Watch Me Bleed . . . Scary Kids Scaring Kids

I wrote this one-shot a couple of days ago, and it's a lot different to my usual stories. It doesn't have a happy ending, but there is a dark theme towards the end, I don't expand on it, but you still know it's there. I'm not going to tell you what it is, you could probably guess, but please keep that there is a dark theme in this story in mind.

This video sprung into my mind after watching a youtube video, and I'll put the link to that youtube video on my profile page.

I would like to express my love and gratitude to my best friend EdwardIsMyBeautifulNightmarefor helping me with this story, not only with your enthusiasm for it but with your helpful criticism and kind words as well.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or its characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I do not own some dialogue used in this story either, they belong to Melissa Rosenberg. But I do own this story and a copy of 'Ever After'. A truly beautiful movie.

Summary: Giving people artificial hope that I might get better and then rip it away from them would have been malicious. Heartless.

I didn't see the pain as an omen; I saw it as simply unavoidable. The void in my chest where my heart use to be ached for the man I loved, but didn't love me back. A man that left me with false pretenses and promises that turned to soot and ash when he left me numb and broken on the wet, sodden forest floor.

Months passed, but that night haunted my dreams and his voice was always in the back of my mind like a soft whisper. Remembering the words he once spoke to me, the words that turned to lies the night he told me didn't want me anymore.

I didn't know what hurt the most. That he never did love me, or that he eventually stopped. But even if either was true, I still meant every word I spoke to him. My love for him was innocent and pure, unscathed by anything fake. I wanted him here with me now, but I knew that he'd never be with me again, at least not in this life.

The darkness of the night would always remind me of him, of what he was. And although he told me that it would be like he never existed, the pain that I felt every hour of every day was enough proof that he was. He wasn't some figment of my imagination; he wasn't a glitch in my brain that only I could see. He was real, and the pain he left me with was real as well.

When I close my eyes and succumb to unconsciousness I am forced to relive our goodbye over and over again. But the worst part is that when I run to follow him, there is nothing. I feel like I am chasing after nothing. Like there was no Edward, there was no us, and there was no love.

Isolating myself away from everybody was a good thing, that way I wouldn't have them badgering me for answers to questions I didn't want to answer. Where's Edward? Did you break up? What's wrong with you? I could hear them in my head now, imagine each person asking them. Being alone helped me put a wedge between me and the world I knew Edward didn't live in.

The way I was acting must have made people think I was turning suicidal, but I didn't think that was a bad thing. Because the world I was occupying meant very little to me without Edward. This life wasn't worth living if he wasn't beside me. I knew my actions must have been killing Charlie, knowing that his daughter was suffering and he couldn't do anything about it. But I couldn't stop feeling this way . . . I didn't want to stop feeling this way.

Somewhere in this world Edward was out there, living a life without me. I didn't know what he was doing, or who he was with, I didn't know if he was happy or if he was missing me as much as I was missing him. But all I knew was that he was the reason for the separation, but I was to blame. My being human was what drove us apart, was what made him turn away and not look back. Not even a glance.

Maybe if I had been immortal, if I hadn't tempted him every time he was with me, then maybe he'd still be here with me. Beside me. Loving me. Kissing me. Holding me. He wouldn't have walked away. I gave him my heart, body and soul, I gave him all of me and it wasn't enough. I told him to change me, but he didn't want to turn me into a monster. But I wondered whether that was really the reason. Was I not good enough for him? Was I not what he wanted?

His bronze hair, emerald green eyes, beautiful pale skin and dazzling crooked smile left me breathless; he was simple perfection. I was nothing. I would never be anything, but Edward would also roam the earth leaving every girl staring as he walked by, not being able to take their eyes off of him. He would always be somebody. I wouldn't.

Time passes, even as painful as it seems, it does. It passes slowly and agonizingly, every tick of the second hand nudging the hole in my heart, reminding me that it wasn't there but with the person that didn't want me. I died when Edward left, and I knew that I'd never live again. Nothing meant anything to me anymore. I was numb; all I could feel was the pain. There was nothing else. No happiness, no glory . . . I had nothing but pain in all of my being.

Tears feel freely down my face when I thought of him, remembering those precious moments that we spent together, but knowing that they were limited. Knowing that there was no happy ending, that there never would be. Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget.

