When it comes to Loud House fanfics, "One Angry Person" by Vincent-Starman ranks among the most infamous, what with it being your typical St. Lincoln story and having one of the most insulting, infuriating endings I've ever read. This fic is my attempt to do OAP right, and I hope I succeeded. Read on, would you kindly?

The repetitive buzzing of a digital alarm clock echoed through Lincoln Loud's bedroom, rousing him from his slumber. Summer vacation was in full swing, the weather was sunny and beautiful, and the only son of the Loud family bolted out of his bed and exclaimed, "IT'S FINALLY HERE! After months of teasers, trailers and speculation, the day has finally arrived! That's right, folks: today marks the release of THE MUSCLE FISH MOVIE!" Lincoln showed his copy of Muscle Fish #30 to the camera and explained, "The movie's supposed to be based off of the Strong Squid arc, as seen here, but Clyde and I have taken extra precautions to avoid spoilers. This is the movie event of the summer, and there's no way we're missing out on opening night!" He grabbed his Ace Savvy walkie-talkie and pressed the call button, saying, "Fish Stick, this is Calamari. Come in, Fish Stick."

"Hey, Lincoln," Clyde answered from his bedroom. "You all set for tonight?"

"Am I! I've got my Muscle Fish T-shirt ready to go, and Leni's making something special for us to wear to the movie tonight!"

"Cool! Did she say what it was?"

"A replica of Muscle Fish's gloves and boots," Lincoln replied. "You know Leni and surprises."

"Yeah, but it's still awesome of her to do that for us," Clyde said. "Not to mention that Lori's gonna be driving us there! Ah, to be chauffeured by my one true love..." Small hearts danced around Clyde's head as Lincoln said, "Pull yourself together, Fish Stick! Once six o'clock rolls around, we'll be at Royal Woods Cinema enjoying the biggest cinematic event of the summer!"

"10-4, Calamari! See you then!" Lincoln put down the walkie-talkie and turned his attention to his calendar, which had a small drawing of Muscle Fish on the first Friday of July. A magnet held a small envelope in place to the right of the drawing, and when Lincoln took it off the board and opened it, he pulled out two tickets to the 6 pm showing of the Muscle Fish movie as the Hallelujah Chorus played overhead. He jumped up and down with excitement as he exclaimed, "YES YES YES YES YES! BEST...DAY...EVER!"

He put the tickets back in the envelope, the envelope in his pants pocket, and left his bedroom with a huge, toothy grin that was impossible to ignore. As he stood in line behind Lana for his turn at the bathroom, Lori stepped out of her room with phone in hand and started down the stairs. "Muscle Fish at 6, Lori," Lincoln chirped with glee. "Don't forget!"

"I know," Lori replied with a grin. "It's literally all you've talked about this past week."

"Can't help it," he answered as he pumped his fists. "Too excited!"

"I can see that. Just pace yourself; we've got a few hours before the movie starts." Easier said than done, Lincoln thought as Lori headed to the living room. "Regardless, everything's ready to go," he declared. "I got my tickets, Lori's got the message...there's no way this day can go wrong!" No sooner did those words leave his lips than he heard the doorbell ring; his curiosity was piqued, but Lana had just exited the bathroom, leaving it wide open for him to use. No sooner had Lincoln squeezed some toothpaste onto his Ace Savvy toothbrush than he heard a high-pitched, overjoyed squeal come from downstairs. He gave his teeth a quick brush and headed to the living room, where he discovered Lori fawning over none other than Bobby Santiago. She showered him with kisses and cutesy nicknames as he returned her affections with a hug and a warm, "I'm happy to see you too, babe."

"Oh, hey, Bobby," Lincoln called as he stood on the bottom step. "What are you doing all the way out here?"

"Just stopping by for a surprise visit," he replied with a grin. "And judging by Lori's reaction, it worked like a charm."

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Boo-Boo Bear!" Lori exclaimed as Lincoln and Lily glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. "You have no idea how much I missed you!"

"That makes two of us. Hey, what do you say we spend the day out on the town? Just you and me?"

"That would literally be the greatest," Lori replied with a lovestruck smile. Hand in hand, Bobby and Lori walked out to his truck as Lincoln stood on the porch, giving a friendly reminder of, "The movie's at 6, Lori! Don't forget!" The truck doors slammed before he finished his sentence, and as the lovebirds drove off into the distance, Lincoln pulled out his cellphone and left Lori a text, then called her directly and left a voicemail. After he hung up, he turned to the camera with a smile and said, "Hey, if Lori can't make it, that's okay. In times like these, I always have a backup plan." He re-entered the house only to find Rita tailing Lynn Sr. from their bedroom. His father was clad in a chef's outfit, and the look in his eyes suggested he was ready to weather a storm. Regardless, Lincoln asked them, "Mom, Dad, can you take me and Clyde to the movie later tonight?"

