Acceptance

A/N: Ahh, so I haven't written a fanfic in a reeeeally long time, and to be honest, I'm kind of nervous because this is also my first Lost fic. So, please be gentle with reviews! I have read quite a number of Suliet stories to get the juices flowing, and this idea kind of popped into my head after I listened to "Tonight I Wanna Cry," by Keith Urban. Just a standalone, so please let me know what you think!

Although the day was hot, I could not shake the chill from my spine as I walked into the house we had together. We, as in, Juliet and me. I knew I was being followed, but I didn't give a shit. I just hoped whoever it was would give me my damn privacy in my own house. Our house.

I opened the door and stepped through the threshold, and I got this funny feeling… it was kinda like déjà vu, but not exactly. My mind kinda shut off and turned into a movie reel. Everywhere I looked, no matter how hard I tried fighting it, these almost holographic images flashed before my eyes and made my stomach ache. I walked past the kitchen and saw spaghetti dinner last week when Juliet ate my cooking without a single complaint just because she knew how hard I worked on it (not really). Well, it could have also been because I told her if she ate it like a good girl then she would get rewarded later. Yeah, that's probably what did the trick.

That thought twisted my guts even worse.

I walked into the living room and saw where we had our first kiss. We had had Jin and Miles over for poker night. At the time, Juliet and I shared a house but we alternated getting the only bed, and whoever didn't get the bed got the couch…where Miles was currently passed out and snoring, with Jin on the floor beside him. I grabbed some blankets for the two and Juliet helped me cover them up. I had started helping her clean off the coffee table when she suddenly took my hand and pulled me close, dropping everything back down onto the clean table. Next thing I knew she had her hands in my hair and her tongue in my mouth and I was in fucking heaven. After a few seconds she pulled away, and she just smiled up at me.

"What was that for, sunshine?" I whispered incredulously, a slow grin spreading across my face.

"I don't know. Does it really matter anyway?" she giggled, and walked off into the bedroom.

I stood there, a little dumfounded, when next thing I know I look over to see both Miles and Jin giving me a couple thumbs up.

But, that was a long time ago. I sighed to myself before passing the living room and going down the hall to our bedroom. I had been dreading this moment ever since burying my Juliet. That damn room… that room held a lot of memories. I knew I shouldn't be here. In fact, I don't even know why the hell I came here to begin with. Juliet was dead and none of my memories were gonna bring her back to me.

I slowly opened the door, and Juliet's damn perfume hit me like a wrecking ball. I had to step back to catch my failing balance. As the door was wide open, I realized I couldn't walk in there. Not yet, at least. Juliet is dead, and it's all your fault.

Ah hell no. No way was I gonna sit there and think those things. That's not why I came. I didn't come here to blame nobody.

So, why is it that as I step into the room, and see her beautiful face all around me, all I wanna do is kill the bastard that took her from me? Jack. It was all his fault. It was his stupid plan. It was his fault. Or was it really mine? I was supposed to have her back. I was supposed to protect her. I sighed. I didn't know what to think.

Whiskey… I need whiskey, I thought to myself. I quickly left the bedroom and went into the kitchen to the alcohol cupboard. I found what I needed, and with just the bottle in hand, I walked back into the bedroom.

As I sat on the bed, I took a few good swigs of the juice. Damn… gotta love that burn.

Unfortunately, I started seeing more and more memories swirling around me; Juliet's clothes thrown in the corner from two nights ago, when we had had our last night of passion together, though neither of us knew that at the time. The broken alarm clock hanging off the side of the nightstand where she had smacked it so hard it had broken, which led to several minutes of us laughing to ourselves. (Apparently she just really didn't wanna get out of bed). And worst of all, I saw the damn floorboard with the crack in it.

Ugh, I thought, I suppose I should get the ring out. This made my stomach flip and turn and twist more than any other memory. This thought also cued more whiskey.

I had put the damn ring in there a month ago. A month! I didn't have the damn balls to propose to her in over a month. I was ashamed of myself. Hell, I knew she had been leaving little hints here and there about wanting something a little more concrete. I knew she wanted kids one day and I knew she wanted to grow old with me. My stomach heaved at the thought of kids. She didn't get to have kids anymore. We didn't get to grow old together anymore.

Why didn't I just fucking propose? Juliet wasn't fancy. She didn't need a huge ordeal out of it. I could have just made her a nice dinner and took a romantic walk on the beach with her and she would have called it the most special night ever. She would have said yes. I don't know why I had any doubt in my mind that that woman loved me. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I most definitely knew she was my girl.

I slowly got down from the bed and crawled over to the floorboard. Using my fingernails I pried the loose board open and saw the shoebox sitting right where I had left it. My hands started shaking and I could feel the beads of sweat running down my face. I couldn't tell if it was because of the nerves or the damn heat.

I slowly opened the ring box, and sure as hell, the ring sparkled back at me. Now, I'm not usually the kind of guy who shows any emotion, but this moment… this was too much. Not even alcohol could numb the slow shattering of my heart. At this point, I realized nothing could numb this ripping pain in my chest. I felt each memory teasing me, saying, "you'll never get this back." And I wanted to die. I wanted the pain to be gone. I wanted the one good thing in my life back. She fixed me, and I couldn't even protect her.

At this point, the whiskey was half empty and the nausea was taking over my thoughts. I could smell her everywhere. I could see and hear her everywhere too. I tried really hard not to cry. But I couldn't fight it any longer. I let out the most pitiful sob. After hearing it, I almost felt sorry for myself. And after one sob came a few more, and before I knew it my body was shaking with sobs from head to toe. I reached up to the bed and grabbed her pillow, trying to stifle myself. That's when I heard the floor creak from the hallway. Someone was here.

Slowly, I pulled myself together and wiped my face on my t-shirt. I probably looked like a damn mess.

I took one last look around the room after standing up and putting the ring in my pocket, and though it was kinda spinning, I took in every possible detail. I was never going to forget this moment. You'd think burying her would help me with accepting the fact that she's gone, but no. Not me. It took the smell of her fading perfume. The clothes that will never be worn again. The strewn blankets that will never be slept in again… yeah. It took the emptiness that finally overcame me to get me to realize that she ain't never coming back.

So with one final swig of whiskey, one final breath, and one last look around, I left the room and I never did go back.

A/N: Please let me know what you think! It's sad, I know, but I am hoping to write more fluffy stuff if I can get some nice reviews.