At night all I thought about was him. The peculiar yet astonishing world that he'd introduced me to, made me love, and then ripped away from me. I knew I belonged in that world, it was the world I'd always belonged in, but without him it meant nothing, like everything else in my life.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

It was all I felt, all I wanted and all that I lived for. I couldn't escape it, I couldn't hide from it and I didn't want to. Loving him was all that I ever wanted, and if dying inside little by little everyday kept me from forgetting him, not that I ever would, then I was okay with that. Even as sick as that sounded I didn't mind dying a little. Because it was for him.

I know Jacob loved me, and I was grateful for that, that he thought I was worthy of his time and space in his heart. But not even that could stop me from coming to one conclusion. The pain was what reminded me of Edward, but death would bring me closer to him, because he was dead in a way too.

Hurting Jacob was never on my agenda, but I couldn't stop. Pulling him close and pushing him away was straining him, but he wouldn't let me go and I wouldn't stop pushing. I didn't want him to watch me fade away into nothingness, a distant memory like a train that passes you on the train tracks and disappears into the distance. I didn't want to haunt his heart like Edward was doing to me, knowing that how I felt would be passed down to him. But I needed this. I needed Edward.

I was already gone when Jacob came to me, offering his help and support. There was nothing he could have done to change my mind, not even his love could live up to what Edward and I had. Jacob was a friend, and I loved him, but he would never be enough.

Love . . . life . . . meaning . . . over.

The day Edward turned away everything was over. There was nothing here for me, I didn't want to be here. My life was dull, unlivable without him. It was like a world with no sun, a fish without water, a tree with no roots. I wasn't stable, I couldn't breathe.

"He's not coming back."

Charlie's words were true, Edward was never coming back. And although I spent the first few months looking out my bedroom window hoping to see his face, I knew I'd never see it . . . only in my imagination. In my own thoughts.

"It's just not normal, this behavior. And quite frankly it's scaring the hell out of me."

The behavior wasn't normal, and it was scaring the hell out of me as well. But I welcomed it, I needed it. I didn't want to hurt Charlie, or Renee, or Jacob, but in the end it was all about what I needed. Who I needed. I needed to be free from this world, from this life. And I needed Edward.

Keeping up with a false pretense would have been stupid, pretending to be happy when I wasn't would have been obtuse. Giving people artificial hope that I might get better and then rip it away from them would have been malicious. Heartless. But showing them my authentic feelings towards the issue would have given them a fair warning of what might happen.

I was sick of screaming at night, I was sick of dreaming of nothingness and I was sick of him not being here. I needed him. I couldn't stop needing him.

"Don't do this."

His perfect, angelic voice was clear in my head. And even if he may not have really been here I rejoiced that I could hear him.

"You wanted me to be human. Watch me."

The knife felt heavy in my hands, but I continued to bring it closer to my wrists. Blood is what tore us apart, and I believed that blood should be what brought us back together. I didn't think of those who loved me, who cared for me and who wanted me alive as I sliced it across my wrist. Didn't think of the pain or pressure as blood began to seep from the deep wound. I only thought of Edward and that we'd be together soon.

I didn't think of those who tried to help me as I lay my head down against my pillow, didn't think of those who befriended me on my first day at Forks High as I lay the knife down on my bedside table. I didn't think of Charlie, Renee, Jacob, Jessica, Angela, Eric, Tyler or Mike. I didn't think of anyone but him.

I didn't think of what would happen when Charlie walked in the next morning and found me dead on my bed with blood everywhere, realizing that he had failed his daughter. I knew it was selfish of me, but I hoped that he knew it wasn't his fault, but that it was what I needed. And that someday, somehow he'd accept that. Charlie had done everything he could have done in a situation like this, but in the end only my actions could fill the empty space in my chest.

Time couldn't help me, time couldn't make me forget. It only made me realize how much I needed him. How much I couldn't live without him. I was already dead before I really was.

The life drained from me, but I didn't feel a thing.

Death is peaceful.

Life is harder.

A/N

I would like to thank those who have read all of this, and is reading this now. I'm thinking that I might do a couple more chapters of this story, but I might not so I'm marking it as complete for now. Please tell me what you think, it would be deeply appreciated.

~Sophia