"You don't get it at all do you?" Yuki tilted her head to the side. She was confused, I could see that much, but I didn't know if it was because she got it and was wondering why I was asking or she was really clueless enough not to understand a word I had just said. She would have understood if Kuran had told her. "I…Like…You, more than an adoptive sister." I attempted to clear it up, but she still looked confused. "Am I dreaming or did you hit your head." I laughed without humor. "My head is fine…. Do you often have dreams of similar situations?" I asked out of pure curiosity when I realized what she had said. She blushed bright red and started to stutter words that were completely incomprehensible. She shut her mouth when she realized nothing was making sense and looked down at her boots. "Maybe." I heard her whisper. I was shocked. I took a step back from her and at the sound of my movements her head shot up. Her chocolate eyes looked so sad and pleading that my own violet eyes softened.
"Yuki, I have told you how I feel, now I would like to know your emotions." I said calmly. Her eyes had water rimming them, but I could see that she refused to let them fall. "Zero… Zero, I… I…" She moved quickly from where she stood and within less than a second had her arms around my neck and her face buried in my chest. "Is this a comforting embrace Yuki?" I heard her sniff. "…No" My eyes widened. I had expected her to comfort me and then run to her Kuran. Had she really chosen me? I took a deep breath. I could let it go like this and be happy, but I couldn't. I wanted her happiness much more than my own. Even if it killed me to hear the answer, I wanted her to tell me the truth. "Yuki… Can I ask you something?" Upon the nod I felt on my chest I forged on. "Do you pity me?" I wrapped my arms around her back and held her to my chest in case she decided to make a run for it. I didn't feel any resistance. She lifted her head and looked up at me.
"No, Zero, I don't pity you. Your life has been hard and you've seen so many horrible things, you've been forced to become the very thing that you hate, have thought about killing yourself multiple times and even attempted suicide a few times, but you're still here. Even if it's because I stopped you the very fact that you could be stopped means that in some way you still wanted to live, even if your guilt told you didn't. That desire to live is all your own, I just bring it to the forefront when you lose sight of it. I don't pity you, Zero. I love you. You fight with all your might, get tired and just want to give up, but you still fight. You do things that other people could never do. They could never be nearly as strong as you. I could never be as strong as you. You may see yourself as darkness, but when I look at Zero, all I see is light." She buried her head into my chest again. She really thought I was strong. Doesn't she know that the only thing that kept me going was her smile, I strived so that I could live to see a real one. "I did that so I could avenge my family, not because I'm strong," I lied, it was true at one point, but now I live solely for her. Like I'm going to tell her that.
Her face turned determined and I could feel her fingers dig into my skin as she clutched my shirt in frustration. "No, Zero, that's not the reason." I started to interrupt, but she wouldn't let me. "If that were true, Zero, you would have given up the moment you found Miss Hio dead in that room. No, Zero, I don't believe that that's the reason. You're still fighting, because you want to live. It's that simple, no matter how much you tell yourself you want to die."
I could hear the sadness in her voice and it pierced me deeply, but I couldn't really say anything, I didn't agree with her and she knew it, but somewhere deep down I knew she was right. I tell myself that I don't want to live, but that's because I don't think that I deserve to, not because I truly don't want to. I want to live, to protect this hopeless little girl, to be happy with her, even if it's not in a romantic way, but there's always that guilt that stabs me in the chest when I see her. I don't deserve to be by her side, even as a friend. I don't' care what she says, I'm darkness incarnate and I don't want to corrupt her beautiful white light. She's just so innocent and I'm just so…not. I would have left her long ago, ran away for her good, but when I discovered her blushing around Kaname, I knew that I had to stay. She was in love with that pureblood and, though I doubt that she could see it, her feelings were clearly returned. I needed to stay to make sure that she didn't let that monster touch her with those cursed fangs. Not Yuki. Never Yuki. Never MY Yuki.
I held her tighter and buried my head in her hair. The thought that she was mine, foreign, but comforting to my weary mind. I felt her take a deep breath and she nuzzled her head into my chest, her arms tightened around my neck. She let her breath go in a contented sigh. "I love you, Zero. More than you'll ever know." I swear my heart stopped beating. She said those words. Again. Those beautiful, earth shattering words. They should never be directed at me, but they were. It felt so good I can't even describe it. My whole body tingled with warmth, but not an uncomfortable warmth. It was comforting, like summer after winter. Made all the more warm, by the intensity of the cold. "Why?" the words slipped out of my mouth before I knew what was happening. I didn't want to doubt her, but I couldn't help the little feeling nagging on the edge of the warmth.
I thought that she would be offended, but she just released a small giggle. "Why, indeed. I mean you're cold, angry, violent, you tease me relentlessly, your smart, you always try to help me even at the cost of your own life (which you have got to stop, by the way), you're strong beyond comprehension, you always fight for what you believe in (even if it's not right), and every once in a while, you'll laugh or smile, just the littlest bit, when you think no one's looking. If any one saw what I see (male or female) they would be all over you." She giggled, probably thinking of a bunch of scenarios.
"Quit being a pervert Yuki," I said coldly as I lightly glared down at her. Most people would start trembling, but the look on Yuki's face never changed in the slightest. She just kept right on smiling up at me. "Oh, but it's so fun," Yuki said with a mock pout, her arms loosening from around my neck. After a second of thought the pout turned into a full blown, sadistic, quite frankly, terrifying grin. I leaned away from her a little and searched her eyes to try to find any hint of what she was going to do. To my dismay, I found not a hint of any actions she was going to take.
"For example," she drawled, eyes looking down to the ground in feigned innocence before sweeping back up to meet my eyes again. There was a glint in her eyes that I didn't quite recognize. She held up her hand and beckoned for me to lean down with her index finger, as if asking if she could tell me a secret. I hesitantly leaned down, but leaned down none the less. She leaned in and her cheek brushed mine as she put her mouth by my ear. "I think of things…," she said noncommittally.