"Us? I thought Lori was taking you," Rita replied.

"Well, Bobby stopped by for a surprise visit, and they're, in his words, going out on the town. And speaking of going out, why is Dad dressed up like he's going to work?"

"That's because I am," Lynn Sr. answered as he began to stretch from side to side. "Kids! Get down here!" A loud rumble ensued as Lincoln's remaining sisters came downstairs and stood before their parents.

"Kids, I hate to do this on such short notice, but I just got a call from Grant and Kotaro," their father explained. "Three parties of 10-plus people showed up at once, and they're about to get slammed with orders! I'm heading down to the restaurant to help."

"That's a lotta people," Lana observed. "You sure you can handle it?"

"I feed thirteen people on a daily basis," Lynn Sr. replied with a confident grin. "I should be able to handle this, no problem."

"I'd tell you to break some eggs," Luan joked, "but then you wouldn't be able to make any omelets! Hahahahaha! Get it?"

"I sure do," Lynn Sr. cracked as he ruffled Luan's hair. "And Lincoln?" The white-haired boy turned his attention to his father as he said, "I shouldn't be gone for more than a few hours. If Lori isn't home by the time I get back, your mother and I will take you and Clyde to your movie." Lincoln gave him a hug and replied, "Thanks, Dad."

"No problem, kiddo." Rita and his daughters joined in the hug as Lynn Sr. declared, "Wish me luck, you guys! I'm off to do some cooking!" He grabbed the keys to Vanzilla and left to a rousing cheer from his family, and after the door shut, everyone went their separate ways as Lincoln turned to the camera with a confident grin and said, "They don't call me 'the man with the plan' for nothing! I've still got a ride and I've still got my-"

He reached into his pants pocket and rooted around for the envelope containing his tickets, but he pulled back an empty hand. Lincoln paled and began to sweat as he checked his remaining pants pockets and the breastpocket on his shirt, but the tickets were nowhere to be found. "Oh no...oh no! Where are they?! Where'd they go?!"

"Right here, Boo-Boo Bear!"

Lori peeked her head out from the opposite side of the tree directly behind Bobby, and he flashed a wicked grin as he chased after her. Their romp through Ketcham Park had been a spur-of-the-moment stopover on their way to their favorite restaurant, and a calm, leisurely walk was how this playful chase began. Lori and Bobby had been walking arm in arm, taking in the beautiful weather while she rested her head on his shoulder. She was so content in her boyfriend's arms that she didn't notice the devious grin on his face as he brought his left hand over and poked her in the side. Lori let out a startled yelp as Bobby's eyes widened in surprise, and she exclaimed, "BOBBY! What the heck are you doing?!"

"Oh, nothing," he said as he feigned innocence. "Just seeing if you were ticklish. And now that I know you are..." He turned his free hand into a claw and attacked her stomach, causing her to dissolve into helpless laughter as he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her close, grinning a full-toothed grin and exclaiming, "There's no escape, babe! Let's hear some more of your lilting laughter!" He continued to hold on tight and tickle her, relishing in the sound of her laughing until she retaliated by tickling his neck, which caused Bobby to jolt in shock and lose his grip. With her opening in sight, Lori kicked off her shoes, picked them up and ran barefoot through the grass as Bobby gave chase, the both of them laughing all the while. Their path led them to a cluster of trees, and Lori ducked behind and around them, playfully taunting Bobby all the while. As he roamed amongst the trees, he called, "Oh, baaa-aaabe! Where are you?"

"Right here, Boo-Boo Bear!" Bobby flashed a devious grin and snuck around the opposite side of the tree, taking care not to make any noise. When he saw his opening, he pounced and grabbed nothing but air. All of a sudden, Lori's voice called out, "Oops! I lied! Turns out I'm over here!" He darted over to the next tree and tried again, but he came up empty a second time. However, he noticed her shoes laying on the ground by a tree just off to his left, and he crept up on it, unaware that Lori was right behind him. Her footsteps were silenced by the grass as she stifled a giggle and flashed an evil grin, raising her hands to attack. As Bobby approached the final tree, she jumped at him with a loud "GOTCHA!" and grabbed him around the waist. The duo fell to the ground, and now that Lori had the upper hand, she showed him no mercy.

Bobby collapsed into helpless laughter as Lori attacked his sides, exclaiming, "Now the tables are turned, Robert Santiago! There's no escape from me!" That didn't mean he wasn't going to try, as he reached up and attacked Lori's neck, causing her to scream in shock and burst out laughing herself. The pair rolled around in the grass, their playful laughter and smiling faces both calming and confusing passersby as they fought until their lungs could take no more. The tickling had given way to the lovebirds holding onto each other, and Lori saw the perfect opportunity for a selfie. So she pulled out her cell phone, swiped right to activate the camera, and took a picture of her and Bobby smiling in the grass.

