And so I dedicate this to mklnay, because I really should have given her a Malaysia fic ages ago, but keep putting it off :D And to my lovely flaming homo son whose FF name is really long and I'm not going to type it out, for listening to me rant and agreeing that putting Prussia in a story automatically adds five meters of awesome. ILU guys man. Oh, and my son too if she reads this XD
This is sort of crack, I warn you.
Once upon a time, there lived a handsome prince who went by the name of Korea. This prince was next in line to the throne of a beautiful land of farmers. But alas! There were no noble women in Korea's kingdom, so the prince was without a bride. This made his parents despair greatly, for with no bride there could be no new heir once Korea had ascended the throne, and the old King and Queen did want badly to become grandparents some day.
Now, Korea was a brave young lad, and he wanted to please his parents, so he decided to set out and find himself a bride worthy of his stature. So he saddled his horse and packed some provisions, sharpened his sword and bid his parents farewell.
But before he could leave, Korea knew that it would be wise to ask for blessing from the gods, and so before he left his kingdom he rode to the temple of Ukraine, the benevolent goddess of bountiful lands.
On his snow-white steed, he arrived at the temple of Ukraine, where the priestesses were in the middle of their worship. He dismounted to the sound of prayer drums, expertly crafted to produce the "boing boing" that was the sacred song of the goddess.
He knelt before the altar, placing before her a vessel of the finest kimchi as offering. "O fair and kind goddess, O Ukraine of the bountiful bosso- harvest, I, prince Korea, have come to ask your blessing."
And the lovely goddess of the fields, patron goddess to the land's farmers, appeared before Korea, with a gentle smile and her face with a small smear of earth, as was her nature. The great goddess nodded benevolently, and when she spoke, the sound of the earth and the chorus of growth were in her voice.
"Noble Korea," her voice was soft, and yet was heard throughout the temple. The priestesses paused in their worshipping and fell to their knees, for although it was not rare for the deity to visit her adoring worshippers, they were nevertheless struck by the beauty and bounciness of their patron goddess.
Korea kept his eyes respectfully away from the deity's face, but she only laughed, her beautiful silken laugh that contained the babble of brooks and the joyful song of the land. "Noble prince, sweet prince, you need not be so humble. Look to my face; you are here to speak to me, are you not?"
Korea raised his head obediently, although his eyes kept slipping down to below the goddess's neck, purely out of respect for her, of course. "Fair Ukraine, I am about to go on a quest to find myself a bride, and I have come to ask for your blessing as the patron goddess of this land."
And Ukraine twirled her sacred pitchfork as she considered this, and at last she smiled. "Good prince, I know of a princess who might be just right. She is the fairest princess on this Earth, fairer even than many of the gods. She would be the perfect bride for you. But alas, Fate has been cruel to the poor maiden, and she is locked in a tower guarded by a jealous and fierce dragon. If you desire her as your bride, you must defeat the dragon and rescue the princess; then she will be yours."
The prince bowed deeply and thanked the goddess Ukraine many times, and she simply smiled on. "Take this elixir," she said, placing a crystal vial into the hands of the prince. "It will cure any sickness or injury or any enchantment that might befall you. All you have to do is drink of the potion and your strength shall be returned. My sister gave me this to cure the pain in my back, of which I do not know where it comes, but you surely will put it to better use. The princess Yao is in the East; go now to her, Korea, and make your kingdom proud."
And Korea thanked her again and rode on, to the East as she had instructed.
His journey was unremarkable, and he found no occasion to make use of the elixir he had been given, but saw this as a sign of good luck and that the gods were smiling down on him. The prince rode East and further East for many days and nights, until he found himself lost in a forest of bamboo.
Still he rode on, never fearing, for he remembered the words of his goddess, and knew that the beautiful princess Yao must be waiting for him.
And finally, after nearly a week, and when the prince was tired and hungry, he came upon a clearing. In this clearing was a rickety old tower, made of stone. It once must have stood strong and proud against the horizon, but was now old and crumbling to pieces. There were no doors to this tower, save for one at the back which was fastened with a lock bigger than Korea's own head. In front of the tower was one window, from which the princess was leaning, looking off into the distance with a forlorn expression in her lovely eyes.
Even as he looked at her, Korea felt his strength return; for indeed, this princess was every bit as beautiful as Ukraine had told him. Her fair skin and delicate features, her silken hair and petite frame, and even the faded Chinese costume she wore, were dazzling and made the prince forget everything else.
And so the prince rode forward, drawing his sword and taking a small sip of the elixir to redeem some of his strength. He rode to the base of the tower and called to the princess, and bade her come away with him. "Lovely princess!" he cried, holding both arms out to her as though she were a goddess to be worshipped, "I am prince Korea, and I have come to rescue you from the wicked dragon and the cage he has put you in! You are far more beautiful than anything I have ever seen, and I wish to take you back to my kingdom as my bride."
