Ohoh yes, you read right. ByakYach. Now, when I told my brother I was writing this he said it was 'just wrong', so let me clarify in big letters:
THIS IS OLDER YACHIRU. She's older, and she's also a Captain. Just to clear that up.
Anyway, I love this pairing almost as much as ByakYoru (a story for them will be coming soon enough!).
Disclaimer: I do not own bleach. I do like it very much though, which surely has become apparent by now?
Annoyance
[It was only the beginning of hell]
All was quiet in the offices of Squad Six. A gentle breeze drifted in through the slightly open windows, carrying with it the faintest hint of cherry blossoms from the trees outside. Squad Six Captain Byakuya Kuchiki delicately picked up a brush, smoothed down the tip, then dipped it into a pot of ink, ready to begin the writing of the very small number of reports he had left to do. With an air of effortless grace, he removed the brush from the pot, wiped off the excess, and turned to the fresh, blank sheet in front of him.
"Byaaaaakuyaaaaaa!" A voice declared, and a pink blur launched at him from seemingly nowhere, knocking him backwards with the force and making him drop the brush.
"Ungh!" He managed as he hit the floor along with his chair. "Captain Kusajishi! I must protest at this interference!" With a giggle, the pink-haired woman removed herself from the downed Captain.
"You screamed last time," she protested, pouting. "That was much funnier. And I told you to call me Yachiru." Byakuya moved forwards into a sitting position, rubbing the back of his head ruefully.
"And I told you not to repeat that kind of behaviour, but you didn't listen," he responded, attempting to remain calm. He had had his disagreements with her former Captain, Zaraki, in the past, but at least he had never dive-bombed him in his own office. The thought was somewhat disturbing, in fact.
"Well you didn't listen to me either," she pointed out. "Got you a pre-sent." She held out a scroll of paper, which he took with as much dignity as he could muster, standing up and retrieving his chair, noting with a pained look that his previously clean sheet of paper was covered with inkblots now. With a sigh, he unfurled the scroll. It was a large drawing of a smiling cat face.
"…Thank you, Captain Kusajishi…" He told her dubiously. She smiled deviously.
"If you don't start calling me Yachiru, I'm going to have to start using the secret tunnels under your house more," she decided absently. Byakuya sighed wearily as she left.
He was walking along the boardwalk to a Captain's meeting when he was next dive-bombed by her.
"Good morning, Captain Kusajishi," he greeted wearily, his voice muffled by virtue of his face being in direct contact with the floor.
"Hullo, Byakuya," she replied. "It's Yachiru."
"Please remove yourself," he replied, attempting to control his temper, but she just grabbed the Kenseikan from his hair.
"Why d'you wear this, Byak? Your hair looks better without it," she decided. Byakuya made a weary noise, resigning himself to a long time on the floor.
"It is a sign of my status as a noble, Yachiru," he responded, not adding 'and it takes a lot longer to put in than it does to take out.'
"Can I wear it?" She asked. Byakuya made a long-suffering noise.
"No, Yachiru. Now please let me up. I have a meeting to attend." He paused. "As do you."
"oh yeah!" She remembered, getting off him. "See you there, Byak!"
"Wait, my Ken-" he started, before shaking his head as he realised it was a hopeless cause. He straightened his scarf somewhat self-consciously and continued on to the meeting.
"Your hair looks much nicer like that, Captain Kuchiki," Lieutenant Matsumoto remarked as he approached. "You should wear it like that more often." He gave her a stony glare which failed spectacularly at getting her to drop the subject. "Oh! I know! You should-" He held out a hand as she approached.
"I shall not be altering my appearance in any way in the near future," he informed her. "The only reason I am currently like this is because Captain Kusajishi took it upon herself to remove my Kenseikan." Matsumoto paused, then her mouth twitched into a smile as she tried not to laugh.
"Oh… How nice for her…" She replied with a snigger. Byakuya fixed her with the glare once more.
"Shouldn't you be with the other Lieutenants rather than loitering out here?" He asked, his voice falsely polite. She shrugged.
