One Smile

The moment we met it was obvious there was something between us. Well, to me anyway. Everyone else thought we couldn't stand the sight of one another, and I suppose to a certain extent; they were right. There were times when I really could have killed her. She was so damn infuriating, twenty four seven. Always had to be right, always had to be in control, always had to get one over on me. That was her main problem really; me. She hated the fact that I was every bit as smart as she was, albeit in totally different ways. She had the ability to work out what a suspect was thinking, of getting him to admit to whatever crime he had committed. She proved that with Alan Kennedy, serial rapist and out and out psychopath. Although I wasn't at Sun Hill when she conducted the interview, I'd heard about it on the grapevine. On the other hand, I could tell when a suspect was lying; find ways to catch him out. Sometimes, my methods of working were just as good as hers were.

Sam couldn't stand that thought. That was part of the reason why she became hostile towards me, tried to taint each and every case I worked on. Of course, she didn't completely destroy them. She wanted to see crime rates go down just as much as I did. She just liked to make my job just that little bit harder. In a way, I suppose I was asking for it. The moment she refused to give me permission for an obbo, I went and got permission off the DCI. That in her eyes, was one of the worst things I could do to her. Undermine her authority; make her look like a fool in front of our superior. She really, truly, hated me for that. What could I do though? Stand back and watch my case collapse, merely because she was too stubborn to let me have my way?

I don't think so.

If DS Sam Nixon couldn't handle working with me, then it was her problem. I even apologised to her for going to the DCI. How did she repay me? By speaking to an informant of mine without my knowledge, and consequently ruining my good relationship with him. Now, I was the one with a problem. She had crossed the line, and this time I wasn't just going to stand back and say nothing. No, this was personal. She had made it personal. That was partly why I decided to start an argument with her, in plain view of everyone. I was so wound up it was unbelievable. Even after the DCI yelled at us, I knew that this…feud between us wasn't over.

Notice I hesitated there when I said feud? That's because I don't really know how to describe what there is between us.

There's hate.

There's anger.

But I could swear that there's love too.

Other than the fact that we're both alike, it's the only reason I can come up with for why we're so hostile towards each other. I know that's why I'm a btch to her. It's so obvious she's in denial; at least it is to me. I've caught her looking at me sometimes in a way that can only be described as agonizing. It's as if she's toying with the idea of saying something, but can't bring herself to actually say what she wants to. I know that's how it is for me. If I admitted my feelings and she turned around and ridiculed them, then I would never live it down. That's not even mentioning the fact that she would have yet more ammunition against me. The only thing I can do is wait. Wait to see if things improve between us; which I seriously do doubt. It's actually got to the point now where our work is suffering. Especially when we're working on a case together. The little digs just keep coming at me; time and time again. Mind you, today she hasn't said much to me. Actually, now that I think about it she hasn't said anything. For Sam, that it pretty out of the ordinary.

Notice I call her Sam, even though we don't get along? That's another thing that she's never objected to.

"Sam, I'm really not interested in what you think."

"Sam, will you just leave it for once?"

"Sam, now is not the time to start winding me up."

Not that she ever listened to what I said. Nevertheless, she didn't ever tell me to call her DS Nixon. Sure, she commented on the fact that she was of a higher rank than me. That was as far as it went in that department really. Surprising, I know. Who was I to complain though; at least there was some kind of respect between us, even if it wasn't exactly evident. Moreover, when it comes to Sam and I, nothing about the way we truly feel is evident. If she has her way, that's the way things always will be.

Not my fault.

Entirely hers.

I would have been quite happy to 'kiss and make up' (quite literally) after I'd calmed down about losing one of the best informants I've ever had. Sam was the one who wanted to continue with the bitterness…the sniping. If she thought I was going to plead with her for forgiveness about the way I'd spoken to her; she thought wrong. Besides, it's not like I would have received an apology back, otherwise I may have actually considered it. That's the way I work see; I'll only apologize if I think I'll get something back. And let's face it, there's more chance of Gary getting it on with Inspector Gold than there is of Sam saying sorry to me for the way she's treated me!

I suppose after everything I've just said, it's hard to believe that there's love between us. Believe me; there is. The very few occasions when our arms have brushed against each others, or we've had to sit in close proximity, there's this…connection between us that can only be described as love. I would give anything to be able to run my hand through her hair, to wrap my arms around her body. See, the strange thing is, I reckon if we both admitted our feelings to one another; we would have the best relationship ever.

She's looking at me now, as if to say 'What the hell are you staring at?' When I still don't break eye contact, her expression changes from confusion to curiosity. The way I look at it, her not making any comments to me this morning is a positive thing, and I should be able to get away with looking at her. I must say, she looks quite cute when she's wondering what's going on. It is this thought that causes me to smile. Smile at Sam. I didn't mean to it just…happened. To make things ten times worse, she actually sees me.

She returns the smile.

Sam actually smiles at me. I think I'm going to go into shock. Never, ever did I imagine that this would happen; but it did.

I think things just got a whole lot better. All it took was a smile. One smile, and the ice was broken.

One smile.