Meanwhile, back at the Loud house, Lincoln was tearing through the entire second floor searching for his missing movie tickets. He just about turned the bathroom upside down as he looked in the sink, the medicine cabinet, the bathtub, the toilet, and the garbage can, but they were nowhere to be found. With his lavatory search fruitless, Lincoln tore across the hall to his bedroom, where he checked his bed, the floor, his dresser, and the area underneath his bed for the small white envelope. Unfortunately, he was once again unable to find it, and after he left his room, a familiar voice rang out from behind him.

"Excuse me, Lincoln." Lucy's sudden appearance caused Lincoln to jump back in fright, but he quickly recovered and stammered, "H...hey, Luce. What's up?"

"I believe this belongs to you," she said as she held up a small white envelope. Lincoln's eyes widened in excitement as he took the envelope and double-checked its contents, and he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he discovered his movie tickets were still intact. He couldn't help but give Lucy a big hug in return, exclaiming, "Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! You saved my afternoon!"

"Anytime, Lincoln," she replied in a stoic tone.

"Where'd you find them?"

"On the floor in the living room," Lucy said. "A bit of advice: keep these in a safe place. You still have four hours to go before your movie starts."

"I know, but I'm too excited," Lincoln countered. "I just...gah, I can't wait!"

"Sigh. Believe me, I understand your frustration," Lucy assured him. "The season premiere of Vampires Of Melancholia is in two months, and I can barely contain myself." Lincoln took one look at her stoic, emotionless figure and remarked, "Yeah...I can tell."

"Thank you," she replied with a slight nod. "Nevertheless, my point is: be careful. Don't let a careless mistake keep you from seeing your movie."

"Sure thing, Luce. And thanks again."

"Anytime." She walked into the room she shared with Lynn as Lincoln headed downstairs to the kitchen. He pinned the envelope to the refrigerator with a magnet as he reached inside and grabbed a milk carton, as well as a loaf of bread and two jars of peanut butter and sauerkraut. As he shut the refrigerator door, he heard a muffled giggle from behind him. He paid it no mind as he sat down at the kitchen table, poured a glass of milk and began to make his sandwich. However, when Lincoln opened the jar of peanut butter, a large spring snake shot out and startled him backwards onto the floor, with the projectile sailing through the air and colliding with the refrigerator. On cue, Luan poked her head around the corner and cracked, "Don't worry, Lincoln! I'll help you up in a Jif! Hahahahaha! Get it?"

Lincoln groaned and rolled his eyes as Luan helped him to his feet, and he let out a pained groan and rubbed the back of his head. When she saw that, Luan grew concerned as she asked, "You okay? You want me to get you some ice?"

"No, I'm fine," he grumbled as he picked up the snake. "It's-" As he looked at the refrigerator door, he was struck with panic once again as the spot where the envelope had been was now bare. Lincoln's pupils dilated in shock as he screamed, "NOT AGAIN!" Luan blinked in confusion and asked, "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Lincoln?"

"I put my movie tickets on the fridge, and the snake must've knocked them down! I'm willing to bet they landed underneath," he said as he pointed to the floor beneath the appliance. "Can you give me a hand moving this thing?"

"I'll do you one better; I'll give you two! Hahahahaha!" Lincoln rolled his eyes as they took opposite sides of the fridge and began to move it with hard, firm pulls, taking care not to rock it or tip it over. Once it was moved out of the way, the giant clod of dirt and dust beneath it indicated that not only was that part of the floor way past overdue for a cleaning, but that their work would be cut out for them. At least it would have been, if not for Luan noticing a small white envelope sticking out amongst the detritus.

"Is this it, Linc?" she asked as she handed the envelope to him. He blew the dust off of it, checked the tickets, and after finding they were still intact, he responded, "Yeah, that's them, all right! Thanks for your help!"

"No problem," Luan replied with a smile as Lincoln put the envelope in his pocket. "You ready to go a fridge too far one more time?" Lincoln merely gave her an unimpressed stare before she added, "But seriously, we need to put the fridge back where it was."

"Good point." Once again, brother and sister took opposite sides of the appliance and began to move it back to its intended resting place, but as they moved it back, it briefly caught on a piece of gunk and lifted up in the air. Gravity took its course after a few seconds, and the front of the fridge came down...right on top of Lincoln's foot. He let out a pained scream as Luan lifted the appliance off of him, and he took his right shoe and sock off to get a better look at the wound. Nothing appeared to be broken, but judging from the initial impact, there would be a nasty bruise later. After she put the fridge back, Luan grabbed some ice, put it in a baggie and applied it to Lincoln's injured foot.

"I'm really sorry about that, Linc."

