The Many Clichés in Naruto Fanfiction
By Tigerbolt
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In a dark, secluded forest, one could hear yelling and smell blood (not that anybody was near, you know). A man's voice suddenly spoke out.
"Hah! You know why everybody calls you demon, demon? Huh?" A silvery-haired man spitted at an orange-wearing blonde. What a horrible clash of color.
"Wha? I've never heard anybody call me demon demon, although they have used stuff like 'ARRGH' and'YOU-!' and 'BRAT'…" The blonde said thoughtfully.
"Guess what? The Yondiame didn't kill the Kyuubi! Nobody can! So, the Fourth sealed it away in a tiny baby-"
"Me, right? Hah! I already knew that!" Naruto looked coldly at Mizuki. "It was easy; of course nobody could kill a demon! And the foolish villagers couldn't even foolishly distinguish the foolishly obvious difference between a boy and a foolish 100-story nine-foolishly-tailed fox, the fools!"
Mizuki looked on in shock. "GASP! How could you know that? You're the dead last, the 'dobe'! No way!"
"Hah! This is just a mask. I knew that if I showed any intelligence, you stupid teachers who can't even teach would throw me out, saying that I, the demon, stole information! And," Naruto smirked, "You broke the Hokage's rule. The punishment….. Is DEATH."
And the woods echoed with the Chunin traitor's screams as multiple orange blurs descended upon him, which made apparent that along with super strength, speed, and the ability to perform sealess, wordless jutsu, the Kyuubi passed along bipolarness to HER (I assure you that she is a very hot HER) container.
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The next day, everybody looked at the door as the supposed "dead last" walked in.
He was wearing a skin-tight black muscle short-sleeved shirt (which showed off his wonderful muscles), and on it was a blood-red trench coat with black and silver flames at the bottom. He wore black cargo pants with a leather belt to hold it up, and wore silver combat boots with kunai hidden in them. Was this man really a twelve-year old?
On his right leg, there was a kunai holster and all sorts of weapons hanging off his belt. Naruto was two inches taller, and his cerulean eyes gazed coldly at the room, making a few stupid fangirls swoon.
"Hey, dead-last! Dropouts don't belong here! At least, not without a birth certificate!" Kiba shouted at our favorite blond.
"You fucking idiotic pup. See this?" Naruto jabbed his thumb at his forehead protector on his forehead. "Unless I was mistaken, this means that I'm a ninja." He smirked in a badass way that made the fangirls swoon, and made his way towards the only empty seat near Sasuke. And that's something, because smirking is very hard to do, much less badassedly.
"Hey, Naruto-baka! Get out of MY seat!" "What do you mean YOUR seat? It's mine!" The sound of the pink banshee and other Sasuke fangirls' yelling soon wiped off the small smile on Naruto's face.
"Bitch. You stupid fangirl. Get out of my way, before I use my cool, unbelievable ninjutsu I learned by myself on you. You made my day horrible, you pink fag."
Naruto shoved Sakura away, who started crying. Yet another victim of mood swings.
'Why is Naruto so harsh? I thought he liked Sakura,' thought everybody in the classroom.
And Naruto got sorted into Huffle- oops, wrong story. I mean Team 7 with Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura.
"WHAT! Why do I have to be stuck with the annoying wannabe pinky and a cold, unemotional emo?" mumbled Naruto, who was ignoring the fact that one, he himself was a cold emo, and two, one cannot be emo without being emotional.
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On top of the roof...
"Hmph. My name is Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, I like learning powerful jutsu, I hate traitors, people who discriminate, people who can't look underneath the undeneath, fangirls, emo people, people who take things for granted, etc. I hate especially when people call me dobe.
"Dobe sounds like Dobby. Dobby's that elf from Harry Potter, the one who got killed. I DO NOT WANT TO BE KILLED. I may have bee-you-tiful eyes, but I'm not green or wrinkly, at least not yet. And the meaning of 'dobe', I do not know.
"My dreams... to master at least a thousand jutsu, and to find a person who cares deeply for me."
'Isn't that my line?' thought Kakashi.
'Stupid Itachi... I WILL avenge the Uchiha Clan..... Soon.'
'Sasuke-kun is ssssoooooooo HOT! CHA!'
"Yes, well..." Kakashi proceeded to tell them about the test for true ninjas, the one where only 33% passed. He got a slight widening of the eyes from the Uchiha, a cold stare/glare from blondie, and a shriek from the unaturally-hair-colored pinky.
"Um.... You guys are dismissed.... heehee." Kakashi pulled out his precious Icha Icha and began giggling while Sasuke and Sakura walked off, and Naruto chakra-walked down the side of the building. 'Hm. The orphan shouldn't know that..... Wait. Did he say.... Namikaze?'
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At the training ground...
Hey Sasuke, wanna let me bear your fantastic children?" Sakura drooled.
"Hn (no)."
"Hey, Sasuke, why are you always acting like a bastard?" snarled a pissed-off Naruto waiting for Kakashi to arrive.