And the princess looked down at him, curiosity colouring her features, and her beautiful pink lips parted, and her voice floated down to Korea's ears, and her simple words sounded like a choir of angels and made Korea want to fall to his knees and weep.
"I'm a man aru."
Korea stared up at her, saying nothing, wondering if he had heard her correctly. But Yao stared at him with eyes like pools of the night, and Korea knew he had not been mistaken.
"I don't care if you're a dude da-ze! Your breasts still belong to me~!'"
The male princess was going to speak further, but her voice was drowned out by a terrible roar. Korea stumbled backwards as the princess covered her ears in panic, eyes cast skyward. She leaned out her window and called to the prince.
"Aiyah, hurry up and go away aru, Ivan is here!"
And so, the great beast, the dragon in charge of being the princess's ward, landed in front of Korea, fangs bared and rearing up on its great hind legs. The dragon's scales gleamed a sickly, silvery white, and its eyes shone with purple malice.
"What do you think you are doing to my Jao?" hissed the dragon, drawing close to Korea to inspect his face, and Korea's steed reared backward out of fear, for the wicked Ivan was even bigger than the tower itself. Korea, however, was determined to rescue the princess, for he was a believer in love at first sight, and so he brandished his sword with terrifying skill.
"I've come to rescue Yao!" he announced, willing his horse to be calm. The dragon narrowed its great purple eyes and bared its fangs in what could be described as a sick smile. It tilted its head to the side; the act was almost child-like, but Korea was not to be fooled.
"I will roast you alive and devour your bones, fly to your kingdom and stomp on your lands and steal your riches and butcher your father and ravish your mother. I will annihilate every single thing you have ever cherished, if you touch my princess," the beast whispered, and for a moment the brave prince felt his resolve breaking.
The pretty princess leaned out her tower and waved her arms to attract the prince's attention. "You'd better do as he says aru! Otherwise you'll get killed! Go home already!"
Korea understood what she was really telling him, and for a moment felt as though his heart was going to break. She was worried for his safety, and so was willing to condemn herself to another eternity of imprisonment! She truly was the one for him.
The prince smiled at her and shook his head. "No, my love, I will not leave you here at the mercy of this beast," he said. The dragon snarled and lunged at the prince, managing to tear off part of his armor with its fangs. Korea stumbled, throwing himself off his horse's back to escape a sudden jet of the dragon's fiery breath. The steed escaped unharmed, but Korea was now alone. The dragon advanced on him with a terrifying smile.
"Nobody will touch my Jao," it said, and descended upon the young prince, snapping its jaws to bite the boy in half once and for all.
But Korea was not known as the best swordsman in the East for nothing; with lightning-fast movements, he jammed his sword into the roof of the dragon's mouth just as the great jaws descended upon him.
The dragon reared back in shock and pain, falling back against the tower and collapsing in a leathery heap on the ground, and the earth shook under its weight. It tried to get up, it tried to fight, but the pain was too much, and soon dark rivers of blood were flowing freely from its skull.
The prince was victorious! The dragon had been defeated! Now all he had to do was rescue the princess, and he raised his sword in triumph, but was startled by a terrible shriek from Yao.
"Ivan!" she cried, tears falling from her eyes and shining like diamonds before they fell to the undeserving earth. She disappeared from the window, and minutes later, came running through the door.
The prince stepped back in shock as Yao ran toward the felled dragon. "What are you doing?" he demanded, going to her and trying to pull her away, but she lashed out at him, still sobbing, and fell to her knees at the dragon's side.
"Ivan! Ivan, can you hear me?" she pleaded, placing her delicate hands on the dragon's head. One slit-pupiled eye flickered open and focused on the princess unsteadily. "Hello Jao," the dragon breathed, voice now missing its terrifying roar. The princess choked on a sob.
"What's wrong with you aru? Why did you fight him? Why wouldn't you just let me chase him away?" she cried, beating against the dragon's chest with her tiny fists. The dragon let out a deep, throaty rumble; it may have been a laugh, it may have been a noise of regret.
"I'm sorry, Jao. I'm sorry. I am a dragon, and I am ugly, and I know why you hate me. Locking you up was the only way to keep you close to me. I'm sorry I took away your freedom but it was the only way I could look at your beautiful face. I couldn't let you belong to anyone else. I'm sorry, Jao…we will never become one, but I guess that was to be expected." The dragon looked at the prince and chuckled. "At least now you can have your happy ending, princess."
The dragon's voice began to grow weak, and the eye began to slowly, lazily drift shut. The princess's sobs grew louder, and she threw herself across the dragon's body, still weeping and still beating against his chest, even though the dragon could no longer feel it.
"What's wrong with you, how could you do this to me, the lock on the door rusted away years ago but I still stayed with you aru…"
The sobs quieted and the fists stopped moving, but the tears did not stop falling. "You stupid brute, I love you aru," the prince heard, and for the second time he felt his heart break, although this time it was not from affection.