"Yeah...me too." His narrowed eyes and sharp tone took Luan aback as he got up and limped to the couch, and she thought to herself, It was an accident, Lincoln. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose. Regardless, Lincoln settled in on the couch, kept the ice on his foot, and turned the TV to a summer rerun of ARGGH! as he typed a text message to Lori on his phone. Once the message was sent, he narrowed his eyes and mumbled, "Don't forget."

"Oh, how could I forget, Boo-Boo Bear? This was the place we had our very first date!"

"Yeah," Bobby replied as he let out a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. "Let's just hope today goes better than that day did."

"Well, it's not raining," Lori replied with a shrug and a grin. "So far, so good on the weather side of things." Bobby nodded and, without taking his eyes off of her, opened the door for her and ushered her inside Jean Juan's French-Mex with a courteous, "After you, milady." Lori, for her part, never took her eyes off of Bobby as she accepted his invitation by tossing back her hair and fluttering her eyelashes at him, accompanied by a sultry reply of, "Thank you very much, kind sir." When she turned around, she saw a server approaching from her left and stopped just in time, allowing him to carry his tray filled with food to the next room. She wiped her brow in relief as Bobby joined her at the hostess desk, and they were soon led to a table for two right at the back of the restaurant.

After they sat down, Bobby reached across the table and held Lori's hands, his eyes gazing deep into hers. Lori echoed his sentiments and stared deep into Bobby's eyes as content, grateful smiles appeared on their faces. Once the waiter standing by the table cleared his throat, however, they snapped back to reality.

"Hola, and bienvenue to Jean Juan's," the waiter said. "Can I start you off with some drinks?"

"Absolutely," Lori replied. "I'll take some sparkling water, please."

"I'll have the same," Bobby added.

"Magnifique! I'll be right back with your drinks." As he headed for the bar, a server arrived with a giant tray of tortilla chips and salsa and placed a bowl of each on the table for them to share. Bobby couldn't help but laugh and exclaim, "Is it just me, or is today turning out to be the best day ever?"

"It's not just you, Boo-Boo Bear," Lori replied. "This literally is the best day ever. I love you so, so much."

"I love you too, babe," he said with a warm smile. He dipped a chip in salsa and dangled it in front of Lori as a small glob of tomato fell onto her napkin, beckoning her to take a bite. She obliged by taking the chip in her teeth and indulging in the flavor as Bobby ate a chip himself. He alternated between feeding Lori and feeding himself as they powered their way through the bowl, and once their drinks were delivered, the waiter grinned and remarked, "I see you two are enjoying our nachos. Have you decided what to order?"

"Yeah," Bobby replied. "I'll have the ratatouille burrito." Lori swallowed the food in her mouth and added, "And I'll have the duck confit tacos. Softshell."

"Excellent choices, both. I shall return." The waiter put the order in as Bobby and Lori continued to plow through the tortilla chips, and it wasn't long before the bowl was empty. They didn't have to wait for a refill, however, as their food arrived almost as soon as the last chip was eaten. They shared their respective meals with each other and relished in the different flavors, whether it was the tenderness of the duck or the various spices added to the vegetables. Once their plates were clean, they flagged down their waiter and Lori asked, "Would you mind getting a picture or two of us on the dance floor? We'd really appreciate it."

"Of course." The waiter stood at the ready as Bobby put his tango lessons to good use, guiding Lori to the dance floor with a confident grin. She followed his lead as they proceeded to perform a passionate dance of love, their eyes firmly locked upon each other. As the mariachi band played on, they danced on as the waiter took several photos of them, each one more fluid and expressive than the last. But there was no photo more fluid and expressive than the final one he took; after the mariachi band finished their song, Bobby held onto Lori with both arms and dipped her down towards the floor as she held onto him and stared into his eyes. They both moved in for a kiss, and as soon as their lips met, the waiter snapped the picture.

His episode of ARGGH! completed, Lincoln trudged upstairs to his bedroom, wincing in pain as he applied pressure to his injured foot. Once he reached the top of the stairs, he hissed through his teeth and applied the ice pack, which caught Lisa's attention as she stepped out of the room she shared with Lily. "Excuse me, elder sibling," she said in her unmistakable lisp. "I'm judging by your sharp intake of breath that you have been injured in some way."

"Yeah," Lincoln groaned. "I took a refrigerator to the foot." Lisa knelt down and took the injured limb in her hands, studying the point of impact and nodding her head. "Luckily, nothing appears to be broken," she said as she adjusted her glasses. "However, if you wish to prevent the pain and eventual hematoma that will arise from this mishap, I have something that could help."

