to stay at the last minute.
"You idiotic GITS! You not only could've killed yourselves, but also all the others! If I hadn't bloody noticed it and taken the force of the magical backlash on myself, you could all be DEAD! TRY TO THINK BEFORE YOU ACT NEXT TIME!" Everyone stands there quietly. "Bloody hell... Be more... Careful." Groaning, the man stumbles to the side and almost collapses before America runs over and grabs him before he can hit the ground.
"Are you okay?!" He exclaims in a worried voice. England and Russia smile.
"Awww that's possibly cuter than me!" Germany elbows Russia as a sign that says 'Shut your damn mouth'. Blushing furiously, England shoves America off, who has an incredibly pouty puppy-dog face.
"I'm fine, just fine! A bit dizzy, yes, but that will fix itself." He says. "Now then, do you two understand me?" Romano just 'hmmphs' until Spain elbows him, before muttering an angry "Sí." However, the group doesn't have any time for rest. A loud CAW echoes above their heads as the nations look up.
"What the hell was that?" Germany exclaims, jerking his head up to the sky. The other nations do as well, all staring around wildly. They hear it again just as some sort of giant bird, using it's talons, grabs Japan.
"Holy shit, what is that thing?!" America yells.
"Worry about Japan instead!" England yells, smacking America's head as the younger nation reaches for his handgun.
"Crap! It's not loaded!" The bird lifts the screaming nation higher into the air, gaining some momentum. Germany goes to reach for him but isn't tall enough. Japan actually shows some emotion on his face and he's terrified. He's screaming at the top of his lungs. Who wouldn't? It's a giant bird that probably wants to eat you. Most people would yell, even the stoic ones. Russia jumps up to save him but misses, barely touching his foot. By now, Japan is more than 20 meters in the air. He let's out another terrified scream, before grabbing his katana in his belt. He goes to slice the bird's foot that's holding him off.
"Wait Japan!" Germany yells. "You'll-" The Japanese sword slices into the foot as the bird lets out a scream and drops him. "-fall! JAPAN!" The nation is now quickly hurtling towards the ground. Russia catches him with a grunt but they both fall to the ground in a tangle of limbs.
"You are okay, da Japan?"
"H-Hai, I-I think so." The nation is still shaking slightly. "Arigato, Russia."
"Of course! It would be a problem if a friend got hurt, da?" Japan offers a shaky smile as the others rush over to them.
"What was that thing?" Spain exclaims.
"Some kind of giant bird. Maybe something like a Roc?" Canada says quietly.
"A Roc?"
"It's an Arabic mythological beast. It's like a giant bird. It even eats elephants!" Spain explains.
"Aw sick! I want one!"
"Did you not just hear the man say it's a bloody myth!"
"Enough!" Germany yells. "I am glad you both are alive, but one thing is clear. We are not alone."
...
Mein Gott: My God (German)
Mon amis: my friends (French)
Da: Yes (Russian)
Por favor: Please (Spanish)
Sí: Yes (Spanish, Italian)
Hai: Yes (Japanese)
Arigato: Thank you (Japanese)
We're pretty sure you all know what Git and Wanker mean, but in case you don't, they're British insults, like stupid or idiot. And Rocs actually are pretty badass. Silver researched them. Think gigantic falcon or hawk. And they do eat elephants. And we both want one. Sadly, we have no money to travel to the Middle East to hunt one down. So anyway, this was Chapter 1! Chapter 2 is in the editing stage (Silver is proofreading for mistakes) and we're currently working on Chapter 3! We don't have a specific plot yet, except that they're looking for Italy, burgers will come in at some point and a Holy Kitten named Bob will be involved. Hence, the name. Reviews are appreciated! Creative criticism is welcome! Please don't be mean or we'll cry. Hope you all enjoyed! See you in Chapter 2!