"I couldn't be bothered with the walk," she confessed. Byakuya sighed and walked past her, into the room.
"Byak! You're late!" Yachiru accused as he took his place with the other Captains. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to respond.
"Even Hisagi made it on time," Ukitake added, receiving a glare from Ninth's Captain for his pains.
"…It will not be repeated," he replied smoothly. "Captain Kusajishi, please return my Kenseikan." She looked blank.
"Your what now?" She asked. "Ohhh… This?" She held up what might have been his Kenseikan at some point in the past. "Sorry… I tripped. It took the fall for me." She beamed happily, and Byakuya resisted the urge to hit his forehead with one hand in despair. That was not how the head of the Kuchiki family should act, after all.
Byakuya returned to the Squad 5 Headquarters, where Renji was actually doing some work for a change.
"Yo, Captain," he greeted. Byakuya made a slight noise, willing to forgive the 'yo' on this one occasion. "Where's your Ken-thingy-whatsit?"
"Kenseikan," Byakuya supplied. Did nobody know what it was called? "It has been… Misplaced."
"You broke it?" Renji surmised. Byakuya twitched.
Conduct becoming of a noble. Maintain conduct becoming of a noble… "I did not break it, Captain Kusajishi… Appropriated it, and then… Had a slight mishap whilst it was in her possession."
"Yachiru stole your Kenseikan from your hair then broke it, and you let her?" Renji rephrased incredulously. Byakuya made a despairing noise.
"Where Captain Kusajishi is concerned, one does not have much choice," he responded, walking away quickly before Renji could make fun of him some more.
Byakuya lay awake in his mansion that night, listening to the strange noises that had kept him awake for the past few nights. Sounds of scampering feet. Strange not-cat noises. Splashing. More scampering feet. He was beginning to reach the end of his extremely long tether.
He stood up, grabbing Senbonzakura from where it lay and walking outside into the garden.
"Who goes there?" He called. Silence, and the sound of rustling in the bushes. "I shall be forced to take action if you do not make yourselves known," he informed them. The sound of giggling. Byakuya drew his sword. "Scatt-"
"Byaaaakuyaaaaaa!" Yachiru declared happily, jumping on him from behind. He staggered forwards under her weight, and both of them went crashing into the Koi Pond. "You're all wet," she remarked as he splashed to the surface, trying to maintain some semblance of dignity when soaked through.
"This type of behaviour will not be tolerated, Captain Kusajishi," he remarked, folding his arms.
"You have pondweed in your hair," she remarked, already on the edge of the pond and miraculously dry. Byakuya ran a hand backwards through his hair, located the offending plant material and removed it, flicking it back into the pond.
"Your conduct is unbecoming of a Captain," he informed her, trying to ignore the fact that he was up to his knees in his own pond.
"Oh, stop being so stuffy," she decided, dragging him out of the pond determinedly. "Now then, you need a shower! Let's go!"
"There is no plural involved," he muttered through gritted teeth as she dragged him away.
"Brother? What's all the noise?" Rukia asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she stuck her head out into the corridor.
"Yo, Byakuya. Whoa, man, you're soaked! What did you do?" Ichigo added, joining Rukia in sticking his head out of the door. Byakuya blinked.
"What are you doing in my house, Kurosaki?" He demanded. "And don't call me Byakuya. I am Captain Kuchiki to you." Ichigo and Rukia exchanged nervous glances.
"Well, you see, I was just…" Ichigo started.
"And, well, what happened was…" Rukia continued.
"We just… Um… You're soaking wet and you have pond weed in your hair?" Ichigo offered finally. Byakuya;'s eyes narrowed, and he combed his hair for the offending plantlife.
"This way," Yachiru trilled, pulling him away.
"Get out of my house, Kurosaki!" He called down the corridor as he was dragged.
Yachiru turned on the shower, whistling in an off-key way.
"Please remove yourself," Byakuya requested. She gave him a funny look.
"…Must I?" She asked. Byakuya resisted the urge to draw his sword.
"Yes," he responded, "you must. It is not becoming for a man to shower in the presence of a woman unless they are married."