"Really? What is it?" Lisa took him by the hand and led her into her room; when Lily saw him arrive, she stood up in her crib and babbled, "Winkon!" He picked her up with a smile and cradled her in his arms as Lisa brought a small tube of ointment from her workstation. Lincoln raised his eyebrow in suspicion and asked, "Is that one of your inventions? If it is, I wanna know what I'm getting myself into."

"This is merely a tube of Arnicare," Lisa replied as she handed it to him. "I normally tend to stay away from homeopathic medicines, but even I could not deny the effectiveness of this product. Hold still, if you would." Lincoln did as he was instructed as Lisa applied the ointment to the top of his foot, and within a few seconds, the pain began to subside as the product did its work. Lincoln sighed with relief as he put Lily back in her crib and slipped his sock and shoe back on, but when he went to shake Lisa's hand, he noticed the label on the tube of ointment had begun to peel off. His suspicion returned as he asked, "Lisa, are you sure this is Arnicare?"

"Ummm...yes?" she replied with an insincere smile. Lincoln narrowed his eyes and grabbed the tube from her, peeling the sticker off to reveal handwriting that said TEST CREAM #1. His heart began to race as he grabbed Lisa by the scruff of her sweater and demanded, "What the heck did you do to me?!"

"I did nothing harmful, brother unit," Lisa assured him. "I apologize for tricking you, but there was no other way for me to test this concoction. I needed to wait for someone to get hurt, and since you were the first person that did, you were the guinea pig." Lincoln slapped his forehead in frustration, took a deep breath, and exclaimed, "Of course I was! And what kind of cream is it, dare I ask? Am I gonna grow an extra toe? Is my foot gonna grow or shrink or something? What?!"

"Calm down, Lincoln," Lisa said as she put up her hands. "This cream is nothing but a combination of aloe vera, peppermint, and a special assortment of ingredients designed to relieve pain. Though at times it may seem otherwise, I would never intentionally harm you. After all, we're family."

Although his foot had started to feel better, the fact that he had been tricked soured Lincoln's mood as he exited the bedroom with a curt, "Thanks." Lisa had only managed to say the first syllable of "You're welcome" before Lincoln slammed the door, and once he was in his bedroom, he took his right shoe and sock off once again to look at his injured foot. Although a bruise was indeed beginning to form, he felt little, if any, pain. Lincoln took another deep breath and mumbled, "You're lucky, Lisa."

He put his sock and shoe back on and headed to the bathroom, but as he passed by Luan and Luna's room, a sudden loud guitar chord rang out and slammed him against the opposite wall with the force of its volume. The vibrations rattled him to the bone and shook the envelope out of his pocket as he struggled to regain his footing, but Luna's guitar solo was just getting started. The door to their room blew open and she did a powerslide into the hallway, grinding her left knee against the envelope as she shredded to her heart's content. Lincoln tried in vain to yell over the din, but his voice was drowned out by the chords and riffs Luna laid down. When she finally opened her eyes and saw Lincoln pinned to the wall, she halted her jam session and peeled him off with an apologetic, "Sorry, bro. You okay?" Lincoln teetered like a drunk for a few seconds before he shook the cobwebs out of his head and replied with a terse, "Not really, Luna. Can you hand me that envelope, please?"

"No problem." She did as she was instructed, and after Lincoln took the crumpled-up parcel in his hand, he checked the tickets and shoved it back in his pocket. He entered the bathroom and headed straight for the sink, splashing water on his face and staring at his reflection in the mirror. "Calm down, Lincoln," he told himself. "It's gonna be fine. It's almost 4, and Dad should be home any minute. If Lori doesn't get home by 5, Mom and Dad are gonna take you. Calm down." No sooner had he said that than his cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of his opposite pants pocket and answered it. "Hello?"

"Lincoln, it's your father," Lynn Sr. replied in a breathless, weary voice. "Listen, kiddo, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, we got through those three parties with no issues. The bad news is, right after they cleared out, a high school softball team showed up! It looks like I'm gonna be staying a lot longer than I thought I would, so I won't be able to take you to your movie. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, Dad," Lincoln replied through clenched teeth as his eyebrow began to twitch. "I'm sure Lori will be home any minute now." He hung up the phone, grabbed a towel from the rack and pressed it to his face, letting out a scream of frustration and anger.

Lori let out a scream of surprise and adoration as a dress in the mall window of Lacy's caught her eye, and she grabbed Bobby by the hand and made a mad dash into the store. One trip to the fitting room later, she emerged wearing the dark blue garment and making a fashionable pose, with Bobby remarking, "Wow, babe! That dress looks amazing on you!"

"Doesn't it, though?" Lori replied with a grin. Her impromptu fashion show continued as she tried on a flashy yellow summer blouse, a cherry red gown, a light blue bikini, and, just for the heck of it, a denim jacket and blue jeans. That final outfit took Bobby by surprise, and his eyes widened in astonishment as he exclaimed, "Wow, babe! Those other outfits were nice, but...this is amazing! You look good!"

