The View From Heaven
Push Me is back! And guess what? He's been crying for days so needs to get this fic out. I have a piece of advice for you. Final Fantasy 7 and Yellowcard do NOT mix. The scene and song in question?
As if by chance, as I was wincing as I did Aeris death scene AGIAN!!! (I STILL CANT SAVE HER, DAMMIT!!!), View from Heaven started. It was all too much, and my brother found me sobbing and hugging the TV shortly after.
So here goes. Enjoy.
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The warrior unslung the huge sword always present at his back and slumped into the corner of the tent. Today had been a long day. The monsters they were encountering were getting stronger as they got closer and closer to finding the masamune wielding maniac at the centre of this bloody crater.
The party morale was getting pretty low, particuarly after the Tonberry that took Vincent out. He was recovering in a tent nearby, being tended by Cait Sith with the supply of Phoenix downs.
This was getting to be more and more like a nightmare as the party encountered danger after danger in what seemed like a quickening walk to their demise.
When they got to Sephiroth... then what? Would he kill them like he killed Aeris? One well placed sword strike was all it took really. So what the hell were they doing? But they had to, he thought with a sigh. If they didn't, they'd only be slowing their deaths. And a masamune stroke seemed alot cleaner and less painful than being crushed by a calamity from the skies.
Cloud smirked. The masamune sounded almost pleasurable compared to that. But the weight of the task loomed over him, and his thoughts sank deeper and deeper into the lonely and dark depths they always did when he was alone.
Was it actually worth it? Any of it? Were they only delaying the inevitable anyway? If they did win, wouldn't humans continue to pollute and destroy as they always had? The planet was beyond saving he remembered Bugenhagen say. He was starting to agree as he thought of Rufus Shinra, still out there somewhere, and all the Turks, just waiting, biding their time in the unlikely event that meteor and Sephiroth were stopped. Ready to spring back into action and continue draining the planet of the very life which born it.
And as always he thoughts winded their way back to her...
And suddenly it was all worth it.
He pictured her laugh, and her smile, and the way she had rubbished him when he told her these theories. She always had that strange sensee of hope, even when all else seemed lost. He didn't tell the others, and especially not Tifa, but the flower girl's face in his dreams was the only reason he walked so calmly to what seemed like his doom at the same sword that killed her.
He shook his head. He needed to get this out. He couldn't lead a party to win a battle when his heart half wanted him to be dead too. Just to be with her.
He reached into the backpack at rest by the sword, moving potions and antidotes until he found the small pen and lone piece of paper waiting at the bottom. He had tried this before, but never got the words out. What do you write to someone who was killed by your errors? What did you need to say for atonement?
How could he tell her he loved her?
His hand wavered over the paper for a moment, before the whole world closed around him. There was nothing but his mind, moving his pen by it's own power. Saying only what he felt.
Aeris,
the title glared in his eyes, making them sting as he held back his tears. Just her name could do that to him. He steelled himself, chastising himself for showing such weakness.
I'm just so tired.
Won't you sing me to sleep, and fly through my dreams,
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight?
Get away from this place, have a new name and face, I'm just not the same without you in my life.
He looked back at the letter he had begun, and almost scribbled it out in shock. Was this him writing? He never knew he could form his feelings so tangibly. He shook his head clear, and continued letting his heart dance on the page, forming letters that would never be read by her. But it was a relief anyway. This needed to be done.
Late night drives,
All alone in the car,
I can't help but start,
Singing lines from all our favourite songs.
And melodies in the air,
Singing life just aen't fair,
Somedays I just can't believe you're gone.
The warrior actually blushed. It was true. Some days he actually pictured her walking out of a tent in the morning, taking a seat round the fire, and wolfing down breakfast how she did... He made a mental note to never do this again. He was actually a little relieved she wasnt around to read it. Keep it going, he urged himself on, as he felt a huge weight being lifted from his shoulders.
And I'm sure the view from Heaven,
Beats the hell out of mine down here.
And if we all believe in Heaven,
maybe we'll bake it through another year down here?
He smiled. His belief in heaven, and a heaven with her at that, really was all that was keeping him going on this doomed quest.
I feel your fire,
When it's cold in my heart,
And things sorta start,
Reminding me with my last night with you...
He smirked at the thought of the night before she left for the forgotten capital. The way her body fit so snugly against his, and the way the noise they made didn't wake any of the other party members. And with Tifa in the tent right next to them... But she loved a dare. Maybe that was why he loved her like he did?
I only need one more day,
Just one more chance to say...
He hesitated before pouring what was bothering him onto the page.
... I wish that I had gone up with you too...
There. He'd said it. So why didn't he feel better? In fact, reading over the letter, he wanted to go more now than ever. The sword at his feet was even starting to look tempting. At least it would be quick. He wouldn't be toyed with like he may be with Sephiroth.
No. He had a resposibility. He had a letter to write. A world to save. A sin to atone for. It was ALL for her. He only wanted to save this planet because she loved it so. Where were these emotions coming from?
And I'm sure the View from Heaven,
Beats the hell out of mine here.
If we all believe in Heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year down here.
Yes, he had repeated himself. But he drew comfort from the words. They reminded him that if he won, he won. If he lost, he'd be with her. And win anyway.
You won't be coming back here,
And I didn't get to say goodbye.
A thousand unsaid goodbyes ran through his mind. He'd been right there. Right in front of her. And never got to say it.
I really wish I got to say Goodbye...
And he couldn't stop it. The tears he didn't know were there fell, splotching the ink in places, running down the page.
Why? Why Sephiroth? The question plagued him since her death.
The last ancient. Someone, maybe even the only one, Sephiroth could have talked to.
And now she was gone...
And it hurt...
Too much for words. Too much for tears. His very soul cried for the contact of hers, even in his dreams. Even when Tifa put a consoling arm around him, and nuzzled him affectionately...
His heart wasn't in it. In fact his heart wasn't in him. His heart died along with the one pierced by the masamune...
The party was beginning tot alk outside, and Cloud quickly dried his tears and looked back to the letter he was determined to finish...
I hope all is well in heaven,
Coz it's all shot to hell down here.
We need you.
I hope I find you in Heaven.
I'm so lost without you down here.
I really wish I got to say Goodbye.
Yours always,
Cloud