"Well then… How would you like a quick marriage?" Yachiru offered hopefully.
"Get out," Byakuya repeated, not amused. Yachiru's face fell.
"Don't think I'll forget this," she threatened. Byakuya blinked. She wasn't going to forget tackling him into his own pond, utterly humiliating him, dragging him through his house and then looking surprised when he refused a spur-of-the-moment proposal?
She left, and he had a quick shower, pulling more weed out of his hair with a disgruntled expression on his face. He needed to hire someone to clean out the pond properly. He didn't want to end up with weed in his hair every time he…
Every time he what? Got pushed in by Yachiru? How likely was that?
He needed to hire someone to clean out the pond properly…
He was about to pull the curtain away from the shower when Yachiru asked "you done? I got you some clothes." He froze where he stood.
"Get out of my bathroom," he demanded through gritted teeth, swiping the towel that was hung over the shower rail as quickly as he could possibly manage – a new and interesting use for shunpo – and wrapped it firmly around himself, just in case.
"But I got you some clothes," she protested. "What's so bad about that?"
"Captain Kusajishi, I am in the shower. Therefore I am unclothed," he pointed out.
"…So?" She asked. He made a weary noise.
"It is not fitting for a young woman to be around an undressed man, as I have stated before," he reminded her. "You would not wish to see me without clothing, would you?"
"…Yes…" She replied slowly. Byakuya gritted his teeth.
Conduct becoming of a noble. Conduct becoming of a noble, he told himself sternly. "Please remove yourself from my bathroom, Captai-"
"It's Yachiru," she told him, and he almost staggered out of the shower under the force of her spiritual pressure, having to grab the curtain to steady himself, meaning it was effectively removed.
"…Aw, you put a towel on…" Yachiru complained. "Spoilsport." She smiled cheerily at him. "Ok, I'm leaving." Byakuya watched her go, attempting to regain some of his dignity whilst clutching at the towel around his middle as though it were the difference between life and death.
The next morning, he discovered that his two spare Kenseikan had both been smashed. He had a good idea of the culprit.
"Morning, Byakuya," Ichigo greeted as he walked into the kitchen.
"It's Captain Kuchiki, or Lord Kuchiki," Byakuya corrected him icily. "Why are you still on the premises?"
"I'm having breakfast?" Ichigo offered. "Milk?" Byakuya gave him a stony look. "…Ok, ok, you could've just said no…" Ichigo muttered, hands up in a surrender gesture – albeit holding a carton of milk in one of them. "Geez, that look's probably made the milk go sour," he remarked under his breath as he put it away. Byakuya made a slight noise, opening the cupboards to find them in a general status of disarray.
"Kurosaki, if you are going to impose yourself upon my house, at least leave the cupboards in a reasonable state," he demanded. Ichigo shrugged.
"I couldn't find the cereal," he protested. Byakuya twitched.
Conduct becoming of a noble. You are of a noble house. Do not reduce yourself to his level. You can take this, he told himself, getting himself some breakfast with much more grace than Ichigo, who ate like a ravenous pig.
"Morning, brother," Rukia greeted with a yawn, sloping into the kitchen.
"Your Lieutenant's badge is on backwards," he informed her. She frowned, checked, and flipped it around.
"Thank you, brother," she told him with a slight smile. His eyes narrowed.
"Please remove Kurosaki from the premises as soon as he has finished what can loosely be described as eating," he requested. Ichigo flipped him off. "I see you do not want that finger," he remarked, drawing his sword.
"Brother!" Rukia protested. "Really, Ichigo, that's not such a good idea…"
"Not my fault he's so far up his own-" Ichigo started.
"Scatter, Sen-" Byakuya began, but Rukia made a desperate stop motion.
"I-I'll get rid of him, brother, I promise," she vowed with a low bow. Byakuya made a disagreeable noise, leaving the kitchen as quickly as possible.
As soon as one of his feet was over the house threshold, he was assaulted by pink once more.
"Goooood morrrrniiiing!" Yachiru trilled. "And if you're worried about last night, no need! I made sure everyone knows about it!" Byakuya resisted the urge to curl up in a corner and cry in despair.