"Why, thank you, Boo-Boo Bear," she said with a sultry grin. "Let's see if we can find some outfits for you." Bobby grinned as Lori changed back into her blue tank top and brown cargo shorts, and she placed her clothes in a shopping cart as they headed to the men's section. As her Boo-Boo Bear picked out a series of dress shirts, Lori cycled through the photos they had taken throughout the day. Their selfie in the grass. Bobby laughing as Lori tickled him, the roles of which were reversed two pictures later. A selfie in front of Jean Juan's. A selfie inside Jean Juan's. Several photos of the two of them in mid-dance. The best photo of all, however, was the final one in the set: her and Bobby arm in arm, with their lips locked together in a passionate kiss. Her heart fluttered and she let out a dreamy sigh as she posted the picture to her Instagram account with the caption "Best. Day. EVER!" alongside a pair of heart emojis. When she was done, she saw that Bobby's arms were filled with shirts, and he said, "I'm ready when you are, babe."

"Perfect. Now let's see how good you look." As Bobby ducked into the fitting room, Lori stood next to a nearby rack of clothes and activated her camera, ignoring the text message notifications on her screen. As Bobby modeled his outfits for her, she acted like a fashion photographer and took pictures of him from every angle, exclaiming, "Oh yeah, Boo-Boo Bear! Work it! You're a drop dead gorgeous piece of man in that denim! Let's see your dangerous face! There we go! Wink and a grin! Give me a wink and a grin! Perfect! You're a star, Boo-Boo Bear! My beautiful star!"

"Thanks, babe," he said as he began to blush. Once their little fashion show was complete, they each picked out their favorite outfit-Bobby chose a checkered dress shirt and a pair of black pants while Lori chose the denim jacket and pants-and left the rest on the return cart, each piece of clothing folded as neatly as possible. Once everything was bought and paid for, they headed out into the Royal Woods Mall and made a beeline for the food court. "What do you say to a slice of pizza, babe?" Bobby asked. "My treat."

"That sounds perfect, Boo-Boo Bear," Lori replied with a smile.

Lincoln grabbed his phone and sent Lori another text as he stormed out of the bathroom, grumbling to himself as he passed by the twins' room. He wasn't running, but he was still moving at a relatively brisk pace, and this did not go unnoticed by Lola and Lana. They stepped out of their room, clad in dark sunglasses and a pair of homemade hall monitor sashes, and held up their hands. "Hold up there, buster," Lola ordered. "You know the rule! No running in the halls!"

"I wasn't running, Lola," Lincoln argued. "I was briskly walking!"

"Which, technically, is another way to say running!" Lana exclaimed as she got in Lincoln's face. "I hope you've got the money to pay for this infraction!" Lincoln slapped his forehead in frustration and rolled his eyes, grumbling, "I don't have time for this. Please, just get out of my way and-"

"YOU BACK-TALKING US?!" Lola yelled. "There's a penalty for back-talkers 'round these parts! Lana, search his pockets!" The handywoman rolled up her sleeves and began to pat Lincoln down; she pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, looked it over, and put it back, but when she pulled the envelope out of his other pocket, Lincoln's face turned as white as his hair and he exclaimed, "NO! Don't you dare, Lana!"

"And what do we have here?" she asked as she opened the envelope. "Huh. A couple of tickets to the Muscle Fish movie...and it starts in about two hours. How about we hold onto these for safekeeping?" Lincoln gritted his teeth and snarled, "Lana, I swear-"

"NO SWEARING IN THE HALLS!" Lola thundered. "You open your mouth one more time and it's jail for you, buddy!"

"Are you kidding me?!"

"All right, she warned you," Lana said as she and Lola grabbed Lincoln and dragged him into their bedroom. A large cardboard box designed to look like the front of a prison cell laid in the middle of the room, and they forced Lincoln underneath it and placed heavy tools from Lana's toolbox on the flaps to keep it weighted down. "All right, buster, your ten minutes start right now," Lola said. "One word from your lips and I reset the clock! You understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Lana! Reset the clock!" Lincoln clenched his fists and pounded them into the floor, cursing himself for falling for one of the oldest tricks in the book. Lana took the envelope and placed it underneath her hat, leaving Lincoln with no choice but to sit idle for the next ten minutes. And sit idle he did, staring daggers at the twins the entire time. Once the timer began to beep and let him know the ten minutes was up, he pushed the box over, rose to his feet, marched towards Lana and held out his hand, saying, "Okay, you've had your fun. Can I have my tickets back, please?"

"Absolutely," she replied as she reached under her hat. When she did, Lincoln could see her eyes widening behind her sunglasses and her mouth curling into an expression that screamed, "oh crap." He let out a weary, frustrated sigh and asked, "What? Don't tell me you lost my tickets! Heck, how could you lose my tickets?!"