"Hn. (Hey, dobe, wanna fight? Even if you have new clothes, you still are the class clown, you hypocrite)" sneered back Sas-gay.
"Fine. And don't cry back to me when I knock you off your goddamn pedestal," Naruto said flippantly.
"Hn! (STFU!)"
And so, Naruto crouched on one side of the field, his right arm straight down and left hand holding a wakizashi.
'When did he get that out?' thought Sasuke. Well, it doesn't matter, because we all know the Uchiha is gonna lose.
"GO SASUKE MY SHINING KNIGHT IN BLACK, DIRTY ARMOUR!!!!!!!! WOOT HE'S SO HAWT!" cheered Inner and Outer Sakura.
A yellow and black blur was seen flying across the field, and Sasuke was knocked out, slumped against a tree.
Sakura looked. "Dead" Sasuke.
Sakura looked the other way. Naruto was mumbling about having to clean his sword of the tainted, unclean blood (vampire, anyone?).
"NOOOOOOO YOU HURT SASUKE-KUN I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!" Suddenly filled with (un)righteous anger, Sakura slowly whipped out her shuriken and ran (slowly) towards Naruto.
"GASP!" Naruto's wakizashi has held at Sakura's throat. "Do I have to tell you again, bitch? You are such an emo-lover, so you wouldn't mind if I just slice your neck, would you?" Sakura started crying, and a wet stain slowly appeared on her dress. Naruto backed away in disgust. "I thought so."
"Ma. I got lost on the road of life..... What?" Kakashi looked around in confusion. "OMFGWTF? Sasuke-kun!"
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After the briefing about the test...
Kakashi stared lazily at the blond staring lazily back at him. "You're the strange one. Why don't you hide while I go wank off to my por- uh, sharpen my kun- uh….. Find Sasuke-kun? Argh! Why does every word I say implies me as a pedo?"
Naruto smirked at Kakashi. "Because you are? Hah! Anyways, I'm better than you and Asuma combined!"
'Maybe when we're drunk!' thought Kakashi.
Naruto leaped at Kakashi, taking out kunai with his left hand and his right hand performing one-handed seals. Kakashi widened his eyes as a huge white dragon leaped out of the clouds and attacked him. The jounin was sent back a couple of yards before he leaped back up.
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On top of a building roof a couple miles away, Shikamaru turned to Chouji. "Did that cloud look like a dragon?"
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Naruto then tossed two kunai at the cyclops. He then made a few seals. "Kunai Bushin no Jutsu!" About a million kunai, a few screams, fourteen giant fireballs, and nine water dragons later, Naruto tossed two bells at a shocked Sasuke and a dazed Sakura.
"Here. I already figured out that this test is for teamwork. We all passed, and now I'll go. People to do and things to see after all. Or was it the other way around…" Naruto smirked and walked away into the sunset for not ramen, as everybody supposed, or dango (that was your second guess, right?), but good old corn. Yep, corn. Not porn.
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At the Hokage's mission giving office….
"Here. You can go fetch Tora the cat again…"
"No, old man. We are very efficient (or at least I am), and we can handle danger (or at least I can), so we deserve more than a D-ranked mission (or at least I do). We have done countless missions (100, in fact, but who's counting?), and we need a C-ranked, at least."
As Sarutobi was mulling over Naruto's words, both him and the rest of the room wondered why Naruto was so intelligent, why he was classified as the dead-last if he could beat Kakashi, and whether the Icha Icha Movie was going to start filming.
"Okay, Naruto, I'll give Team Seven a C-ranked mission." Was it the crack in his pipe, or was Naruto seeming more and more like his father? Nah. The Hokage shook his head and said, "Iruka? Please bring our client in."
A drunk old man stepped in (drunkenly). "Heeeeeeey, daz a buhsh uv meedjiteez ya 'ave…. EEEEEEEEEEP!" A kunai streaked pass his family jewels. "Hey, drunk. Consider the following: I'm competent enough. Don't insult a ninja. Fossils form in sedimentary rock. And for Kami's sake, use a toilet!"
Naruto turned towards the Hokage and his team while wrinkling up his nose. "In two hours, meet by the north gate, and DON'T be late." The cold blonde glared at Kakashi, who shivered and looked down quickly. "Now, I'll be packing."
With a twirl of his cloak, and a twinkle in his eye, Naruto turned around and disappeared in a swirl of red hot flames. The rest of the team left (not quite as dramatically, but still...)
"Hm. Speaking of which..." The Sandiame took out a piece of parchment and began to write.
'Dear Jiraiya,
When is the Icha Icha Movie going to be released? I know that you're are picky about the actresses, but really, you must hurry...'
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AN:
Okay, this is my first fanfiction, and I wanted to try something- to make a collection of clichés found commonly in Naruto fanfiction.
I apologize for any misspellings and grammar mistakes. Also, I do not need to put a disclaimer, for everybody knows that I'm NOT Masashi Kishimoto… That IS his name, right?
Okay, please review. Flames or not. Any suggestions/requests for the next chapter, I'll try to put up.
And I might continue this storyline in later chapters. It depends on my mood. Thanks, and ja ne!