LISSA

I folded the last piece of clothing that I'd picked out to pack and laid it on top of the pile in the suitcase. There was only light summer stuff and the occasional sweater for cold nights – I would be coming back every weekend, so I wouldn't need to pack all my things just yet.

It was way too early to pack anyway. We still had a week until classes started. I'm sure Rose would not even start packing until one hour before our departure. But with my current schedule, I never knew when I would have the time again. And I liked being prepared. And, well, I had just this one excuse to spend an hour alone in my room, without guardian eyes watching my every move, without even Rose talking about leaving, and without talking at all. There was so much to think about, and I barely had the time to think whether I wanted coffee or tea for breakfast. I was in a mess, and I was leaving a mess behind. Sure, the whole Moroi world was a mess right now, at least when it came to politics. But I was a little more in the middle of it, to say the least. To say it more to the point, I was the new and still teenage queen to a secret empire in turmoil over murder, treason, lethal attacks and questionable new laws. And even though I hadn't initially agreed on joining the fray of this craziness, it was me who took the last step and said "Yes" when they asked me the insane question: "Do you, Princess Vasilisa Dragomir, accept the title, the rights and duties, the burden, the gift, and the honor, of being the righteous queen of the Moroi and dhampir races?"

So, yes, this was my mess to deal with. And I would deal with it as best I could. I had not given this answer lightly, and I knew my life would never be the same again. I knew my life would never be the way I used to picture it.

What I hadn't given as much thought to was that this answer would also change the lives of those around me. I hadn't considered that my friends would now need to ask for an audience when they wanted to visit me. I hadn't considered that my boyfriend would constantly feel like an unwelcome addition to an exclusive kind of pool party. And above all, I hadn't anticipated that a sixteen-year-old innocent and almost uninvolved girl would be attacked and fatally wounded because of my loaded little answer. That anyone would take out their disagreement with my being crowned queen on Jill was still kind of mind-boggling to me. Heck, I hadn't even known that Jill was in the picture at all until a few days before I was chosen. How could I have known that I wasn't only making a decision for my life and for the political system of my people, but for the life and death of one young girl who had nothing to do with it all?

My memory was still unbiddenly invading my mind with the horrible pictures of that night. It was supposed to be the celebration for the start of my reign. There was a big reception for all the important royals who wanted to personally give me their blessing, tell me they voted for me or just have a word with the next monarch. I remember people crowding in on me with champagne glasses in their hands, me smiling and talking to as many people as I could, trying to remember names and faces and finding something nice to say to everyone. I remember Christian standing next to me, still reeling from the events of the past days but making such an effort to put on a presentable façade so he could be with me. I remember all the guardians along the walls, me seeking out Roses face every now and then for a little reassurance. Then there was a banquet, people seated on long tables on one of the largest rooms there are in the palace. I didn't get much actual eating done, but that was probably for the best because I wouldn't have been able to stomach much anyway. And then there were guardians running at me from all sides, before I had even made out any kind of threat. For me, Jill's death was being shoved out of the room, along corridors and up and down stairs and then waiting until all was sorted out. Guardians telling me that there had been injuries, but they couldn't give me more information at this point. Guardians telling me that there had been no casualties and that the attackers had been apprehended. Me breathing a sigh of relief. And finally Adrian, the next day, looking at me with that accusing look in his eyes that he was now giving me as much as he was giving to Rose. He wasn't saying it, but I could hear it clearly between the lines of the sober explanation he was reciting: They killed her because of you. They killed sweet, innocent Jill because you and your meddling friends couldn't leave well enough alone. He'd been one of those meddling friends himself, but he wasn't really in touch with reality much these days. Since the breakup with Rose, he was a wreck. In hindsight, I should be thanking the heavens that he hadn't been too drunk to even access spirit at all that night. But I didn't care. All I cared about at that moment was that he had prevented me from being responsible for someone losing their life. He had given it back to her. He had saved Jill, brought her back from death like I had done for Rose years ago.

Thinking about Rose and the psychic bond we had shared almost made me a little nostalgic. I guess it was harder for Rose, seeing as for me, the bond had been little more than a psychic manifestation of our friendship. Even though knowing Rose was with me had been a comfort in hard times, I didn't miss her ability to jump into my head and my thoughts at any given moment all that much. And Rose would be coming with me. She would be one of my personal guardians, and the most personal of my personal guardians at that. Whereas I was sending Jill to a school among humans at the other side of the continent, uprooting her from her family and everything she knew. There would be very little comfort for her out there, I knew. At least Adrian would be coming with her. I hoped he'd soon pull himself together enough to actually be a help for her.

The door opened quietly. I felt my mood instantly lighten up a notch; the only people who were allowed to enter without a guardian announcing them were Rose and Christian, and Rose was off in Palm Springs checking the conditions we would be entrusting Jill with.

Christian gave me a smile as he dropped his bag on the floor and closed the door behind him.

"Will you be living out of a suitcase every time you're here now, because you can't bear to pack less than a week in advance? You know it will be a while until you'll be at one place for more than five days?"

He had come closer and was taking my hand from where it still lay on top of the clothes pile. I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He smelled of shampoo and freshly washed clothes; he'd been in the gym and showered there after training. At least by his smell I could sometimes tell where he'd been. He was off doing his own thing a lot while I was in meetings with council members or someone or other, and half the time I didn't know what he was up to. Though I suspected that he was just looking for some place to be alone and brood. He must have been missing our old attic back at school right now, now that he again wasn't exactly everybody's favorite person and his girlfriend had to make an appointment on her schedule so she could spend time with him. And then there's the fact that I'd be leaving for college in a week and leaving him alone at court with an aunt in jail for assassinating my predecessor and almost killing Rose.

"I'll be too busy saying my goodbyes to you when the real time for packing comes", I mumbled into his shirt. We just stood there wrapped around each other for a moment. I suddenly wished I had spent my free hour with him instead of with my college preparation.

This is my first fanfic! I'm so excited about it!

I'm happy about all kinds of comments from you guys. I'm not an English native speaker, so everything that improves my English writing is welcome, spelling, grammar, stuff that just sounds weird….

I do not own VA or any of the characters!