"I didn't lose them," she replied as she removed her hat and hung her head. "They're right here." Izzy, Lana's pet lizard, held the envelope in his teeth, and Lincoln was shocked to find that it had been chewed up at the corners, scratched through in three spots and was riddled with bite marks. He grabbed the envelope from Izzy's mouth and stammered in shock as he felt the anger and frustration building to a breaking point. All the while, Lana's face was a mask of guilt as she said, "I...forgot I had Izzy underneath my hat. I'm really sorry, Lincoln."

Her brother's only response was a loud, angry scream as he stomped out of the twins' bedroom and slammed the door. He retreated to his bedroom and checked the tickets; somehow, by the grace of God, they were still intact. Lincoln breathed a sigh of relief and calmed himself down before pulling his cell phone from his pocket and calling Clyde. The phone rang three times before Harold answered with a friendly, "McBride residence. May I ask who's calling?"

"Hi, Mr. McBride. It's Lincoln."

"Lincoln! Clyde's told Howard and I all about this Muscle Fish movie you're going to see tonight! I bet you're excited!"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Lincoln replied with a determined grin. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What did you need?"

"Well, my sister promised me she'd take us to the movie, but..." Lincoln gritted his teeth in anger and let out an angry sigh. "...something came up. So I asked my dad, but he had to help out at his restaurant and can't take us. So, would you be able to take us?" On the other end of the line, Harold tugged at his shirt collar and replied, "I'd love to, Lincoln, but..."

"But? But what?"

"Well, you see, our car...had a teensy little bit of a mechanical issue," Harold explained. "Howie had it towed to a garage, and it's getting fixed as we speak."

"Oh geez...what happened?"

"From what I could gather, the engine was revving a lot harder than normal when the car was in park, and when Howie tried putting it in drive, the darn thing conked out. I had just gotten off the phone with him when you called, and he said they just started fixing it, so...as much as I'd love to be your chauffeur, I can't." Harold sighed in resignation and added, "It's hard to do that when you don't have a car."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Lincoln assured him. "I'll just give Lori a call and she'll be over in no time. Thanks for trying, though."

"No problem, Lincoln. Talk to you soon!"

"You too!" As soon as Lincoln hung up, the smile on his face dropped into an angry, full-toothed grimace as he once again texted Lori. His right eye began to twitch as he exited his room, and before he could reach the stairs, Lynn burst out of her room clad in a karate gi and dropped into a fighting stance. "It's sparring time, Stinkoln," she declared. "Come on! Let's see what you've got!"

"Not interested, Lynn," he grumbled as he walked past her and started down the stairs.

"I wasn't asking you," she replied as she grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back up to the second floor. "I was telling you! Now let's go!" She came at him with a flying kick that hit Lincoln square in the chest, knocking the wind out of his lungs and the envelope from his pocket. He tried in vain to reach for it, but Lynn was too quick and began raining a series of jabs down upon him. Lincoln could only watch as the envelope landed on the edge of the third step down and began to teeter back and forth, threatening to fall. This galvanized him into action and he blocked Lynn's attacks, fighting her off with a quick series of kicks and punches. Lynn was caught off guard by the speed and fury of his counter, and she blocked his blows as best she could, but a couple of strikes got her in the stomach and chest. Those particular blows seemed to have a bit more oomph behind them than usual, and judging by the furious glare in his eyes, Lynn began to realize she'd made a mistake.

"Time! Hold on! I call time!" Lincoln stopped his attack and turned around, trying in vain to grab the tickets, but he was too late. Gravity won and the envelope fluttered into the living room, landing on top of a pile of paper lying in a box labeled TO BE SHREDDED. Smoothie in hand, Leni approached the stack and noticed the dirty, wrecked envelope sitting on top of the pile, scrunching her face in disgust as she picked it up and said, "Ew. Like, you're gonna be the first to go." Lincoln's pupils dilated in shock and he tore down the stairs with a big "NO!" as Leni activated the paper shredder. Upon hearing her brother's scream, she shut the machine off and asked, "What's wrong, Linky?"

His eyes were the size of dinner plates and his heart hammered in his chest as he begged her, "Leni, you can't shred that envelope!"

"Why not? It's all dirty and yucky and torn up!"

"Please! My movie tickets are in there!" Leni opened the envelope and peeked inside, pulling out two small pieces of paper. "Oh, okay. Here's your tickets, and I'll just get rid of that grody envelope."

"Thank you!" Lincoln grabbed the tickets and shoved them in his pocket before he checked the time on his phone. 5:09. His blood began to boil as he called Lori's phone directly and let her have it, screaming the last two sentences before he hung up and shoved his phone back in his pocket. Just to be safe, he checked the tickets one more time, but instead of admission passes to the Muscle Fish movie, they were a receipt and a rewards program certificate. And at that moment, Leni re-activated the paper shredder.