"You have broken all of my Kenseikan," he remarked. She nodded.
"Yep!" She agreed. "Rangiku said your hair looked much better like that, so I made sure it stayed that way!" Byakuya sighed.
"A young woman such as yourself should not be alone in a man's bedroom," he remarked.
"I wasn't alone," she replied. Byakuya frowned in confusion. "Oh, you were there too," she filled in. "Asleep, but still."
"You… Snuck into my room whilst I was sleeping?" He repeated, aghast. She nodded.
"Yep," she agreed, giggling childishly. "You look so sweet when you sleep! All curled up!" Byakuya's gaze bored holes in the floor to which she was currently pinning him.
"Please let me go," he demanded. Yachiru huffed and did so.
"Aren't we supposed to have a shotgun wedding now?" She asked. "Young lady alone in a man's room, etc. etc.?"
"There is nobody to hold the shotgun," Byakuya responded levelly. She was from the Rukongai, with no real parents, and his family had all passed on many decades ago.
"I'll hold it," she offered, producing a shotgun seemingly from nowhere. Byakuya took an involuntary step back.
"There is… No need…" He managed. "…Please remove that…" Yachiru pouted and replaced it.
"You'll get your time soon," she promised it, and Byakuya left with the fastest shunpo he had ever used. Yoruichi would have been proud.
Later on, Renji, Shuhei and Izuru were talking in the street, when Byakuya ran past them at such high speed it nearly blew Izuru over.
"Captain?" Renji called after him, confused. Shuhei looked despondent.
"I will bet you anything it's Yachiru," he remarked. Renji raised an eyebrow. "She's Momo's Captain!" He continued. "You've no idea what she's been teaching her!" He glanced down the road warily. "If I was Captain Kuchiki, I'd be running, too…" Izuru bit his lip.
"Almost makes me glad to have Captain Ichimaru as a Captain…" He remarked nervously.
"Gotcha!" Yachiru exclaimed, tackling Byakuya to the ground.
"It is extremely humiliating when you do that, Captain Ku- Yachiru," he informed her needlessly.
"That's why I do it," she agreed. "Do you want to marry me yet, or do I have to dump you in the pond again?" She critically examined the surroundings. "We're closer to Ukitake's, but he won't mind." Byakuya gave in, and made a noise of despair.
"What has brought this on so suddenly?" He asked. She paused.
"…Suddenly?" She asked. "I've been tackling you for decades. It's just I only recently started knocking you over when I did it." Byakuya frowned, thinking back. It was true, she had been being a pest for a very long time… "Sooo… About the marriage…" She hinted.
"I am not marrying you on a whim, Yachiru," he muttered.
"I've still got the shotgun," she reminded him. "And my Zanpaku-to!" Byakuya sighed.
"Why do you want to marry me?" He asked. Yachiru considered this.
"Well… The first, most obvious reason being that you are manliness personified… Also you are very rich, can't knock that… You're fun to push over… And, as you reminded me last night, it would let me see you in the shower." Byakuya sighed wearily.
"Will you stop tackling me if I agree to marry you?" He asked.
"Nope," she replied.
"Will you stop sneaking into my Mansion in the middle of the night if I agree to marry you?" He tried.
"I'll have no need to. I'll live there," she pointed out. Byakuya tried not to think about that.
"So what would I gain from this?" He asked. She considered it.
"…My undying love for ever and ever?" She suggested. "Ok, ok, how about this… We have a trial run. We don't have to get married straight away, but I'll come live with you for a bit and pretend. How does that sound?" Byakuya had the feeling that it was the best option he was going to get, so he took it.
But boy, did he regret it later.
A/N - I had fun writing this, and I hope you had fun reading it ^^ review.
Oh yes, for clarification... Since this is many, MANY years after the current BLEACH storyline, Ichigo is official dead and Soul Reaperfied. Rukia is Lieutenant of 13th. Yachiru Captains 5th with Momo as her Lt. Gin's still Captain of 3rd (I can dream). And, as stated, Shuhei is Captain of Ninth.