"You could come live with me," he tried to tell her, but the princess paid no attention to him. Korea sighed. It was true that he loved her, and he wanted her, but she did not want him.
Korea walked over to the dragon's giant head and reached for the crystal vial hanging from his belt. It was yet unbroken despite the battle, being made by the gods. Carefully, and feeling his heart break further with every drop, he poured the elixir into the dragon's mouth.
Yao looked on, face beginning to grow red, but she was no longer crying. Now she held her breath and stepped back. Korea smiled tiredly at her and told her that she had nothing to fear.
As the two humans watched, the dragon began to move. The princess cried out in joy and tried to go to it, but Korea held her back. The dragon's eyes did not open, but something strange was beginning to happen. The scales began to become smooth and the dragon began to shrink. Teeth sank back into gums and claws got shorter and more pink. The wings withered away into nothing, and the dragon's body kept changing, moving, and finally, stopped.
It was no longer a dragon. It was a man.
"Ivan?" the princess whispered, stepping toward the man and kneeling next to him. She reached out tentatively and ran her hand through his hair; silvery white like the dragon's scales. The strange man was tall and did not look like Yao or Korea. He had the features of the men from the North, the ones that the prince and princess had only heard about in tales of adventure and conquest.
The princess whispered his name again, and Ivan began to stir. He opened his eyes, and Yao gasped when she saw that his eyes were purple, like the dragon's. However, this purple was not eerie nor unnatural, but the most beautiful colour she had ever seen.
The man blinked at her and raised his head. "Hello," he said. "I seem to have shrunk."
Yao let out a loud wail and threw her arms around Ivan's neck, pinning him to the ground, although he did not mind. He let her cry, and peered at his hands with interest. "I'm back," he whispered. "I angered the red-eyed wizard and was turned into a dragon, but now I'm back, and my Jao…"
Korea turned away. He was happy for them; he did not want to see the princess suffer in any way, and it was good that the dragon- no, the man, had been freed from his curse, but the prince's heart still felt heavy. To have something so beautiful taken away from him so soon turned his heart to lead.
But, he reminded himself, the princess was never his to begin with.
He threw his head back and laughed, for he was a prince, and a prince could not be bested by his sorrows. He left the forest, reminding himself to return to the temple of Ukraine for a grand offering, for when the goddess had said that her elixir would cure any ailment, she had spoken in truth. The prince did once turn back, but the sight of the laughing princess was enough to set his heart at ease, and he trudged the rest of the way back home, weary but not defeated.
Meanwhile, the princess was elated, and hugged and kissed and adored her love, for not only was she happy that he was alive, she was also happy that his curse had been lifted. The mysterious man of the North smiled and laughed and repeated to the princess how much he loved her.
And he turned to thank the prince, but Korea was gone.
Freed from captivity and in possession of a new lover, Yao returned to her own country so that the two may be wed. Yao's ministers objected to a Northener becoming royalty, but even before Ivan could threaten them (for although he no longer was a dragon, he still kept some of his old fire) Yao had kicked one off of the balcony to serve as an example to the others, and so the princess and her dragon were wed that very same day.
And that night Ivan found out that Yao was indeed a man, although he did not mind this in the slightest.
And what of prince Korea, you ask? Well, he continued his travels East and further East, and after many weeks of wandering, he finally found a young Japanese beauty whose breasts he claimed as his own.
And if his parents noticed that Korea had brought home a boy and that they would not be getting any grandchildren, they said nothing, because the two of them really did look cute together, and besides, even though the prince meant well he could be a little thick in the head sometimes and wouldn't listen to them anyway.
And that is the end! I was so torn with whom to use as characters; I thought of FACE, the frying Pangle, the Nordics, even considered Shinatty at one point. But I'm glad I stuck with Korea, even if I'm not a big fan of RoChu (it's cool, but I like RusAmerica. And as Mklnay would agree, FrUk is just the best thing ever :D)
Hope ya weren't too pissed off at the sudden (and badly done) mood whiplash. This was just a silly little plot I had to get off my chest.
Oh! Here's something interesting. I went to Turkey some time ago for a holiday, and lo and behold, Turkey has a LOT of Greek ruins. But that's not the funny thing; the interesting bit is that they're overrun by stray cats, but ONLY in the Greek ruins! Everywhere else in Turkey, you find a lot of stray dogs, but for some mysterious reason they stay out of Greek ruins, which are in turn ruled by those of the feline persuasion. Greece is really staking his claim. Now is that a subtle message or what?
(Turkey x Greece makes me all happy inside :3)
Oh, and if you're wondering what Ukraine has to do with all this... doesn't it make sense that someone as breast-obsessed as Korea would worship Ukraine? She's like the culmination of all his dreams and fantasies. (Thanks for that, flaming homo son XD)
Review!