Time slowed to a crawl as Lincoln bolted towards his elder sister, but it was too late. He could only watch as Leni placed the envelope in the jaws of the shredder, and within five seconds, his best day ever had turned into a best day never. He sank to his knees and stammered, "No...no...no...my tickets...gone...GONE!" He slammed his fist into the floor as Leni asked, "Why are you so upset, Linky? I gave you your tickets, so-"

He brandished the pieces of paper in front of her face, and after she read them over, she gasped in horror and knelt down to console him. Before she could get a word out, however, the sound of keys in the front door and the voice that echoed through the house after the door was opened turned Lincoln's day from bad to worse. Lynn Sr. wiped the sweat from his brow and exclaimed, "Wow, am I glad that's over! Lincoln, give me five minutes to get changed and I'll get you and Clyde to your movie as fast as I can!" He ran to his bedroom and shut the door as Lincoln's remaining sisters stood behind him, with Leni joining them and giving him space as his frustration began to reach a boiling point. Luan was the first to speak, and her voice was timid and apologetic as she said, "Lincoln...we're really sorry."

"Yeah," Lana added. "Especially Izzy. Isn't that right, boy?" The lizard nodded as Lynn stepped forward and said, "We don't blame you for being angry, but it's no big deal. Your movie's still gonna-"

"No big deal?!" Lincoln rose to his feet and whirled around to face his sisters, and they were shocked at how angry he truly was. The vein in his forehead throbbed with every beat of his heart, his face was a dark hue of red, and angry tears sat at the corners of his eyes. "NO BIG DEAL?!"

"Lincoln, it's just a movie," Lola said.

"NO! IT'S NOT JUST A MOVIE! Clyde and I bought those tickets weeks ago! We had everything planned out until you ruined it!" That statement caused his sisters' moods to change from sympathetic to offended as Lucy said, "I told you to be careful with those tickets, yet you insist that we ruined your day? How is this our fault?"

"IT JUST IS! This was supposed to be the best day of my life, but what do I get instead?! I get a refrigerator to the foot, tricked into being Lisa's guinea pig AGAIN, plastered to the wall by a guitar solo, 'arrested' by a couple of overzealous hall monitors, attacked by a karate-chopping maniac, and to watch my tickets get destroyed! I can't...I can't..." His frustration choked off his words as he clenched his fists and hyperventilated, and when he regained his bearings, he declared, "Just...get away from me! I don't even wanna look at any of you right now!" His sisters remained rooted to the spot as Lincoln yelled, "ARE YOU DEAF?! I SAID-"

Before his tirade could continue, the door to the house opened once again and a smiling, content Lori entered with her arms full of shopping bags. The minute he saw her, Lincoln shifted his attention by jabbing his finger at her and exclaiming, "YOU!"

"Me?" Lori asked incredulously. "What did I do?"

"You're really gonna stand there and ask that question?! I was counting on you, Lori! You promised that you'd take Clyde and I to the Muscle Fish movie, but you just forgot about it as soon as your precious Bobby Boo-Boo Bear shows up! Did you even bother to look at any of my texts or listen to my voicemails?!" Lori brought up her lock screen and saw that there were indeed a series of notifications proving Lincoln right. Her happiness turned to regret and the bags dropped off of her arm as she said, "Lincoln...I'm-"

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! Heck, I'm willing to bet that you and Bobby had the best day ever, didn't you?! You probably just sat there taking selfies, fawning over each other with hearts in your eyes, didn't you?! I sent you four texts! I left two voicemails! I waited all afternoon for you to call me back, but did you?! DID YOU?!"

Lori opened her mouth to reply, but Lincoln cut her off with a scream of, "NO! YOU DIDN'T! Your precious boyfriend was more important than your promise! Your precious boyfriend was more important than helping out your little brother! Your precious boyfriend was more important than me! I can't believe you!"

By that point, Lincoln's anger had begun to rub off on Lori. Her remorse had given way to shock, but at this point, her shock had turned into a pair of narrowed eyes, clenched teeth and a pair of opening and closing fists. Lori could feel the anger building within her as she snarled, "Lincoln...if you've got something to say, then say it." And at that crucial point, the top blew off the mountain.

"Fine! Lori, you are a selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate CLOD, and I hope Bobby breaks up with you!"

A shocked collective gasp emanated from the group behind him as he stood his ground, staring daggers at his eldest sister. Lori, on the other hand, saw red. She stalked up to him with white-hot fury in her eyes, raised her hand and screamed, "WHY YOU LITTLE...!"

Two seconds later, a loud, painful smack echoed through the house.